As was made clear earlier today, there ain't no ring on your finger. YOU HAVE GOT TO PLAY THE FIELD. (Via StreetCarnage.)
Posted by Gabe at 2:45 PM in That's Your Boyfriend
Tags: Barack Obama | Chewing Tobacco | Idiocracy | Nightmares
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
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If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
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I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
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The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
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Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
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My (our) potential suitors thus far are a woman with an incomparable love for life, some sweet moves, and the confidence to put them on display. Now we have a gentleman with the ability to formulate an argument like no other, someone who sticks to their dip. She's too sexy for her car (by far)! He aint showin' a damn nazi sign! We have so much to think about!
Score = 12
I'm trying my hardest to say something funny about this video, but the sound of him spitting every 30 seconds is the most disgustingly distracting thing ever. YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH THIS, MON-*STARS*.
Score = 7
People just don't understand his passion for politics the way that I do.
Score = 34
Welcome, Cap'n Jack.
Score = 10
Magnanimousgum
Score = 7
:)
Score = 5
Here's an E- fruit basket for joining! Welcome!
Score = 10
i'm just scared he'll leave me for a hooker.
again.
also he hits me cuz he loves me
Score = 5
I couldn't watch past 1 30. How can an enraged person be so boring? All he says is "i'm pissed as hail" and then coughs and stares. It ain't right.
Score = 21
then you, sir/madam missed a whole helluva lot o' DIP.
Score = 2
Shheeewt. Nex' thing ya' know, he gon' be outlawin' Twisted Tea or Mike's Hard or some shit. Inpeach 'im already!
Score = 11
I too feel that when things turn fruity they must be mmmmpeached.
Score = 6
I'm betting this guy's got Skoalrebel's vote in '12:
Score = 6
Is that stove behind him on? WITH cardboard/paper on top of it?! Does this video end with him burning the house down (I couldn't make it to the end. Too much sexyness!)?
Score = 9
that is a Hot Pocket container on top of the burner. Its the "Where's Waldo" of hillbilly you tube.
Score = 5
In his defense me and my gay friends are militantly against flavored dips and have been lobbying the White House to ban these abominations since February. Any President would have caved under that kind of super-gay pressure. His anger is completely justified just mis-directed at the president.
Score = 28
I want to leave him,, but we have so many great memories together.
Those walks in the park where he'd try to bag a squirrel for me.
That time he wore sweatpants, a dirty blazer and a tshirt which said "Give me head, not grief" for 12 weeks running.
The tickle of his rudimentary facial hair.
All those moments will be lost... in time... like tears in rain.
TIME. TO DIE.
Score = 54
Does this comment have it all? You're damn right it does.
Score = 4
If nothing else, youre in the monster's ball of my heart.
Score = 4
You're the Editor's Choice of my heart, goddamn.
Score = 0
I'm sorry, did he say his chewing tobacco is flavored like whiskey?
Score = 9
He sure has a pretty mouth
Score = 18
Who wouldn't give a monkey a dip? Fuck if I was the president I would force monkeys to dip and have sex with prostitutes. I mean hell (spits) who wouldn't want that?
Score = 8
I didn't know people like this knew how to use video equipment / the internet.
Score = 22
I went to college with this guy. About 100 versions of this guy. Things they cannot joke about: Gay shit, huntin', and yer chew.
Score = 12
sounds like someone went to an SEC school! haha! (i went to an SEC school. ha, on me.)
Score = 4
Skoalrebel is no longer my boyfriend, as we made it official this afternoon down at the county courthouse. Also, I'm pregnant!
Score = 14
he sure struggles to breathe doesn't he?
Score = 15
**he moves away from the mic to breathe in
Score = 25
I am thankful that in my 27 years on earth I've never had to meet anybody like this.
Score = 3
Lord knows I have.
Score = 2
"I hate to say it but. BUT. A monkey would be a better president than him! A monkey's a whole lot smarter! I don't know if a monkey dips, but...I'd give it a dip! \pause/ Man, if I was the fucking president, I'd make everything legal. EVERYTHING!*"
*(not that gay shit though)
This is real? This can't be real. Between the 'fingernails on a blackboard' grunt-hacks and the HALF STARS AND STRIPES HALF CONFEDERATE FLAG HANGING FROM HIS CEILING, I simply cannot in good conscience believe that the human race produced such a winner.
Score = 12
dont tell me my relationships arent real! WERE IN LOVE!
Score = 4
Score = 20
"It's not your fault your parents were cousins" - Uncle Trevor
We need the invisible locks for this guy.
Score = 14
i saw this a few days ago and thought about sending it in, but decided it was ultimately too horrifying to laugh at. really when the racial epithets start is when i started to be far more sad than amused. i am, however, amazed that this person knows how to work a camera and upload a video to the internet, because he seems real slow. and by seems i mean he is definitely fucking stupid.
Score = 14
i thought about sending it in last week, too, but got so sad i had to lie down.
Score = 5
But where does he stand on Maggots vs. Juggalos?
Score = 30
The irony is that with this guy's pretty-much-guaranteed adulthood of poverty and pretty-much-guaranteed future health issues, the public option would be pretty damn useful.
