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Category: The News

June 23, 2009

Fox And Friends Pays Children To Fight On TV

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Fox And Friends were so out of ideas yesterday that they invited three children -- two eleven year olds with college degrees and a home-schooled fourteen year old with loud opinions -- to argue about such topics as school choice on their show. The two prodigies were polite and mature in offering their solutions, but the other kid waved his arms wildly, spouted hackneyed right-wing talking points, and even called Obama "Barack HUSSEIN Obama." If the point was to show that children (or a child) can be as big of an ass on Fox News as the adults, well, that worked. I have the urge to slap this child, therefore Fox News is where he belongs.

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Posted by Lindsay at 10:00 AM in ,
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Comments (60) latest by paul

May 29, 2009

ABC News Does A Fucking 6 Minute Interview With Hello Fucking Kitty

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At first glance, this ABC News Now (ABC's lifestyle cable network) interview with Hello Kitty, or, I'm sorry, a "pop culture journalist" lady who speaks for Hello Kitty, because Hello Kitty can only stand there, bow, and make "Oops!" gestures because she doesn't have a mouth, seems just funny because it exists. But nooooo, it's so much even stupider than that! These are two grown women (and someone in a Hello Kitty furry suit) who probably went to journalism school, and they're talking reverently about ("It's considered an honor to be involved with Hello Kitty") and interviewing an inanimate object. Ladies, look at yourselves! You're full grown adults! I truly believed that a network news organization would never ask a man to participate in a charade like this, but then I remembered pretty much everything Al Roker has ever done. Here's the interview with Hello Kitty that America apparently wants:

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Posted by Lindsay at 4:45 PM in
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Comments (21) latest by Ugah

May 20, 2009

Oh, Twist!: NBC Will Make Us Wait Forever For New 30 Rocks You know how NBC is going to air special SNL Weekend Updates in prime time again next fall? Well, it's going to be at the expense of 30 Rock, which won't premiere until the Weekend Updates are over. Blerg!

Comments (2) latest by Blondie

April 28, 2009

ABC News Presents: "The Lighter Side Of Swine Flu"

ABC's America This Morning, having exhausted all other attention-grabby ways of milking the swine flu craze, decided to just fuck it and show clips of Leno, Colbert, and Stewart joking about the potential epidemic. I don't know the names of these anchors, so I'm going to call them "Wincey" and "Eek.":

Granted, Colbert and Stewart were funny, but not really the answer to whatever producer yelled "Get me another Swine Flu story!" You stay classy, ABC News.

Posted by Lindsay at 1:00 PM in ,
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Comments (3) latest by Dorkus Malorkus

April 15, 2009

Jon Stewart's Pirate Coverage May Be Late, But It's The Best

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The Daily Show was off Monday night for no reason, so last night, when Jon Stewart launched into the show's lead story about the big pirate crisis that began last week, we could all be forgiven for thinking "Shit, Jon, everyone's already made all the jokes about this! Stop!" But once again TDS used their ever-growing timeliness handicap to their advantage with a two-part, hilarious pirate package that literally had something for everyone, including Muppet scat and a high-tech computer simulation of the rescue:

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Posted by Lindsay at 12:15 PM in ,
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Comments (12) latest by inglorius basTURD

April 1, 2009

"The Incredible Hulk Boy": April Fool, Or Regular Fox News?

This morning Fox News did a seemingly-real story about a Michigan toddler named Liam who stood up at two days old, "has the quickness of a cat, and can lift his parent's couch." They brought on a former Yale doctor to talk about it, so I guess it's real, but since it's Fox, it's totally sensational. No word on whether the two-year-old also has an anger problem:

Be sure to watch for Bill Hemmer being a douchebag at the end. "I'm doing curls like that movie Ron Burgundy." It's not all about you and your misremembered favorite movie title, Bill Hemmer. Sometimes it's about the Incredible Hulk Boy.

Posted by Lindsay at 3:15 PM in
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Comments (12) latest by Adam

March 26, 2009

Fox News's Dagen McDowell Has An Elaborate Fantasy About Uncle Sam

Ummm:

Why, Fox News Business Analyst Dagen McDowell! Stop being so proud of that analogy! Though it's very 2009 of her. The 1850 version might have been "If you walk on the same side of the street as Uncle Sam without an escort, he will memorize the contours of your ankles and think about them later, while he is alone." Does Dagen kiss her Confederate Flag with that mouth?

Posted by Lindsay at 12:30 PM in ,
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Comments (6) latest by Carrie

March 17, 2009

Keep Dreaming, Fox News Annoying Robot Megyn Kelly

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Megyn Kelly, the Fox News anchor whose face and demeanor are as irritating on a visceral level as the thought of licking a dry popsicle stick, is super excited today because she just realized that the fictionalized outraged anchor in Britney Spears's "If You Seek Amy" video is directly quoting from her own freakout about the song back in January. Megyn chalks it up to Britney being a "fan" of her show, but she should probably get over herself. That's not it. And in a "surprise" turnaround, Megyn invites Britney onto her show, which is also not going to happen.

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Posted by Lindsay at 2:30 PM in ,
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Comments (18) latest by Kater Tot

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