The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: The Hunt Is A Vampire
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
I remember reading an interview when I was in college with some filmmaker who said that he liked to watch all movies, even horrible ones, because when he watched a bad movie it gave him an idea of what not to do. He claimed that his reaction to a terrible movie was to come up with how he might have done it differently, correct the mistakes to turn it into a good one. Creatively that was an interesting sentiment to me, because I was in college, and that's what college is like. You think things are "interesting sentiments, creatively." And I used it to explain why I watched Batman and Robin three times, because it sounds way more thoughtful and engaged than "because I think I'm still a little drunk from last night."
But I don't feel that way anymore. Whatever director it was who said that in whatever interview I read was a jerk and a liar. There is nothing to be learned from these movies. Only pain.
When we left off, we'd established the following list of new nominees.
Man of the Year
Dan in Real Life
Lost in Space
Smart People
The Telephone Perfect
Kangaroo Jack
Havoc
As you can see, The Telephone has been removed from consideration because it's not available on Netflix. Sorry, but I think this whole project is difficult enough without having to spend the extra time tracking down RARE WHOOPI GOLDBERG DVDs. But, to take its place, we have a new type of nominee, which was not submitted in the comments or via email, but rather is a "Movie Submitted By Blog." Elliott over at Urlesque used the power of the internet to make his voice heard. This is a highly recommended technique for getting your nominees on the ballot. The revolution will be Tumblr'd. And now, to close out this round of nominees we have:
Across the Universe
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
A.I.
Simone
What Dreams May Come
The Black Dahlia
Bicentennial Man
I thought there was a sort of horrifying poetry in closing out this round with another Robin Williams movie. As if there was another kind of poetry.
The rules:
- It cannot be intentionally horrible.
- It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (no "outsider art.")
- It cannot be Glitter. (Addendum: or Crossroads)
- It has to have had a theatrical release.
- Addendum: It must be available on Netflix.
- No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
- Gabe is the boss.
As always, feel free to submit your nominees in either email or comment form. Patterns are definitely beginning to emerge. Sean Patrick Flannery has played the lead in two of our nominees. Three of the Worst Movies submitted involve a mentally handicapped person, or alien, renewing a jaded idiot's sense of wonder with the world. Stupid depictions of a retarded future are the most common. And I've been drinking a lot more on Sunday nights. Yay?
Posted by Gabe at 2:15 PM in The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time
I'm rubbing my hands together with glee at the thought of Gabe tearing into Across the Universe.
Score = 1
This round is going to be a bad one, Gabe, get ready.
I feel for you.
Score = 0
Rollerball. Just plain awful. I hate Chris Klein so much.
Score = 1
Oh yeah, don't forget about Ben Affleck's fucking miserable film "Surviving Christmas." What with the holidays coming up and all.
Score = 0
What Dreams May Come is insanely bad. May I also nominate Radio starring Cuba Gooding Jr? It was right after his Oscar win so he was "technically" A-list.
Score = 1
Oh god I hated What Dreams May Come. And I hated my now ex-friends who found it moving and beautiful. It was not. It made my eyes bleed. No one should ever have to watch that movie, not even if they are participating in a self-destructive internet challenge.
Score = 0
where's speed, the new world, or miami vice on this list? pretty much anything with colin farrell could be included.
Score = 0
I ROBOT and THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!!
Score = -1
Thank you for doing A.I..
Score = 0
The GD Astronauts Wife.
You must have left if off your list, Gabe.
Score = 0
The Life Before Her Eyes was terrible..
Score = 0
UGH what makes the life before her eyes even more terrible is that it came out one year after the Virginia Tech shootings.
Score = 0
UGH what makes the life before her eyes even more terrible(rather than being-you know a horrible movie) is that it came out one year after the Virginia Tech shootings.
Score = -1
RULES OF ATTRACTION. Please. It's the worst. Even worse than Master of Disguise. Really.
