The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: You Will Miss Me When I Burn
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
Nothing ends. The cycle continues. And the circle is unbroken. So here we stand, once more at the precipice of an enormous crossroads, looking down the ash-covered highway, our hands gripping tightly to the cold push-bar of our shopping cart, wondering if there even is a coast. What round is this anyway? It is no longer possible to tell. The numbers stretch out like the blood-stained path of history. We simply walk down it, because there is nothing else to do. "Do we carry the fire?" the boy asks. "Shut up," the man says. "Just shut up."
Last time I was chastised for complaining about this self-imposed, Saw-like "game" (as if I could even cut my own foot off if I wanted to. What good would that do? Now I have to watch Hope Floats with one foot? No thanks). Well, chastise THIS! Don't you think I'd rather be out there watching Fantastic Mr. Fox all day long? I love joy and wonder just as much as the next 57-year-old adult man. But here I am, curled up in the corner, making New Rules about how many Nicolas Cage movies can be allowed into the Hunt at any given time, for safety reasons (I don't know what's wrong, doctor, my eyes are just all, like, poked out or something, as if someone jabbed a knife into them a bunch of times).
In any case, the new round of nominees is after the jump.
- Hope Floats
- Blindness
- The 6th Day
- The Notebook
- City of Angels
- Domino
- Serendipity
- Armageddon
- Wild Hogs
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- Envy
- Down To You
- Chasing Amy
- Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Perfect. It's just like that new show Flash Forward. That's the show where people catch a glimpse of their future and then run themselves a warm bath and spend the next few hours wondering where they went wrong, right?
And, of course, the Official Rules:
- It cannot be intentionally horrible.
- It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No "outsider art.")
- It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
- It has to have had a theatrical release.
- It must be available on Netflix.
- No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
- No musicals.
- No Robin Williams movies (Note: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
- Only one Nicolas Cage movie per "round."
- No children's movies.
- Gabe is the boss.
Wait a second. If I am the boss, maybe I could fire myself. Then I could go watch good movies at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce Delahaye! THIS IS NOT A TIME MACHINE, IT IS A CAROUSEL!
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time
It doesn't matter how many feet you remove, Gabe. Hope Floats will still hurt worse. GODSPEED, DELAHAYE!
Score = 15
On second thought, this doesn't make sense. For wasting everyone's comment reading time, I sentence myself to one watching of Hope Floats. Why do I do this to myself? (Also, YAY for Envy. I walked out of that movie on the verge of angerbarf.)
Score = 7
Finally! I have been rooting/not rooting for Envy since...a really long time!
Score = 1
When watching The Notebook, please pay special attention to how it is insulting to anyone who has a family member suffering from Alzheimer's disease. It would have been just another meh gushy contrived love story had I not felt that it was FLIPPING MY GRANDMOTHER THE BIRD.
Score = 22
seconded. everyone thought it was so romantic and I was like, yeah, if only my grandma could magically remember her life for 20 minutes a day after we read from her special journal to her! because alzheimer's is like an enchanted disney spell. fuck you the notebook.
Score = 9
And they LIED TO HER. "Who are we? Oh, we're just some random people stopping by. Nope, we're not your children and grandchildren and husband coming to visit you because you're loved. Nope. We're strangers."
That is not something that real people do.
Score = 7
i totally hear what you guys are saying, and agree with you, and yet i love this movie for what it truly is - a voyeuristic vehicle into ryan gosling and rachel mcadams' hot hot relationship. i will gladly fast forward over the alzheimers stuff to get my fixins.
downvote honesty if you must, monsters.
Score = 4
I thought "Down To You" was a typo, and I Googled it to make sure.
The Wikipedia page for it has such gems as "It was directed by Kris Isacsson. The main characters are Alfred 'Al' Connelly (played by Freddie Prinze, Jr.) and Imogen (Julia Stiles), Cyrus (Selma Blair)." and "The movie is available on DVD."
