November 10, 2009
Popples!
Listen up dudes who recognize that a strong academic background is just as important as having a girlfriend, and girls who recognize that you have to like yourself before you can get someone else to like you, I know that you want to live your life spontaneously. Your parents (yuck!) and teachers (boo!) are always trying to get you to think about college, to take up hobbies that might lead to a career, to get serious about your future, when all you want to do is have some fun for once in your stupid life! And that's fresh! Mountain Dew Code Black! In some ways when you tell your parents (ew!) and your teachers (double boo!) that they're just jealous because they are old dried up corpses waiting to die, you're kind of right. Everyone enjoys the young people's ability to live a life unfettered by responsibility or even a serious grasp of the relationship between actions and consequences. TurboGrafx 16!
But your parents (barf!) and your teachers (triple boo!) have a point, too. NOW HEAR ME OUT. It's great to get into your dad's modest, sensible Toyota and just drive all night with the windows rolled down listening to Cobra Spaceship, but you've got to put some thought into your future. Just make a list of some goals, and whenever you achieve a goal, cross it out. And that's cool ranch!
Take for example Kristen Stewart? From Twilight? Hello? McFly! Did she just sit around eating Twizzlers and crimping her hair, wondering when she would get to be in another movie about teenage vampires and also werewolves? No! She went out there and she got herself a new movie about adult divorced vampires, paving the way for a life after Twilight (I know that right now it feels like there is no such thing as life after Twilight, but one day you will look back on all this and you will laugh and laugh). It is called The Yellow Handkerchief, and it looks...well it has Kristen Stewart in it!
Continue reading Videogum's Teen Korner: K-Stew In A Movie About Divorced Vampires...
Posted by Gabe at 10:15 AM in ,
Tags: Divorce | Kristen Stewart | The Yellow Handkerchief | Vampires | William Hurt
latest by dictums
November 3, 2009
What up, heroes in a half-shell!
Dudes and girl dudes, you're probably feeling pretty invincible right now. You're young! You have your whole life ahead of you! What could possibly happen? Well let me tell you a snap: you're not invincible. You are completely vincible. In fact, you are very fragile. Like an egg, or a Nintendo DS. I'm not saying not to take some risks every once in awhile. It's important to get out there and have fun with your homies. But hundreds, maybe even thousands of kids just like you are murdered every year by accidents that could have been prevented. JUST SAY NO. TO ACCIDENTS. When you're out on your in-line skates, wear a helmet. When you're having terribly awkward and incredibly embarrassing sexual experiences with your partner (who is equal to you in every way, and who you treat with respect), wear a condom. And when you're in a car, wear a seatbelt. Wearing seat belts is DA BOMB.
Speaking of seat belts that are da bomb, I want to rap to you today about a pretty cool seatbelt. It's the official seatbelt of Twilight. Oh, I'm sorry, DID YOUR HEAD JUST FALL OFF? You heard me right. There is no seat belt that can quench Edward Cullen's thirst for Bella Swan's lifeforce quite like the seatbelt in the new Volvo XC60. Don't believe me? Just ask these clumsily edited images of Robert Pattinson standing next to a car!
Continue reading Videogum's Teen Korner: Dreamboat Vampires Only Drive Volvos...
Posted by Gabe at 5:35 PM in ,
Tags: New Moon | Twilight | Vampires | Volvo
latest by caringiscool
October 28, 2009
LA Gear!
Listen, fresh dudes who respect girls and want everyone to be treated equally, and proud young women who know that they are in charge of their own destinies (which could even include being the first female president some day!), I know that you get rapped at all the time. Your teachers are always rapping at you about the importance of studying hard. Your parents are always rapping at you about staying away from drugs. Your local community theater troupe is always rapping at you during special afternoon performances that get you to of Civics Class (nice!) about the dangers of unprotected sex. With all that rapping, it can be pretty tough to just BE YRSELFZ. Facebook! And then you've got big corporations rapping at you about their new products. As if you can't see right through them. We all know that marketing is just about getting you to buy junk you don't need. No way, JoseCorp! Not chill! Keep your raps for your sheepholders meetings!
But I do want to take one second to just get real, with you guys. Just kick it, you know. It's like world famous superstar Jamie Kennedy always says, "KICKIN' IT OLD SCHOOL." I want to kick it with you about a product that I think you're going to see is not only cool, but it is into the things you're into, which is namely Twilight and vampires and werewolves and making awkward love when your parents are on a vacation to rekindle their marriage.
I'm rapping, of course, about Vitamin Water:
Continue reading Videogum's Teen Korner: Cool Vampires And Werewolves Only Drink Vitamin Water...