Score = -2
Keeping with the Sean Patrick Flannery theme, I'd like to nominate "Simply Irresistible", also starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. My entire suite of roommates would not speak to me for several hours after I chose this movie at the rental shop.
Score = 0
Eye of the Beholder
Score = 0
I SECOND HAVOC!!!! SPOILER ALERT: Bijou Phillips and Anne Hathaway get gang raped by a latino gang. It's soooooo amazing. You're going to have a field day with that one. Thank you for considering it, that movie is one of the movies in my library I watch when I am still drunk the next day.
Score = 0
They do not get "gang raped" by a Latino gang, or any other kind of gang. Bijou gets nasty with one guy, and Hathaway runs away after taking her top off. There's enough to hate this film for without inventing reasons.
Score = 1
You did it! You actually did it! Even after the thousand annoying posts I made insinuating that you and Across the Universe were in a relationship, you finally put it on the list! It's like Santa giving you what you want for Christmas after you beat him mercilessly. THANK YOU! I can't wait!
Score = 0
Did anyone say "the Love Guru" yet? Cause that's atrocious. Also, everything Mike Myers has ever done.
Score = 1
I have to agree on Havoc, I Robot and The Day After Tomorrow.
So glad you are doing Black Dahlia, that movie actually makes me really angry just thinking about how bad it was.
Score = 0
Was there a decision made re: children's movies? I feel like they should be disqualified because they have different goals. Is Kangaroo Jack for children or just retarded people?
Score = 1
Children's movies are indeed disqualified. But I feel like Kangaroo Jack was a family friendly action-adventure movie, but not specifically for children.
Score = 1
Spiderman 3. I thought maybe because it was a HUGE money maker, you wouldn't allow it. But you have proven me wrong with the new Indiana Jones on the list.
So what i am asking of you is to go that extra mile. To take that final step. I am asking you to place Spiderman 3 on that list. I am asking nothing short of justice.
Score = 0
I think Havoc did not in fact have a theatrical release, unless you can count a few film festivals. I don't know if that disqualifies it, but perhaps Gabe deserves to be able to see Anne Hathaway's funbags as some sort of reward for the self-flagellation he has put himself thru for all of us.
Oh, and I would also like to nominate Cutthroat Island..
Score = 0
What if I track down a copy of The Telephone and send it to you?
Score = 1
Sure. Check your PMs.
Score = 1
Perfect Stranger with Halle Berry and Bruce Willis. I went to a free screening and wanted my money back after that atrocity.
Score = 1
Totally the worst. Reading IM's outloud should be movie-banned.
Score = 0
i don't know if any of the cast is a-list enough, but i feel jamie kennedy's star vehicle, "KICKIN IT OLD SKOOL" has to be nominated. it is excruciating, and all the jokes fall so flat, it's embarrassing.
Score = 0
JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE> DAN HUMPHREY....
Also, second "Simply Irresistable". I heart Sarah Michelle but she can not carry a movie.
Score = 0
Catwoman. The Ex.
Score = 0
Jack frost with Michael Keaton was bad. Reincarnated snowmen. All that's missing is Maculey Culkin.
Score = 0
Never mind. I did not see that superhero rule. I guess, i just expected too much of you guys.
It.... it's okay.
How about some From Justin to Kelly? Or is Kelly Clarkson not B-list enough for you? YOU KNOW WHAT. WHATEVER.
Score = 0
30 DAYS OF NIGHT.
The characters were so stupid. My friends and I could not go 2 minutes without mocking them.
Score = 0
Ugh, the Black Dahlia is truly awful. I'm so sorry.
Score = 0
Yes, Bicentennial Man! Can't wait to see that one reviewed.
And Across the Universe. I actually...ahem...kind of enjoyed Across the Universe, for reasons which I couldn't even begin to explain. There are so many reasons to hate it but I couldn't help but like it. That being said, I don't mind hearing it mocked because mocking it is so deliciously easy. I mean, half-hour psychedelic breakdown where the plot seems to disappear entirely in favor of horrible Bono and Eddie Izzard The Worst-ness and naked swim singing WTF?