Score = 19
Did he actually use a vowel other than oBAMa in those seven minutes. All I could make out was "mmthfkn wsky flvr dp skvt yll wrss prsdnt vlltm oBAMa (*spits, coughs*) gddmn mthfkn rbl flg tr mrkn nggr bllsht" Anyone speak Drooling Braindead Racist here? Subtitles?
Also, that's not my boyfriend. That's my country :(
Score = 20
I have identified 1:34 as the point where this video ceases to be funny and becomes a horrifyingly sad vignette about the ways in which society has failed this young man.
Score = 8
Real men swallow boy
Score = 8
I've never seen such a literal embodiment of (a chubby) Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel in my life. I am sad for this person. And his gums. Or what used to be his gums.
Score = 12
I'm fairly certain that's some variety of lawn chair/patio furniture that he's sitting in.
Also, it's awkward how he bobs down between his legs in order to spit.
Score = 3
I actually submitted this to tips@videogum.com almost a week ago. LOL @ "inpeached"
Score = 1
I am sorry that I missed it, Franky. Clearly your tips are great. Please continue to send them in.
Score = 10
I keep trying to think of something funny to say but the patio furniture, the stove adorned with trash, the t-shirt, the mustache and everything he says/does basically covers it.
Score = 7
I never thought I'd say this but THANK GOD I live in New Jersey. No my boyfriends around here.
Score = -4
I guess you don't live near the Pineys then.
South Jersey represent!
Score = 4
Haha No, I do not. It always amazes me that such a tiny state has so many worlds. It must be the population density/pollution fumes. JUST JOKING NJ is not a polluted wasteland most of the time.
Score = 3
i learned the other day that there's this one section of my home state (louisiana represent!) that, within 3 square miles, is more polluted than the entire state of new jersey. it's lovingly called "cancer alley". so. um. booyah? louisiana wins? at sucking more? yay.
Score = 2
I like how he keeps running out of breath and has to take a few seconds to catch it. Dude, going full retard is no subsitute for sensible eating and exersise!
Score = 2
I'm terribly sorry but i simply can't understand a word you are saying. In polite society we don't speak with or mouth full. 'A monkey would be smarter'? Agreed.
Daft racist.
Score = 0
What is he upset about? I'm not kidding. Can someone point this out to me? Something flavor dips?
Score = 2
A recent law was passed that outlawed flavored tobacco products. The idea being that flavored products are marketed to children. Strawberry cigs and all that.
Score = 1
Thank you!
Score = 0
THIS IS late but I'D JUST like to point OUT that IT ALSO OUTLAWS cloves, candy CIGARETTES, prevents THE COMPANIES from sponsoring EVENTS, advertising NEAR PARTICULAR locations, BUT GUESS what, it doesn't OUTLAW methols? WHY? CAUSE Marlboro loves THAT fuckin MONOPOLY.
Score = 0
3:57 - Obama's Jewish. I knew it.
Welcome to the tribe, Mr. President.
Score = 10
while i agree with his main point about banning flavored tobacco, he really shouldn't be making said point with a mouthful of copenhagen
Score = 1
This septic tub of stupidity has an entire series of him chewing tobacco in front of a webcam!
Score = 1
The day I changed my ad on mouthbreathingracists.com/personals to say NO SMOKERS, DIP OK was the day I changed my life.
Score = 9
Is anyone else afraid that our boyfriend looks like he's going to collapse of everything-failure any second?
I've pleaded with him over and over again to take better care of himself, but he just won't stop with that flavored chewing tobacco and Mountain Dew. I'm worried about him. :(
Score = 6
He's just a fuckbuddy.
Score = 17
"A monkey would be a better president than him!"
Bush's term is over. Why can't these people get over it?
Score = 9
has there ever been an activity less camera ready than dipping?
Score = 3
I can't believe that I am the first person to point out the empty hot pocket sleeve over his left shoulder.
Score = -1
While I can't agree that banning flavored dip is gay, I will say that banning flavored chip dip would be very gay. Gays hate milk fat.
Score = 2
Is this man dying? Are these a record of his last known words?
Also I can't really understand the part where he voices his complaint about Obama. What exactly is he upset about?
Score = 0
I'm inclined to believe that this is a viral marketing video for "Cope Whiskey."
Score = 0
0:01 (death rattle). Already not going well.
Score = 3
A nigger AND a jew? Wow.
Score = 0
Score = 12
6:57 - his underwear.
Score = 1
that's David from the dentist, right?
Score = -1
Glossectomy's are gay. I mean, what the hell? My trache hole needs a peach.
Score = 0
I don't get it, did he mix opium and chewing tobacco? It seems like he was taking a nap and someone poked him with a stick and said "Skoalrebel! Wake the fuck up, man, and like pontificate or what-not bout the state of the fuckin world!"
Score = 1
You can pry our love from our stained, flavored hands.
Score = 0
He does make some trenchant points and adds to the national discourse on things that are "fucking gay as hell."
Score = 0
Our lives share many common aspects. Talking makes me tired too.
Score = 0