10 Things That Seem So Stupid Today
No offense to ourselves, but Videogum feels beyond irrelevant today. And you know what, GREAT! If things had turned out differently, we would have relished the opportunity to bury our faces in Ninja Cat videos and the false elevation of trampoline accidents to the status of international news. But today it's just like, um, who cares? Tomorrow I am sure that M Night Shyamalan will say something in an interview about how he thinks that Lady in the Water should be carved into Mount Rushmore somehow and I will be like, "UNACCEPTABLE!" But today just feels overwhelmingly important and generous and soft. The news is dominated by recaps of the two-year race, and I keep getting basically Rick Roll'd into clicking on Obama's acceptance speech on YouTube and all of it leaves me choked up. You guys, this is just really great. Which makes my job decidedly harder.
In the spirit of being honest with ourselves and each other, here are 10 things that seem SO STUPID today. By tomorrow they will regain their position as things of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE, but that's tomorrow.
10. SPANGLISH
I still believe the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time to be a valid and important (OK, not important, but valid) cultural critique, and I stand by everything that I said about Spanglish. That movie is a stupid piece of crap. But we received a comment at 10:40 this morning from a reader named nick that just said SPANGLISH in all caps, and I just thought "Seriously? Even if I hadn't already covered that one, seriously?" Although to be fair, nick is right. SPANGLISH.
9. Mark Wahlberg's feud with Andy Samberg
I know that this is already over and that it was all a publicity stunt for Max Payne anyway, but there's something about Mark Wahlberg's proposed feud with Andy Samberg over what was a middling SNL sketch to begin with that just seems hilarious and outdated. I genuinely believe that what happened yesterday is like the reverse 9/11 not only for the inverse emotional euphoria that it generated, but also for the placemarker it left in our historical record. Like, we live in a post-Obama world now, and for some reason this fake feud feels decidedly pre-Obama.
8. Russell Brand
He got in some trouble last week or something? I don't know. Sorry, Mr. Brand, but I just really feel like it's important to focus on America today. We've had some really exciting news. Good luck with your podcast, though?
7. Soulja Boy's instructional video on how to do the "Bird Walk"
Last night a friend said that they didn't understand how a black person could NOT vote for Obama and I explained that I found that to be a dangerous argument. Black people and also all people should vote for the candidate they feel is most suited and qualified for the office, regardless of race, and to further demonstrate the importance of this political philosophy I explained that if Sarah Palin had been at the top of the Republican ticket this friend would not have voted for her just to have the first female president. I don't know exactly what that has to do with this video, but for as much as Soulja Boy is terrible at what he does today it's just like, OK, whatever, do your silly dance silly man.
6. Fringe
Fringe has been pre-empted for the past three weeks but now it's just like how about we pre-empt it for all the weeks.
5. The End Fake Rap Movement
OK, this will definitely not seem as stupid tomorrow, because ending fake rap is important for our country. But today it seems like a silly thing to be mad about. Because, you know, yes, we are losing the battle against fake rap, but we are winning some other pretty great battles, right guys? Besides, when Obama said last night that we might not get there in a year or even in one term but that we will get there eventually as a people, I'm sure he was talking about ending fake rap. (He was not talking about fake rap.)
4. Lil Bill O'Reilly
While I recognize that within a very short time, the aftershocks of Obama's win could result in heightened levels of fractious polarization and probably a renewed, and energetic strain of racism, for the moment, for today, doesn't it feel nice to just pretend like these people don't even exist, and that even impersonations don't have any resonance or even make any sense because how can you impersonate a ghost of politics past?
3. My open letter against Jay Mohr
Sorry, Jay Mohr. You're still the worst, but on today of all days I feel like we should all just embrace each other and put down our grievances. Stop doing TV shows, though, please, seriously! Whoops. Sorry. Muscle memory.
2. Sarah Palin impersonations
Goodbye. The end.