And all the ridiculous references. "She cam in through the bathroom window!" "HEY ISN'T THERE A BEATLES SONG CALLED THAT???11 LOLOLOLOLOLOL"
Score = 0
I am extremely excited about Across the Universe and Bicentennial Man...
Some other suggestions:
- Jingle All the Way
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the original one with Luke Perry)
- Wanted (The Loom of Fate? What the hell are they on about?)
- Van Helsing
- Troy
Score = 0
are you joking? the original buffy was epic.
Score = 0
these lists are making me question my taste in movies. i own elizabethtown (which i swear you connect with more if you're connected to kentucky) and dan in real life on dvd and i love the across the universe soundtrack. egads.
Score = -2
I nominate 300. I can't be the only one who found that movie irritating.
Score = 4
What about "Premonition" with Sandra Bullock? Completely, utterly, horrible.
Score = 0
Gabe, I want to pre-apologize for being one of the people who nominated Simone because it is truly the Worst and you will want to go outside and punch the first person you saw after watching that movie. That movie should honor kill itself and then go to jail.
Score = 2
PLEASE do "Beautiful Girls"
The whole time I was watching it I couldn't stop thinking how perfect it would be for this hunt. It tries SO hard to be a deep, interesting take on human relationships when (OMG new storyline) a guy returns to his hometown for a high school reunion. It features an all-star cast of Uma Thurman, Matt Dillon, a young Natalie Portman, that hot redhead from Dumb and Dumber, David Arquette (eww), ROSIE O'DONNELL.
Just one example of the terribleness, the main character creepily/terribly played by Timothy Hutton meets Natalie Portman outside his house when he first comes home, has never met her before, and 13-yr-old Natalie decides to go all observational on his life, acting like she knows all about his past, when SHE JUST MOVED IN RECENTLY. and he proceeds to fall in love with her! like WTF, its portrayed as cute and normal, it is NOT.
and some random scene of Rosie O'Donnell trouncing through a grocery store talking about how guys only like girls for their tits that comes out of nowhere. Im not even scratching the surface here. So shitty.
I can just imagine how you'd ridicule it.
And I just realized that no one on IMDB ridiculed it, saying how shitty it was, which made me get an IMDB account, sadly I dont have an amazon account so it couldnt be verified but YES I WANTED TO BRING IT DOWN THAT BADLY
Score = -1
Oh lord, that movie would be perfect for The Hunt. I also would like to nominate 100 Feet. It's that movie with Charlie Trout and Bobby Canavale in it. It's online somwhere. Its so awful. Ed westwick gets beaten up in a really awesome way though.
Score = 0
Hi! Just discovered the hunt here, while browsing for information on what Kurt Wimmer's been up to...ULTRAVIOLET being his ridiculously bad follow-up to EQUILIBRIUM.
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I've seen 15 of the 25 movies reviewed so far. Of those fifteen, I'd say HUDSON HAWK is the only one that does not belong. I'm not saying it's good, or that it works; and it's definitely "not for everyone"--you'd better like Bruce Willis if you're going to sit through this one.
It's easy to pile onto a film like HUDSON HAWK and point out all the stuff that's "stupid" or "makes no sense"--without trying to defend it, I'll just say that the stupid, nonsensical stuff is intended to be charming. The "Rocky and Bullwinkle Show" narration is supposed to make that clear. But does it work? No, not really. Is it a good idea to begin with? Probably not.
But compare to HUDSON HAWK to BABY GENIUSES, THE NUMBER 23, and I KNOW WHO KILLED ME? BATTLEFIELD EARTH? HUDSON HAWK, bad as it is, is definitely better than those movies.
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Eric Schaeffer is one of my "favorite" bad movie makers, but his only movie with A- or B-list actors is IF LUCY FELL, which a) I haven't seen, and b) is probably better than his other stuff--say, WIREY SPINDELL.
