It's Life, Jump Into Life: The Blind Side
The Blind Side trailer, you guys:
Fuuuuuck. OK, Hollywood is teasing us now. This is actually a fake trailer from Funny People, right?
"Haha, look at your face!"
--Hollywood's Tombstone
Don't get me wrong. I'm not some John Conner over here. I have a human heart, not some Communist robot heart. I'm perfectly open to the touching, based-on-a-true story about a noble, rich, white woman taking in an impoverished, oversized black child and raising him as one of her own. The Jerk came out 30 years ago, I think America is ready for all the roles to be reversed. And I love a bruising good high school football game against all the odds just as much as anybody. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't not love it! But when Sandra Bullock actually says, out loud, in a movie, on which millions of dollars have been spent, in 2009, in response to "you're changing that boy's life," "no, he's changing mine," I changed my life by ending it. Also. (Thanks for the tip, Josh.)
Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in It's Life, Jump Into It, Trailer
Tags: Kathy Bates | Sandra Bullock | The Blind Side | Tim McGraw
i don get it? hes black an blind?? like opra??? hes only liek 6 so wy is da guy big??
Score = 15
finally! not since Rocky IV have we seen this triumphant story of acceptance over ignorance! this movie will improve race relations one fist bump at a time.
Score = 8
A rich white woman saves an under-educated black giant. And she does it by making the black giant succeed in sports! Hollywood, welcome back to the 1950's, its missed you.
Score = 28
White People be Saving Black People from a Life of Crime, Ignorance and non-Football Playing the Darndest Things.
I know we're supposed to have seen the movie first, but I'm going to go ahead and nominate The Blind Side for WMOAT.
Score = 27
You are such a hypocrite. A horse can save a kitty-cat, but a rich white woman can't save a retarded black man?
Score = 27
Speaking of retarded black men... I would have called this: "Radio 2: Son of Radio"
(and a circus bear)
Score = 8
Horse/Kitty-Cat (at Sea) relations are complex. Too complex to be addressed here.
Score = 10
So for a moment, I thought that seemingly grown man was going to be playing football against elementary school kids. That would have made all the difference.
Score = 37
There is something wrong about this that I just can't put my finger on... could it be racism or the fact that it isn't a musical ?
Score = 8
This gives new meaning to the word irrelevance.
Score = 7
Yuh yoh! Sandy broke out the Hope Floats accent! And red flag for TOO MANY TERRORIST FIST BUMPS for one trailer.
Score = 9
in real life the credits roll after "when you threaten my son you threaten me".
Score = 23
i can laugh at the schmaltzy trailer but i have a bad feeling that if i saw this movie i'd probably cry. my emotions are so easily manipulated by hollywood.
Score = 11
yeah, i got teary eyed during the trailer because my heartstrings are very susceptible to heavy handed tugging.
whatever.
we can't all wear our cynical haterpants every day. sometimes it's laundry day.
Score = 1
Apparently this story is ripped out from a section of a book called "The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game." Wikipedia (I'm lazy) notes: "The first is an examination of how offensive football strategy has evolved over the past three decades in large part due to Lawrence Taylor's arrival in the 1980s and how this evolution has placed an increased importance on the role of the left tackle." The other half is this movie. My head hurts. I need a nap.
Score = 3
I kept waiting for the music to change and for things to get 'harshly real'. Like, he kills their son on accident, or it turns out he's a con man, or maybe even they discover that he's the rich son of a white business man and he has a really bad skin condition that is a side affect from his amnesia and he wakes up one day and is back to normal and ends up taking the family to court for kidnapping. But none of that ever happened. Instead he tries out for football and bench presses a little boy.
Score = 12
All of your suggestions sound awesome.
Score = 2
It's about time they finally made a sequel to Radio.
Score = -2
"This movie is so bad, I'm surprised I'm not in it." -- Cuba Gooding Jr.
Score = 46
does he also have like a slightly milder version of the Jack Syndrome, yes thats the scientific term for it, or is he just like suuuper special(like how i didnt use retard, shit i used it now), and at what point does a movie goer start to seriously question how many character flaws is allowable in one film, cause even soccer moms gotta be a little weary.
Score = 3
According to the book (which is full of win, btw) he isn't handicapped or slow or anything, he's just completely missed an education and is really uncomfortable in his new surroundings. But eventually he starts to excel at academics, I seem to remember.
Score = 4
I smell three or four porno parodies!
. . .
Now please fill in the blank: "Porno parodies smell like ______ ."
Score = 3
Stop it, you guys. Some of my best friends are slow-witted black football prodigies.
Score = 14
I'm still waiting for that sequel to The Net. THAT needs to be nominated for WMOAT.
Score = -1
It really warmed my heart when he held out on the Ravens for his $14 million deal. Hopefully this movie will inspire countless other white families to farm out local black youths to their alma maters.