If that little effort was put into the Wikipedia page, I can only imagine how little was put into the movie. Gabe, I just want you to know that I'm praying for you.
Score = 15
i have seen this movie on saturday afternoon television several times. maybe 3. and i for the life of me cannot remember a single thing about it.
Score = 1
I've seen it and remember it well. I was in middle school/high school and even then I thought it was horrible. And like most teens, my standards were very low! Gabe, you are going to hate it. This and Serendipity because YIKES that movie.
Score = 2
Really? I thought it was super romantic at twelve. If this is the movie where Freddie Prince ingests shampoo (spoiler?) and Henry Wrinkler is his cooking show dad, then let the torture begin! Because I'm sure I'm sure...
Also, speaking for the bad-rom taste of preteenish year old me, Sweet November!
Score = 0
by the way i was going through icons & forgot i got giddy over the science of sleep clouds that someone had so if this looks familiar, sorry. ):
Score = 0
Nick & Norah's infinite barffest will be the be all end all of this.
Score = 10
I don't know, I think any movie that ends with a climatic fingerbang deserves a lot of praise.
Spoilers.
Score = 28
Wow. Climactic fingerbang? Really? Now I need to see this.
Score = 7
Also, my Midwestern, conservative parents really wanted to see Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist, but when they got to the theater, neither of them could remember the title. They ended up buying tickets to Zack & Miri Make a Porno and spent the next few days wondering how so much assplay could make it into a PG-13 romantic comedy.
Score = 41
I saw that movie with an ex-girlfriend who 2 hours prior had broken up with me. The kicker: I bought her ticket, and the $4 water bottle out of the vending machine. Kill this movie.
Score = 0
As bad as that movie was, Devendra Banhart's cameo completely redeemed that movie for me.
Score = 2
Nick and Norah will get especially caustic scorn because it's more or less about New York and New Yorkers hate movies about New York (unless they're, you know, not really "about" New York).
Anyway, maybe I'm a sucker for romantic comedies geared toward 12-year-old hipsters, but I liked it. There, I've demeaned myself too.
Score = 5
Don't sweat it. Nick & Norah is objectively worthy of WMOAT and it WAS terrible but I still enjoyed it too. It could just be nostalgia from my time living in NYC and the "Hey I've bought Moby Tea in that bodega! I used to walk past there on my way home!" Also you're right about New Yorkers hating NYC movies. It's too bad. But wutchagonnado? human nature, perineum, etc.
As much as Ilike Michael Cera he really needs to do other stuff. I am really psyched for the Scott Pilgrim movie except for the fact that MC is going to play SP. It's too obvious of a choice and I'm afraid he'll make Scott too much of a pussy. I'm trusting Edgar Wright and Scott Lee O'Malley to keep things right. Fingers crossed!!!!
Score = 0
DAMMIT, GABE! How many times will I have to nominate Music From Another Room??? Are you ignoring this nomination because of some new and tacit No-Jude-Law rule? Because that totally makes sense.
Score = 11
And what about ignoring Art School Confidential? I bet they're his favorite movies!
Score = 5
It is becoming increasingly obvious that I just love way too many horrific movies. (also, Jude Law) I may have TWTIMOAT (The Worst Taste In Movies Of All Time), but that will not make me stop watching The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, or Music from another Room or a rather terrifying number of the movies listed in other people's recommendations.
Mind you, i'm not saying these movies aren't bad. They probably aren't *the* worst, but they are none of them the best, that's for damn sure.
Score = 0
Thank you to whoever nominated Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was the straw that broke the Cera's back. If I may reiterate my nominations: 50 Cent's Get Rich or Die Tryin' and Twilight. You need to see Twilight Gabe. How were you able to follow the complex story of New Moon without it?
Score = -2
http://videogum.com/archives/bonus_features/twilight_a_primer_for_adults_101261.html
Score = 10
Has anyone nominated Australia yet? If not, I nominate Australia.
