Last night, millions of people gathered in their homes, in bars, and in VFW halls to watch an historic clash between generations. An older person attempted to connect with younger people, but missed the mark. That's right: the mom on the new 90210 made a classic Dirty Dancing joke and her kids didn't know what the fuck she was talking about:
Good one, Debbie! Mom made a funny! That's all I'm going to say about that show today except I can't believe they've already resorted to the '80s-era DeGrassi plot about the kids having to carry a fake baby around to learn about what a pain in the ass they are.
Is anyone who watches this piece of shit show starting to think that maybe the writers don't have a plan? Like maybe their attitude was just "Let's get picked up for a second season, and then we'll worry about writing clever lines or unpredictable plot devices." It's like that politics-logic where you do anything to get into power so you can change the corrupt system. They've already told us Dylan is Kelly's kid's father, last week they blew their sex talk wad and this week they went ahead and made Debbie's boss a racist (and if that's not enough, potential child predator!) who earns a punching out from Dixon. And even though it was easy and lazy and cartoonish, it was still the only real watchable moment of the entire episode, because you just can't help but cheer a little when a guy like this gets punched out by an otherwise polite character who apologizes to his mother first:
Doesn't it seem SO EARLY for a "Should Annie lose her virginity or not?" episode? But okay. Last night's 90210 was kind of crazy. I kind of liked it. So, it's finally almost time for the West Beverly production of Spring Awakening, and wholesome Annie is the understudy to lead actress Adriana, who is on drugs so we know what that will mean. And Annie, who is fifteen, has decided she's going to lose her virginity to Ty. There's this whole thing where her dad catches them making out and then her mom gives her a really silly sex talk that Annie compares to an afterschool special and Silver is like "What's an afterschool special?" and Annie's like "Google it." So Annie is all set to be Adriana's understudy in the play and then go have sex with Ty in the hotel room at the Roosevelt Hotel afterwards, when things take a really messed up and shocking turn...
Last night's 90210 had a subplot where drunk grandma and smart people's ever-weakening excuse to watch this show Jessica Walter volunteered to direct the school musical, Spring Awakening, and turned into a total Nazi about how the girls were dancing and singing all wrong and not as if their "privates were burning." So she jumped up on stage and demonstrated the number herself in a scene with a camp value of a million plus one:
90210 blew its wad in episode 3 with the revelation that Kelly's baby's father is:
A good drinking game for this episode would have been "Take a drink every time they refer to Kelly's son's father in vague terms like "My ex."" Are we all happy now? Did we care?
I watched all 4 hours of Saved By The Bell, But With BJs last night, and I'm going to have to take the minority opinion and say that while it isn't a good show so far, I prefer it to Gossip Girl because at least 90210 has some likable characters. It's just comforting, in this crazy chaotic anarchic world to know that Lori Loughlin and the guy who plays the dad have some things under control, like their perfect children, and that you always have a friendly face in Nat down at the Peach Pit. Speaking of Mr. Joe E. Tata, he participated in what I thought was the funniest part of the show, though unintentionally so. In Sunday's New York Times' oral history feature about 90210, Jason Priestley had this to say about why he rejected a cameo in the first episode:
PRIESTLEY They talked to me about reprising my role as Brandon. This is what they said to me: "Wouldn't it be great if, in the pilot, Brandon was picking up some mega-burgers at the Peach Pit? Wouldn't that be awesome?" No, that's not so awesome. That's not so interesting to me.
So last night, I practically did a spit-take when Brenda mentioned Brandon for the first (and only) time:
Perusing the mainstream media coverage of the 90210 spinoff this weekend, I couldn't help but notice that Shannen Doherty has figured out talking points for her interviews about the new show. When asked why she's coming back, she claims it's all for her doggies:
Why would I play Brenda Walsh again? There was an ''I Hate Brenda'' newsletter. Why would I possibly get myself back into that?... At some point it hit me that this is what the fans wanted. They put a roof over my head. They allow me to eat and to feed my dogs. The only reason I survive is because of them. If there's one way to possibly say thank you, it is to go back and play a character that you never even liked yourself.
In The New York Times:
I know that my fans are the reason why I have a career. They help me support myself and the roof over my head, and they allow dog food to go into my dog bowls so my doggies can eat.
Wow, that is sad. Whoever did that "I Hate Brenda" newsletter should start it back up with a Send Brenda Dog Food campaign. Actually, where is the I Hate Brenda Newsletter (2008)? We have the internet now. Somebody start that up.
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