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November 17, 2008

Fucking Liars: The Pick Up Artist 2 Contestant Greg Is A RINGER!

thumbnail icon: Fucking Liars: The Pick Up Artist 2 Contestant Greg Is A RINGER!

As we all know (every single one of us), the winner of Season 1 of The Pick Up Artist, Kosmo, turned out to be a struggling actor named Alvaro Orlando, who had an online acting reel and everything. He was a plant! The other guys were just patsies! It's not unusual for contestants on other reality shows like American Idol or Project Runway to have already dabbled in the professional industry to which they hope to win entrance. Kelly Clarkson had already signed a contract with a record deal before she won Simon Cowell's heart! Jeffrey Sebelia already owned and operated his own clothing line, Cosa Nostra, with a list of celebrity clientelle before trying out for Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. But for a show that purports to teach insecure young men with powerful social anxieties how to feel confident and enjoy successful interactions with other human beings, the use of an actor is disheartening. You mean to tell me that a nerd armed with a battery of tacky pickup lines written by a Canadian magician CAN'T just pick up any stripper he wants?

Well, it's happened again.

In today's post, I came to realization that followed a few weeks of arguing with friends over whether or not Greg was a ringer. He seemed more handsome than the other guys, and he was "progressing" more quickly. But whenever there was a shot of him from the early episodes, he was quite convincing as a total nerd.

Look at those glasses! Look at that hair! But here's the thing: The Pick Up Artist follows linear progress from uncomfortable nerd to obnoxious lothario. And as a rule, even with Mystery's velour top hat full of tricks, that is still a long and difficult progression for a human being that is genuinely overcome by anxiety, self-doubt, and inhibition. But imagine the reverse path. Imagine someone who was already relatively confident and self-secure. For them to become, at least for the sake of a TV show, a dweeb racked by low self-esteem, all you would need would be...long hair and glasses. WAIT A SECOND.

And then a smart and sophisticated commenter, Sean, pointed out Greg's IMDB page, which is full of GLAMOUR SHOTS. Not only that, but HE WORKED ON PROJECT RUNWAY and has had a small role in A COUPLE OF INSIGNIFICANT FILMS. Not to mention his hobbies and interests:

Right. Greg's reason for being on the show is that every time he meets a girl he likes he freezes up. Because he's DOING THE ROBOT. I'm not saying that you can't be handsome, speak Portuguese, study jiu jitsu, and be an accomplished pop-and-locker with SAG membership, and still get nervous around girls. But there's "I didn't know if I was ready to have a four-way in my brand new Jaccuzzi on account of I might return it, does that make me gay?" nervous, and there's "I think I need to go on a humiliating reality show in a last ditch attempt to save myself from a crushing life of virginal depression" nervous. They're different.

We still don't know if Greg's going to actually win the show, but if he does it will prove that not only is being yourself not good enough, nerds, but even trying to learn techniques to be someone more charming and confident than yourself is not good enough. The only thing good enough, according to The Pick Up Artist's flimsy, dehumanizing logic, is to be a subpar reject of Hollywood's Desperate Class who's sick and tired of being an equipment manager on Project Runway and wants a shot, however depressing, at a slice of that attention pie.

Posted by Gabe at 4:00 PM in
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13 Comments

I would like to watch him pop-and-lock in tap shoes while speaking Portuguese in an Irish accent. If I saw him do that out at the clubs I would give him some IOI's and then maybe, MAYBE kiss/number close. NOT.

bastard.

Posted by: janet at 11/17/08 4:38 PM | Reply
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Becca

what language is this written in?

Posted by: Becca profile link in reply to janet's comment at 11/17/08 5:18 PM | Reply
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It's written in a "Mystery Language"

Pun intended!!!!!!

Posted by: janet in reply to Becca's comment at 11/17/08 5:43 PM | Reply
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CarolineA

I should have just not read this
I'm keeping my child-like faith in Greg....

Posted by: CarolineA profile link at 11/17/08 4:58 PM | Reply
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"I'm Greg Fellows!"

Posted by: Matt profile link at 11/17/08 5:00 PM | Reply
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Angelaaaa

Ugh. I need a rape shower.

I really liked this show, too.

Posted by: Angelaaaa profile link at 11/17/08 5:57 PM | Reply
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I hope he doesn't use his guitar as a hook prop.

Posted by: glass_family at 11/17/08 6:10 PM | Reply
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Ya' know who sucks? Greg sucks. Even before he was determined to be a ringer. Mystery's gay lip ring has more personality than Greg. Did you see him in that grocery store? You can't fake that kind of creepy.

Posted by: Jeffrey Dinsmore at 11/17/08 6:33 PM | Reply
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Wait...is it still true that he is a mormon? I didn't trust him solely b/c of that and now this just takes the cake.

Posted by: amber at 11/17/08 8:17 PM | Reply
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haha, so he's like the opposite of the mousy girl that you make beautiful just by pulling her hair out of the ponytail and taking off the glasses. oh, greg...i believed in you!

Posted by: sarah at 11/17/08 10:32 PM | Reply
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I think Greg is cute ;)

Posted by: Mandi at 11/24/08 3:11 AM | Reply
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FYI you guys, I'm an actress who's actually worked on a project with Greg. And yes, he was a struggling actor doing a little bit of work prior to the PUA, but I can tell you first hand he REALLY WAS LIKE THAT. He had long hair, his voice cracked whenever he got near a pretty girl, and he was super shy. He disappeared for a little over a month when he left to do the PUA, and when he came back I literally didn't recognize him. COMPLETELY different guy. His mannerisms and everything. The show was such an amazing thing for him- he has self confidence he never possessed before. And btw the headshots of him on imdb were short hair were taken after the pickup artist. The the about Greg is, yes, he's always has cool hobbies, b/c he was one of those "closet" cool guys- but you would have never ever guessed upon meeting him. The show has been the best thing for him and I'm so proud of him and wish him all the success in the world. He's the nicest, sweetest guy ever, and he deserves every bit of it.

Posted by: LJ at 03/28/09 1:41 AM | Reply
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FYI you guys, I'm an actress who's actually worked on a project with Greg. And yes, he was a struggling actor doing a little bit of work prior to the PUA, but I can tell you first hand he REALLY WAS LIKE THAT. He had long hair, his voice cracked whenever he got near a pretty girl, and he was super shy. He disappeared for a little over a month when he left to do the PUA, and when he came back I literally didn't recognize him. COMPLETELY different guy. His mannerisms and everything. The show was such an amazing thing for him- he has self confidence he never possessed before. And btw the headshots of him on imdb were short hair were taken after the pickup artist. The the about Greg is, yes, he's always has cool hobbies, b/c he was one of those "closet" cool guys- but you would have never ever guessed upon meeting him. The show has been the best thing for him and I'm so proud of him and wish him all the success in the world. He's the nicest, sweetest guy ever, and he deserves every bit of it.

Posted by: LJ at 03/28/09 1:42 AM | Reply
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