Kids sing you to me the darndest things.
Score = 13
I did at some point. That movie was painful.
Score = 2
"Kids sing you to me the darndest things."
Sounds a little like August Rush with more Hugh Jackman peepee ('cause that's what kids say). And I finally got around to August Rush over Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law gave it "3 thumbs up!" Coincidentally, that was the square root of the number of times I barfed while watching it. Hooray for holiday family movie selections!
Score = 3
The moral here being, never let three-thumbed relatives recommend movies.
Score = 13
Since HBO started showing that movie I've seen it about 15.8 times. Because Hugh Jackman.
Score = 0
When referring to "Crossroads", is it the Britney Spears one or the 1986 film where the Karate Kid has guitar duel against the devil and his associates?
Score = 12
Obviously it's the Britney one bc the Ralph Macchio one is AWESOME.
Score = 7
I think the Raplh Maccio one was probably the best aroooouuuund!
Score = 6
I was so excited to sing that I horribly mangled the spelling of Ralph Macchio's name. :[ I apologize to all.
Score = 1
Isn't Steve Vai the devil?
Epic nonetheless.
Score = 3
Has Love, Actually been tossed into consideration yet? That the Prime Minister of England would risk the country's relationship with the U.S. simply because the POTUS hit on the Prime Minister's secretary and then run around an London neighborhood with no security, only to interrupt a school play to profess his love to his now former secretary iis the most ludicrous storyline (of like 5 or 6 that run through this movie alone) this side of August Rush.
Score = -8
Too much of that movie is a self-parody... something I don't think ripoffs like He's Just Not That Into You (future HUNT candidate?) and the dreadful-looking Valentine's Day understand. But seriously, He's Just Not That Into You is infinitely (playlist-ily)worse.
Score = 3
HJNTIY is a study in how bad they can make super famous beautiful people look. everyone looks horrible and their hair looks like real people bed head instead of perfect, frizz free coifs. i have very low standards for chick flicks, and they amount to the female lead having an aspirational hairstyle. women be shoppin (for haircuts)
Score = 2
Lot of support for Love, Actually out there.
Score = 5
"The Black Widow," starring Willem Defoe. Just watched it; HOO BOY.
Score = 4
Are you really going to make me defend Benjamin Button, monsters? Really? Fine, then. I disagree with its placement on this list. Overhyped, yes. Overwrought, god yes. A remake of Forrest Gump, yes. But it was a total upgrade as far as I was concerned, and it had some fantastic mr. performances.
Score = 13
My 13 yr old nephew chose this film for our viewing over the holidays last year. I do not know what he was expecting, but he spent much of the movie squirming in his seat with bursts of irritation and indignation about the 'romance.' Maybe he was expecting elf porn.
Score = 1
oooo, i will argue against benjamin button to the DEATH. and mostly because of the completely gratuitous hurricane katrina subplot they decided was appropriate. except it wasn't. and the timeline was wrong. it was just vaguely exploitative.
Score = 0
!!
Score = 0
okay, so this was for Josh Twilight needs, but okay!
Score = 2
ARG Chasing Amy is the BANE of my EXISTENCE. Nothing about that movie makes sense! And it's TRICKED people into thinking it's good!! HOW??? I cant wait for the dissection!
Score = 2
The worst thing (amongst many) about "Chasing Amy" is the fact that Kevin Smith made it as a tribute to his older brother, who is gay, because apparently he was bummed out that homosexuals were underrepresented on the silver screen. So, naturally, Kevin Smith's response to his brother's lament was to make a film in which Ben Affleck cures a gay woman of her pesky homosexuality by giving her a hot beef injection. KEVIN SMITH IS THE HARVEY MILK OF DICK AND FART JOKEZ BASICALLY.
Score = 6
Agreed, wholeheartedly. I fucking hate Chasing Amy as a woman and as a gay, but I hate it the most for making me say that.
