Crank 2 Is Just Fucking With Us Now
Trailer for Crank 2, you guys:
Obviously, this movie is insane. It's a clear expression of how difficult it's becoming to raise the stakes in a genre that's gone off the rails. The now-virtually-impossible goal of showing audiences something they've never seen before that will "excite" them demands visual and narrative innovations that stretch the limitations of suspended disbelief. In order to accommodate this move into X-Treme unreality, action movies are becoming increasingly self-aware and tongue-in-cheek so that no one thinks they're actually serious anymore. Nudge nudge. We're all in on this great joke.
But what I particularly appreciate about Crank 2 is that no matter how excessive it gets with its Puddle of Mudd-soundtracked jump-cutting epileptic frenzy, it maintains its scientific rigor. If someone steals your heart, you rub up against people to create static electricity with your clothes to keep you alive. That's just medicine. Any hospital will tell you that.
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in Trailer
Tags: Crank 2 | Jason Statham
All Jason Statham has to do is kick a ton of ass and I'm happy. His movies can be plotless, poorly written pieces of shit, but if he uses his cool accent, drives a cool car, or kicks a ton of ass, I'm going to see it several times in the theater.
I want him and Clive Owen to do a movie together called "Kick Ass Accents, Kicking Ass", where they just go and kick ass.
Score = 15
I'm hoping all the keys needed to spell out "Liam Neeson" are broken on your keyboard. That is the only excuse you could possibly have for not including him in your "Kick Ass Accents, Kicking Ass" movie.
Score = 3
I want to give Jason Statham the benefit of the doubt because he's hot, but really I can't take his shitty movies anymore. I thought Crank was the last straw, but he just took that straw, glued it back together and stompped the shit out of it.
Score = 0
Actually, he took the straw and twisted it really tight on either end. Then he flicked it hard to make a loud pop that scared everyone at McDonald's.
Score = 11
Then he went into the PlayPlace and slid down the plastic slide and shocked himself with the metal screws to stay alive. Next he enjoyed a 30-min romp in the ball pit to build up a massive static charge.
Score = 8
everyone knows thats linkin park not puddle of mud, dude
Score = -5
I didn't know Crank was a movie, but this doesn't in any way seem like a sequel to something. What did they steal his kidney in the last one, Urban Legends style? Also, does he have an artificial heart right now? What's the deal? This is too ridiculous. This makes me want to go see a quality film, like Angels and Demons.
Score = 1
Hey faggot, stop faggoting
Score = -4
The best thing about this movie is that the soundtrack was actually composed by Mike Patton! That guy's really been stretching his creative muscles lately: He did a voice on "Metalocalypse" and wrote a song for "Californication." P.S. If you haven't checked out his feature-film debut "Firecracker," I highly recommend it for the Worst Movie of All Time.
Score = 1
Wow, the ideas in hollywood are missng more and more these days, but the good side is that it looks ridiculous enough to see it mock it.
Score = -2
That's the problem, you can't even mock this shit. It's too bad to mock. If you haven't seen Crank, DON'T. There is actually a scene where he has sex with his girlfriend in the middle of the street to "jumpstart" his heart. What?!
Score = -1
1. http://www.impawards.com/2002/posters/transporter.jpg
2. http://www.techneuroti.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/crank_dvd_cover.jpg
Score = 0
I can't believe this trailer left out Amy Smart, who has public sex with him again to keep his heart electrically charged... There were a ton of pics of her with electrical tape over her nipples floating around the internet a while back... I'm sure they're still out there somewhere.
Score = 1
I like how they steal his heart cuz its such an awesome fuckin heart, then give him an artificial one so he can hunt them all down, to where its being kept by hot bikini clad asians doublefisting uzi's. They got my 10 bucks.
Score = 1