Someone Has Cleary Fast-Tracked Tucker Max's I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell For The Worst Movie Of All Time
In case you don't know who Tucker Max is (lucky!), he's some shithead blogger who blogged about what a shithead he was and then turned that into a book and now they've turned that into a movie, and holy shit, you guys, I hope you brought your cyanide capsules because I'm not sure how we're going to get out of this one! The enemy is all around us!
What is this? This is a movie? This is not a movie. It's like they swept up The Hangover's cutting room floor, Tucker Max jerked off onto it, and then dropped it into a vat of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? "Dip." (No offense to The Hangover.) My apologies to Driven and Pay It Forward and Bicentennial Man. You are all wonderful masterpieces in this new world order. (Elizabethtown is still a piece of shit.)
This quote from Tucker Max, via Gawker, is hilarious:
Yes, the tickets are only $10. I know we could have charged $20 or even $30, but we decided that if the point of this is to reach out to fans and experience the movie with them, then we should make the price as low as possible to include as many as possible.
His Gwyneth Paltrow impersonation is priceless! Not to be all Professor of Movie Ticket Economics over here, but since when does the guy who wrote the blog that the movie is based on determine the price of movie tickets? If that was the case, then they should charge whatever the final budget of this movie's production was for each ticket (upwards of $400!), that way when Tucker Max's mom goes to see it (alone, Tucker Max's father wanted to take a nap instead), they will at least recoup their losses. Their losses, not ours. Our losses are immeasurable.
We're gonna need a bigger one of these:
Maybe instead of water we can put bullets in this thing?
Posted by Gabe at 2:50 PM in Trailer
Tags: I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell | Strippers | Suicidal Ideation | Tucker Max
lookey lookey i got hookey!!! RUUFIO!!!!!!!1
Score = 16
Were you just watching Hook on AMC? Because I definitely was. Cake Eatur, for once, I respect you.
Score = 13
Logan Huntzberger, you are a long way from Stars Hollow.
Score = 22
jess would never have participated in this tomfoolery.
Score = 8
maybe as part of a life and death brigades stunt
Score = 1
So, wait, I'm not the only one who's seen Dirty Deeds?
Score = 0
that other guy with the girlfriend used to be on seventh heaven. this movie is a wb burial ground.
Score = 10
Is this real life?
Score = 5
More importantly: is this going to be forever?
Score = 20
Gabe, make it stop.
Score = 8
OH MAN I read THIS SHIT cause a friend told ME TO AND I remember this story. SPOILER alert: ONE OF THOSE dudes shits in a toilet and CLOGS IT UP in the hotel. UGH. That is PLOT DEVELOPMENT to this douche chill. SHIT MAYBE my blog/book COULD BE MADE into a movie. IT'S ALREADY better than this pile OF DEMON SHIT.
(look at me making jokes that RELATE to the post. GET it? Demon=hell=title. MAN. And SOME PEOPLE think I'm dumb.)
Score = 20
No. Everyone thinks you're a dumbbutt.
lol
Score = -32
shhhhhh...quietly...
Score = -1
I'm only just now starting to appreciate the subtle brilliance in your use of capitals. It was the ME TO AND I that switched on the light bulb for me. Well done, Patriot.
Score = 1
This guy is so the Worst that his name isn't even the worst part of him.
Score = 10
Tucker Max, Tucker Max, two first names, no last name. You can call him Tucker, you can call him Max, it's all the same, all the same.
Score = 2
It's like The Hangover put on an Ed Hardy shirt and changed it's name to Chad. The worst.
Score = 57
Fuck you, Tom. My mom's name is Chad.
Score = 0
I hope they serve the most excrutiating agony reserved only for fuckface Tucker Max for all eternity in hell. You know the "go back in time and KILL HITLER" thing? Can we put an addendum on that for Tucker Max?
Score = 8
Also, Gawker posted some of the script a while back. Do not read if you have no access to brain bleach or something heavy to bludgeon Tucker Max to death with. (For that last one, you will also need access to Tucker Max, in which case, what are you doing just sitting there? Fucking bludgeon him already.)
Score = 13
That was unbearable. I don't know what I was expecting, but YIKES.
Score = 5
I heard Jon Gosselin produced....
Score = 25
I like how best-selling is highlighted in red, as if to say: "yes, people actually purchased/read this book."
Score = 14
I don't know guys, I think if you elitists can turn your brains off for long enough, you'll learn to enjoy things that regular people like. Jesus! Why so serious?
Score = 25
Thank you! Someone who that clearly sees the things that I say!
Score = -18
So from what I gather, this is something that others clearly see and you might say...
"Hey, elitist... turn off your brain and listen to this fresh "Magic Johnson is black and has AIDS" gag from this movie trailer I just saw about the charms of being an insufferable human being."
Please stop saying stuff like that.
