AHHHHHHHHH, NEW NEW MOON TRAILER! CHRISTMAS IN SEPTEMBER!
Here's the new New Moon trailer that premiered during the MTV Video Music Awards last night, you guys:
Ha! So many teenagers were probably taken to the hospital last night when their hearts exploded. I will admit that this looks much better than the previous trailers had suggested. At the very least there is a lot less crying on the floor of a forest, and almost no reference to the epic papercut fight of 2009. But Bella's "adrenaline junkie" plotline reminds me of when Ryan on The O.C. became a cage fighter, except without the awesome cage fighting. What I'm saying is Bella should become a cage fighter. Then she will see Edward. Or whatever. I have no idea what half of the words I'm saying mean. But I also love that when you go to vampire court, which we all know is in a junkyard, the laws are enforced via hand-to-hand-combat. Classic Vampire Tort Reform. Dakota Fanning is Vampire Judge Judy. "This will probably hurt a little bit." I didn't think vampires had feelings? "They'll kill him if he reveals himself in the sunlight." I didn't think vampires could go in the sunlight? Never mind. EDWARD, NO, YOU MUST PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON OR DAKOTA FANNING WILL MAGIC-BODY SLAM YOU!! Having your shirt off is the most serious Vampire Crime, duh, grandpa.
This confusion and frustration and sense of being completely outside of something must have been what my parents felt like when I was excited about the forthcoming second chapter in the Bill and Ted saga, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.
Posted by Gabe at 9:30 AM in Trailer
Tags: Kristen Stewart | New Moon | Robert Pattinson | Taylor Lautner | Twilight | Vampires | Werewolves
Kanye West doesn't care about vampires.
Score = 11
Whoops, beat me to it.
Score = 0
Gawd, Gabe! You don't know NEthing about Twilight! Bella becomes a cage fighter in bokk 3! She wins the title! Then Kanye takes it from her.
Score = 2
I'll wait for a New New New Moon Trailer!
Score = 6
"We wanted as many shirtless guys as possible so we jammed the principle of shirtless-ness into the main story arch"
Score = 21
I went against the system and upvoted you because of your name and avatar.
Score = 3
Appreciated none the less.
Score = 1
If he takes off his shirt, he will sparkle. And there's no greater sin in the world than natural body sparkle. Whoops, what I meant to say is what?!?!?!
Score = 9
I, too, started to see robert pattinson during my dangerous feats of sporting prowess. I saw him everywhere: at the go-cart track. in the above ground pool. on the mall walking path.
But there weren't any aquiline-nosed, shirtless wolf men to warn and comfort me.
So, that's when i started huffing.
Score = 22
since where were werewolves just normal wolves, i always thought they were more human- like
Score = 4
twilght > Beatles + Chopin + Gutenberg’s moveable type press. Do u agree y/n I say y.
Score = 3
Hmm, werttrew backlash?
Score = 1
:/
Score = 0
Fact: Bogus Journey > Excellent Adventure.
Score = -9
You straight trippin!
Score = 8
This trailer lacked the amount of sparkling and papercuts I would have liked to see.
Score = 6
Teenagers killing themselves over ill-fated love. I think Shakespeare wrote something like that. But he never wrote anything like this: "He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare."
Or this: "He was both dazzling and dazzled."
Actual lines from the Twilight books.
Score = 28
Or this:
NOVEMBER
(blank page)
DECEMBER
(blank page)
JANUARY
(blank page)
If only Shakespeare had lived longer, maybe he could have achieved this level of brilliance.
Score = 15
I actually liked that part.. I think it's better than starting a new chapter with: 3 months later...
Score = 1
Another good quote from the Twilight books is when Meyer pens homage to Shakespeare by taking up 10 pages of Bella saying "good night. good night. good night. good night. good night..." I think she says it a thousand times.
Good filler.
Score = 2
Stephanie Meyers is definitely Professor Adjective Thesaurus, Chair of the Department of Hackneyed Literary Allusions.
:/
Score = 5
I didn't realize that every single fucking guy in the twilight world is completely ripped and is always shirtless.
