Penn Badgley Is About To Not Hit The Big Time
Penn Badgley is in a new thriller movie called The Stepfather. Here is the trailer, you guys:
This looks like the single least scary movie ever made! "I've got to go down and check out those padlocked meat lockers that my stepfather moved into the basement." LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! OR DON'T! I'M COMPLETELY UNINVESTED IN YOUR WELL-BEING!
The real question, of course, is will Dan and Serena ever get back togeth[gunshot].
Obviously Penn Badgley was sitting in his agent's office and was like, "Where is my Disturbia?" And his agent was like, "Dan, baby, can I get you anything? Diet Red Bull? Listen, we got a great new script. It's called The Stepfather. You're gonna' love it." (You know, Hollywood Agent talk.) And Dan was like, "Who else is in it?" And the agent was like, "Absolutely nobody." And Dan was like "Is it scary?" And his agent was like "Not at all." And Dan was like "How much does it pay?" And his agent was like, "$150." And Dan called his mom and was like, "Mom, are you sitting down? I'M GETTING MY DISTURBIA!"
Dreams really do come true.
Posted by Gabe at 4:15 PM in Trailer
Tags: Dan Humphrey | Horror Survival | Penn Badgley | The Stepfather
Sorry Dr. McNamara, you'll never replace John Locke.
Score = 9
Agreed. Locke wins.
Score = 1
Fucking SERIOUSLY. The original was one of the best films. Fuck this shit.
Score = 3
You mad.
Score = 2
YOU KNOW, somewhere in the fuckin world someone is looking at this and going HOLY SHIT they could've made a movie exploring the ambiguous, incendiary relationship a son and stepfather can have and then kinda roll out some mysteries and make it 110% unclear whether the stepfather's a psycho bitch of if it's the son just being overly paranoid and seeing what he wants to see in a man he barely knows.
Obviously they went for fuckin broke and spoiled everything in the trailer (SPOILER ALERT: everyone figures it out).
Somewhere in the fuckin world someone is looking at this and going HOLY SHIT I HAVE TO SEE THIS. ugh. Numbnuts.
Score = 6
So Penn is the dude on Gossip Girl, and Blake is the girl. K, got it. I was quite confused thinking the blond haired lady from GG was going to show up and getting the gayfaced boy instead.
Score = 1
Videogum Penn Badgley Promise???? (just say yes, because outside of GG, this is the last Penn Badgley post. we all know it).
Score = 4
I'm STILL trying to figure out who's gonna take me home tonight.
Certainly not The Stepfather.
Score = 12
Disturbia was pretty great. And I hate Shia Leboeuf. I think half the people dislike it so they can say "such a Rear Window ripoff!" as their reason and then feel smart.
Score = -2
I have literally never seen a trailer give more away. Also, I couldn't not tell the real father and the stepfather apart. I hope they wear nametags in the final cut.
Score = 16
*couldn't tell* (sorry)
Score = 1
Either that was intentional or all white people look the same. You decide!
Score = 6
Spoilers: WILLIAM H. MACY IS THE KILLER! JUST LOOK AT THAT 'STACHE!
Score = -1
The Carver is unimpressed with stepfather's knife skills.
Score = 3
they lost me at "I'm just worried your mom married a stranger."
most confusing line evaaar.
Score = 2
My favourite line:
Pen Badgley: "He's hiding something!"
Blonde Girlfriend: "That doesn't mean he's a killer!"
Also, I love how the mother just disregards the America's Most Wanted pictures. Why is it nobody catches on to the criminals in scary movies until their trapped under a swinging circular saw?
Score = 12
agreed.
other best:
When Stepdad grabs Little Stepson by the back of the neck in a moment of pure There Is No Reason For This, But We Just Wanted To Show You That He Is As Capable Of As Much Evil As A Crabby Five Year Old moment. Classic.
Score = 3
Oh, or another one!:
Penn Badgley: "What, so you guys like him?"
Little Sister: "Yeah, he's nice!"
Little Brother: "Yeah, he takes us to the movies and stuff!"
Note to stepfathers everywhere: Even if you're a murderer or criminal hiding stuff, you can always win the affection of stepchildren by taking them "to the movies and stuff!"
Okay, I think I killed the quoting thing, but if we can find a whole bunch of "great" things in the trailer, this film is sure to be awesome!
Score = 0
"he's hiding something" = hes a killer or hes cheating - neither are good
Score = 0
OK, it looks stupid, and the original is great, but I'll admit the "Who am I here?" turn was a good moment.
Score = 2
This movie for reals filmed all exterior shots at my aunt Madeleine's house in South Pasadena. I think a good 15% of their ticket sales will come from my extended family as we all go to laugh at Penn Badgley swimming in our ancestral backyard.
Score = 5
oh good
Score = 0
Didn't this move just come out but with a scary lady instead?
Score = 3
wait... so now they have started remaking BAD thrillers too?
Score = 1
Love how Penn Badgley is being marketed as a STUD. So many tank tops...
Also, I burst out laughing at the police sketch. And then the girlfriend says, "That could be anybody" Yes, it really could be. But great investigative work (i.e. Google search), Dan Humphrey. You'll surely get a Yale scholarship!
Score = 3
Poor Sela Ward, things haven't gone well for her since Sisters.
Score = 0
Poor Sela Ward, things haven't gone right for her since Sisters.
Score = -2
Sorry, but the trailer for the original, which some consider a classic (it is not a classic) gave away just as much. This re-make not only lifts dialogue wholesale from the 1980 version ("Who am I here?" "Maybe they disappointed [him]") but both of them pimp these lines in their trailers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vPfvgh_dbU
Recurring fail.
BTW Gabe, you need to add the "Childhood Memories Desecrated" tag (or whatever the complaint about movie remakes is called ) to this one and concentrate less on the GG aspect. The Earth has stopped caring about Penn Badgley.
Score = -2
Stop saying "you guys."
Score = -8
Never stop saying "you guys"
Score = 0
Wait, if he was at military school, why does he have a University of Oregon flag in his room?
Score = 0
Never stop saying "you guys"
Score = 0
Never stop saying "you guys".
Score = 0
Talk about a modern Damocles' sword! (What?)
Score = 0
thank heavens they at least kept the fake beard like the original.
Score = 0
My favorite part of that was how in the beginning I thought the blonde girl driving him was his sister, and then they started making out and for a moment I thought: "incest romance/thriller? Creativity points, I guess." THAT's a movie for the Trailer section.
Score = 0