Bad Lieutenant: Havana Nights
Obviously, when it was reported that Werner Herzog would be "remaking" Bad Lieutenant with Nicolas Cage a lot of derisive comments and snide jokes were made. Of course! This is the internet! Would you ask the sun not to post pictures of Nicolas Cage with a hawk on his head when it is reported that Werner Herzog is remaking Bad Lieutenant? Would you ask the rain not to cast Bill Hader in a parody web video when it is reported that Werner Herzog is remaking Bad Lieutenant? But that was all just reactionary fun, because at the time it seemed like a pointless exercise with no discernible motivation. No one actually thought the movie was going to be a straight up fucking joke. Bad Lieutenant: New Orleans Port Of Call trailer after the jump, you guys. You might want to keep one of these handy.
HAHAHAHA. Whoops, that exists. Unbelievable. It's a comedy? About a cop who learned how to do cocaine by watching cartoons? They handed Nicolas Cage a bag of prop cocaine and he was like "what the fuck is this?" And they were like "this is your prop cocaine, Mr. Cage, it's completely safe" and he was like "well where am I supposed to do it? Where's the anvil?" Then he started humming an Elvis song because OF COURSE HE DID.
I was just kidding you guys, this doesn't exist. Lots Of Love, what a great joke we just had. Obviously this can't exist, and so Occam's razor dictates that it doesn't. (Occam's Razor is the theory that you cannot seriously be fucking kidding me with this.)
Posted by Gabe at 10:00 AM in Trailer
Tags: Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans | Nicolas Cage | Werner Herzog
Ah, nothing like stoppin' in at Gabe's for a morning cup of coffee and a plate of THE WORST to start your day off.
Score = 13
I just called to say I love your Jackie Rogers Jr. icon.
Score = 0
He has a lucky crack pipe. lol.
Score = 0
May I make a "You Can Make It Up" suggestion? Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call True Blood
Score = 8
Did we just get punk'd by Werner Herzog?
Score = 10
yo dawg, I've heard you like fail, so we put a fail cast in your fail movie, so you can poison yourself, while you poison yourself.
Score = 12
I can't envision any possible universe in which this film will entertain me.
Score = 0
Wow, talk about fail. There should have been a "not" between the "will" and "entertain."
Seriously, don't you guys like jokes? It looks like it has some good jokes.
Score = 1
He was right. My soul is still dancing.
Score = 1
I'm going to write Obama and ask him to pass a law where people who consider themselves "actors" have to take accent classes. Is Nic Cage Southern or from Brooklyn?
Score = 2
Congrats, you just described the New Orleans accent. (I'm not judging whether or not Nic actualy pulled it off though.)
Score = 1
Haha, this looks awesome.
Score = 2
Yo dawg, we heard you like cocaine so we put some cocaine in your brain so you can huh while you what?
Score = 10
i just can't wait for the grizzly man sequel.
Score = 6
this will seriously trump his wicker man performance
Score = 4
I hope by "Currently in Post Production" they mean "Making an entirely different movie"
Score = 8
"(...) I have never seen Bad Lieutenant made by Abel Ferrara. I do not know who the man is, although he has made a lot of noise about this. Only the producer, Ed Pressman, who owns the rights to the title and was apparently planning to do some sort of franchise out of it, named it Bad Lieutenant. I added the subtitle, Port of Call New Orleans, because it takes place in New Orleans." - Werner Herzog via The Gaurdian
Score = 5
I hope this goes straight to dvd b/c i can't wait to sit on my couch, smoke a fattie and laugh my ass off to this surely future classic of american cinema. This looks fucking hilarious! I'm so there.
Score = 0
waitwaitwait i don't even know what to think about this
it's a werner herzog movie, so i'm supposed to like it; but it's also a nic cage movie, so i'm supposed to hate it
Abel Ferrara's BL is GOOOD; but this is a sequel so it's BAAAD; but at least it's not a shot by shot remake and seems to have at least a bit of originality, so it's GOOD; but it shows it by turning BAD MOTHERFUCKING LIUTENANT INTO A COMEDY, so it's BAAAAD; it has Old Man Val Kilmer in it, so it's GOOOOD; but also has eva mendes, so it's EWWW (also, someone called Denzel Whitaker, which is the best made-up name ever, so GOOD, i suppose)
and it looks horrable (BAD), but maybe it's meant to look horrable and end up being a cult classic (GOOD), and selling an assloaddd of DVDs (greed inspired forced meme: BAAAD), but...
no, seriously, my film-snobbery is killing me
Score = 1
I know: It's like Denzel Washington and Forest Whitaker wouldn't commit so Herzog Brundleflied them and now we have the best actor ever, albeit one without binocular depth cues.
Score = 0
When was the last time Nicholas Cage's hair looked passable in a movie? You'd think he'd be able to pay for a decent damn haricut.
Oh yeah and this movie looks like it could suck some serious balls. But it is tempting to watch to see if his eyes could bulge any further out of that massive, weird shaped head of his.
Score = 1
That's not hair. It's a dead beaver.
Score = 3
I just assume this is some type of documentary about the daily life of Nicolas Cage. It doesn't seem so far fetched... favorite crack pipe, hookers, and hanging with Xzibit?!!! That would explain such classic films such as: Bangkok Dangerous, The Family Man, and Wicker Man.
Score = 3
Werner Herzog is the best. Officially. He can make all the dumb shit he wants and it will always be the best. Anyone who makes a film with a horse chasing a midget chasing a chicken around a tree officially wins the title of "best for life". The end.
Score = 6
Word
Score = 2
Oh good, Val Kilmer and Fairuza Balk. Good.Great.Grand. I can't wait.
Score = -1
what the what? nic.. buddy.. come back to us ok..? no judgements..
Score = -1
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans starring Klaus Kin--- oh, wait, nevermind.
Score = 0
between Kilmer and Cage, there's a lot of wonky hair shit in this trailer.
also, this:
Score = 1