Another favorite bad-filmmaker is Uwe Boll. I think someone commented on/suggested IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE (ITNATK:ADST) earlier. I'll second that, and also suggest ALONE IN THE DARK, which is worse. Both feature A-list actors, unless you contrive your definition of A-list to exclude Christian Slater, Burt Reynolds, and Ray Liotta. If so, point taken--what have they done for us lately?--but they definitely merit B-list, as do Stephen Dorff and Jason Statham.
The first time I saw ALONE IN THE DARK, I not only forgot almost every scene--I had a clear recollection of only a few seconds' worth of the film--I forgot the commercials and the trailers that I had previously seen as well. I couldn't recall what the posters looked like. I knew less about the movie coming out, than I had already known going in. It was some kind of hysterical amnesia, like the experience simply erased itself, and everything related to it. So naturally, I saw it again, and confirmed that it is indeed awful, and maybe the worst movie ever.
So...
ALONE IN THE DARK
Score = 4
THE LAKE HOUSE
Keanu Reeves
Sandra Bullock
Time Travel by way of Love
Just awful.
Score = 1
Factory Girl! The Andy Warhol film starring Sienna Miller. Horrible.
Also:
Joe Dirt. Starring David Spade as a white trash mullet'd young man.
Score = 1
Boondock Saints. Worst movie to have a cult following ever.
Also, can movies still in theaters count? Because Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist was absolute torture.
Score = 0
Oh, and also Dr. T and the Women. Indescribably bad, plus! Batshit crazy Farrah Fawcett romping about in a fountain and a graphic birthing scene (though not in relation to each other)!
Score = 1
Ok, this is technically outsider art, however Parker Posey is in it and I guess she's kinda B List right? "Adam & Steve." as a gay man myself, i promise you this is one of the stupidest, insulting, agonizingly painful movies i have ever seen. so much so that (sshh!), i almost didn't finish it...and i'm one of the fools that sat through ALL of "glitter" (well, i was paid to see it).
Score = 0
I nominate "Evolution" with David Duchovny.
Hoo. FAH.
Score = -2
Umm..."Jersey Girl." What was Kevin Smith thinking?
Score = -1
Good Luck Chuck is the worst movie I've ever seen. Rule #1, "It cannot be intentionally horrible" is why it is the worst movie ever. It thinks it is following the dirty romantic comedy formula like "The 40 Year Old Virgin" or something, but it fails on every single point that makes a movie like that enjoyable, and goes on to find new ways to fail (oral sex on a plush penguin isn't funny... it's just like WTF... and why can his friend watch him doing it on TV?) It's so sad though because the movie thinks that it is a funny movie, but it is not a funny movie.
Score = 0
With the Holidays coming up I would like to nominate 'Deck the Halls.' Not only was it corny it was pathetic and none of the gags worked. I would also like to nominate 'Catch and Release' so boring and terribly unfunny with no point. Here's more:
-The Heartbreak Kid (2007 version)
-Save the Last Dance
-Sin City
-Maid in Manhattan
-Shrek the 3rd (kill Justin Timberlake)
-The Pink Panther (can you believe they're making a sequel?)
Score = -3
I wholeheartedly agree that Alone in the Dark is the worst ever. It doesn't know what it's about--orphans? nuns? Native Americans? monsters? mad scientists? zombies? Satan? Not to mention that we are made to believe that Tara Reid is an archaeologist because she wears geeky glasses and her hair in a bun; she also mispronounces "Newfoundland." We bought the DVD in order to introduce our friends to this monstrosity. The strange German heavy medal groups that provide the soundtrack (and whose music videos are extra features on the DVD) remind us that the film is based on a video game; hence the mere gesture towards a cohesive plot.
I also would like to support the nomination for The Family Stone which made me want to gouge my eyes out.
To these I would add:
Butterfly on a Wheel (Pierce Brosnan, Maria Bello)
Pearl Harbor
Titanic
Meet Joe Black (talk about A-list bomb)
Score = 1
Holy god the movie "Heartbeeps" has been on one of the HBOs late at night lately. I defy anyone here to watch this. This movie is Robert-Altman's-Popeye-Bad.
