Duh Aficionado Magazine: 2012 Is Not A Documentary
Did you know that the world will not end in a fiery (and also watery. And also snowy?) Apocalpyse that can only be outrun via limousine in the year 2012? Of course you did. Because everyone knows that. Right? Not according to the genius bars over at NASA. From Reuters:
The world is not coming to an end on December 21, 2012, the US space agency insisted Monday in a rare campaign to dispel widespread rumors fuelled by the Internet and a new Hollywood movie.The doomsday scenario revolves claims that the end of time will come as an obscure Planet X -- or Nibiru -- heads toward or collides into Earth.
The mysterious planet was supposedly discovered by the Sumerians, according to claims by pseudo-scientists, paranormal activity enthusiasts and Internet theorists.
Some websites accuse NASA of concealing the truth on the wayward planet's existence, but the US space agency denounced such stories as an "Internet hoax."
"There is no factual basis for these claims," NASA said in a question-and-answer posting on its website.
If such a collision were real "astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye," it added. "Obviously, it does not exist."
"Credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012," NASA insisted.
Wait, NASA is literally responding to trolls now. "We'd love to go to space, but our feelings were hurt by anonymous commenters!" The world is literally going to hell in an on-line message board. I hope the government-built rescue A.R.K.S are well-stocked with BRAWNDO!
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in The New Sadness
Tags: 2012 | Apocalypse | Idiocracy | NASA
Um if the world is NOT facing an apocalpyse, you so called "scientists," how else do you explain a Sheneneh and Wanda movie? Think before you talk and make yourselves look silly, NASA!
Score = 34
I'd like to take this opprotunity to say that werttrew is my favorite videogum commenter....
OH MY GOD!!! Dare we play favorite commenter?!?!?!
Score = 8
I DUNNO after THAT LAST post with THE gag(a) AND THAT other shit ABOUT DUNHAM and MACFARLANE MAYBE WE should all be PULLING THAT this shit is GOING TO be a pre-DOCUMENTABLE DOCUMENTARY.
Score = 14
At the end of the day, all this Doomsday 2012 prediction makes me feel not so bad about the cancer diagnosis
Score = 8
By the way, Nibiru was the Planet that is now>/strong> the Asteroid belt in our solar system between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter. It aint comin back any time soon, if ya nahamean...
Score = 0
GAHHHHHHHd damn I should check my work
Score = 1
that's a lotta emphasis
Score = 0
I am stuck on deciding if my new career will be Internet Theorist or Paranormal Activity Enthusiast. Pseudo-scientist is right out.
Score = 6
I'm going to continue to live each week like it's Shark Week, just in case.
Score = 34
NASA's been talking shit about Mayans since 1958. It has no credibility on this issue.
So when is the world going to end? These space cadets can't just tell us when it's not going to end without providing an alternative.
Score = 17
What if nibiru is just hiding behind them when they use their telescope? They're all going to feel like such idiots when they're dead.
Score = 19
You tell me this NOW? After I just ate an entire carton of Ben & Jerry's and tackled Eddie Vedder, and then ran naked around Time Square singing "It's The End Of THe World As We Know It"?? The world better be fucking ending.
Score = 18
Whoa that is so weird. If the next item involved an adult-size Big Wheels and the tallest hill in San Francisco, we have the EXACT SAME bucket list.
Score = 13
I should clarify that I tackled Eddie Vedder out of love, not hate. I will always love that beardy, beardy man.
Score = 8
Both of you need to eat the ice cream last, though! Unless you're sure armageddon will get to you before a wicked stomach ache does. Just sayin'!
Score = 4
"Despite reznick37's claims to the contrary on Anderson Cooper's recent Fort Hood Memorial blog post, Mr. Cooper is not 'queen PeNiSfAcE' and has never 'mad gay pron w/ gay homoz 4 cash 4 blow.' CNN regrets the error."
