October 6, 2009

Gossip Girl: Open Thread • It is hard to tell if you guys are even watching this season. Whatever, I ain't care. ASHER ROTH LOVES COLLEGE. In any case, I have not been able to watch this week's very special episode (Tyra Banks! Hilary Duff!) yet (it's weird that that aren't any TVs in LA, you'd think there would be at least one TV), but you guys should feel free to discuss it here.

Comments (30) latest by KajusX

September 29, 2009

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kristin Cavallari Is Not Larry David

The MTV show The Hills is fake. Everyone knows that. But up until recently, it was mostly a poorly kept secret. For the sake of the show's razor-thin watchability, the pretense of reality was maintained. But with the new season premiere tonight, apparently a new tactic is being taken: bold but delusional honesty. Here is the show's new star, Kristin Cavallari, talking about how the sausage is made (via WarmingGlow):

The ["Hills"] producers write to [Cavallari] with the storylines they have in mind. She shows up to the pre-selected locations for the episodes, which are shot Wednesday through Friday each week. And then she improvises, often going for the jugular on hot-button issues she knows will stir up controversy.
"They tell us what to talk about," she said, shrugging. "Listen, I have fun with it. They film 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' the same way."

"THEY FILM CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM THE SAME WAY."
--Larry David's Tombstone

Yikes. Although, she has a point, they're basically exactly the same show. Remember that one episode of The Hills when Brody Jenner asked Richard Lewis to trade sandwiches with him when he didn't like the sandwich that was named after him at the Jewish deli? Classic The Hills. And then there is this famous episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, which, although it does not feature Kristin Cavallari, is based on Kristin Cavallari:

Continue reading Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kristin Cavallari Is Not Larry David...

Posted by Gabe at 4:45 PM in Teen Soap Operas
Tags: Assholes | Curb Your Enthusiasm | Kristin Cavallari | Larry David | The Hills

Comments (18) latest by Dan

Gossip Girl: Children Take Their Scotch Neat, You Know That

Blair, who uses gloves to turn dormitory door knobs (of course she does), walks in on Dan and Georgina up in each other's gutz. CAUGHT! Dan is like "I was just in here to get a book called Our Bodies Ourselves, but suddenly all of the buttons on my shirt broke and I fell face first on top of her body. You know how it is." Blair tells Dan that going from Serena to Georgina is a long fall, even for Dan Humphrey. EVEN FOR DAN HUMPHREY. But Georgina tells him not to worry about Blair because she thinks that Vanessa, Serena, Jenny, and Rufus will all be supportive. Huh? Why will they be supportive? That statement seems based on basically zero facts. But sure. And besides, college freshmen often have somewhat skewed ideas about the way the world works. Anyway, that is when Dan is caught in the hallway by Serena, the Queen of Being Supportive Constantly. She asks if he is on a walk of shame, and he tries to lie about having just visited Vanessa with his shirt unbottoned and no shoes on and probably Georgina juice all over his face (gross, sorry, but kids in New York GROW UP SO FAST) but Vanessa pops her head out of her room and is like "I thought I heard your guys's voices," because apparently Vanessa sits in her room in absolute silence listening like a hawk to the things that happen in the hallway outside. Waiting. Patiently. To strike. So Serena and Vanessa agree to tease Dan endlessly, but they also agree to support him in his...well, his fucking of Georgina. I mean, they're not really dating, and Dan lies about it to everyone. So the only thing to support is their sex.

"Yay, Dan, we are so proud of you." -- Dan's friends and family.

And then Serena and Dan go for a walk for some reason.

Continue reading Gossip Girl: Children Take Their Scotch Neat, You Know That...

Comments (19) latest by lindas

September 22, 2009

Gossip Girl: The College Years

Whoa. Whatever facts about high school may have been gently fudged during the first two seasons of Gossip Girl (almost all of the facts, covered in fudge), they're going even further with their depiction of college, obliterating generations of human experience in service of a nonsense make-believe fantasy world. Like, I'm willing to believe that an Upper East Side private high school allows students to drink martinis in the courtyard at lunch because I never went to an Upper East Side private high school. But I did go to college (that's right, I've been to college). And they did not allow heavily publicized sushi and saketini parties in the freshmen (or any) dorms. And they did not allow keg parties on the roof of the dorms. And no one was the most popular kid on campus after two days of orientation sessions. And you can't just walk up to a desk in the housing office and have your roommate selection changed with a verbal agreement. But I am getting ahead of myself.

So, college.

Continue reading Gossip Girl: The College Years...

