I'm coming to realize that I've set for myself an impossible task. I'm like Don Quixote facing off against the windmills, except that the windmills are really difficult to watch, and often the windmills have Bruce Willis or Dakota Fanning in them. The Hunt will never end. There will always be new terrible, terrible movies that require careful examination before they can be trustfully sunk to the bottom of Whoops Ocean. But Quixote's folly was his charm. I think. That book is so long, you guys. Who can remember? I'm not a book scientist.
I'm going out of town this weekend for the holiday (labor is the best, we should always celebrate it) and I'm going to take one blessed week off from The Hunt. Just one blissful sloppy-movie-free weekend without an interminable mis-guided passion project looming menacingly over my Sunday evening like Kathleen Turner loomed menacingly over Sly in the Babyco laboratory. Please forgive me. Besides, we're off Monday, so whatevs. You ain't care.
But, in preparation for what's to come (sadness, and hopefully death), it's time to finalize the Round Two list of nominations, which is as follows:
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Round Two Late Additions...
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in
latest by indieguy322
When Hudson Hawk came out in 1991, I was mostly interested in whether or not hoverboards were real, and staying away from bullies, so I didn't pay much attention to INDUSTRY NEWS, and yet it somehow managed to seep into even my distracted consciousness that that this was an epically horrible movie. To be fair, up until this weekend, I hadn't seen it and I didn't know anyone who'd seen it. So while I was definitely anticipating something awful, I was also fully aware that I could be operating under false information. Anyone who's been to high school knows that reputations can far outlast the original event. And thus it is with a clear mind, and a guilt-free conscience, having watched the movie in its entirety, that I can say "Oh wow, no, Hudson Hawk is really horrible, you guys." Seriously, someone should have left it in a plastic bag in the girl's bathroom during prom.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Hudson Hawk...
Posted by Gabe at 4:35 PM in
Tags: Bruce Willis | Hudson Hawk
latest by DorothyMantooth
Remember when Kevin Spacey was considered a good actor? It happened between 1995 and 1999. In 1995, both The Usual Suspects and Seven were released, and Spacey earned an Academy Award for his role as Roger Kint in The Usual Suspects. In 1999 he was again awarded an Academy Award for his role as Lester Burnham in American Beauty. That's not to say that Spacey hasn't had some minor triumphs before and since then, but those were really the golden days of Spacey. At this point, the shine has worn off. People don't even care if he's blowing guys in his trailer anymore. I think his fall from grace has to do with the fact that he has absolutely no range. His characters are always bemused and detached, watching the movie that's going on around them as if they aren't a major part of it. Splash some cold water on your face, Kevin Spacey, you're a fucking movie star. Act like it.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: K-Pax...
Posted by Gabe at 4:30 PM in
Tags: Jeff Bridges | K-Pax | Kevin Spacey
latest by Trace
When I told a friend of mine that we were going to be talking about Crash this week, the race one, not the fetish sex one, my friend said that it didn't belong in this Hunt. She said that everyone agrees it shouldn't have won Best Picture over Brokeback Mountain, and that because of that false victory it's become an easy target, but that in reality it's a decent, touching movie. First of all, just as a reminder to everyone, the way the Hunt works is any movie can be nominated, iif it's not the worst movie then I will say as much and we will move forward. But no movie is above being nominated. Second of all, Crash is not a decent and touching movie. In fact, it's such a horrible mess of inflammatory racism and reductive clichés that while it's not the WMOAT in the way that, say, Baby Geniuses is the WMOAT, it's the WMOAT in the way that Birth of a Nation is the WMOAT. This movie should be sentenced to 100 million hours of community service.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Crash...
Posted by Gabe at 5:30 PM in
Tags: Brendan Fraser | Crash | Don Cheadle | Larenz Tate | Ludacris | Matt Dillon | Ryan Phillipe | Sandra Bullock
latest by Jake
This week's film, Zardoz, has the dubious distinction of being the most commonly nominated movie in the Hunt so far. Yikes. Sucks to be you, Zardoz. It's also the oldest film we've talked about, made in 1974. That's why they refer to the years between Zardoz and Baby Geniuses as "the Golden Age of cinema" (no they don't.) Now, usually I suffer alone, in silence, as I was taught to do, but this week my friend Scott was in town visiting and I forced him to share my pain, and let me just say that he couldn't have picked a better weekend. The idea of sitting through this by myself, without anyone there to make jokes with or clean out the barf bucket is untenable. You know how Ian Curtis supposedly watched Werner Herzog's Strozek the day he killed himself? I'm just saying Strozek isn't the only movie that has a loosely drawn casual connection to suicide. Not anymore. Because I'm drawing it for Zardoz. With a knife. In my wrist skin.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Zardoz...
Posted by Gabe at 4:45 PM in
Tags: John Boorman | Sean Connery | Zardoz
latest by Stuart
You can't just write about how bad Neil LaBute's remake of The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage is. It's not that simple. The movie is so patently terrible, from the "acting" to the "suspense" to the "political themes" that talking about it as 'bad' is like referring to the Holocaust as 'a bummer.' I'm not actually comparing this stupid movie to the Holocaust, but I'm saying that it definitely has some Holocaustian elements in it. I'm not saying Nicolas Cage is Hitler, but I'm saying that he's definitely caused suffering to millions of people.
The Wicker Man is based on a British 70s film of the same name. I haven't seen the original, so I'm going to mostly leave it out of this analysis but acknowledge that it has a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, and is widely regarded as "good." Fair enough. I'm tempted to sink the original to the bottom of Whoops Ocean anyway, because obviously it resulted in the remake, but the parents can't be blamed for the sins of the child. Or at least that is what parents of shitty children are always telling everybody.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: The Wicker Man...
Posted by Gabe at 4:15 PM in
Tags: Neil LaBute | Nicolas Cage | The Wicker Man
latest by Voxen
While commenters AE and Sephtical were correct in suggesting that Johnny Mnemonic is a terrible film that should be shown to students at Garbage School as an example of How To Succeed, I can't in good conscience consider this to be one the Worst Film of All Time, for one reason: it's so fun to watch. I can't believe that some vamp camp bullshit like Rocky Horror gets midnight screenings around the country in perpetuity while gems like this are just waiting for a costumed celebration. Whether it's Keanu Reeves dressed like a late 1990s cocaine dealer from the future, or lines like "the only way is to hack your own brain," this movie was made for getting super trashed on informationtinis at your friend's apartment and throwing old Zip disks at the TV.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Johnny Mnemonic...
Posted by Gabe at 4:10 PM in
Tags: Ice T | Johnny Mnemonic | Keanu Reeves
latest by Antoine
Everyone makes mistakes. The problem with mine is that there's no abortion for internet memes. (EDGY STUFF!) Anyway, next week's entry in the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time, Johnny Mnemonic, will close out our Round One entrants. It's already been such an emotional roller-coaster, from the highs of wanting to kill myself to the lows of not having the will to move from the couch in order to kill myself. But, you guys, we've got to figure out what I'm going to be forced to watch in Round Two.
So far, I think we're looking at:
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Round Two...
Posted by Gabe at 11:33 AM in
latest by Boxhead
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