Posted by Gabe at 2:45 PM in ,
Tags: LOLk | New Moon | Teenagers | Twilight | Vampires | Vitamin Water | Werewolves
latest by Mcluskyist
October 20, 2009
Gettin' Jiggy with it!
OMG, u guyz. There should be some kind of SEXTING shorthand for the feeling you get when you realize that all of these years of being crazy in love with vampires have been a mistake when really it was werewolves that you should have been in love with all along. U kno, so that u could just send a quick sext to your friends letting them all know how you're feeling about the sitch*, without your parents ever knowing what was going on, since they wouldn't understand anyway. All they know about is homework and Taco Night and going to bed like a couple of dead people. Bogue! Something like OMGILWNIHVTSLOLGISUATMOSR. (Oh My God I Love Werewolves Now, I Hate Vampires, They Suck, Lots Of Love, Get It? See U At The Mall On Saturday, RIIIIIITE?) Something just short and easy like that. XBOX.
You guys know what I'm talking about right? I'm talking about how this new clip from Twilight: New Moon makes me go OUT. OF. MY. MIND.
Continue reading Videogum's Teen Korner: Werewolves Are The New Vampires Are The Cutest!...
Posted by Gabe at 3:35 PM in
Tags: Kristen Stewart | New Moon | OMG | Taylor Lautner | Twilight | Vampires | Werewolves
latest by incredimarc
October 14, 2009
What's happenin', dogs! You down with OPP?
Cool guys. Cooler girls. Let's rap for a second. I know that no one understands what it's like. Your parents DEFINITELY don't understand. Your teachers TOTALLY don't get it. Even with some of your friends it's just like, duh, hello, McFly! I'm talking, of course, about bullies. And it's not like you don't have plenty of other stuff going on, like hormones and college application essays and experimental bisexuality. Jak and Dexter! The important thing is that you stay in school. And the second most important thing is that you learn how to protect yourself from these bullies! You're not a chicken, they are turkeys.
After the jump, I've got a pretty important video that's going to show you all the tips you need to know to thwart a BULLYTACK (that's short for Bully Attack).
Continue reading Videogum's Teen Korner: Get Bully Smart...
Posted by Gabe at 3:00 PM in
Tags: Bullies | Nerds | Self Defense
latest by Thairy's Chocolate Orange
October 6, 2009
SUP PIMPS!
We here at the Videogum Teen Korner know as well as anyone (including doctors) that teenagers go through a lot of physical and emotional changes. You see, what's happening in your body right now (which is awesome, btDUBS, and you should be SUPES proud of it, Mountain Dew Code Black) is these things called hormones are driving stretch-Hummer-limos through your bloodstream (pedal to the metal, I call shotgun, dawgs, XBOX 360). So you're probably feeling confused and excited and angry, all at the same time. You're probably just like, "I want to Rage Against the Machine, but I also need to figure out which stuffed animals I'm going to take with me to college. If I even go to college, maybe I'll just drop out and become a painter in Europe with my Eurorail Pass."
Stay in school, you guys.
In your confusion, you might have watched a recent episode of Hannah Montana (you definitely watched a recent episode of Hannah Montana) and wondered "who is that old man that is on my TV? Is he a ghost? Is that my grandpa? What are you doing on TV Ghost Grandpa?" CHILLAX. That is Larry David, for some reason. Seriously, even your parents are thinking that maybe EVERYONE needs to have a time out, because huh? In any case, don't worry, he'll be gone soon. Pogs.
But you future (female) leaders of the free world and men who are comfortable being nurses have a point: what the BLOG is Larry David doing on Hannah Montana (after the jump)?
Continue reading Videogum's Teen Korner: Larry David Guest Stars On Hannah Montana OMFGLOLRIP...
Posted by Gabe at 1:05 PM in
Tags: Curb Your Enthusiasm | Hannah Montana | Huh? | Larry David | Miley Cyrus | Worlds Been Had Colliding
latest by Madame Psychosis
September 1, 2009
"HELLOOOOOO?! Is it November yet? I am dying over here. Last night my mom was like "why are you crying?" and I was like "New Moon doesn't come out for weeks and GET OUT OF MY ROOM. Didn't you see the sign? It says NO PARENTS ALLOWED." She doesn't understand ANYTHING. I just found these new stills from the movie on-line and I thought they would make me excited but all they do is make me sad that IT IS STILL SO FAR AWAY. I'm pretty sure that God personally hates me and wants me to be unhappy for the rest of my life. Everything is unfair. Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage that I have to share with my sister."
--You
Posted by Gabe at 12:15 PM in ,
Tags: Dakota Fanning | Kristen Stewart | New Moon | Robert Pattinson | Taylor Lautner | Twilight | Vampires | Werewolves
latest by Website
August 27, 2009
