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September 14, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: All Your Boyfriends

You have had a lot of lovers in your life (yuck, you should stop calling them "lovers," do you realize that everyone hates how you always call them "lovers"?). What most of your friends would say to someone who does not know you is, "Denise doesn't really have a type, she's just a people person." Btw, your name is Denise, and you are a people person. Your philosophy is that everyone is a complex human being with multiple sides to their personality, and it would be unfair to dismiss them before you had a chance to really get to know them (sexually). And you certainly can't reduce who they are to a single-sentence description, although if you COULD, "I'm a 25-year subscriber to Playboy and New Yorker magazines" would be a pretty good start. (Thanks for the tip, Mark.)

Posted by Gabe at 3:30 PM in
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49 Comments

early to bed and early to rise? well he's certainly me rise!!!

Posted by: Pistachio Disguisey profile link at 09/14/09 3:36 PM  | Reply
Score = -2 Vote up Vote down

made me rise i mean. as in an "erection"

Posted by: Pistachio Disguisey profile link  in reply to  Pistachio Disguisey's comment at 09/14/09 3:38 PM  | Reply
Score = -7 Vote up Vote down

I liked it better the first time. I prefer my 5th grader boner jokes with a side of improper spelling and grammar.

Posted by: Demolitionist profile link  in reply to  Pistachio Disguisey's comment at 09/14/09 4:17 PM  | Reply
Score = 14 Vote up Vote down

i'm still looking for my Donna Juanita...

Posted by: practicallyinformation profile link at 09/14/09 3:37 PM  | Reply
Score = 11 Vote up Vote down

How convenient it seems as though a certain Mr. Delahaye's footage was left on the cutting room floor for this post.

Posted by: HarshBrowns profile link at 09/14/09 3:40 PM  | Reply
Score = 15 Vote up Vote down

no fatties.

Posted by: Amennn profile link at 09/14/09 3:40 PM  | Reply
Score = -1 Vote up Vote down

Don't worry, I'm not downvoting you, the person, I'm downvoting the overall "no fatties" sentiment.

Posted by: Clare profile link  in reply to  Amennn's comment at 09/14/09 5:16 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

I LOVE cats!

Posted by: Sedusa profile link at 09/14/09 3:40 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

Seriously though, who is THE goddess?

Posted by: bananafana feux profile link at 09/14/09 3:43 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

um...the goddess is "the woman, a woman, any woman, all women"

DUH

Posted by: tibmalian profile link  in reply to  bananafana feux's comment at 09/15/09 12:22 AM  | Reply
Score = 6 Vote up Vote down

This guy seems great, I don't know what is wrong with girls these days.

Posted by: itsnotfunny profile link at 09/14/09 3:44 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

Fatties, sure. But hamsters? What is this guy's problem?

Posted by: Lorin profile link at 09/14/09 3:44 PM  | Reply
Score = 17 Vote up Vote down

He's just mad because he's Jon Favreau.

Posted by: kiss the pan profile link  in reply to  Lorin's comment at 09/14/09 5:37 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

I tried writing a response to this video like 3 times, and then realized that all of these men are going to hell, and that my words would be powerless to save thier godforsaken souls.

Posted by: Charlie Wildcard Kelly profile link at 09/14/09 3:44 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

The guy who likes cats is going to hell? Hitler, Mussolini, and a socially awkward guy who likes cats. Perfect.

Posted by: Lorin profile link  in reply to  Charlie Wildcard Kelly's comment at 09/14/09 3:52 PM  | Reply
Score = 16 Vote up Vote down

The guy who has cats was included just because he submitted himself to be on this show in the first place. And he is probably lying about liking cats anyway.

Posted by: Charlie Wildcard Kelly profile link  in reply to  Lorin's comment at 09/14/09 3:56 PM  | Reply
Score = 11 Vote up Vote down

Lowered Expectations
for all your romantic drainage-ditch rendezvous.

Posted by: kathleen11 profile link at 09/14/09 3:47 PM  | Reply
Score = 9 Vote up Vote down

To be fair, he only gets the New Yorker for the pictures.

Posted by: Bubbles profile link at 09/14/09 3:50 PM  | Reply
Score = 23 Vote up Vote down

Can't fault these guys for trying. ABT, u doodz.

Posted by: Constantinople profile link at 09/14/09 3:55 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


Nice socks.

Posted by: Kenny Powers profile link at 09/14/09 3:56 PM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

losers. not one of them had any bottles of patron.

Posted by: whoa! profile link at 09/14/09 3:56 PM  | Reply
Score = 13 Vote up Vote down

Just so everyone knows, a version of whatever this is still exists OnDemand. I watch it for laffs. The video in that link... not a comedy sketch. Fully representative of the clips featured.

Posted by: Becca profile link at 09/14/09 4:03 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

I... watch it... for laffs. Yeah that's it. For laffs.
Just teasing, madame. If you were on Dating On Demand, I would let you be your true and dear self why I'm able to be my own true and dear self.