Score = 6
No, sorry, but FUCK YOU.
Score = -1
After watching the trailer, all I have to say is: "So....what's the plot of this film?"
Score = 1
what's the point of tucker max? I thought, maybe, once we elected Obama, the director would go "Shut it Down!" and Tucker Max would think, quietly, that in this world where better things could happen there was no need for the lowest common stereotype available for frat boys who like to be sexist racist assholes, and he would say "Dear world, I am sorry." but maybe I didn't want it hard enough.
Score = 3
I am torn here. Part of my wants to vomit because this looks so bad. Part of me wants to complain that they strayed to much from the book, but that would mean admitting that I read the book. Part of me wants to tell the Professor that Tucker Max was making a silly joke about ticket prices and wasn't serious. Part of me knows that the Professor was also making a silly joke and wasn't serious.
It's 3pm, who wants some bourbon?
Score = 29
I hope they serve cyanide at theaters.
Score = 27
they do, but it's like $15 a capsule : /
Score = 0
If you're a shithead, but you admit to being a shithead, does that negate some of your shitheadiness? And does it make a sound? (like the shithead tree in the woods. get it? you get it)
Score = 13
Too terrible to even be your boyfriend.
Score = 23
Oh, Jesse Bradford, why must you tarnish the Bring it On memories?
Score = 16
Ugh. I just went to his blog. I feel seriously depressed. I wish I didn't know he existed.
Score = 7
We don't. Instead we serve generous helpings of your blog and movie.
Love, Satan.
Score = 17
I assume they put the best jokes in the trailer. And i didnt even crack a smile. In fact i wept.
So, from a purely scientific point of view, im interested to see the whole movie, just to see if it manages to achieve negative funny.
Score = 2
Tucker Max spoke at my school and bitched onstage about getting less money for his appearance than Spike Lee had a week earlier. When asked what his parents think of his "work," he said, "well I'm making more than my father ever did so I don't really give a shit what he thinks and if he complains I tell him to shut the fuck up." He closed it by asking the girls who wanted to sleep with him to meet him in the hallway, but ONLY if they had ID's proving they were 18. NO EXCEPTIONS! So yeah, by far the worst, but of course he got a standing ovation.
Score = 29
haha, this is great. how is this human speaking at your school?
he's basically an adjunct douche professor
Score = 9
Not only is he a douche professor, he appeals only to the most hardcore element of douche bags. For example, lots of regular old dicks and douche bags liked The Hangover, but it takes a really hardcore douche to like this movie.
Score = 1
When I first read your post I thought you said he spoke at your high school. I was very concerned.
Score = 17
So the wild party is that they go to a strip club and then... get kicked out of a strip club? And then the police cite them for public urination? This is the bachelor party my great-grandmother would plan, and she's dead.
Score = 30
Wow this is just...wow. The preview alone made me want to punch my monitor in the face for showing it to me!
You know, Gabe, when I set up my Google alert for "Tucker Max + Suicidal Ideation" this isn't exactly the result I had hoped for...
Score = 6
I drove my sister 13 hours to the beach for a week of fun & sun and she spent the first four days inside devouring this book. I don't know what is worse, Tucker Max or the fact that someone that I am related to (by blood) eats this shit up. Terrible: F.
Score = 5
Why'd they have to ruin quiche?
Score = 4
This is why we can't have nice things.
Score = 30
That picture of the eye wash station almost looks like a bassinet with a little baby robot sticking it out his razor sharp claws. Which makes sense, because after watching this trailer, I really want a baby robot to rip out my eyes.
Score = 12
I bet that fiancée is an ugly monster in real life
Score = -3
looks fun
Score = -3
I cannot believe they made a movie out of the book that is people who say "I don't really read" favorite book.
Score = 12
Was the soundtrack ripping of Jet? How very appropriate. Ugh indeed .
Score = 0
i bet tucker max thinks raaaaaaaandy is real
Score = 11
The production quality reminds me of James Nguyen's "films." TUCKERMAXEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR
Score = 4
Well... now I feel like killing myself knowing this exists. Thanks Hollywood.
Score = 0
Is Tucker Max a name he chose for himself, or do I have to blame his parents for that?
Score = 4
This makes me angry, but mostly because of the fact that I know my anger is completely and utterly useless directed Tucker Max. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
Score = 4
This makes me angry, but mostly because of the fact that I know my anger is completely and utterly useless directed Tucker Max. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
Score = -2
This makes me angry, but mostly because of the fact that I know my anger is completely and utterly useless directed Tucker Max. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
Score = -1
This makes me angry, but mostly because of the fact that I know my anger is completely and utterly useless directed Tucker Max. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
Score = -1
What makes you angry?
Score = 18
All that to use a Seinfeld joke. Ah well, you're right.