Didn't they actually force that kid who plays the werewolf to get jacked or else he was out of a job? What kind of horse shit is that?
WEREWOLVES BENCH 350 AND DO SQUAT-THRUSTS CONSTANTLY. IT'S WEREWOLF LAW, ASSHOLE
Score = 18
You don't get Mormon points for being abstinent unless you face a constant barrage of shirtless, sweaty, mythical man-monsters and are still able to WAIT.
Score = 16
all we need is the vampires to have a breakdance fight to the finish and i think we got a movie people...
Score = 7
As far as the trailers shown last night go..
Where the Wild Things Are Trailer > New Moon Trailer
Score = 3
I'm more amazed that Gabe managed to get all the way through to the fourth season of the o.c.
Score = 10
I don't think lots of people agree with Bella when she yells "Edward NOOOO" when he's taking his shirt of... :)
Also.. was there a fight in the book? I can't remember...
Score = 0
My hands are making a heart shape and I am lifting them into the air for this trailer! Love it!!!!
Score = 4
in the TWILIGHT WORLD vampires can go in the sun, they just ~sparkle~ and ~dazzle~ you with their vampire-skin (aka: look extremely sweaty).
Also, let's discuss Robert Pattinson's painted-on abs and how he looks like a war victim in this trailer. I mean, OMG OMG OMG HE'S SO DREAMY!!!!!
Score = 1
woah, Twilight just got dark! like Harry Potter dark!
Score = 3
I am writing a thesis on how vampires are only cool when Blade kills them. MLA format.
Score = 7
What is the vampire-killing MLA format? I mean, it is brutal, with its minute attention to detail, but I didn't think it was deadly.
Score = 4
I really enjoy Gabe's Twilight rants.
Mostly because he loves Twilight.
Like, he hits things kind of exactly on the head, pop culturally speaking (OC Cage fighting!), and then ends it with "WHATEVER I'M 112, I DON'T KNOW" like that throws us off his scent. (Dear Gabe, Sorry I'm talking about you like you're not here. But your Alzheimer's probably keeps you from caring.)
Score = 15
The sad thing is that conversations with my bosses' teenage daughter confirm that teens think the Twilight movies are not awful enough. They should be more like the books! Whereas when I saw the first one I couldn't believe that they had essentially taken out all the very stupidest stuff and were still left with a very stupid movie.
Score = 1
At first I thought it was ridiculous for Bella to be an adrenaline junkie and do zany things like ride her moped off the side of the road for no reason, but then I realized in this trailer that she can SEE Edward when she does that zany stuff. And instantly I related to her struggle. And like instantly I was like, "So smart."
Score = 10
Does Edward get choked in every movie?
Score = 0
haha i thought that the demon dogs from the beginning of willow were back on the big screen then it just turned out that they're very shitty looking werewolfs..
Score = 2
These trailers are giving me PTSD flashbacks to being 15 and...writhing around/ screaming in bed like a mental patient. Jesus girl, do not scream in bed like that! Your mom is downstairs watching JAY LENO and you just gave her like seven heart attacks!
I miss being 15.
No I don't.
Score = 6
Oh Em Gee. Man, if only Twilight was REAL! I really want it to be REAL LIFE!
No, no – I mean this in the sense that approximately 35 million tweenagers would need to be killed by Dakota Fanning according to Vampire Law for knowing too much. Fact.
Score = 2
Oh Bella, how I wish a huge hole WAS really punched into your chest.
Also, Jacob Lautner sounds like a Smurf.
Score = 0
Are you sure you're wrong about the cage fighting? Because the last half of that trailer was just people taking turns body slamming each other.
Score = 0
I like the "What?" KStew does after that girl tells her Edward thinks she's dead. It's my reaction every time I hear about Twilight.
Score = 0
Only 149 days until that Wereworlf turns 18. Cougars get ready to pouce. *cat sound*
Score = 2
I wonder what will happen when Edward steps into the light?
Score = 4
YES. Thank you, sir. You win.
Score = 0