Score = 0
OK, I know you did Spanglish, so you might not want to do a second Asshole Sandler movie but you have to add CLICK. The worst.
Score = -1
Get Carter with Stallone, Spielberg's War of the Worlds, Vanilla Sky. But AI is arguably the single worst piece of crap ever made.
Score = 0
I used to work at blockbuster in the late nineties and there was this new release called "WING COMMANDER" starring freddie prince jr and matthew lilard that is so much worse than anything you can possible imagine. the physics in space in this movie are sickening as is the acting, plot, costumes and all other special effects.
other terrible movies
-batman forever, (but I'm sure you already know this)
-city of angels with nic cage and meg ryan ( so much worse than you can remember, meg ryan and nic cage just quietly move slow for two straight hours.
Score = 1
Definitely echoing Simply Irresistible. Seriously - there's a magic crab who follows Sarah Michelle Gellar around as she cooks food that makes people fall in love.
Score = -1
"Over the Top" (1987) Stallone plays a long-haul trucker that enters a nation-wide arm wrestling contest to win the love of his long lost son.
Score = -2
The Women.
I mean, obviously no one watched this expecting cinematic genius, but it utterly failed at being a guilty pleasure because it was so excruciating. i think they actually just cut and pasted the worst, most cliched lines from every romcom ever, in no particular order, and meg ryan's hair was ridiculous.
Score = 0
I agree with The Women. I know, "What did I expect?" But I would have liked to see more penis.
Score = 0
"Aspen Extreme" is definitely a movie worth considering. It has some great one-liners ("This is just like the time with the boomerang" and "Her earrings are bigger than my nuts") and truly captures the spirit of the early 90s extreme-sports/buddy/life-lesson movie.
Score = -1
The Unforgiven.
1960 Western featuring Burt Lancaster and Audrey Hepburn. It was Audrey Hepburn that drew me to watch the film. OH! GAH! I've never watched anything so bad. The plot was ludicrous. The acting was horrible. And the moral of the story justifies genocide in the name of white man's love of incest. Seriously. This changed my perspective about how bad movies can be and how stupid some of my favorite actors (A. Hepburn) can be.
Score = -1
The Life of David Gale - The "twist" is that David Gale framed himself for murder in order to prove that innocent people fall victim to capital punishment and the justice system. But in actuality, all he proves is that any system has potential for failure when the intent is not to be served by the system, but to manipulate the system itself.
To this day I hate Spacey and Winslet for this preachy piece o' trash.
Score = -1
Patch Adams--far and away the worst Robin Williams movie ever.
(And I've seen "What Dreams May Come", "Jakob The Liar" and "Toys")
Score = 0
"Evening" with Claire Danes and Toni Colette.
Thank you for taking the time to not only watch really horrendous films, but spend even more time and energy mulling over and writing about them. Seriously, love the reviews.
Score = 0
"GATTACA" starring Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman and Jude Law. Cool concept, and Jude Law is pretty good, but everything else is awful
Score = -3
Blah! Gattaca is awful! What about No Reservations? So bad!
Score = 0
I second the request for a liberal bashing of The Lake House.
Also, The Holiday. Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, Kate Winslet, my vomit, all mixed up into one of the least thrilling, insulting holiday films I've ever seen.
Score = 0
lots of terrible suggestions, great to see. I'd like to toss THE SASQUATCH GANG into the ring.
terrible, terrible movie.
Stars Justin Long (with mullet) of mac fame and an appearance by Jon Heder.
Score = 0
The Astronaut Farmer was horrendous.
Score = 0
I have to agree that one of the worst films I've ever seen was, in fact, "Simply Irresistible". There was no aspect of the movie that was even remotely decent. A magical crab? Absolute trash. On the other hand, I could not believe my eyes or ears when I watched 1968's "Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows" the sequel to critically acclaimed "The Trouble With Angels". Words can't describe how terrible the sequel is. Umm I think they must have run out of money because they wrap up the end of the movie with a 15 second voice over. Nevertheless, it did have a theatrical release and at the time had many stars including Milton Berle and Rosalind Russell. It may not fit your parameters but it is worth renting to witness THE worst movie ever made.
