Videogum's Teen Korner: Werewolves Are The New Vampires Are The Cutest!
Gettin' Jiggy with it!
OMG, u guyz. There should be some kind of SEXTING shorthand for the feeling you get when you realize that all of these years of being crazy in love with vampires have been a mistake when really it was werewolves that you should have been in love with all along. U kno, so that u could just send a quick sext to your friends letting them all know how you're feeling about the sitch*, without your parents ever knowing what was going on, since they wouldn't understand anyway. All they know about is homework and Taco Night and going to bed like a couple of dead people. Bogue! Something like OMGILWNIHVTSLOLGISUATMOSR. (Oh My God I Love Werewolves Now, I Hate Vampires, They Suck, Lots Of Love, Get It? See U At The Mall On Saturday, RIIIIIITE?) Something just short and easy like that. XBOX.
You guys know what I'm talking about right? I'm talking about how this new clip from Twilight: New Moon makes me go OUT. OF. MY. MIND.
Hope you got your "License to Sew" in Home Economics this week so that you can sew your heads back on your bodies. Wasn't that KRAZY? How the one guy was like "I'm a Photoshop werewolf," but then Taylor Lautner was like "No, I am the Photoshop werewolf." STOP, YOU ARE BOTH THE PHOTOSHOP WEREWOLFS OF MY HEART.
Get out of here vampires, you're going in the garbage now. Right?
If you think that you had an orgasm while watching this, but don't know what an orgasm is, take notes on your experience and bring it up in tomorrow's Health Class. Your teacher will be more than happy to help you, and your fellow students probably have a lot of similar questions! The more you know. (Thanks for the tip, Detroit Dutchgirl.)
*That's teen for "situation," but you already know that. POP A WHEELIE!
Posted by Gabe at 3:35 PM in Teen Korner
Tags: Kristen Stewart | New Moon | OMG | Taylor Lautner | Twilight | Vampires | Werewolves
Spooky, scary. Boys becoming men; men becoming wolves.
Score = 60
Awesome.
So good.
Score = 52
This gif just stole my heart. Is it possible to wed a gif? I will try and see and let you all know how it goes. (As long as I stay out of Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana, amirite? WHOA TOPICAL HUMOR!)
Score = 8
What, kiss the pan? Are you and Craig Ferguson already splitsville?
Score = 1
Ha ha, no, I am just a polygamist. I am also married to Christian Bale's character in The Prestige (the not-hanged twin - whoops, RETROACTIVE SPOILER ALERT) and this jpeg of Javier Bardem.
Score = 10
I have my own version of this GIF and it has long been one of my favorite GIFs but this one's even better.
The best acting.
Score = 3
My actual girlfriend will not shut up about how she has this huge crush on Taylor Lautner/photoshop werewolf. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, my girlfriend is totally my girlfriend. Oh shit.
Score = 33
"Twiblack Saga"?
Score = 2
Jesus Christ, that one werewolf is ELEPHANT-SIZED. The Twilight Saga cannot get anything right about mythical creatures!
Score = 2
I actually sent this video in as a tip, (with no credit, AHEM)...and the subject line of my email was "BIG ASS WEREWOLVES". And awhile we're on the subject......let us never forget....PAH!
Score = 22
Whoops. Sorry, it's been a long day. Fixed now.
Score = 5
yerthebest. thanx.
Score = 0
Stop trying to figure out which clip you want shown at the Oscars. The search is over!
Improv students, take note of laughing Werewolf Boy #2 and his extra snicker. That's how it's done in the big leagues.
Score = 4
It took me until just now to figure out how the Twilight/vampire/werewolf/OMGSOCUTE dynamic works.
Vampire = The sexy, mysterious new kid who sits alone at lunch but seems fine with it.
Werewolf = Hunky captain of the football team who knows how to treat his girl right.
God, you know you're old when you need to resort to pseudo-anthropological analysis to understand hormone-ravaged high-schoolers with poor taste in film and literature.
Score = 6
Also, since when did werewolves start following Incredible Hulk rules? Woman slap me! Wolf Smash!
Score = 14
Around the same time Vampires started enjoying overcast days to bring out the glitter. What would that be, like Seattle stripper rules?
Score = 14
"I said now overcast days never turned me on, but something bout the clouds and her mixed. She wasn't too bright, but I could tell when she kissed me, she knew how to get her kicks. She wore a vampire beret. The kind you find a vampire store."