Score = 1
Does your ticket come with Axe Body Spray and a subscription to Maxim? Well an extension to your subscription and more body spray really...
Score = 13
I think the most frightening this is that people are really like this, and that they are my peers.
Score = 4
hey, it looks pretty good! (no it doesn't)
Score = -1
9/25: Never forget.
Score = 0
This is really upsetting. I put in a lot of hard work to get sober and become a nicer person, to better myself and the world around me. And now I find out that I could have been making $$cashmoney$$ by being proud of how hateful I was? What!?! Stupid, stupid, stupid... I need to start a blog asap...
Gee, the writing is so rudimentary it's almost as if any dickhead could do it! Dickheads, all that's standing in the way of your fame and your fortune is maybe a little bit of shame, maybe a shred of decency, but probably just a supercool name (Cheever Blowpox, Walker Zexstrong) and a rich daddy with no love for you in his heart, who will fund your dumbscapades, not so much a parent as a benevolent benefactor advancing the cause of asininity. ...
Damn son I just got raped by a brain hemorrhage, lol. This sucks worse than being a Mexican woman!
/dead.
Score = 9
Just in time for rush week!
Score = 0
I need this movie like I need Hepatitis C
Score = 3
Oh great! I love Bob Fosse films. Jazz Hands!
Score = 2
If I pay to see this using just pennies, will the world implode?
Score = 7
Just before you think it can't get worse, they toss in Paul Wall (??) for 2 seconds.
Score = 2
LOL Paul Wall! Haven't seen him in a couple years! LOLOLOL!
Score = 1
i WAS lucky...until today. Yeah, this is a horrible movie trailer, but the blog, the guy this is based on is reason enough to burn your eyes out and seal your ears closed. I just hit his website and, worse than his writings, are the YouTube videos "speaking" at OHIO STATE University. I have always HATED OHIO STATE and the heathens that go there, but this takes the cake. Thousands of morons in an auditorium dying to hear the words of this scrotum wart. If only a sleeper cell could've been activated that day...
Score = 2
This shithead graduated from the university that i currently attend, and his book is on display in the library as "literature" written by alumni. at least one keg is dedicated to him at every frat party i've ever been to. On my transfer applications under reasons for leaving, i'm just putting "tucker max and lacrosse players"
Score = 11
Nice try, Tar Heel!
Score = 1
Blue Devil doesn't go to duke. I graduated from there last year, so I'll call bullshit on him.
1) Tucker is not god on Duke's campus. He has a lot of fans, a lot of people say he's full of shit but people don't dedicate kegs to him like he's some kind of god. I've never actually heard of anyone dedicating a keg to anyone, but maybe that's just the people I drink with.
2) Kegs have been banned on campus since Nan Keohane was president, with some exceptions (none of which are be relevant in this context). (Off-campus maybe, but those are always loud and crowded and if kegs are being used, people are lined up at it so nobody gives a shit about "dedicating a keg")
3) His book is not on display in the library. I spent a huge amount of time there last semester, there are lots of interesting and academically relevant books written by less infamous alumni in the section in the front of Perkins, which they display. No duke-employed (or self-respecting...) librarian would choose to display that to represent Duke. I could have called bullshit on that even if I didn't go to Duke, that's fucking retarded.
I'm biased since I'm a Tucker fan (though I freely admit the trailer does look god-awful), but Blue Devil is full of shit.
Score = -6
Ann Coulter had a son? Mazel!
Score = 4
Weren't all of those dudes in failed WB shows or awful straight-to-video movies?
THIS COULD BE THEIR TIME, EVERYONE!!!! man i hope they serve beer in HOLLYWOOD because that is where they are finally actually going.
Score = 3
I actually feel really bad for Paul Wall.
Score = 2
this doesn't have much to do with this, but there is only one thing to say.....
TO THE TREES
Score = -1
i'd like to say that a new force has arrived to videogum, but i'm drunk. so this will probably never happen again. it was fun while it lasted. good luck and goodnight
Score = -1
But he did do this. You never recover from Rory.
Score = -1
Goddamn, that was supposed to be a reply to misspronounced's comment at the very top. I'll go ahead and downvote myself.
Score = 0
i will find this man and i will rip his dick off and throw it far away
Score = 1
Frat boys are gonna eat this shit up.
Score = 1
You're an idiot. If you read the article the ticket prices are for the premiere tour he is doing prior to the movie's actual release.
Score = -4
Tucker Max fans are surprisingly similar to Twilight fans only with a little less bravado.
Score = 0
Two of my friends read that book. Interestingly enough, one of them fucked this girl I was into and the other ripped me off. Thanks Tucker Max... I hope they they serve razor blade enemas in hell.
Score = 1
Awwww are all the film/other areas in life rejects here mad that someone so "beneath" them was able to make a movie? Guess that proves how much you suck even more.
Score = 0