1. Heidi and Spencer
Even if they weren't total McCainiacs, which by the way it is crazy how old news that already feels, like Joe the Plumber? Good luck on your record deal, Blip. But even if they weren't politically representative of a failed ideology that was decisively turned down yesterday, it is just impossible to give a FUCK about these two GARBAGE CLOWNS today. Even on a normal day it's tough, but today it's just like Sorry, some of us have better things to do, like remembering that we can all do a lot better.
Posted by Gabe at 12:32 PM in The Ultimate Argument Settler
Tags: Election 2008
A big fist bumb to everthing you wrote.
Today life is wonderful and filled with hope, tomorrow may be a different story, but for today lets all just bask in the sun for a while, OK? Who's with me?
Gabe, you've just earned that puppy!
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"... Freedom
Is a strong seed
Planted
In a great need.
I live here, too.
I want freedom
Just as you."
- Langston Hughes
Today America wins.
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what happened to the number 4, Gabe?
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Spanglish festers. Elizabethtown is egregious, but Spanglish is a bad taste in your mouth that won't go the hell away.
And I love how Spencer and Heidi were able to boil their political ideals down to such bitchin' ephemera. That is totally how people need to express their complex political views, in t-shirt, beer, old book and weapon form.
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I feel really bad disturbing your day of glee, everyone, but I've got something insane to say! I've kept it inside for three months!
Obama isn't as great as y'all think he is, I don't think.
His health care plan wasn't as good as Hillary Clinton's (although some health care is definitely better than none, and also Hillary Clinton has got problems too), he doesn't support gay marriage, he promotes off shore drilling, and his timetable for Iraq is unclear. I don't feel as if I'm cherrypicking insignificant issues, these all seem pretty major, and they don't seem like change.
THAT BEING SAID, he is better than McCain, but not by much (at least before Palin came ), and I can understand why no one supported Nader, who has better ideas (because he's a crazy, narcissistic douche).
I guess my point is, I'm very confused why he is being deemed extraordinary? I agree that it is historic that an African-American became president, and one can't deny that Obama has passion, but I don't think he will seriously deviate from the path the Democrats have been on forever. Maybe I'm spoiled here in Canada, where the Conservative Party is further left than Obama?
Whatever, I hope no one takes this as a 'Fleet Foxes suck' (they're great). Also, I recognize that this blog is is meant for laughing at goofy videos, and is not a political forum, so sorry about that. Please someone, say I'm wrong about this.
-100 votes down!
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I don't think that you're "wrong," per se, blinky, but it's condescending to think that Americans aren't aware of the limitations of modern politics and the difficulty of the challenges facing the new President. That being said, even from the proximity of Canada you probably can't fully appreciate the euphoric feeling not only of the Bush era ending, but of it giving way to this charismatic, youthful, INTELLIGENT politician. And for as limited as you might think his policies or his realistic ambitions must be due to the constraints of Washington D.C., there's also something to be said for the possibilities when there is this sense of unified and uplifted purpose in the air. His win of the Presidency doesn't just change the tone of the oval office, but has, as newspapers around the world can attest, changed the tone GLOBALLY both as it relates to America's image and in the promise of achievement and the noble goal, however lofty or long term, of producing real change.
Yes, Obama is obviously a very talented politician who follows many of the rules and conservative inhibitions of any politician. But to say that he's not much better than McCain is ridiculous and short-sighted. And while I agree with you that some of his proposals may fall a bit short of Hillary Clinton's proposals, a) she did not win the nomination so it's beside the point, and b) as every President has always shown, what they propose on the campaign trail in order to prove themselves electable doesn't always (ever?) match up with what they propose once they've reached the office, which in general is seen as a negative, but let's enjoy today's generous naivete and wonder if he might not move even further left on some of these issues now that he no longer has to pander to a wary and distrustful electorate.
I guess what I'm saying is that you're not necessarily wrong on some of the specifics (except for the McCain specific, on which you are very very wrong), which remain to be seen, but as far as the larger picture is concerned, I think you're missing out on the most important thing. Belief is huge. Sometimes it is everything.
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AGREESIES
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You're right. I guess today's not the day to have finally finished the Wire?
Also, your last paragraph was so sweet! I'm definitely feeling more optomistic right now.
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*optimistic
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what gabe said.
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