Comments (33) latest by lindas

September 15, 2009

Gossip Girl: It's Not A Real Soap Opera Until Someone Gets Amnesia

Wow, the summer really is over. TIME TO LEAVE THE HAMPTONS. Or whatever. Are the Hamptons gauche now? I don't know. TIME TO LEAVE THE MOON. Old money is all about summering on the moon now. Of course, the season kicks off with a welcoming voice over from our very own Gossip Girl, whose "inbox is overflowing" (that's what she said!). Is it really, Gossip Girl? Because I find it hard to believe that in the fast-paced world of adolescent attention spans all the hottest gossip centers around people who graduated four months ago. We've all been to high school. We know that within days of graduating, returning seniors seem like withered perverts bent over their cum-stained walkers. "What are they doing here? Shouldn't they be in a rest home jerking off to swing music somewhere?" That is what the new seniors ask. Who cares about high school graduates? People in-between their childhood and their unformed adulthood are the most worthless people on Earth (NO OFFENSE TO ALL OF THE VIDEOGUM READERS!).

Anyway, Chuck Bass is flirting with some girl!

Continue reading Gossip Girl: It's Not A Real Soap Opera Until Someone Gets Amnesia...

Comments (27) latest by lindas

August 12, 2009

NYC Prep: Season Finale

Huh. You know the Peggy Lee song, "Is That All There Is?" It's a pop cultural examination of jaded disappointment. Back when it was released, in 1969, the year I turned 35, it re-kindled Peggy Lee's career. She won a Grammy. The song has been covered endlessly. Because a pop cultural examination of disappointment and boredom says something to us about our own disappointment and boredom. It gives us license to experience those emotions and frustrations as a carefully cataloged facet of human life. I mean, it's also just a good song, but it has that adolescent tang of empty realization. Or is it an adult tang of empty realization? It doesn't really matter. The point is that one day you wake up to the world with a giant shrug, and the world stares back at you, blankly.

The difference between that song and this show is that when you talk about (sing) and share your jaded boredom, it can be interesting, and kind of beautiful, because it's a shared experience, but when you just stare passively at other people (children!) being jaded and bored (and boring) it is the worst. OMG, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT JESSIE'S OPERATION SMILE FUNDRAISER IS FINALLY HAPPENING?

Continue reading NYC Prep: Season Finale...

Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in Teen Soap Operas
Tags: Assholes | NYC Prep | Rich Kids

Comments (31) latest by filangies

August 5, 2009

NYC Prep: Money Can't Buy Not Being The Worstness

Why are Jessie and Camille cross-eyed? They are both so cross-eyed! Obviously, who cares, God didn't make no junk*, but at the same time, if you knew you were going to be on TV, don't you think you'd get your face situation worked out. Being cross-eyed is something they can fix, and Jessie and Camille are supposedly the type of people who can afford for things than can be fixed to be fixed. Fix your faces, ladies! Camille probably thinks it's silly to get your cross-eyes fixed because she read somewhere that Voltaire had cross-eyes. She saw an article about how cross-eyed students were more likely to be in the 90th percentile or higher on their verbal SATs than non-cross-eyed students. Camille loves the SATs and one day she is going to marry them. And Jessie probably just hasn't fixed her cross-eyes yet because they're towards the middle of a long list of things she's working on. It goes mouth, face, personality, voice, cross-eyes, body, decision making skills. One at a time!

That's not nice. It's not nice to pick on children who are going through a difficult transitional phase in their life. Everyone is testing out the boundaries of their sense of self, which is a long and arduous process full of shame and humiliation that requires patience and understanding. Haha, oh well! Jessie's a thumbhead.

Continue reading NYC Prep: Money Can't Buy Not Being The Worstness...

Posted by Gabe at 11:30 AM in Teen Soap Operas
Tags: Children | NYC Prep

Comments (36) latest by caringiscool

July 29, 2009

NYC Prep: Fashion Week Is For Children

Ugh, Fashion Week. I don't care about Fashion Week when it's actually happening, much less long after the fact as a backdrop for an exploitative summer replacement basic cable reality show about over-indulged children with absolutely no self awareness. As far as I am concerned, the entirety of Fashion Week should be sunk to the bottom of Whoops Ocean, and if for some reason that is not possible, then it should be set on fire, and the cooked remains should be fed to poor people. Fashion Week is a crime against humanity. And as this week's NYC Prep showed: it appeals to children. That makes sense. If ever there was a group that was so turned inward without any respect for their place in a larger world, it would be children. "Sorry, starving people of the world, we would help you out but we need that money to buy clothes made out of feathers that we will wear twice before we grow tired of them."

Assholes.

Continue reading NYC Prep: Fashion Week Is For Children...

Posted by Gabe at 11:35 AM in Teen Soap Operas
Tags: Fashion Week | NYC Prep