- Prince, 1985 (Wow! Prescience is the sign of a genius, and Prince is nothing if not a purple-clad genius.)
Score = 11
And AngelofDarkness92289 brings it full circle with "My aranged Marrige to the Werewolf Prince"(sic)
Score = 2
Plus, no shirts in unity? I'm not following. This is a perfect endorsement opportunity for Under Armour. WE MUST PROTECT THIS FOREST.
Score = 9
you're forgetting the weird racial aspect of it. because the werewolves are part of a tribe of native americans!! native americans are just closer to nature, you guys!!!!!1!
Score = 10
That guy, what a shirt-blaster, always blasting his shirt off! I thought that's what you were going to suggest the sewing kits for, for fixing all his blasted-off shirts. Related: good thing they superimposed the sound of a huge, raw steak being dropped onto a concrete floor when she punched him, because otherwise I would have been like, "Yeah right, that doesn't even SOUND like a punch."
Score = 19
Wow you totally understand my world of werewolf crushes! Totally rad, Gabe! Pogs!
Score = 8
I like that angry guy's angry face.
Score = 3
The video title is in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish, but I hope it explains where their pants go.
Score = 19
Gabe when you die will you be a Jacob or an Edward? (That's how this all works right?)
Score = 9
They're just trying to fuck with me on purpose at this point, right? Like, my nerdy-horror-dar is going the fuck OFF right now. Sparkly vegetarian vampires? Werewolves IN THE AFTERNOON? Next we're going to have misunderstood screamo-core zombies that just want to start a Home Ec club. This needs to stop.
Score = 11
I have an ex girlfriend who is obsessed with Twilight, so I know a little bit about it. Apparently the werewolves can just decide to transform whenever they want, and if they never transform they never age. And are also native Americans, so you have the whole "European White Vampire taking the Native American Werewolf's territory and woman" aspect, except since they completely fuck up the mythologies of both creatures it probably isn't even brought up! UGH.
Score = 2
Is your avatar, like, a furry Astro Boy?
Score = 0
I am so, so old.
Score = 4
Dude(tte) that's Scott Pilgrim parodying the cover of Super Mario Bros. 3. Not A Furry.
That One, want to feel older? My mom played Super Mario Bros. 3 WHEN I WAS IN THE WOMB.
Score = 0
Oh God. I remember when the Wizard was released. Also, the first time I played Super Mario 3, was on an arcade cabinet. boooo
Scott Pilgrim is the best.
Score = 0
That's Scott Pilgrim!
Score = 0
Wow. If I had read one more comment I would've have seen I was being redundant.
*AHEM*
Anyway, I would like to predict that the finale to the Twilight series will be a TWILIGHT: MONSTER MASH.
It'll go:
Twilight
New Moon
Dark Lagoon
We Want Our Mummy
Monster Mash
Score = 0
I just sent in 4 New Moon box tops for my free CGI abs. Wait till they get a load of me!
Score = 8
Oh also when Kristen Stewart is so much better at acting than the other people in this scene that she is at an oscar-level comparatively, you know there is something wrong.
"We did? He did!"
"Hahahahahahhahahaahahaha!" Most unconvincing laugh in the history of cinema.
This reminded me of those previews for that awful looking CW show about the supernatural events that I can't remember the name of because it looked so bad.
Score = 4
Score = 44
Nuh-uh. Werewolves can suck it. Blaculas are the new vampire. Fo shizz.
Score = 1
Blaculas? Where?
Ah man, you gave my blood eye blue balls!
Score = 0
I don't get it. Why are all the wearwolf bros cgi before they even turn into the photofucked werewolves? Is there some new rule that if something has the potential to turn into a poorly photoshopped werewolf then it has to start out poorly photshopped to begin with? This changes the game completely.
Score = 3
Seriously Gabe, sexting ruins lives, don't joke
Score = 3
Werewolves only make me feel uncomfortable. always.
Score = -1
I mean "Werewolves only make feel uncomfortable 2: This Time It Means Business (hopefully). Or maybe let's all just forget it and huddle up in a Big Pile together.
Score = 0
i await the introduction of sexy mummies.
Score = 4
good idea, because MILF is just not getting enough use lately.
Score = 1