November 19, 2009

Top Chef S06E12: The Bocuse D'OH!

There was very little drama in the last season of Top Chef, with the exception of the drama of whether or not Hosea's head would actually transform completely into a giant thumb or if it would just remain thumb-ISH in shape and size. But for the most part, the not-as-talented chefs were eliminated early on and the better chefs remained to battle it out in a legitimate test of skill and/or whatever Hosea was up to. Everyone seemed like friends (or Hosea) and like they respected each other's talent and hard work. This season there is even LESS drama. Kevin and the Voltaggio brothers have been DOMINATING from the start like a bunch of dominatrixusesii, and although Jennifer has definitely basically gone The Yellow Wallpaper over the past couple of weeks, is still obviously a great chef succumbing to the rigors and pressures of an intensive and invasive reality TV show. And everyone else has basically been left to fight over whose turn it would be to inevitably be sent home this or that week, with the possible exception of Mike, who seems pretty strong, and has been the only "surprise" elimination all season, and even that wasn't that big of a surprise. To give you a sense of how little drama there has been so far this season, remember that this week there were five chefs left (Michael Voltaggio, Kevin, Eli, Bryan Voltaggio, Jennifer). Now guess which one got eliminated. NO SPOILERS, but I am pretty sure you guessed right. Like the teenagers say in their Facebook status updates, NO DRAMA!

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Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in Recaps
Tags: Las Vegas | Padma Lakshmi | Tom Colicchio | Top Chef

Comments (25) latest by ms. peas

Glee S01E10: Can We All AGLEE to Kill Ourselves If This Shit Doesn't Turn Around Quick?

[Gabe Liedman is a stand-up comedian, and one half of the Gabe and Jenny comedy team with Jenny Slate. But at the top of that resume it states that he is Videogum's Official Expert on this season of Glee.]

Okay, Glee, I'm not trying to be a dick here, and you know I'm all about supporting your fucking retarded mission to gay-up primetime and ruin people's taste in music (ALL about it), but, you're making it awfully hard for me right now. I mean--this week? 4REALZIEZ? Ugh. HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO SING A DESTINY'S CHILD SONG, MAKE A PUSSY JOKE, AND ROLL CREDITS?! Why are you trying to make me sit through an hour with NO upbeat songs, NO Sue Sylvester, and NO ONE getting hit in the head with anything (other than EMOTIONS (and NOT the Destiny's Child/Bee-Gees cover, which is perfection))?! JESUS CHRIST, GLEE, it's getting pretty fucking difficult to defend your candy ass, when my mouth is always stuffed to capacity with your lame-tarded BULLSHIT. GAH. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I feel a little bit better. Sorry. NO I'M NOT, but I can pretend to be.

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Comments (42) latest by loveit

November 17, 2009

Gossip Girl S03E10: The Play Is The Huh?

Obviously, this show has become ridiculous. It used to be about students at an elite private high school, their social and sexual manipulations, and handbags or whatever. That made sense. It had an internal logic to it. What is this show about now? Serena Van Der Woodsen is working for and maybe fucking a congressman? Chuck Bass owns a hotel? Dan Humphrey is dating a movie star and wants to become a playwright? This thing is all over the place. On the one hand, I'm kind of looking forward to next season, because I think this show is going to get so stupid and impossible to understand that it's going to enter another level of hilarious awfulness. It will become it's own parody of itself. But for the time being it's kind of just annoying. Especially because it's not even embracing how bad it has become. This show still seems to think it is a real show. Awwwww!

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Comments (23) latest by kiljoywashere

November 12, 2009

Glee S01E09: Two Weeks L8r, I'm Still Tasteless

GGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh man, remember when those NEANDERTHALS insisted on playing their WORLD SERIES for so long that we didn't have Glee for two weeks??!!??!! Ugh, that was the fucking worst. I had to entertain MYSELF like a fucking ORPHAN with no Mommy and Daddy to tell to shut up during Glee. Motherfuckers with their fitted stirrup pants and developed triceps, all their bat-swinging and their proper-levels-of-testosterone-having. Get a fucking life, MLB, and quit ruining mine (I did that for you when I started experimenting with drugs a little too late in life and decided to grow my hair out into a tall, multi-colored afro, which I kept out of my fat face with novelty shoelaces, TRUTHS). I had to fill the time creatively, and I learned a little bit about myself. Turns out I like my men the way I like my coffee: DISGUSTING. Cold, weak, bitter, pretty gritty on the bottom...

