That's Your Boyfriend: Captyn Zodiak
When you and your boyfriend, Captyn Zodiak, first started going out, your friends wanted to support you. Sure, he would show up to a dinner party empty handed and put his bare feet up on the table. Sure, a pot-leaf bandanna and reflective Oakley wraparounds seemed to be his version of formal eveningwear. Sure, he said that the reason he called everyone Gaia was because he had trouble remembering names. And sure, he still smoked Djarums even though it's been more than 20 years since he graduated high school. But you seemed really focused on self-improvement, which was better than a lot of your previous relationships. And if impromptu kitchen drum circles and impromptu living room poetry jams were part of that, your friends were willing to play along.
Until they realized that your boyfriend, Captyn Zodiak, was actually just ridiculous, and probably mentally unstable. Lydia swears she caught him in Todd's bathroom one time trying to eat incense.
He's like a cross between Rocky Balboa, Eric Nies, and a clown. Let's paint, exercise, and take our brain medicine, Captyn Zodiak.
P.S. Holy shit.
(Thanks for the tip, Darius.)
Posted by Gabe at 2:00 PM in That's Your Boyfriend
Tags: Captyn Zodiak
IamananimalIamananimalIamananimalIamananimalIamananimal, That's all folks!
Score = 5
Sorry, Captain Zodiac, what are you?
Score = 6
HOLY SHIT that guy should be commenting on videogum everyday.
WE ARE ALL ANIMALS PEOPLE. LET'S FEEL THE TEMPERATURE THAT IT IS, Y'ALL!!!!!!
Score = 5
this is like a jack kerouac mad lib one-man poetry slam.
also - acid.
Score = 14
QUESTION:
Do you mind if I use "BECCA" as the name of my love interest in my upcoming novel?!
FULL DISCLOSURE:
There is a love triangle with "Becca," the Constantinople Character, and Spooky Ghost. All is upset HOWEVER when ISTANBUL shows up TO FUCK SOME STUFF UP. It's like LOST love line. But with the American Revolution
Score = 8
i've got to read this novel of yours!
it should be set in a small town called Gumland where the ppl call themselves Gummerz. but there should be no bridges in the town because I hear bridges attract trolls - and Gummerz hate trolls.
Score = 10
Oh man, make this an episodic guest feature, please! Get this done!
Score = 6
i was hoping for a "teaser" of this book in celebration of the 4th. oh well, theres always next year...
Score = 2
holy shit, that entire website is an insane rabbit hole of weirdness. yes, please, let it be real.
Score = 1
Screw the Asteroids movie, they need to get someone on making the Captyn Zodiak's Cosmic Cadillac Movie.
Score = 6
And he's a Paul-tard!!! It's only fitting...
Score = 2
i wouldn't mind being locked up in an air conditioned cage. i don't have air conditioning...and i don't think captyn zodiak would want to smell me, actually.
Score = 1
I wanna smell you.
Works (gets me sent to prison) every time.
Score = 8
Was anyone actually surprised he's not a fan of deodorant?
Score = 3
Someone PLEASE call him for a spiritual reading.
"I offer you a new means of looking at your present and future while respecting your participation in an ever occurring Universe in which you are a participant, thereby creating your own moments, now and tomorrow, open to any and all possibilities, limited only by your thinking, empowered by your faith and gratitude. "
Score = 1
Weeeeeeell you can't smell me, I'm more of a house cat.
Score = 0
Don't sanitize my mind. Don't sanitize my lens flare.
Score = 1
If he doesn't like computers, why is he making this video? Shouldn't he be spending these eight minutes and nine seconds playing around in the sunshine? Like an animal, or something?
Score = 2
Definitely a dash of the guy who played Kramer too. Specifically when he is apologizing on Letterman, all very straight faced and solemn and saying "afro-americans"
Score = 1
I'd hit it.
Score = 2
If you are going to smoke anything, Djarums are not the worst choice.
Score = -1
im down with smellin real and all that shit, but whta is this guys air conditioning fixation?
i am an animal i am an animal,
WHY AM I NOT HOTTER?
i am an animal
somebody buy this man a sweater
Score = 1
im down with smellin real and all that shit, but whta is this guys air conditioning fixation?
i am an animal i am an animal,
WHY AM I NOT HOTTER?
i am an animal
somebody buy this man a sweater
Score = 0
why does he like natural shit but techno music? his rhetoric about air conditioning is more like technophobia than humanism
Score = 1
Dude, it's a REMIX.
Score = 1
he reminds me of my dad when he was hooked on coke (for real) - a million :(
Score = 1
GET THIS BAD MOTHA ON THE SITE REGULARLY, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!
Score = 0