Score = 33
Between the Mayans, pseudo-scientists, paranormal activity enthusiasts and internet theorists, I just don't know who to believe any more. I'd be interested to know each group's individual stance on WWE wrestling; because I know that shit's real.
Score = 5
as @eugenemirman said, never believe anything you read in a mayan calendar.
Score = 6
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
In 2012.
Score = 13
NASA's definitely hiding something!
One of the greatest minds of the past 20 years already discovered a particularly devastating doomsday equation that seems to lend major credibility to the imminent threat of Nibiru.
I believe the equation was 6 + 5 = 6 ?
I think we're in big trouble here, you guys.
Score = 11
Score = 3
I worked with a woman who believed all this junk. She gave me a 20 minute lecture about ancient Sumerian mythology and planet x and nibiru. She's also convinced there is a civilization on Mars based on photos from the Mars Rover of rocks with flat sides. Those crazy Martians and their compulsive rock cutting tendencies.
Score = 5
Dear Kathleen11: Remember that amazing Italian music video you posted a few weeks back? Apropos of nothing:
Score = 21
Those are just WONDERFUL
Score = 3
the second one looks like some kind of sexy version of ASL.
Score = 3
OMG those are amazing!! LOL
I tried to make gifs out of that video but it seemed to be too much for the site to handle. This makes me want to chicken dance across the stage. Well done!
Score = 2
No factual basis? Tell that to everything I've ever watched on the History Channel at 3am. Also, I am drunk at the time.
Score = 12
Also, now.
Score = 11
Why does NASA keep dodging my questions about The Carter documentary? Conspiracy.
Score = 5
Clearly the top brass at NASA is comprised of Lizard People operating on orders from their leader, the President. Is Obama a Hybrid? It is very possible.
And I'm starting to suspect that Gabe, with his constant denial of the impending cataclysmic events of 2012, is among our Shadow Lizard Overlords. Wake, up sheeple!
Score = 4
Okay, I need to post this paragraph from the link, because it is sooo good:
"Hardware: Is Obama a hybrid? It is very possible. Most hybrids are
created by mixing DNA from the Gray aliens (who work for the Reptoids)
with human DNA. It gives the hybrids greater telepathic capability and
allows the Grays and Reptoids to better control and communicate with
them. The first series of hybrids bred by the Grays over the last
twenty years or so had inordinately large heads and large eyes, and
wispy flyaway hair on their heads and they were short. This was
reported many times by abductees who saw them on the ships. The
abductees were pretty much creeped out by them. The second generation
of hybrids had been bred to look more like us. Recently abductees have
seen nearly normal looking teenage hybrids on the ships doing work
alongside the Grays. Their heads are just a little bigger than normal
and they can pass for human. If you look at Barack Obama and his
mother, their heads look slightly bigger than normal, AND, their heads
are light-bulb shaped, resembling the Gray aliens."
Score = 6
I am so sorry for that.
Score = 1
I knew "V' was a documentary!
Score = 0
This is almost as hilarious/sad as that clip Jon Stewart showed on his show where some guy on C-N-freaking-N was blasting SNL for being inaccurate on one of their political skits.
I kid you not! hilarious!/sad!
Score = 2
What a relief!
Score = 2
so i guess i'll have to kill MYSELF then.
Score = 2
I'm sorry, this really pisses me off. NASA posts an answer in their FAQ to what is probably the most frequently asked question they ever had. By idiots, sure, but still, they're taxpayers, and as such are responsible for NASA's usually astronomical budget. Not to mention that if we didn't have NASA, nobody would be able to counter the idiots with actual facts and science.
But then some moron in the "news" media decides to randomly type "2012" into the NASA site search function, and whatever comes out, THAT'S NEWS, because either NASA irresponsibly fails to even mention 2012, or NASA takes 2012 seriously, OMG! And everybody is like OMG! That is so something we suddenly care about!
What I'm saying is, can we please for once shoot the messenger? He's just screaming random buzzwords at us right now to get our attention.
Score = 1
after calming the masses, nasa scientists went back to feverishly work on their space elevator
Score = 0