Do you ever eat foods that you know you don't like, just to remind yourself why you don't like them? I think that's a good thing to do sometimes! The worst case scenario is that you might momentarily have a taste in your mouth that you continue to find unpleasant, but there's also a chance that you will realize that your tastes have evolved and that you like this food now! Or, at the very least, you can reconfirm that your long-held idea about something remains accurate and feel confident that your worldview has been tested and holds up. I used to do this with honey mustard-flavored Combos a lot? Granted, I'm an adult now, and I don't need to remind myself that I don't like honey mustard-flavored Combos anymore. But the general idea is the same. Which is why sometimes I will watch scary movies even though, for the most part, I hate scary movies. What I'm saying is that I have already seen Funny Games. At least the original Funny Games of which this week's Hunt nominee is a remake.
But sometimes in life, apparently, you have to watch Funny Games again. You know, to remind yourself why you hate watching Funny Games.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Funny Games...
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in
Tags: Arno Frisch | Brady Corbet | Frank Giering | Funny Games | Michael Haneke | Michael Pitt | Naomi Watts | Susanne Lothar | Tim Roth | Ulrich Muhe
latest by Accolade83
Action movies are basically children's movies for adults. That is to say that they are expressly designed to hit very specific pleasure centers to generate a predictable and uniform reaction. Bad action movies, like bad children's movies, are rarely open to interpretation. Children's movies, of course, are exempt from this Spiritual Journey because what's the point? They are made for an audience with unique needs that are not the needs of adults. Forget it, Jake, it's Babytown, etc. Action movies are not entirely exempt from the Hunt, as the CrankHeads know all too well, but they might as well be exempt. They are simply too intentionally dumb and their ambitions too low to ever seriously surprise anyone with their terribleness. "What do you mean Speed 2 wasn't very good? How is that even possible?" is not a thing anyone has ever said. Let dogs sleeping at 55 miles per hour lie, or whatever.
Gone in 60 Seconds is no exception. But it is terrible. So:
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Gone In 60 Seconds...
Posted by Gabe at 5:50 PM in
Tags: Angelina Jolie | Cars | Giovanni Ribisi | Gone In 60 Seconds | Nicolas Cage | Timothy Olyphant
latest by cupisacup
Jessica Alba is really hot. Kind of. I mean, she is. In her face. But the more you learn about her, the less hot she seems. For one thing, she's not very good at acting, which is her job. And that's problematic. It's better when people are good at their jobs. Then they can take pride in what they do, and you can take pride with them. Yay! When they're bad at their jobs, it's just like, eesh. Not that Jessica Alba doesn't have millions of dollars to help ease the pain of her terrible case of The Eeshes. But, you know. And also, I read this interview with her once where she talked about how as a child she was riddled with health problems and how doctors didn't think she was going to live very long? The article was positing this fact as some kind of uplifting story about a girl who triumphed against all of the odds to be hot. "Doctors didn't think she was going to be very hot, but then it turned out later that she was hot. Here is a box of tissues for your tears of awe-struck joy." But the article had the opposite affect on me. Now whenever I see Jessica Alba, all I can think about is a bent over tiny child crippled by disease. I'm always nervous watching her, like she's going to collapse in a heap, phlegm running out of her nose, thin, watery blood foaming at her mouth, and big, watery, yellow eyes staring into the camera as she squeaks out a thin, barely audible plea. "Kill me. Please."
And of course there is that one picture of her, also known as The Picture. Embarrassing!
But for all of these things that we have learned about Jessica Alba over the years, and for as much as they make her seem like an inconsequential talent who is living on the borrowed time of her face's youthfulness, looking back at Honey, an early Alba vehicle from 2003, it turns out she is actually, counter-intuitively, getting better with time! Unexpected.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Honey...
Posted by Gabe at 5:30 PM in
Tags: Dancing | Ginuwine | Hip Hop | Honey | Jadakiss | Jessica Alba | Mekhi Phifer | Missy Elliott | Tweet
latest by going out boots
If you were to describe the movie Georgia Rule in a few short sentences on a sheet of paper, one might assume that it was an awful, awful movie. For example: It's the tonally-disjointed gently comic story of three generations of women who do not get along with each other in the midst of a potential sexual abuse situation from the creator of Laverne and Shirley and The Other Sister, starring Lindsay Lohan. "Yikes," you could imagine someone thinking to themselves after reading that description, "that sounds truly abysmal." But that is just a short description. Can you really boil a movie like this down to a couple of sentences?