Score = 6
Yeah the Hendersons have to be kicking themselves for not just giving Harry a bedroom.
Score = 3
When she says "you threaten my son, you're threatening me", what exactly is that supposed to mean? Is it supposed to frighten them? In real life the movie would have ended immediately after that. With her death. By stabs.
Score = 6
I immediately think of Chappelle's version of the Real World.
"He stabbed me!"
Also, why did everyone in that "highschool" classroom look at least 22?
Score = 3
What you don't realize is that she takes Tai-Bo.
Score = 16
as long as there are movies like this, The Fray will never fucking go away...
Score = 18
Going full retard is always a ballsy move - and the black guy looks like he's playing it *almost* as retarded as Bullock.
Wow - Bullock is only one "c" away from being Bull Cock. Coincidence??!?!?
Score = -12
I think it's kind of cool that they combined Arnold and Willis into just one dude.
Score = 5
We know the community embraces him in the end because the kids eventually let him push them on the swings. What a poetic image. Written by a 5 year old.
Score = 13
I saw this story on ESPN at draft time, the dude is Huge, a great Player, and he seemed like the nicest dude around, gentle giant for sure. And his family, as much bullshit as they got (Big Black 16 yr old dude sleeping in the house with your little white 16 yr old daughter?) they stuck together.
I'm not going to see this movie, looks like it will suck.
Score = 5
Yes yes. And its just a happy coincidence that this white family found this poor, downtrodden, #1-in-the-country left tackle prospect. And what a coincky-dink that he just happened to end up attending Ole Miss, the alma mater of said white family, for which they were major boosters and donors. It's easier to take the slings-and-arrows of your neighbors when you have a guaranteed $10+ million dollar payday looking you in the face.
But hey, maybe I just have a jaded black heart.
Score = 5
You pretty much do. I read the NYTimes Mag story about this guy a few years ago. He suffered severe, severe developmental issues from basically being neglected as a child. So he'd have a tough time making it through life in general, regardless of some far-off payday that might never come to pass. Doesn't sound like the best moneymaking scheme in the world (though not the worst either). "When thrown into games during his junior year, he spent most of his time wandering around the field in search of someone to fall over."
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9901E5D91031F937A1575AC0A9609C8B63&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=1
But on the President's birthday, I want to be perfectly clear. This movie's not going to be very good. I don't know all the facts, but it seems to me that in producing it, Hollywood has acted stupidly.
Score = 10
Thanks for that link. It was a good read. I feel better about humanity as a whole.
I wonder what it is about putting it on the big screen that causes the story to lose so much of its charm. Somehow the movie trailer just flattens out the story and makes me puke a little.
Score = 0
i think sandra bullock is the problem.
i enjoy the character she plays in every movie, so i'm not a hater of her in general.
i just think she was poorly cast in this role and the story would be more meaningful with a less well-known star. maybe laura linney or someone who is better at disappearing into the roles.
because my sandy is always sandy, which is nice for a romantic comedy ("aw, sandy finally found love...AGAIN!") but distracting in a serious film based on a totally heartwarming true story.
Score = 0
Between this and The Lake House, Sandra Bullock is ruining all of America's great stories.
Score = 10
This is like Orphan but with proportional gigantism. And less murder.
Score = 6
Ummmm I think you guys are all forgetting how BO is totally in this.
Score = 1
The absolute guarantee that this is going to suck? It has Tim McGraw in it. Come on, tell me you saw Flicka.
Score = 3
I read this book. It was an interesting read; definitely more complex than one would think. But the weird thing is, the book did NOT focus on Sandra Bullock's real-life counterpart as much as this trailer (and presumably, the movie) does.
Score = 1
Hopefully this movie will inspire more young black men to be brave enough to set goals, stand up for themselves, and be adopted by a rich white lady.
Score = 0
Maybe this Michael Lewis adaptation should have gotten the Moneyball treatment
Score = 0
I didn't realize that Lee Atwater was making Hollywood-style movies these days.
Score = 0
Holy crap...I thought that was Markie Post...I blame following Laraquette on Twitter...who knew?
Score = 1
So when Tim McGraw hosted SNL, I thought it was a little off, but other musicians have hosted so I thought nothing of it. Then I noticed he was promoting HIS MOVIE "Four Christmases" What? He's an actor now? That's how it's gonna go down Tim McGraw? You are just going to take off your hat and you're an actor now? PEOPLE HE IS CLARK KENT-ING/SUPERMAN-ING YOU! His real name is DICK WHITMAN!
Score = 1
Okay, fine. ... I'll start it.
"Porno parodies smell like Marlon Wayans dipped in Astroglide."
Score = 2
This is actually loosely based on the true story of Gwyneth Paltrow and her daughter Apple. They changed a few details, but the overarching themes remain the same.
Score = 0