That's Your Girlfriend: Cat Massage Lady
"Come to bed. What do you mean, you 'can't'? What do you mean, 'Champ needs you'? Champ did not have a hard day! No he didn't! No, you cannot feel a lot of tension and knots in Champ's haunches. Look, you've been petting him for four hours--fine, massaging. What? Well, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to demean what you do. I know that it's more than petting. Are you crying? Will you stop crying, please. Why are you crying? If you are upset with me, would you please talk to me directly, and stop filtering everything through Champ. No Champ doesn't think that. No, you think that. Well just say so. I'm not going to apologize to Champ. No. Because I don't owe him an apology. Because he's a cat. You know, when you say 'he's a cat, but he's also a human being, and a true friend,' it makes you sound crazy. I just want you to know that, in case you ever think about saying something like that in front of other people. Well, for one, because he's not a human being. That's like the biggest reason. Will you just come to bed now? You can massage Champ's temples in the morning. You can release the stress in Champ's tail in the morning, please. I love you and I want to have sex with you."
--You
Posted by Gabe at 1:15 PM in That's Your Girlfriend
Tags: Cat Massage | Cats | Massage
Does she understand Fluent Meow?
oh and my cat doesn't want a massage it wants to be spanked. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SF7G9UjVi0
Score = 2
I like to play my cat like a bongo for the accompanying yowl effects. My family laughs and we all try not to notice that she seems to be aroused by it.
Score = 5
Petting is passe?! I never want to understand fluent meow. F'in fancy ass cats
Score = 1
"No oils or lotions are needed."
Ugh. What if oils and lotions WERE needed? This video made me physically nauseous. And what's up with your girlfriend not being able to correctly pronounce jeweler?
Score = 16
I feel like this post should have had a Lindsay joke in it.
Score = 14
Her cat is only the best in the US? Why not the world?
Score = 12
Well, there is this one German cat that's pretty awesome. Other than that, though.
Score = 4
Everyone knows all those German cats are all fucking roided up. USA USA USA!
Score = 8
"Our needs and wants have been grossly misinterpreted."
-All of the cats
Score = 28
hey, MY cat is the best cat in the united states!
Score = 8
Whaaaaaaaaaat is that in your avatar?
Score = 6
I've known how to massage my cat since I was about 14 yrs old.
Score = 10
Pussy massage videos on the internet?!?!? I suppose it was only a matter of time.
Score = 3
Me?
(sobs uncontrollably into hands)
Score = 1
I bet Champ gets massaged as much as hjfreaks drinks milk.
Score = -1
She's a talker.
Score = 9
"That says a lot about life and about cat massage." How many times have I said that...
Score = 10
That could be a fun new Twiiter party game:
remembering all the old Simon and Garfunkel songs and how they say a lot about life and about cat massage.
Score = 6
no no no wait stop...who's amrit...that guy doesn't have enough good opinions about this fun new twitter party game to be me! "i get the news I need on the weather report" life and cat massage. never forget.
Score = -2
Incidentally, Mrs. Robinson was the name of Art Garfunkel's beloved tabby.
Score = 3
This video made me uncomfortable. Plus now my cats are demanding cat massages all day long. Thanks a lot (sarcasm).
Score = 2
I tried to fool drool once. Big mistake.
Score = 3
Sorry lady, but "excruciatingly slow" is just way too slow for me, I need to massage this cat and I need to do it right fucking now!!
Score = 9
Thats what she said!! Like all of it! Am I right guys?
Score = 4
Who wants to be the one to tell this poor lady her cat has been dead for 3 years and she's just going to have to accept it.
Not it.
Score = 1
Remember folks - if you're right-handed, use your right hand. If left-handed, use your left. Or, if you're right-handed, try your left hand, or vice versa. Or, use both hands.
The proper hand is the key to the gateway of a good massage.
Score = 0
i don't know what's better - the crazy things she says, or they way it jumps SO FAST from one thing she says to another.
Score = 0
Is this like the equivalent to hand/blow job instructions on how to keep your man, but for cat ladies who will never have a man and are starting to think even the cat is eyeing the door lately?
Score = 3
Most people go mid-back. Meh ! ! ! - My Girlfriend
Score = -1
I made it to 1:13 and then the voice in my head saying "Guuuurl, she gon' fuck that cat" got too loud.
I don't think I need to double my pleasure OR my fun. Especially not when my cat is involved.
Score = -1
I was excited to learn about various methods I could use to massage my cat, and this was choppy and edited in a way that makes me believe someone was mocking this fine woman. I literally broke out a bag of Milanos for this video!
Score = 0