I do love Jason Lee, though.
Score = 2
I will cling to "Life As A House" and "Into The Wild" as two of the most abysmal theatrical releases I have ever had to endure in the last...I dunno. I may even watch them again just to strengthen that grip. (I will not)
Score = 1
I suspect that Napoleon Complex downvoted you. Because Eddie Vedder.
Score = 5
It was actually already downvoted when I got to it. But, believe you me I downvoted the HELL out of it myself. Because Eddie Vedder.
Eddie Vedder Bear says "Into The Wild is a good movie!"
Score = 18
Is the Bear a cubs fan too?
Go cubs!
Score = -1
I finally understand your avatar.
Score = -2
Eddie Vedder is enough for you to overlook the embarrassing atrocity exhibition of "Into The Wild"? It was a bad film. Bad, bad film. Score it with Matchbox 20 or Coldplay and you'd agree with me.
Score = 1
Regardless of the Eddie involvement, I actually thought it was a good movie. Even if he had nothing to do with it, I would have thought it was good. What's your beef with it?
Score = 1
I can not wait for The Notebook. This is going to be fun.
Score = 8
Obsessed... and/or Spread.
Score = 0
Obsessed violates rule #1!
Score = 1
Obsessed violates rule #1!
Score = -1
Page will not load, my ass.
Score = 18
you think so? but its got Yonce and Stringer in it, dude. and jerry o'connell= it HAS to be taken seriously as a terrible movie.
Score = 0
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist isn't the worst movie of all time, it is the worst everything of all time.
Score = 11
I don't know how to feel about Hope Floats. My only experience with it was attending a church service where we watched this video about divorce that was essentially comprised of clips of sad Mae Whitman. It made me totally :(
Score = 0
Running With Scissors's awfulness survives another round.
Score = 15
How have we let this happen?? I have never wanted to throw my remote through my TV more than when I watched this movie.
Score = 1
I saw this peepee-mess on a flight to Australia and it made me try to jump out of the plane but they keep those doors sealed up pretty well.
Score = 0
I guess I understand why you are putting off Nick of Time so long...I mean as soon as you watch Nick of Time this whole experiment comes to a screeching halt because of how Nick of Time is the WINNER and after all Videgoum is about putting eButts in the Interseats week after week.
Score = 5
I disagree with the inclusion of "Envy." It's stupid, yes, but harmless. By no means even close to TWMOAT.
Score = 0
I beg to differ! Envy is harmful for anyone who likes funny comedies, comprehensible plot lines, talented comedic actors, Rachel Weisz, horses, movies without incessant close-ups of dog poo, good graphics, or flan. I am quite pleased that it is on the Hunt! My and that other guy Sontabile's efforts have paid off! Virtual high-five, Sontabile! WE DID IT!
Score = 7
This is going to be a great round. I think you'll find lots of surprises, Gabe. I also am excited to start my new project: inserting one truly amazing animated gif from Coyote Ugly in the 14 upcoming sets of comments. It will get epic.
Score = 5
6th DAY?! That's perfectly decent and amsuing surely. The Arnie film yes?
Score = 2
6th Day is pretty good! I mean, it's just entertainment, astride that fine line between clever and dumb. You might as well hate Total Recall (can't do it) or Paycheck (okay, quite possible) or -- or America! To me, what's worse is stuff that isn't aware how dumb it is, and might even be thinking it's super-duper smart and deep-feeling-full (like NELL. NELL!!!! NNNNNNELLLLLLLLLL GABE!!!!)
Of course, Gabe is the boss.
Score = 1
"Armageddon" will be fun, but "Nick and Norah's Infinite Movie of Pointless Aggravatingly Awkward Scenes That Makes One Seriously Contemplate Ripping Their Eyes Out Mainly Because They Inexplicably Had High Expectations For Some Dumb Reason" will be way more fun.
