Oh jeeeeeeez. Avatar was neat, or whatever, but this is becoming unacceptable. From CNN
James Cameron's completely immersive spectacle "Avatar" may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS?! "If I can't live in a World of Warcraft expansion pack where everyone speaks with meatfist dialog and your hair is a penis then what is the point of living?!" That's the basic argument, right? You know, the Information Superhighway has done a lot of good over the years, but I really feel like this would never have happened without the Internet. What would people have done? Written a letter to the newspaper?
"Dear Fellows,
I include herein details of my emotional state of the past fortnight concerning the adventure serial Avatar, to be reprinted forthwith and posthaste."
No. Anyway, the CNN article included some choice quotes from these Fan Forums and I have two words for you: oh boy.
Did you know that the world will not end in a fiery (and also watery. And also snowy?) Apocalpyse that can only be outrun via limousine in the year 2012? Of course you did. Because everyone knows that. Right? Not according to the genius bars over at NASA. From Reuters:
The world is not coming to an end on December 21, 2012, the US space agency insisted Monday in a rare campaign to dispel widespread rumors fuelled by the Internet and a new Hollywood movie.
The doomsday scenario revolves claims that the end of time will come as an obscure Planet X -- or Nibiru -- heads toward or collides into Earth.
The mysterious planet was supposedly discovered by the Sumerians, according to claims by pseudo-scientists, paranormal activity enthusiasts and Internet theorists.
Some websites accuse NASA of concealing the truth on the wayward planet's existence, but the US space agency denounced such stories as an "Internet hoax."
"There is no factual basis for these claims," NASA said in a question-and-answer posting on its website.
If such a collision were real "astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye," it added. "Obviously, it does not exist."
"Credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012," NASA insisted.
Wait, NASA is literally responding to trolls now. "We'd love to go to space, but our feelings were hurt by anonymous commenters!" The world is literally going to hell in an on-line message board. I hope the government-built rescue A.R.K.S are well-stocked with BRAWNDO!
Wait a second, there was no boy in the balloon? Jesus Christ. He could be anywhere! Sort of. Depending on how you define "be." This is awful. Now what are we supposed to do? Also the family had been on Wife Swap? Too much. Too much some times, this world. Can we pack it up for the rest of the day? Because it seems like maybe we should just pack it up for the rest of the day. What else are we going to talk about? This leaked Expendables trailer? It looks like Wild Hogs, but with guns. And why do they keep cutting between deep-cover reconnaissance and a fight on a basketball court? Besides, no one wants to think about the leaked Expendables trailer now. Falcon Heene is missing!
Being famous is hard to sustain. We all know that. And when the champagne fountain is shut off and the caviar tureens are empty, there's no one around to help a fallen fame pick up the pieces. They're on their own. So, it's always nice to see one who doesn't stubbornly stand on faded glory, but rolls up their solid gold sleeves and gets back to work. Got 2 Get Paid. Nevertheless, Shannen Doherty's new career is basically Regional Manager of Making Me LOL. From PopCrunch:
In another sign of a weakening economy, actress Shannen Doherty has accepted a second job as art director of a glossy monthly magazine. The former Beverly Hills 90210 star is now in charge of choosing cover designs and photospreads for Pasadena Magazine.
"Hey Shannon, how's that photoshoot coming for next month's cover?"
"It's going great, Mark. I've got my camera in my purse."
"What do you mean, you've got your camera in your purse?"
"After lunch, I'm going to go into the bathroom and take some self portraits of myself, MySpace-style."
"Shannon, we've used MySpace-style self portraits of you for the past three covers. Even this year's annual 'Golf Issue' was just a picture of you with your finger in your mouth."
"I know, I think readers are really responding to the new direction of Pasadena Magazine."
This is a short video (via BoingBoing) about Chinese people being introduced to fortune cookies. Because they don't know what they are. Because America invented them. Because we are nuts.
I guess on the scale of horrible cultural bastardization born from a deep well of incurious ignorance and Xenophobia, this ranks pretty low. The whole slavery and annihilation of Native Americans was way worse. Not to mention Karl Rove rapping. But still, we are crazy, you guys. CRAZY FOR COOKIES. But also crazy for horribleness.
If you haven't seen the documentary Capturing the Friedmans, you should. It's about a family in Great Neck, New York, patched together from home videos, after the father and one of the sons is charged with child molestation. In the grand tradition of prosecutorial documentaries (see also: The Staircase, Paradise Lost, both great, get on it), you're left with the queasy discomfort of ambivalence. The law is an imperfect machine, and every family has skeletons in its closet. It's particularly rough when those skeletons have potentially been raped and/or murdered.
One of the Friedman kids, Billy, chose the a totally uncreepy (so creepy) career of clown magician at children's birthday parties. So you can imagine that the child molestation documentary was bad for business. But now he's appearing on the new (extremely ridiculous) VH1 competition reality show, Celebracadabra:
Remember when Gary Coleman was finally getting married? Well it looks like there's trouble in paradise. The honeymoon is over. The bloom is off the rose. Other cliches about relationships falling apart. The AP is reporting that not only are Coleman and his wife Shannon Price getting divorced, they're getting divorced on Divorce Court. Classy until the end, guys. I guess I'll have to throw out my Sharynnong t-shirt. (That's my funny name for them that rolls off the tongue, like Bennifer, and Shut Up It's Friday.)
My favorite quote from the article, though, is this one: "'If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does,' Price says, according to a transcript of the show obtained by The Associated Press." Hahaha. Get it? Because he looks so young...because he had that disease that...no, I mean, I know it's depressing and his life has been a 40 year train wreck but at the same time....5-year-old...temper tantrum...Gary Coleman? No? Too Soon?
Rip Torn's eyes would barely open and his face was a ravaged, haggard, stubbly mess. His chapped lips stuck together, and the pavement had left a red, mottled impression against his cheek. He looked around blearily, barely able to focus...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
You know, the truth is, I actually like romantic comedies. I am man enough to admit that. We all would love to live in a world of love and friendship and gentle laughter. Why not? You think I want it...
In the future, when the ultra-light telepathic super-mecha, derived from the core technology of the Cybertronics "Real Boys" line of love children, are sifting through the ice wastes for any remnants of the long extinct human race that once created...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
"Whoa." --Kebanu Roves It is weird that you can't do things normally in New York sometimes. Like, I'm so sorry that I ate an early dinner before going to see Avatar on Friday night the way that a HUMAN BEING...
