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January 8, 2009

Spread: Ashton Kutcher And Anne Heche Have A Phoning-It-In Contest

Here's a trailer for a movie called Spread that's going to the Sundance Film Festival instead of probably hundreds of other better movies. Ashton Kutcher is some sort of Jay-Gatsby-but-boring character who kisses a lot of women and mumbles all of his lines as if he's on Oxycontin. It's so bad it's worth hate-watching. I'm going to be generous here and say Ashton Kutcher is actually a much better actor than this:

So Anne Heche kills them or something? I mean, presumably something happens other than Ashton Kutcher just having a lot of somnambulatory fun. I hate this movie so much already that I hereby place a curse upon it: may it leave the Sundance film festival without a distribution deal. That's right: I went there. I hope Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche had a lot of pretend sex for nothing. (Also, what's a "promo trailer"? It's two minutes long. It's a trailer. It just sucks. At least own it.)

Posted by Lindsay at 4:15 PM in
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11 Comments

Ew, nice voice, Ashton Kutcher.

Posted by: Sara profile link at 01/08/09 4:55 PM | Reply
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somuchbailefunk

I'm not sure if this even warrants a hate-watch.

Posted by: somuchbailefunk profile link at 01/08/09 5:07 PM | Reply
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The Life of the Mind

Does Ashton Kutcher need money or something? I thought he was making enough money from those Nikon ads and being in the sac with Demi Moore that we wouldn't have to see his idiot face on the big screen again. Hopefully Lindsay's wish comes true and we won't.

Posted by: The Life of the Mind profile link at 01/08/09 5:23 PM | Reply
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Why is he talking like Rocky?

Posted by: Dan profile link at 01/08/09 5:24 PM | Reply
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Please, say that you're kidding. Say this didn't make to Sundance.
1) A guy sleeps with a lot of women, until one makes him fall in love and changes him. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!
2) I'm going to be Aston Kutcher in this movie for next Halloween, because his mumbly voice is the single most ridiculous thing ever.
3) I want to see every single film that did not make it because of this. And then kill the head of Sundance.

Posted by: Josh at 01/08/09 6:08 PM | Reply
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The music is actually embarrassing

Posted by: Bible Man profile link at 01/08/09 6:29 PM | Reply
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Dolf

Even the music director phoned it in. (This movie does not have a music director) Was that The Crystal Method I heard?

Posted by: Dolf profile link at 01/08/09 6:29 PM | Reply
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paying money to watch something you are going to hate but want to watch it anyways because you want to hate it is stupid

Posted by: bcharles at 01/09/09 12:54 AM | Reply
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what's with the constant suspenders?? And the scarves. Always with the suspender and scarf combination.

Posted by: Aria at 01/09/09 2:33 AM | Reply
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Great. And my movie (http://blip.tv/file/773555/) got rejected. Great.

Posted by: T at 01/09/09 3:00 PM | Reply
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yuck. but i do find sleepy/drugged ashton a lot more attractive than manic/spaz ashton.

Posted by: susan profile link at 01/09/09 6:12 PM | Reply
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