Score = 5
i live my life in fear that the scott pilgrim movie will turn out to be nick and nora part 2
Score = 0
I also think "Down to You" is at least a shoo-in for WTOAT (Worst Title of All Time)
Score = 4
Isn't Wild Hogs a children's movie?
Score = 4
That depends on your definition of "children".
Score = 20
I don't remember it having a theatrical release, but according to IMDb it has one! Harsh Times. It was so hard to watch without laughing and feeling heartless after, but yet still continuing to laugh. I worked at Blockbuster and customers seemed to agree with me on this one, although their judgment is bad, I'll take it!
Score = 2
Has anyone even nominated Sweet November? That is the worst movie. Period.
Score = 6
I second this!
And also nominate "The Virgin Suicides"
Score = -15
Okay let's make this happen people.
Score = 1
I have!
The plot words on imdb say it all, really:
Advertising | Terminal Illness | Hot Dog
Score = 4
Bahaha! I love it. Hot Dog. Awesome. I'd really like to see this movie get the Gabe treatment. Next week let's try and get higher on the comments so he'll see it. Break on 5......
Score = 1
When I read "Wild Hogs," I thought, "Wait, isn't that movie still in theaters?" Then I realized that movie is called "Old Dogs," but, let's be honest, t it is basically "Wild Hogs." Wait, which one is in theaters again? SOMEBODY END THE WORLD!
Score = 22
The Love Guru.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.
Score = 1
Good call on the Cage Rule.
Score = 3
you guys, please, would someone else see miami vice? i feel like if people saw it, they would know it was the worst and we could build some momentum on it, you know? the only thing keeping it from the contest is that i am the only person who saw it. in my defense, i enjoy michael mann projects sometimes and was in love with don johnson when i was 8.
Score = 1
Really? Hm. Just this weekend, I bought the Miami Vice DVD for $3 but didn't watch it yet. Um, I guess it could be a bad sign that I was able to buy it for $3... But that Michael Mann kid shows promise! I will watch it for you, ci-cool. And then we will be friends... or deadly foes.
Score = 4
I like Michael Mann too, but you are correct, that movie was godawful. How many extended blue-tinged shots of a mustached Colin Farrell driving a speed boat across the coast of Miami and looking longingly out at eternity does a moviegoer need? Answer: BANG! Dead.
Score = 1
"I'm a fiend for mojitos."
-Colin F. as Sonny C.
WMOAT!
Score = 1
Oh, ci-cool, now I have watched Miami Vice, late last night, assisted by half a bottle of wine, and I can honestly say this: WMOAT? Pshaw! Hardly! It was even good, if your idea of good is 2.5 hours of policework by thinly developed characters in boats. If that is NOT your idea of good, then it was still okay! It lacked the electric blue & peach threads of the TV show, and spent less time on lingering shots of the fabulous architecture that coke-smuggling can buy -- okay, in fact, it had very little to do with the TV show. But imagine this movie was called, say, Heat 2: Drug Busters! or something, and I think you'd be on board. Not bad at all!
Does this make us enemies?
Score = -2
we aren't enemies! i am just sorry for your eyes and brain, because you are probably filling them with stuff that sucks because maybe you're not good at telling the difference?
the "romance" between colin farrell and gong li? barf-in-your-mouth gross and chemistry-less and ridiculous! colin farrell's face/hair/costumes? ridiculous! jaime foxx and colin farrell's lack of chemistry? ridiculous! the pacing for that movie, which turns what is supposed to be an action drama into a slow, boring slog through poorly lit night scenes? ridiculous! the whole movie was garbage!
but we are not enemies. i'm all about the love.
Score = 0
We used to use the term Hope Floats as a verb...
To Hope Float someone is to tell them that a bad movie is surprisingly good and that they must watch it, thereby revoking any recommendation rights in your circle of friends.
We have put a freeze on "hope floating" ever since Gabe banned pranks, subject to review.