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Comments (47) latest by LoveMyGabes

Top Chef S06E11: Checkout Time Is Knife O'Clock

A friend told me last night that this was the second to last episode of this season's Top Chef. I don't think that's true. But at the time it made sense. There were only five chefs left going into last night's episode, so it would make sense for them to get eliminate one and then have a four-way face-off (Four-Way Face/Off is going to be an amazing sequel, btw, or is it Four-Way Four Face/Off? I don't know) for the supersized finale. Except that there weren't five chefs going into last night's episode. There were six. We forgot to include Eli in our calculations. Which I think officially makes Eli the "dark horse" contestant. He's the one who somehow manages to slip through the cracks, all the way until the end, at which point you are like "wait a second, I thought that bacon t-shirt was a gift of peace," but it turns out that the bacon t-shirt was full of Elis, and it was a Trojan Bacon T-Shirt. It's called history, and you should seriously look it up. Anyway, the point is there are six contestants this episode, not five, OK, so we should all just pay better attention since I am sure this is a mistake that every single person made last night without exception and I am not at all alone in being so dumb about how many people are left on this show.

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Comments (34) latest by LaurenTamale

November 11, 2009

V: Sometimes I Feel Like Some V's Are Watching Me

[Ed. note: Joe Mande is a stand-up comedian who has appeared on Comedy Central and Best Week Ever, and is the creator of the popular blog, Look At This Fucking Hipster (soon to be a popular book!). Now, he is going to do to ABC's reboot of V what he did to skinny jeans and kafias (make fun of it on-line).]

If you missed the insane premier episode of V, here's all you really need to know about the show: The earth has been invaded by a bunch of hot aliens who call themselves the "V's." At first, they seemed super chill. But then it turned out they were not chill at all. The V's are uncomplicatedly evil lizard people, covered in fake human-like skin, who are hell-bent on global domination. So, basically they're space Scientologists (which is what I call regular Scientologists.) [Ha! Take that, Scientologists!]

Last week's episode ended in a Brooklyn warehouse, where a resistance group was having its first meeting. A meeting that was rudely interrupted by a bunch of V's who knew Karate. This is how Erica found out her partner Dale was a V.

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Posted by Joe Mande at 11:30 AM in Recaps
Tags: Aliens | Elisabeth Mitchell | House300 | Scott Wolf | V

Comments (14) latest by d33r

November 10, 2009

Gossip Girl S03E09: That's Your Threesome

"Have you been so busy that you've forgotten what time of year it is?" Gossip Girl asks at the top of the episode. Uh, no? No, I have not. It is fall. It is a week and a half after Halloween. It is two and a half weeks before Thanksgiving. I know all that, and I have been very busy! But not too busy, Gossip Girl, no. But then she explains that it is Cotillion Time. Oh, I guess I have been too busy. How could I have forgotten that it is Cotillion?! I need a life coach to help me remember when it is Cotillion! No I don't! I think that if anything, not remembering that it is Cotillion means that I am just the right amount of busy. Anyway, Jenny needs the perfect escort so that she can become the Queen of All High Schools, or something. I like how a couple of weeks ago Jenny spent exactly three seconds talking about how she didn't want to be involved with any mean girls or social hierarchies, and then she not only instantly did a complete reversal, but she has become the absolute worst? Well, to be fair, Jenny has always been the worst. So never mind.

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Comments (28) latest by rileygrime

November 9, 2009

Mad Men S03E13: Step Into My Office, I Am Fired

Don meets with Connie Hilton, who tells him that Powell, Putnam, and Loeb is being sold to McCann Erickson (I've heard of them! This show is so accurate in how it uses names that I have heard of!), and for some reason that means that Connie can't work with Don anymore? I'm not sure I completely understand what is going on with Don and Connie, businesswise. But I do understand what is going on with them man-relationship-wise. Don begins to get very angry at Connie, just as Don has been getting angry at everyone lately. He blames Connie for toying with him, and Connie is like "I really thought you were not such a crybaby who cried and wore diapers." Me too! Don seems at the end of his rope! Maybe he is just so tired from sleeping in the dog house every night. Don wipes his baby tears off of his baby face and goes back to the office, but now he is ready to stir up some trouble!

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