Yes, you can. Like "this movie is fucking awful." That's a sentence. Or, "I hate this movie, and I hate everyone involved with the making of this movie." That's another sentence. If you want even more, there are plenty of similar sentences after the jump.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Georgia Rule...
Posted by Gabe at 6:30 PM in
Tags: Dermot Mulroney | Felicity Huffman | Gary Marshall | Georgia Rule | Jane Fonda | Lindsay Lohan
latest by mfnalaska
As a 57-year-old man who spends most of his weekends sitting on his porch with a rifle laid across his lap throwing stones at passersby as practice for later so that in my actual retirement it will look like I know what I'm doing (being mean and old), there's obviously a lot about Clint Eastwood's character in Gran Torino that appeals to me. He dislikes his neighbors? Of course he does! He is constantly grumpy? Who isn't?! He's a vocal and unrepentant racist? Uhhh. Whatever it takes! (To be old?) But could it be that Gran Torino is the Worst Movie of All Time? ONLY TIME AND WHATEVER IS AFTER THE JUMP WILL TELL!
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Gran Torino...
Posted by Gabe at 4:45 PM in
Tags: Asian People | Cars | Clint Eastwood | Gran Torino | Racism | White People
latest by japanese harry potter
Look, screenwriters, I get it. Your job is to sit around all day in your dirty bathrobes coming up with hackneyed premises to temporarily distract our stupid faces. Fair enough. Everyone has to put dirty food on their dirty families. But once you come up with the mind-blowing idea ("what if there was a dude who woke up one morning and discovered that everything he thought he knew was different") then you have to put in the work to tie it all together! It can't always just turn out that the explanation for all of the twists and turns was aliens for no good reason other than that aliens is the only way to "logically" allow you to write this nonsense. OH, BTW, SPOILER ALERT.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: The Forgotten...
Posted by Gabe at 6:00 PM in
Tags: Dominic West | Gary Sinise | Julianne Moore | The Forgotten
latest by Website
At some point, when it became clear to my family that I enjoyed writing, they began to offer ideas for what I might write about. Especially my grandfather. And in almost every instance, the subject was the dinner we were having. I cannot tell you how many times my grandfather, sitting at the head of the table during a large family meal, has turned to me and said "you could make a story out of this dinner. You could write a whole story about it," but I can tell you that it is many times. I've never taken his advice because I wouldn't want to read a story about someone else's family eating dinner, so I can't imagine anyone would want to read about my family eating dinner. Also, what are you talking about, grandpa? But I feel like something similar happened in the writing of Rachel Getting Married. Someone was at a wedding and their grandfather turned to them and said "you could make a whole movie about this wedding," and so they did.
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Rachel Getting Married...
Posted by Gabe at 5:50 PM in
Tags: Anne Hathaway | Rachel Getting Married
latest by Paul Metzler You Betzl…
The first time I ever saw porno (just kidding mom, this is a made up story about jokes) was in junior high school. It was at a sleepover at my friend Matt's house, and our other friend, Dorian, brought a VHS from his collection. His collection! It's important for sixth grader's to have extra-curricular hobbies I guess. I wonder whatever happened to Dorian. I mean, like, I wonder what jail he is in now? Anyway, the movie was called Girls of the USA, but the label had shortened it to GUSA, and to this day whenever I think of porno (just kidding mom, hahaha, I don't even think about anything!), the name GUSA (pronounced Goose-a) still seems to me like the One True Porn Title. At some point, we lost the video in Matt's basement? I don't know how that happened. I also don't know if they ever found the tape, because eventually I had to go home. I couldn't just live in Matt's basement forever solving the GUSA Emergency. Anyway, the point is that watching Caligula as an adult was similar to my first porn watching experience as a child. Like, very uncomfortable, surprisingly boring, constantly wondering when it would be over, and although I did not lose the DVD in Matt's basement after watching it, I wish I had. I wish I had lost every copy in existence.
It should be noted that there is at least one NSFW image after the jump:
Continue reading The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Caligula...
Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in
Tags: Caligula | Gore Vidal | Helen Mirren | John Gielgud | Malcolm McDowell | NSFW | Penthouse | Peter O'Toole | Porno
latest by tonny