Score = 5
upvoted for the avatar mainly, but also the comment
Score = 0
I will nominate these movies until at least one of them makes it, because God they are awful!
Wild Wild West
Eyes Wide Shut
Monster's Ball
Milk
Mullholland Falls
Nine (the animated movie)
A Knight's Tale
Good job on That Benjamin Button's Shit! That movie is top five, easy.
Score = -27
I wanna downvote you so hard for not only putting Eyes Wide Shut on the same list as Wild Wild West, but for placing them right next to each other.
Score = 6
Yeah, show WWW some respect!
Score = 15
Giant Spider in the Third Act
Score = 4
Man... I genuinely love two of those films, and even surprisingly enjoyed two others, but the rest are shit. A+!
Score = 0
Ooh, City of Angels is gonna be good. "Hey, is this gorgeous German art-film a little too precious and self-satisfied for you? Then how about we swap out Bruno Ganz for Nic Cage and Nick Cave for the Goo Goo Dolls, NOW how is it? Great!"
Score = 14
And I also think Dennis Franz wore a Hawaiian shirt.
Score = 1
Man this round has one movie I adore, some I shrug at and only a handful of genuinely crap ones. Pick better next time. Like AMERICAN DREAMZ
Score = -3
Yay for picking Domino! Boo to picking The Notebook! I'm a girl!
Score = 1
I'm gonna second Eyes Wide Shut, Running with Scissors, and Love Actually. Not so much because I think they're WMOAT (I almost like RWS in a weird, super-conflicted way), but because each of them is so uniquely perfect for a Gabe evisceration. Thumbs up to Domino, though (as an entry in the Hunt, not as a movie).
Score = -2
Okay, I can understand someone not particularly caring for Eyes Wide Shut. I can even understand how one would hate it. But to hate it so much that you consider it one of the worst movies ever made fucking confounds me.
I don't have time to get into the orgy of reasons* why EWS is so great (i.e. the pinpoint study of gender-roles and their relation to the cultural and power elite, the blunt exploration of marital distrust and jealousy, source lighting so amazing that it amplifies the dreamlike nature of the tone, the genuine dread that grows with each scene, etc.), but IMHO it's one of the most underrated films of all time.
I think the marketing killed it. It was essentially sold as a porno you could watch with your partner and still feel "cultural". Instead they saw a deeply unsettling, bizarre sexual dreamscape and a carefully nuanced study of modern power and male insecurity. People's fears about relationships were distorted with an almost numbing directness, and all they wanted was to see Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman fuck.
*sorry
Score = 7
I want to upvote you so many times so hard for this.
Score = 0
Yes yes yes, that is a great movie.
Score = -1
It's not that I was misled by the marketing. It's not that I was disappointed because all I wanted was to see Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman fuck (I did not want that). It's not that my fears about relationships were distorted with an almost numbing directness, because I don't even know what that means. It's that Eyes Wide Shut is a ponderous, horribly acted piece of shit.
Score = 6
I nominated movies like Eyes Wide Shut and Monster's Ball because I think they represent what is essentially the whole point of the Hunt: movies that had high ambitions, great movie-makers, phenomenal production values, and still managed to suck. Eyes Wide Shut is hampered by Stanley Kubrick's NEARLY THREE HOUR masturbatory salute to his own genius. Instead of containing all the fantastic qualities you mention above, it is instead a 159 minute, leaden-paced, pretentious allegory. Just what I need in a movie - an extended metaphor on marriage. Joy. While I didn't enter the movie theater wishing it were a porn, I left almost wishing it was. All of this is coming from a huge Stanley Kubrick fan, BTW.
And to quote Gabe from his review of Crank, if you're so sure that EWS is an unimpeachable work of art (which it isn't) then why do you care if it's nominated? Plenty of people nominated movies I like, and you don't see me getting my panties in a twist.
