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Category: That's Your Boyfriend

November 5, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: The President?

Huh? I don't know! Although I will say this: whoever made this video deserves to date whoever they want. As long as they don't murder and eat them afterward! I also appreciate that they used as broad of a definition of "President" as possible to also include Prime Ministers, Secretaries of State, egomaniacal dictators, and Popes. In this modern day of blurry gender roles and self-determined sexuality, it's important not to impose our value judgments on president-sexuals. They want the same things we want: love, security, and to be dating someone that respects them for who they are while simultaneously being either a President, or very close to a President, depending on a country's chosen (or imposed) form of government. Preferably one with a big MANDATE! (No politico.)

(Thanks for the tip, Godsauce and Andy.)

Posted by Gabe at 9:30 AM in ,
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Comments (38) latest by Walter Kovacs

October 22, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: This Fucking Crybaby*

I'm sure that his sensitivity has opened him up to you emotionally and sexually in ways that you've never experienced with your previous lovers. But he needs to grow a pair if he's ever going to GET THAT MONEY. Who is going to pay for your fancy dates? Waiter, we are going to need another Tiramisu, this one is soaked with (his) tears!

*Sarcasm.

Posted by Gabe at 4:40 PM in
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Comments (78) latest by Garmanbozia

October 13, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: California Raisin Face Paint Guy

HOLY. SHIT.

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE NIGHTMAREVINE!

Have you ever barfed so much that you couldn't barf anymore and you're just kneeling there over the toilet drawing up thin strands of hot, yellow bile, FROM YOUR EYES?

Somehow this is worse than blackface. I'm disappointed in you. For dating and loving and constantly having athletic sex with this man.

Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in
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Comments (40) latest by caringiscool

October 12, 2009

We Should All Be So Lucky As To Find Something In This World That Makes Us Happy, Parts Four-A And Four-B

thumbnail: We Should All Be So Lucky As To Find Something In This World That Makes Us Happy, Parts Four-A And Four-B

[Ed. note: due to a Netflix Error, the Hunt is postponed for a week. Boo hoo, I'm sure. We're all devastated.]

On a day like today, with Couples Retreat making headlines as the number one movie in the country and reminding us that there's nothing America loves better than Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau organizing a paid vacation to the Bahamas for themselves, it is hard to remember that there are even things to like in this world. Everything is so hatable! Jon Gosselin is claiming that he's half-Jewish? Shut up, Jon Gosselin. Shut your mouth. Roland Emmerich is making a movie about Shakespeare? Alas, poor Yorick! He blew his brains out, Horatio. So when you do find something that you like, HOLD ON TO THAT THING. Grip it tight, Of Mice and Men style, and try not to crush it in your soft-brained hands, but hug it and love it and keep it forever.

Today, we have two classic entries in this on-going search for elusive Human Happiness:

Continue reading We Should All Be So Lucky As To Find Something In This World That Makes Us Happy, Parts Four-A And Four-B...

Posted by Gabe at 5:45 PM in ,
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Comments (43) latest by PerhapsAnAtticShallISeek

October 6, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: Corey Feldman

I know I don't usually speak so plainly, but BREAK UP WITH HIM. (Thanks for the tip, Detroit Dutchgirl.)

Posted by Gabe at 4:00 PM in
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Comments (72) latest by Up, Up, and Away!

September 30, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: skoalrebel

As was made clear earlier today, there ain't no ring on your finger. YOU HAVE GOT TO PLAY THE FIELD. (Via StreetCarnage.)

Posted by Gabe at 2:45 PM in
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Comments (82) latest by An American Patriot

September 14, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: All Your Boyfriends

You have had a lot of lovers in your life (yuck, you should stop calling them "lovers," do you realize that everyone hates how you always call them "lovers"?). What most of your friends would say to someone who does not know you is, "Denise doesn't really have a type, she's just a people person." Btw, your name is Denise, and you are a people person. Your philosophy is that everyone is a complex human being with multiple sides to their personality, and it would be unfair to dismiss them before you had a chance to really get to know them (sexually). And you certainly can't reduce who they are to a single-sentence description, although if you COULD, "I'm a 25-year subscriber to Playboy and New Yorker magazines" would be a pretty good start. (Thanks for the tip, Mark.)

Posted by Gabe at 3:30 PM in
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Comments (47) latest by Missouri Mustache

September 9, 2009

That's Your Boyfriend: Ellis Lankster

Like um like um like um like um like um you love him and like um like um he is your boyfriend and like um like um like um like um like um like um you are probably going to get married and like um like um like um like um like um like um live in a pre-fab mcmansion in Alpine, New Jersey and like um like um like um like um have three like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um kids and admittedly like um like um you might end up getting divorced like um like um you're just aware of the statistics like um like um like um like um but like um like um but like um but like um but like um but like um but like but like um life is nothing without a little like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um like um risk. (Via BuzzFeed.)

Posted by Gabe at 11:30 AM in
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Comments (47) latest by angelapanda

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