Wait A Second, Who The F Are Jon And Kate?
I'm sorry. I know I should probably know this. But who the fuck are these guys? I know that they have a show on TLC, and I know that EVERYONE CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT THEM, but I still am kind of confused. Like, sure, people who buy all of their reading material in grocery store check out aisles are very interested in them. That makes sense. But everyone else is also invested? Like normal people? Her hair is a meme. The premiere episode of season 5 got 9 million viewers, making it the highest rated broadcast in TLC history. 9 million viewers? That is so many viewers. Your mom watched it. It was her favorite.
Obviously, the only reason anyone is even talking about this is because of the fact that their relationship is dissolving in front of America's eyes. Oh, btw, they're married or something? Like I said, who knows. This is SEASON 5 of this show, and I don't know a single person who had ever watched it until it was basically a documentary about how divorces happen. And even then it was like "wait, who's getting divorced? Jon and who? Plus what? 8 what?"
And you know what else? The season premiere is BORING and SAD. It is all about a birthday party for the children, which is boring unless you are a child. There is also Kate's imaginary disgust for the paparazzi (she actually loves them, duh), and her and Jon's hatred for each other. I guess that last part is interesting, if you find deeply personal :( to be interesting. America has secretly created a monster while no one was looking, and now everyone wants to watch as that monster rips itself to shreds. We did it, you guys. Pop champagne.
After the jump, the full premiere episode of season 5 of Jon and Somebody Plus Huh?. The really :( stuff doesn't happen until the final clip, since that's what you monsters (we monsters) probably (definitely) want.
Whatever. I still don't get it. If the idea is that divorce can happen to anyone, even regular people (regular people with a long-running reality show), I ALREADY KNEW THAT. Forget it, Gabe, it's TLCtown. You can't fire me, because I quit.
Posted by Gabe at 2:00 PM in Reality TV
Tags: Children | Divorce | Jon And Kate Plus 8 | Jon Gosselin | Kate Gosselin | National Failures
Today is the Pop Champagne Challenge!
Score = 4
whoops john, you married a monster. one that has litters.
Score = 0
The woman is a nightmare, and apparently was way before they had a reality show. She's continued her control-freak ways through 5 seasons of this show. That's all you need to know.
P.S. Critics Pan John & Kate Season 5 Premiere.
Score = -4
There aren't too many people that will tune in when it becomes the Kate + 8 show. That'll be the zzz period following the :( parade. So there's that to look forward to.
Score = 6
Actually they will have to make two shows, Kate + 8 and John + 8 every other weekend.
Score = 7
I can't wait for the inevitable 'Jon and Kate Plus 8' porn film in which the 8 toddlers are replaced with sex crazed midgets.
Score = 24
Hopefully the porn producers wi'll remove the kids from the equation entirely and just go with a nice, simple film called "Jon & Kate Plus 8 Inches".
Score = 34
they're making a reality show about how they are getting a divorce.... for the kids.
Score = 13
I'm most looking forward to CSI: Jon & Kate.
Score = 4
My money is on one of these kids growing up to be a cutter, one a crazed UFC superstar and all of them on John and Kate: Intervention.
Score = 5
My wife and I play "Which Gosselin Will Be Gay?"
Score = 16
Probably Joel (p.s. I hate myself)
Score = 19
Is he the one who loves Kate's pedicures?
Score = 6
Probably; the reality-verse couldn't ever handle a gay boy who wasn't a stereotype.
Score = 0
to be fair, her hair is a meme... in buzzfeed, wich is like the "Party Party album" of the meme world
Score = 10
My favorite meme on Buzzfeed is the Friendly Bear.
Score = 0
The whole appeal of the show for me before this thing blew up into something bigger than that show you'll kill a lazy Sunday with your significant other was the barely hidden contempt the guy had for his crazy of wife.
Now my fun is gone and I have to play "Stay Together for the Kids" 8 times.
Score = 8
My mom did watch it, and she finds Jon hot.
Score = 10
Jon's the only attractive asian man.
Score = -32
Just google Daniel Henney biotch.
Score = 1
I started watching this show regularly a while ago, because it made me discover that I didn't hate/want to eat ALL children. This was a big step in my journey to not eating children.
Having said that, after seeing Jon & Kate "address the haters" in this episode and all the :( that went with it, I felt like I wasn't supposed to be or didn't want to be in the room.
Score = 16
As sad as all this is, if you've watched for any period of time, this was pretty inevitable. Jon's looked like he's been praying for death for a while, and she is one of the most slappable people on TV right now.
Score = 8
That episode was especially depressing. Especially this part:
KATE: I can only speak for myself.
JON: I'm only here for the kids.
:(
Score = 13
I just hope that American soccer moms realize that the smartest thing they can do right now is NOT get that stupid haircut.
Score = 21
Wait, more importantly - what were the white things on the grill?
Score = 8
I discovered Jon and Kate a while ago and cannot believe how two horrid people can make such adorbs children! I mean, she basically gave birth in a box under the stairs, but the kids are really cute.
I watched Sunday night with everyone's mom. I'm now done watching it. It's just too :(. Go to Part 5 and watch between 5:10 and 6:08 and see if you can tell when I decided that it is awful to still be watching this show.
Kate, lose the reverse mullet. Jon get a lawyer. Children, form a family band!
Score = 14
First Kate on LOST, now this Kate on this ass-hattery of a show. Kates on TV shows are the worst
Score = -1
i've said for years, it'll be john +4 and kate +4
Score = 5
"John and Kate Plus Hate." Bwah.
Score = 14
Just this week I was thinking that - what the F are this thing/people/nightmare. And then shrugged it off cus I hadn't seen it here on We Had To Watch It, So Now Must YouGum.comforever. Now they've been entered into my...oh fuck it, nevermind. Bullet through my head now thx. Also: that haircut is so walked INTO a sliding door ugh.
Score = 2
This is just like The Squid and the Whale.
Except without the kid wiping his jizz on library books.
Score = 8
As this is AustraliaGum half filled with Aussies, I have only heard about this show very recently and share in the confusion.
So as far as I can see, I guess someone said "Gee, you seem to have many children, here; have a reality tv show" and now it's imploding horribly. Is that about the crux of it?
Score = -2
They got octooplits? Why?
Score = -3
I was recently informed that they were dirt poor and couldn't afford to raise their children until they started the tv show. that's when I decided not to research that claim and post it here.
Score = 10
Dear Videogum: you guys are KILLING me. The titles for your recent stories have been spot on and just like, totally in sync with how I'm feeling. John and Kate one is amazing. You also had "The Real Housewives of Enough Already", "Of Course They're Making a Twitter TV Show Because UGH", and "Let's Play An Exciting Round Of 'What's Even Left At This Point?'". Killing me. Loving it.
Score = 3