The CGI Picture Of Dorian Gray 2.0
UK Film Executive 1: We need an idea for a movie, guv'nah.
UK FIlm Executive 2: Yes, guv'nah, well I was thinking, guv'nah, what about The Picture of Dorian Gray? That ought to put a dash of the old wooly bully in the Queen's crumpet!*
UK Film Executive 1: That's a good idea. From now on, though, let's talk about it like we're from America.
UK FIlm Executive 2: Jolly awesome show.
UK Film Executive 1: The Picture of Dorian Gray? Do you think the kids will go for it?
UK FIlm Executive 2: They will if we use computers to make him look like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings.
UK Film Executive 1: Can Colin Firth be in it?
UK FIlm Executive 2: Colin Firth can totally be in it.
UK Film Executive 1: Hmmm. It could work. Now, this is just going to be a period piece, right? A Merchant Ivory style adaptation of a classic work of literature? That seems vaguely appropriate, and surely the only way to do The Picture of Dorian Gray without it being laughable. You want to be true to the text, sure, but the world has simply changed far too much for anyone to honestly consider the idea of a magic painting locked in the attic that disguises a violent, homosexual playboy's amorality to actually be frightening.
UK FIlm Executive 2: What if we drop The Picture from the title, just call it Dorian Gray.
UK Film Executive 1: Oh my, I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.
UK FIlm Executive 2: Fist bump**.
UK Film Executive 1: Bloody rad, dude!
UK Film Executive 2: Bollocks...not!
(Via TrendHunter.)
*I'm great at this. I could write super authentic British slang all day.
**Of course, in England they call "fist bumps" "fist lorries."
Posted by Gabe at 12:15 PM in Trailer
Tags: Aging | Art! | Colin Firth | Dorian Gray | Horror | Oscar Wilde
Actually, this adaptation is truer to Oscar Wilde's original ending, where Dorian became the Crypt Keeper and Mr. Darcy killed him with fire because metaphors.
Score = 81
Sometimes I wish there was a mega-upvote button that gave you +10 upvotes for +10 hilariousness.
Score = 15
Because OF metaphors? Because it was metaphorical? Could you please explain "because metaphors"?
Score = -56
Because comedy?
Score = 48
Because Korn and Limp Bizkit, brah.
Score = 5
oh man, -23, you guys?! because he didn't get an inside joke?
WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE NICE, YOU MONSTERS
Score = 11
Is it not more because he actually demanded a detailed explanation from me like we are seriously accountable and answerable for all that we type? (I'm cool with the guy. Love the gif, and the downvotes are sort of harsh. Just sayin', chillz)
Score = 5
I tried to up vote and it down voted automatically. The sight has a mind of it's own!
Score = 4
VOMIT
Score = -4
Is he having a laugh?
Score = 30
Score = 20
All art is quite useless when Colin Firth is involved.
Score = 0
Excluding In Bruges.
Score = -3
Oh, lol. I read that as "Colin Farrell." (And was wondering why he was mentioned.) Apologies. It's too early for me.
Score = 12
Yeah, I know. I had to.
Score = 0
Down votes on an Oscar Wilde joke about Colin Firth? That seems unnecessary.
Score = 2
as an awkwardly chin-bearded 48-year old who suggests to sprite 20-somethings that we should "raise a little hell" with whores, I am this demographic. DORIAN GRAY-TTTTT!!!!!!
Score = 21
Me: What is your secret to getting shitty modernized adaptations bought and produced?
"Dorian": If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
(beat)
Me: Suriuzly?
"Dorian": Suriuzly.
(beat)
Me: Fuck it, I'll go.
Score = 4
Either these fucking curtains go or I'm bugging out, my ninja.
Score = 12
Jolly well played, dafs. But wasn't it wallpaper?
Score = 7
Kurt Russell? This is Silvio. What is happening?! If this is some sort of "17 Again" promotional stunt I'm going to be pretty peeved.
Score = 7
how did you get on my account
Score = 0
This is RobinRubbermaid and I made the wallpaper comment. Gabe, why are you switching our identities?!
Score = 10
It got on me!
Score = 5
Thanks Hollywood. You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!
Score = 1
That looks pretty...
DORIAN GAY???!?!
Anyone?
No?
I'll show myself out.
Score = 23
Well gayed, sir.
Score = 26
more like SNOREian gay
Score = 12
Will he still kill himself in the end? Oops, spoiler!
I always imagines him to be just fat and old in the painting, not a corpse... or something...
Score = -4
That was mean! I hope you break something because you accidentally see your metaphor reflection in a silver plate.
Score = 19
I'm really sorry! I will never do it again!
Score = -1
It's okay. You are what we made you.
Score = 8
I don't think you can technically have a spoiler for a book that is over 100 years old and required reading in many public schools (or at least required watching for classes with lazy English teachers). Anyone who was actually surprised by that, shame on you! Shame! EDUCATIONAL SHAME!
Score = 3
This is actually the surprise season premiere of the second season of NYC Prep. Called NYC Prep 2: London's Calling.
Score = 27
they should've just shot a documentary about demi moore.
