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October 22, 2008

The Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Kim Zolciak Is A Fucking Liar

thumbnail icon: The Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Kim Zolciak Is A Fucking Liar

Kim Zolciak, the only white housewife in Altanta, who is also not a wife, is a fucking liar. Look, giving people on reality TV a hard time for contradicting themselves or for engaging in self-serving, sub-respectable behavior is like shooting the most obnoxious fish in the saddest barrel. BUT SOMETIMES FISH NEED SHOOTING. After last week's episode in which Kim threw an extraordinarily lavish and over-indulgent birthday party for her daughter (who was turning ELEVEN!), I was totally ready to give it a rest with the Kim bashing this week. And lord knows (by lord I mean "anyone else who watches this show") that all of the housewives deserve plenty of criticism and mockery, if not for the way in which they are living their lives (we all have to get through the day), then at least for the way in which they have decided to present the way in which they are living their lives to the rest of us. But this Kim. OMGod. She needs to be stopped, because liars are the worst, and all the liars should go to jail.

After the jump, Kim Zolciak, CAUGHT IN A MESH TEDDY OF LIES.

Here is Kim at a photo shoot, which supposedly has something to do with her aspirations to be a country singer, because as you know, the first step towards a music career is photos. Later she will take voice lessons, but first it's photos duh.

She just hates cleavage you guys. She wants to be respected for her talent. She's not just another blonde with big boobs. If she had it her way, she wouldn't even have boobs probably. Did you know that in high school she was voted Least Likely To Show Her Cleavage At All Times?

You'd think with all that money she has that she could find a repairman to fix all her broken shirts. FUCKING LIAR. Those are just screencaps from last night's episode, which doesn't even take into account the "slutty school girl dress" from two weeks ago. Oh, also this:

Go to jail, Kim Zolciak.

Posted by Gabe at 12:00 PM in
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20 Comments

I thought for sure you would also call her out for claiming she is 29. Gabe, I am also 29, and she looks old enough to be my mom.

Posted by: H.F.G. profile link at 10/22/08 12:15 PM  | Reply
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There is some debate on this point, and I am giving Kim Zolciak the benefit of the doubt on that one. I think what she was saying is that she looks great in pictures from when she was 28 or 29 (because she said both ages, didn't she?) and that she would like to have some pictures of herself looking great now for in the next 20 years. I really don't think she was claiming to be 29, because she's ridiculous but she's not that ridiculous.

Careful with the fancy editing, Bravo.

Posted by: Gabe profile link  in reply to  H.F.G.'s comment at 10/22/08 12:21 PM  | Reply
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"She's real kinda quiet." Is that English or...?

Posted by: DanBlurns profile link at 10/22/08 12:18 PM  | Reply
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Why is nobody mentioning her hair?! It looks like the worst kind of Halloween wig and I can't pay attention to her cleavage (even when it has bright circles around it) BECAUSE HER HAIR IS FUCKING CRAZY. She is like a year-round Jessica Simpson Halloween costume.

Posted by: AJ at 10/22/08 12:25 PM  | Reply
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I am so glad u said that shit! That tupw is not a good look, that was the only thing that i didnt like about her but every since last week episode I think she is as dumb as a spongcake! She is so easy she dont even recognize when she being played by lil popa and sherake (that my name 4 sheree bcuz she looks like she been hit in the face w/ a rake LOL ) Anyway I love NeeNee that my girl she the only real one on the show. Lisa is a 2faced busy bitch! And Deshawn needs to stop tryin to be superwoman w? that fake ass charity event instead hring somebosy to take care of her kids and husband. she should hired an event coordinator! Holla

Posted by: team neenee  in reply to  AJ's comment at 11/08/08 9:15 PM  | Reply
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Real talk guys- I love[d] Reality TV and still celebrate the guilty pleasure nature of it, but why is ALL new Reality TV morphing into the biggest rubberband ball of delusion and shame? If it's not that, then it's "Which Leukemia Patient wins a Handshake from Howie Mandel?" I don't have answers, I just come with my hands outstretched in criticism.