Score = 2
It worked!! My persistence and stick-to-it-iveness successfully pushed Chasing Amy into The Hunt. My apologies to your eyes, Gabe, 'cause you're gonna need a bigger knife.
Now all I need to do is put that same effort into finding a job.
Score = 2
Chasing Amy is a movie that is hurt by the same "flaw" as most Kevin Smith movies: they wear their hear on their sleeve in an age of irony. That can make them a little tough to take, especially if you're unwilling to let up and just go with it a bit, but no way are they WMOAT material.
Also, I would argue that Chasing Amy is a movie to be seen at a very specific time in your life. The later, the worse. Even Kevin Smith says he is kind of sickened by it now, because it just reminds him of when he was the guy who made that movie. Watching it reminds me of all I had to learn when I still related to its premise. But just because it's heartsick and immature does not make it a bad movie. It's about immaturity and heartsickness!
Score = 4
Is it too early to suggest movies for the NEXT next round? I'd like to nominate The Village. It is so so so bad. That being said, The Notebook is the best movie ever.
Score = -3
Does rule 6 restrict Watchmen or 300 from being nominated? If it does, I call for a new rule, rule 12: Zach Synder is a stupid lamp.
Score = 0
WHY DO YOU HATE ME/LOVE BRAVEHEART GABE?
Braveheart, please, I need this. I am going to e-mail you the 'Freedom' clip every day until you agree with me.
Score = 8
Nick and Norah is the film most deserving of scorn in this round, but Hope Floats is probably the most painful to watch.
I second The Village, but I think Shyamalan's other films (which The Village's horribleness prevented me from seeing) are probably worse. The Hapening just looks so horrible.
Score = 0
So...no Walk to Remember? Well at least you have a Freddie Prinze Jr. circa 1990s movie on there. I'll take what I can get. But next time...
Score = 3
Aw, Gabe, why do you keep doing this to yourself? The first step is admitting you have a problem. I hate to see you repeating this destructive behavior. Please come home for Christmas.
Score = 1
I nominate Solo with Mario Van Peebles.
1) I'm pretty sure MVP was acting his fuck out.
2) A-Adrien Brody (a fucking oscar!) B-MVP or MarVeePles.
3)...
4) $2,228,668 Opening Weekend (Year One money)
5)...
6) Based on a Novel. A real fucking novel.
7)...
8-10) You could make the case that MVP is the black equivalent to NC but that is a little too insulting to MVP.
11)
I'm pretty sure I'm doing this wrong but I'm fine with that.
Score = 6
I have no idea who Mario Van Peebles is, so I reckon if you allow Solo, you gotta allow Remo Williams.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remo_Williams:_The_Adventure_Begins
Score = 0
Let's not let our crazies get the best of us now.
Score = 0
Serendipity? Please don't tell me the review is gonna be one long riff on how serendipitous the film is or is not.
Most romantic comedies are so formuliac and uninspired taking them on is really just like shooting fish in the barrell.
Save it for a spectacular failure like the Love Guru!
Score = 3
Higher Learning, you guys, it has Tyra Banks, enough said.
Score = 1
This is like WMOAT: Date Movie edition. I suspect this may lead to the addition of new rules in the next round.
Score = 0
I'm still upset that Something's Gotta Give has been overlooked AGAIN. Worst movie ever! And with Nancy Meyers' latest pile of garbage coming out soon, it would be TIMELY!
Score = 0
I always thought "With Honors" should be on this list. Joe Pesci as a bum living in Harvard's library basement, spitting out words of wisdom like "Is the professor teaching the students or the students teaching the professor." It may be disqualified by rule #1 because Madonna did theme song "I'll Remember".
Score = 0
Sad that the "No Musical" clause is in Gabe's rules, that means it automatically invalidates the true and native challenger; "Sextette".
Just try to get through watching Alice Cooper, out of makeup and apparently permed, sing a disco version The Captain and Tenielle's "Love Will Keep Us Together" to an 84-year-old Mae West. While playing along on a Lucite grand piano.