Score = 0
what about TIPTOES (2003, with Gary Oldman, Kate Beckinsale, Patricia Arquette, Matthew McConaughey...)? i'm sure there's a lot of extremely stupid movies out there, but i think this one deserves at least one mention.
one of the worst movie-experiences in my whole life. the plot constantly switches between boring and annoying, the acting is lame and the whole thing is just pointless.
if you haven't seen it, i suggest you to save 90 minutes of your life for better things.
if you have seen it, you may consider TIPTOES for this Hunt ;)
Score = 0
I've watched too many bad movies lately you should consider (sorry if I'm posting repeats):
88 Minutes
Righteous Kill
Bangkok Dangerous (I don't know why I keep giving Cage a chance)
Traitor
Atonement
In The Land of Women
Hands down, though, the worst movie I've ever seen is The Cell.
Score = 0
SOUTHLAND TALES
3 HOURS. THE ROCK. JON LOVITZ AS A COP WITH BLEACHED WHITE HAIR. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DRENCHED IN BLOOD, SINGING THAT FUCKING KILLERS SONG AND CHUGGING BUD LIGHT TALLBOYS. STIFFLER. AND MANDY MOORE YELLING THE WORD "CUNT".
THE WORST/BEST MOVIE EVER MADE.
Score = 0
my nominations:
planet of the apes (with marky mark) is the worst
day without a mexican, the only movie i've ever rented and returned without finishing
Score = 0
Is it too late to add Guy Ritchie's Revolver?
Score = 0
Just My Luck, with Lindsay "Li-Lo" Lohan - but maybe this violates rule #1...
Score = 0
I would add:
If Lucy Fell...
Down To You
The Island of Dr. Moreau (chock full of good actors doing shit, plus people dressed as animals, plus Val Kilmer doing the most awesome Brando impersonation EVER)
Roadhouse (although Swayze might stretch the B-list requirement a bit)
Score = 0
Wow, there are some really horrible movies listed here! I would like to nominate Mr. Wrong, a rom-com starring Ellen DeGeneres and Bill Pullman from the mid-90's. I remember nothing about it, really, other than I felt physical pain while sitting through it, it was so bad.
Another that inflicted almost as much pain, a close second, Down Periscope starring Kelsey Grammer.
Score = 0
How about "The Vanishing?" Seriously
Score = 0
i second "the holiday" and "in the land of women"...terrible terrible plane cinema
but i definitely suggest the horrors of "the league of extraordinary gentlemen" and "because i said so", if for no other reason than i was subjected to seeing diane keaton bang the reverend from seventh heaven, and my life will never be the same
Score = 0
I second 'League of Extraordinary Gentleman' pure torture. 'The Holiday' wasn't that bad but 'What Happens in Vegas' and '27 Dresses' are. How about 'Fools Gold?' That was so awful I don't know how it did well at the box office.
Score = 0
i second the many suggestions of garden state.
Score = 0
Umm I don't think it has been suggested yet Gabe, but uhh M. Night's The Happening was the single worst theatre-going experience I have ever had. Perhaps the worst part about the movie is that throughout the film people are killing themselves which is all you want to do sitting through this shitfest. You may like it though because it does touch on that "planetary suicide" that you want so badly.
Score = 0
I favor Crash (not the David Cronenberg, but that best-picture winner) and also Juno, and also The Happening. These are by far the worst big movies of this decade.
Score = 0
Gabe already did Crash. It's in the WMOAT archives. Find it, read it, stop suggesting it.
Score = 0
I think an interesting lifetime achievement-like feature would be to look at the films of Cuba Gooding Jr, Halle Berry, and Nicolas Cage after they won their Oscars.
I also nominate Eagle Eye now that it's on DVD.
