August 26, 2008

What Should Denise Richards Do Now That Her Show Has Been Canceled?

It's bad news for talentless attention vacuums today. First Heidi Montag accidentally releases a 10 minute unsynched video of herself doing slow motion AIRHEADrobics (am I right, guys?) to a song that sounds like it was recorded on a toaster oven, and now Denise Richards, ex-wife to Charlie Sheen and all around human disaster has had her child endangering reality show canceled! From the New York Post:

Richards, who went to court last year to fight ex-husband Charlie Sheen for rights to have their children appear on the show "It's Complicated," turned out to be a less-than-stellar reality star.
A show low-light was her confrontation with an editor for a magazine over how she has been portrayed in the tabloid press.

"The numbers started out pretty good - just over 1.5 million tuned in for the premiere episode," a source told "The Insider" yesterday. "But the audience has dropped off. "

Looks like it's no longer complicated, huh Denise?

Man, if you have to take the father of your children to court to allow those children to appear on a self-serving reality TV show, it might be time to take a good long look in the mirror. The mirror that fits in your mouth and is made out of a gun.

Anyway, when God closes a reality TV show, he makes lemonade, Denise. Here are a few suggestions for what you might do with your new found spare time.

Polish your barren awards mantle
Confront your own mortality
Have your vagina sewn shut
Write your children letters of apology
Write America a letter of apology
Have your vagina double-sewn shut

I was going to put "raise your children in a non-despicable manner" on there, but that would be like writing a list to a brick wall. Where the bricks are made of narcissism and the mortar is the lonely desperation of impossible selfishness.

Posted by Gabe at 3:00 PM in Reality TV
Tags: Children | Denise Richards | It's Complicated | National Failures