Posted by: Dan at 10/22/08 12:56 PM  | Reply
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I feel so strongly about my above comment that I scored up myself. My credibility is shot, the terrorist have won. Next season on FOX "Fat People in Biker Shorts!" On tonights episode the bikini models from Hawaiin Tropic throw triple cheeseburgers at caged fatties to make them realize their external flaws.

Posted by: Dan at 10/22/08 1:03 PM  | Reply
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I never have and probably never will watch this show, but I appreciate you taking one for the team and watching it for me (for all of us).

Posted by: what profile link at 10/22/08 2:16 PM  | Reply
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i wish there was a test you had to fill out to be a mom.

Posted by: randi profile link at 10/22/08 2:18 PM  | Reply
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well, fish never need shooting.
but for the rest of the post, okay.


also, has anyone found Lisa yet? Lisa Wu?

Posted by: rigginslover33 profile link at 10/22/08 3:17 PM  | Reply
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Gabe's jail is so overcrowded.

Posted by: kittenpants at 10/22/08 3:30 PM  | Reply
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Gabe,
I agree with you without the foul language. She is an opportunitist who is a Hot or Not drop out. Big papa is just Mr money bags who funds her ambitions with most likely some bennefits. Past history sadly leaves some questions in regrds to her real motives one of which I doubt is really to become a country singer. Just a spoof! The past catches up with you eventually and her's is not the best. There is a police dept with a black eye in CT that will confirm that.

Posted by: MDZ at 10/25/08 9:03 PM  | Reply
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I agree with the comment about the past catching up with you. I use to go to school with Kim here in CT. I remember how she was and I do hope she has changed for the sake of her children. Wish good things happen to good people instead of people who don't deserve it...

Posted by: Lori at 10/29/08 11:18 AM  | Reply
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Lori,

I have lived in CT my whole life. Who is this Kim and where did she grow up? I heard she met Big Papa (Lee) while working as a high priced dancer at the famous Cheetah club in Atlanta. Something not right about her.....

Posted by: Cheryl  in reply to  Lori's comment at 11/12/08 10:36 PM  | Reply
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Where did Kim grow up in Connecticut? Does anyone know? I live in Connecticut and have never heard of her

Posted by: Lisa Lee Reed  in reply to  Lori's comment at 11/18/08 2:52 AM  | Reply
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I am so glad somebody said something about that shit on her head! They r not real friends cuz somebody should have told that doughnut. Also Sheree need some serius child rearing classes and invest in some serious braces 4 her son, instead of buyin all of those bueatiful gorgeous wonderful shoes did u see them (the burberry, the burberrry!) i had a shoegasm when I saw the polks dots! and as far Deshawn goes bless her she needs everyones help right now help her jesus! NOW LETS talk about that litle two faced troll bitch from hell LISA the reason why she never nsleeps is bcuz evil dont sleep She told sheree about the song bcuz she knew kim and her had started kickin it and she was going to tell her.

Posted by: team neenee at 11/08/08 9:45 PM  | Reply
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These women are wannnabes. NeNe is the only real one on that show. As for Kim, she's an overpriced hooker. She's probably never even had a real job, please she claims to have a nursing degree and can't spell "cat." I also believe her "boyfriend" is a married man. I thought the NYC wives were self important but these ladies take the cake. At least the OC wives spent time w/ their families and knew their children, these ladies just buy their children's affection and pay someone to get them out of their hair b/c they are so "busy."

Posted by: LoLa at 11/12/08 12:07 AM  | Reply
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I think that Nene, and Deshawn are the real women of that show. I think that Kim is not good enough for Nene.
Also talk about a low budget Bitch maybe she should look in her own back yard and take care of herself and not live off of others.
She needs more than a vocal coach, she needs some one to take her to rehab.

Posted by: Kathy at 11/13/08 8:18 AM  | Reply
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Sheree had to wiggle close to Kim to ensure she would get so tv time. To me they are both a waste! A wig anda pig. Neither have any class, talent or reason to waste my tv time. Since they are their own biggest fan clubs maybe they will be lesbians next season and give us something real to watch them for. I love NENE, Lisa and Deshawn. Let's add 2 new wives and throw out the trash.

Posted by: Linda at 11/26/08 10:26 AM  | Reply
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Who cares?
They're all fucking stupid.

Posted by: Anonymous at 08/01/09 11:58 PM  | Reply
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