Posted by: That One profile link  in reply to  Becca's comment at 09/14/09 4:12 PM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

"*while* I'm able"
There goes my chance to be a little luckier on things.

Posted by: That One profile link  in reply to  That One's comment at 09/14/09 4:16 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

You got me. The only reason I got cable was to troll for booty calls.

Posted by: Becca profile link  in reply to  That One's comment at 09/14/09 4:18 PM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

Does that guy (1:00) really refer to himself as "we"? That's a deal-breaker!

Posted by: Silvio profile link at 09/14/09 4:04 PM  | Reply
Score = 4 Vote up Vote down

No dogs!

Posted by: The New Sound profile link at 09/14/09 4:14 PM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

Entirely off-topic but your avatar just very vaguely made me remember that last night I had what may have been a sex dream involving Bob Fossil.


Sorry, I just thought this was something worth sharing with all of you.

Posted by: moonmaster profile link  in reply to  The New Sound's comment at 09/14/09 4:44 PM  | Reply
Score = 6 Vote up Vote down

That is an understandable sex dream. He has the sweetest moves I've ever seen.

Posted by: The New Sound profile link  in reply to  moonmaster's comment at 09/14/09 5:16 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

I'm pretty sure this is Mr. G:

Posted by: Detroit Dutchgirl profile link at 09/14/09 4:20 PM  | Reply
Score = 10 Vote up Vote down

This fucking guy looks like Nicolas Cage in Raising Arizona.

Posted by: Kenny Powers profile link  in reply to  Detroit Dutchgirl's comment at 09/14/09 4:45 PM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

At least I know my boyfriend will give me a nice watch for my birthday!

Posted by: jneslo profile link at 09/14/09 4:23 PM  | Reply
Score = 6 Vote up Vote down

why do the 80's remind me so much of Canada?

Posted by: whoa! profile link at 09/14/09 4:32 PM  | Reply
Score = 25 Vote up Vote down

Because in Canada it's still the 80's. They're 20 years behind America.
It's North America's time machine!!!

Posted by: Napoleon Complex profile link  in reply to  whoa!'s comment at 09/15/09 6:43 AM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

HOLY SHIT I am ON HERE! I don't EVEN remember THIS!

Posted by: An American Patriot profile link at 09/14/09 4:59 PM  | Reply
Score = 19 Vote up Vote down

Men are awesome.

Posted by: Missouri Mustache profile link at 09/14/09 5:05 PM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

Now they're planning the crime of the century
Well what will it be?
Read all about their schemes and adventuring
It's well worth the fee

So roll up and see
How they rape the universe
How they've gone from bad to worse

Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory?
Rip off the masks and let see
But that's not right - oh no, what's the story?
There's you and there's me

(That can't be right)

Posted by: nader paul kucinich gravel at 09/14/09 5:29 PM  | Reply
Score = -1 Vote up Vote down

dude, the Green Day/MTV post was earlier today.

Posted by: whoa! profile link  in reply to  nader paul kucinich gravel's comment at 09/14/09 5:47 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

Was "Donna Juanita" code for The Gays back then?

Posted by: NunesMagician profile link at 09/14/09 5:32 PM  | Reply
Score = 7 Vote up Vote down

Ach! Back to the loch with you, Nessie!

Posted by: kiss the pan profile link at 09/14/09 5:35 PM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

No fatties, Donna Juanitas, or hamsters?!? Good luck, dude!

Posted by: Merkinsocks profile link at 09/14/09 5:38 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

aw, man. these are just people hoping to find love. isn't it nicer to imagine that there is love out there for everyone, even the guy who said 'no fatties?'

Posted by: caringiscool profile link at 09/14/09 6:39 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

no. especially for the guy who said no "fatties." The winner here is the candidate with the teal sweatshirt. I might even travel through time for that teal sweatshirt. (and to kill Hitler)

Posted by: leeuh profile link  in reply to  caringiscool's comment at 09/14/09 11:03 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

i don't remember edward norton being in any world war two movies

Posted by: orlemonde profile link at 09/14/09 8:56 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

Saw that , Bill Pullman at 54 sec.

Posted by: theglowing profile link  in reply to  orlemonde's comment at 09/14/09 10:14 PM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

Saving Private Smoochy?

Posted by: Missouri Mustache profile link  in reply to  orlemonde's comment at 09/15/09 7:00 AM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

my name's denise, and i'm a people person :(

Posted by: shame profile link at 09/14/09 11:10 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

what does "no hamsters" mean? Does he mean no real life rodent-as-pet hamsters? or does he mean no "Richard Gere-ing"? Is hamster some code for women with chubby cheeks who eat their young? I just do not get it.

Posted by: Mr. Hausfrau profile link at 09/15/09 6:34 AM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

also: Hello Maurice ;)

Posted by: Mr. Hausfrau profile link at 09/15/09 6:36 AM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

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