Score = 0
Hey, i'm not sure whether this counts because it's one of those.."so bad..it is hilariously funny" movies.... But what about the MXA ("Most Extreme Ape") complilation???? i have seen the skateboarding one...AND the snowboarding one...accidental comical genius
Score = 0
I can save you time in your search. The worst movie of all time is "Rhinestone".
Want proof? OK. Here it is in one sentence: Sylvester Stallone sings country music. Yes, you read that right. Sylvester Stallone sings country music. As painful as that sentence is to read, just imagine how bad it is to hear - and then multiply that by 10.
Score = 0
I'm giving a hearty second to "Rhinestone". I thought it would be a hilariously bad way to kill a couple hours, but I started screaming and fighting back the gag reflex a full minute before Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton started making out. Ugh.
And, on a similar note, "88 Minutes". Alicia Witt jumping Al Pacino's bones? Seriously?
Oh, and "Gigli"--seems obvious, but I haven't seen it listed. Or does it fall under that "Glitter/Crossroads" no-fly zone? I walked out in the first 15 minutes, which is saying something since I was watching it at home.
Score = 0
Please, include Tarantino's DEATH PROOF.
After sitting in the theater for 2 hours watching a rediculously over-the-top zombie movie (which I also disliked), I was treated to an hour of feet shots, banal dialogue between boring girls at a bar, more feet shots and some footage of a jukebox. I walked out. But I caught the rest on cable when it was independent of the rest of Grind House and it still sucks. There's like 10 minutes of plot in this thing. The banality never ends. It's realy, really, truly awful.
Score = 1
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is as bad as The Crow City of Angels. Hands down the worst thing I have ever seen, worse than the other pieces of garbage nominated and discussed here. Good god, I just went to IMDB and came across this gem:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115986/trivia
Jon Bon Jovi auditioned for the lead role
So I guess it could have actually been worse...
Score = 0
Teen Witch
Score = 0
August Rush. Features an annoying kid in the lead, Robin Williams and Felicty. Pure awful. You should watch it because I can't ever again.
Score = 0
What Dreams May Come. I know it's another Robin Williams film, but it's the absolute pits.
Score = 0
By the way, since a lot of Oscar winning movies or nominated films have been ripped apart I would like to suggest 'In Bruges' starring Colin Ferrell and Ralph Fienes. I thought it would be funny and it was just a bunch of cussing and shooting with no point to it. Every character was extremely unlikeable and all Colin Ferrell did was hate Americans and shoot people throughout the whole movie. It didn't make any sense not to mention the blatant exploitation of a dwarf. It was so pathetic.
Score = -3
I suggest 'Bad Moon'. It's the worst movie I have ever seen; it does this not by being noticeably awful in any particular, but by being consistently and crushingly mediocre in every aspect.
To quote a review at netflix: "If you're looking for a touching tale of a family dog protecting its family, I guess it could work, but I'd go with Airbud"
Yes, someone is suggesting Air Bud is better than this.
Score = 0
The Postman with Kevin Costner. So unbelievably bad! and long!
Score = 0
The Netflix clause can only result in failure, as it prevents Gabe from watching Cool As Ice. Go ahead, tell me an idea worse than a remake of Rebel Without A Cause with the James Dean role played by Vanilla Ice in outfits that would embarrass Cher. I fucking dare you.
Score = 1
I forgot about another pathetic 'romantic comedy.' Summer Catch starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Jessica Biel. That was so excruciating to watch I wanted to shoot myself with a tranq gun half way through that piece of shit.
Score = 0
In Bruges? Are you serious Courtney? That movie was amazing...you said yourself that you were EXPECTING a comedy. Bad Marketing does not equal Bad Movie. Mcdonough is amazing... I dare you to refute that.
IN summation, In Bruges was terrible, and you should consider "The Happening". So bad.
Score = 0
Sorry I don't do M. Night Shymalyn movies (however you spell it). No need for anymore torture.