Think I'm lying?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CO52Fe1mKU
You and your friends will race each other to the kitchen, to be the first to gouge out your eyes with a pickle fork.
Seriously, those rules must truly be for Gabe's protection.
Score = 1
i feel very vindicated that my constant lobbying for city of angels has paid off! maybe i will netflix it to refresh my hate. (i won't. even after 10 years, the hate still burns). also i would just like to say that it pains me that andre braugher is in that film, because i loves him so.
Score = 3
im a domino-head
i heart edgar ramirez so hard
Score = 0
I am so so sorry, Gabe. This looks like a rough round...
Score = 0
Why don't you watch DEFINITELY, MAYBE. I saw this movie on tv this weekend and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Dearest daughter here is a list of women I have fucked try to guess which one is mommy!!!
Score = -1
Hope fucking floats ... and so does a turd in the toilet.
Score = -1
What about SISTER ACT??? GUYS??
Score = -2
Rule #1.... and regardless Sister Act can't hold a candle to Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit in terms of terrible.
Score = 1
Mmh. I understand how voting works, and I know Gabe's the boss. People are nominating and voting for movies they just don't like, rather than movies which are one of the worst movies of all time. Who cares about Gabe picking apart romantic comedies? There's no chance that the two on this list are even the worst ROMANTIC COMEDIES, much less the worst movie of all time. There are 2 or 3 movies on this list that might possibly be actually worthy, so I'll have to wait for them. I hope Gabe's able to entertain us in the meantime, and whoever nominated "Monkeybone", "The Love Guru" and "Very Bd Things" stays around to nominate another day. I'll upvite you, comrades.
Score = 0
Since the holiday season is coming up, I'd like to formally submit "Christmas With The Kranks" and "Surviving Christmas" for the next round. They're so terrible it hurts.
Score = 0
Diary of the Dead for worst movie of all time.
Score = 0
I just want to say that I had to go google that precipice of an enormous crossroads line, because I couldn't fucking remember and it was driving me crazy while I was writing my paper. Now I'm trying to work it in somewhere. After Mancur Olson's theories about collective action problems, scholars were at the precipice of an enormous crossroads..." Then I can put Lupertazzi, Carmine on my works cited page.
Score = 0
I could sit here and go through them all but EVERY videogame based movie. And never forget 8-19-2002 Pluto Nash Day
Score = 0
The Ex. Jason Bateman, what did you do?!
Score = 0
Million Dollar Baby, Million Dollar Baby, Million Dollar Baby, Million Dollar Baby....I can't believe I'd forgotten to nominate that movie yet!
Score = 1
SOLO!!!
Romance Polanski you just got up voted.
Holy shit, "SOLO" is what this is all about.
Also let's discuss devoting an entire round to the Cage.
Cage Match perhaps?
Score = 0
Remember when I used to be in good movies?
Score = -1
Would I be breaking rules by nominating "G.I. Joe"?
Score = 0
This is where i have to go ahead and nominate: Rebound w/ Martin Lawrence - which I think juuuuust qualifies as a B list actor?
Score = 0
Has Push been nominated? It must have, by now. Otherwise I may lose my faith in humanity. But truly, I must insist.
As pertains to DES REGLES:
1. Everyone loves super powers!
2. Dakota Fanning. 'Nuff said. Also, Djimon Hounsou! He was in Amistad!
3. Not Glitter. Or Crossroads.
4. It grossed TEN MILLION in the box office its opening weekend (WHY?)
5. It was thanks to Netflix that I was able to see this particular gem.
6. No recognizable superhero in sight.
7. Nope.
8/9: Nary a Robin Willy/Nick Cage to be seen.
10. No.
11. Yes.
It just...doesn't make sense. Memory wiping is to action movies what time travel is to science fiction. What?
Score = 0