Score = 24
Does anyone else get the feeling they're trying to "Twilight" this story up a little bit? There's no mention of the painting in the trailer, so you could easily watch it and interpret it as being a vampire story. "Ladies love him! He's immortal! Pale!"
Score = 42
Oh, now that you mention it! It does sound a bit like a vampire story... Also with the 'I am what you made me' part.
Score = 7
He is ice cream cake!
Score = 9
So there's already Pride and Prejudice and Zombies along with Sense and Sensibility and Seamonsters. Are we going to get The Picture of Dorian Grey and Gollum next?
Score = 10
I will see this, despite the exchange that goes "What are you?!" "I am what you made me!" Woof.
Score = 3
is watching Prince Caspian on tv.
Wait, I'm not on facebook...
Score = 14
They should have totally upgraded the Dorian Gray dude. Because I doubt anyone can relate to wanting to live forever in the body of MJ's young white twinlet. Just sayin, yo.
Score = 0
HEY! That's not me! And what is up with that picture of cats playing the piano in the moonlight! Sick! This really must be the Legion-o-calypse. :(
Score = 3
We are Legion... for we are many.
Score = 1
When I first heard they were going to make another Picture of Dorian Gray movie, I was really excited, because the old movie conveniently glosses over the homosexual overtones. But then I saw this trailer and, nevermind, my tenth grade dreams are ruined.
Score = 9
Dear Movie Executives-
It is no longer clever, interesting, etc. to release your movie on XX-XX-XX (ex- 09-09-09) Thank god we only have to put up with this stunt through 2012.
Score = 11
you mean because the end of the world?
Score = 17
Wait wait wait wait wait, I get why "9" is released on 9/9/09, but what is the significance of 9 with Dorian Gray? Are there going to be 9 movies released on this date, 7 of which have yet to be disclosed? That is the only acceptable explanation for this.
Score = 13
"If I told you, I'd have to kill you" - Wait a second. Oscar Wilde TOTALLY stole that from Tom Cruise in Top Gun.
Score = 12
Stop comparing everything to Top Gun.
Score = 10
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."
- Oscar Wilde truly did know how monsters should live... am I right guys?
Score = 9
So the mirrors make Dorian Gray look like Michael Jackson on the set of Ghosts?
Score = 9
MJ looks cool
Score = 1
thats crazy talk
Score = 0
Well it's certainly no League of Extraordinary Gentleman...
Score = 7
Shh, we Alan Moore fans don't talk about that....or any movie adaptation of one of Alan Moore's books.
Score = 4
Was there a black woman included in his harem of noblesluts? I mean, I know the Brit's abolished slavery way before us but was it really likely that some rich white fellow was going to get it on with a black woman in Victorian England?
Score = 0
May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
Score = 2
I hear the original title was "THE P1CTUR3 OF D0R1AN GR3Y"
Score = 22
Ben Barnes and his giant eyeballs (seriously, he looks like he's always in a True Blood trance)are alright, but Dorian Gray is supposed to be blond and a bit cherubic. I just can't deal with this!
Score = 10
I think the UK Film Executives and Conan O'Brien's British accent are from the same part of London.
Score = 8
Most ascot-y movie ever. Seriously.
Score = 4
I bet this is going to be PC's favorite movie.
Does he blog?
I bet he blogs about it.
Score = 6
The "and there will be a price" line is used twice in this--in two separate sentences! What a bunch of DUMMIES!
Score = 6
dear dorian gray, you are one ungreatful bastard. I gave you life and also the use of a wildly sexy soundtrack for when the adaptation of the adaptation of your life comes to fruition in 2009. Love, Lord Henry Wotton
P.S. that ascot was soo 1850..how passe
Score = 5
Yeah, this looks pilfered from so many other crappy sources and...gross.
And his 'unforgettable face' looks pretty drone-ish, to me.
The original film (which I admit, I haven't ever seen) at least had that sweet Ivan Albright painting! Actual art! http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/49/The_Picture_of_Dorian_Gray-_Ivan_Albright.jpg
And now... it's not even a painting. Or it's a Hogwarts moving painting.
*sigh* Oscar Wilde gets beaten with the shit stick by Hollywood more than most, I must say.
Score = 2
the worst part is that dorian gray doesnt even look that attractive WHATT?
Score = 2
wait, that wasn't the trailer for 2012?
Score = 0
This actually looks kind of cool to me.
I'll see myself out.
Score = 2
The 13 year old girl in me(who rules more of my life than I want to admit) is telling me that this looks awesome and full of magic and that he's pretty forever and Mr. Darcy looks like my algebra teacher, who I hate but am secretly attracted to.
Score = 2
There's still something wrong with Esther you guys.
Score = 0
Oh god, I am this demographic! DAMNIT! That trailer was really effective! I was watching and all of a sudden I was excited like a puppy and wanted to see it SOOO much, RIGHT NOW!
Me, 48 seconds ago--"OMGGGG THIS LOOKS AWESOME! LOOK, SEX, IN THE TRAILER EVEN! PRETTY, PALE, CURSED SEXY BRITISH BOY SEX! AND RAISING HELL AND DRINKING AND PARTYING 24/7 BRO! I CAN RELATE TO THIS!!!"
I hate myself wholly.
Score = 0