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I know that it is yet another Robin Williams flick, but "Being Human" is definitely a contender for worst movie of all time. Near as I can remember, it was a pastiche of vignettes with a resurrection motif about what seemed to be the same guy but not the same guy living in different time periods such as a divorcee in modern times whose kids don't understand him and a Roman slave in antiquity and some other dude in the middle ages and it kept moving between these different time periods and I'm sure that there was something really deep and meaningful but it just kept going on and on about this screwup and his misadventures throughout history and OH GOD THE MEMORIES HURT MAKE THEM STOP.
Anyway, I could not bring myself to finish it. Alas, I don't think that it is on Netflix--I looked for it recently just so that I could click on it and give it a rating of "Hated It." If I'm wrong, though, then it really does belong in this list.
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The Worst Movie of All Time is: Battleship Earth.
The End.
(TJ in NC)
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ALONE IN THE DARK. Stars Christian Slater. Co-stars Tara Reid as a brilliant archaeologist who nevertheless can't pronounce "Newfoundland." Includes a gratuitous extra-long Christian Slater shower scene and an super-complex plot involving an ancient curse or something.
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Off the top of my head:
Alone in the Dark
Silent Hill
Doom ("If it moves...KILL IT!")
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OK, I can't totally figure out how to suggest a movie. I have the worst movie ever, I just totally won this contest and the prize. I'm the winner because of this movie: KNOCKAROUND GUYS. I saw this because I took a film class in college that required me to write a paper on four new theatrical releases throughout the semester, all were due "before the end of the semester". So, I put it off and watched four movies on the last possible day at the multiplex: IGBY GOES DOWN, PUMPKIN, SIMONE, and KNOCKAROUND GUYS (your article about SIMONE reminded me of this experience that I had ERASERedfrom my mind til today).
KNOCKAROUND GUYS stars Vin Diesel and John Malcovich and is about the children of mobsters who have to go get a shipment of drugs that got misrouted to the midwest, to prove themselves to their fathers. It's the story of how much more hardcore the city is than bumblefuck. I'm doing it justice. Review this movie, or at least watch it. It's the winner, has to be. I made an account just to tell you this. Enjoy.
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Sliver, starring Sharon Stone, is another worth while candidate.
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I thought it was great. And the 'point' was 'forgiveness.'
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Armageddon, horrible movie terribly overrated
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Its a shame that Bonfire Of The Vanities is not on the list. DePalma managed to f*** up a great Tom Wolfe novel and took Tom Hanks with him on this tragedy.
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I agree that Simply Irresistible is completely unwatchable, but is Sarah Michelle Gellar really B-List? Also, if one wants to go all Keanu Reeves, Johny Mnemonic and Something's Gotta Give should come up. (And speaking of Nicholson, how about The Two Jakes?) But I'm most amazed that Bruce Willis is not lighting up the board - Hudson Hawk, The Story of Us, Fifth Element, and Mercury Rising could all cause brain hemorrhages. There also aren't many old-school offerings - The Green Berets (John Wayne) or The Great Gatsby (and speaking of Redford, how about Up Close and Personal or The Last Castle?). If I had to pick one, though, I would go with Barry Lyndon - a Ryan O'Neal movie with the added cache that it was an enormous misfire by Stanley Kubrick - so blowhards feel compelled to find it deep.
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The Seeker: The Dark is Rising
"We, the old ones, we serve the Light. The Rider, he serves the Dark. The Dark is rising, Will. It is you who must restore the power of the Light."
you just cant get more straight forward than this.
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Battlefield Earth - awful scientoligical tripe masquerading as sci-fi masterpiece. Cavemen fly Harrier jets against the alien invaders! No straight camera angles - AT ALL!
And I second Boondock Saints - what a cinematic abortion. Just dreadful.
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I've never met you, so I'm not sure I feel comfortable subjecting you to the horrors of "Two Girls and Guy" starring Robert Downey Jr and Heather Graham as that would be at best some sort of declaration of my abject lack of concern for others, and at worst an outright act of agression.
Also, I would like very much to kick "The Sweetest Thing" in the nuts.
I thank you.
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