The Biggest Kirstie • Kirstie Alley is getting her own reality show about her "efforts to lose weight while raising two teenagers." I'm sure this will be respectful, edifying, and great for her career! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN to your DVR!

Comments (7) latest by EtWB

Where Is 2012 When You Need It? • Jon Gosselin and the Octo-Mom are going to go on a reality TV "date"? DON'T BOTHER RINGING THAT BELL, TIBETAN MONK, WE ARE DONE HERE.

Comments (25) latest by davidcxr

An Open Letter To The Real Housewives Of Atlanta

Dear the Real Housewives of Atlanta,

Goodbye!

Last night, of course, marked the finale of your second season, so in some senses this could have been goodbye for now. A temporary hiatus, as you all go back to your foreclosing McMansions and pour white wine into your wounds. Brush out your wigs. Take a few months to rest your scream-muscles and your refill your betrayal batteries. But I'm not saying goodbye "for now." I'm saying goodbye "forever."

I mean, honestly, we can't keep doing this, can we? Don't answer that.

You were a lot of fun last year, in season one. We were all on board with The Black Real Housewives. And Kim! What an American Treasure she turned out to be. Not only is she attentive and caring towards her children, a talented singer, and the definition of a housewife (in that she is married and lives in a house, not an ugly duplex), but she's also just really pleasant to look at. (THE REAL OPPOSITES OF THIS BLOG POST!) We have all been so lucky and to have been able to invite her into our homes every week.

But things have changed.

Continue reading An Open Letter To The Real Housewives Of Atlanta...

Posted by Gabe at 3:30 PM in An Open Letter, Reality TV
Tags: Kandi Burress | Kim Zolciak | Lisa Wu Hartwell | NeNe Leakes | Sheree Whitfield | The Real Housewives Of Atlanta

Comments (10) latest by langford

The Bigger Biggest Loser • ABC is developing a variation on The Biggest Loser called Obese for people pursuing extreme weight-loss. Perfect. We're gonna need a bigger pair of Terrible Idea Jeans! Get it? Bigger? Because of fat.

Comments (9) latest by Sarcastically Misunder…

Top Chef S06E09: Restaurant Wars Is A Little Less Hell

It's amazing that we are in season six of this show and they only just realized that Restaurant Wars is a ridiculous and outlandish test of absolutely nothing. "You have 45 minutes to make this abandoned warehouse look like an abandoned 'Chinese' warehouse in a test to see who is the best at a thing that would never happen under any other circumstances." So, for the first time in Top Chef history, the teams in this year's restaurant wars will not have to "decorate" their "restaurants," which as a viewer is an incredible relief, and I can only imagine that it was a relief to the contestants as well. "Aw," said Laurine, "but I wanted to go to Pier 1 Imports and spend two hours arguing over a pressed-tin giraffe sculpture and vanilla vs. cinnamon scented candles." Get it? Because Laurine is terrible. (FORESHADOWING.) Anyway, this week is Restaurant Wars, which is historically my least favorite challenge on this silly show, and this time it is still my least favorite but at the very least it is a little less my least favorite. Math.

But first, the Quickfire Challenge!

Continue reading Top Chef S06E09: Restaurant Wars Is A Little Less Hell...

Posted by Gabe at 12:50 PM in Reality TV, Recaps
Tags: Food | Padma Lakshmi | Tom Colicchio | Top Chef

Comments (27) latest by O*

America's Next Top Model S13E05: Menage À Barf

[Gabe Liedman is a stand-up comedian, and is one half of the Gabe and Jenny comedy team with Jenny Slate. But at the top of that resume it states that he is Videogum's Official Expert on this season of America's Next Top Model.]

Fair warning: I have a crazy flu right now, so I am so high out of my mind on zinc that I'm not sure what's what. [Ed. note: GET WELL SOON!] Buuuuut....

YO. For realsies? Was that really an episode? Are you for realsies going to try and actualsies tellsies me that that was a goddamn episode of Top Model? I took two notes during the entire thing:
1. snore
2. where did I park my Kevorkian machine?

Oh my laaaaaaaaaaawd that was boring. Holy shit. Ho. Ly. Sheeeeeiiiiiittt. Someone BETTER refill Tyra's turkey jerky cabinet before next week, because I don't know if I can sit through that kind of garbage again (I can DEFINITELY sit through that kind of garbage again). Mama needs her salt to think!

Continue reading America's Next Top Model S13E05: Menage À Barf...

Posted by Gabe Liedman at 1:45 PM in Reality TV, Recaps
Tags: America's Next Top Model | Fashion | Tyra Banks

Comments (16) latest by Captain Ron

Top Chef S06E07: Family Style Reality Show Dinner Party Because Of The Economy

You have to give Top Chef some credit. We are already seven episodes into the Las Vegas season and they are only just now introducing the slot machine? BRAVA. "We can't just use a slot machine," said one of the producers to one of the other producers, "the timing has to be just right." Obviously, roulette will be reserved for when the chefs have been whittled down to the Top 4, and one assumes/hopes that Russian Roulette will be used to determine the ultimate winner. "In this gun are five snowpeas, and one armor-piercing bullet. You have 30 minutes to pull the trigger as many times as you can." In any case, it is no use speculating about the future. All we can do is deal with the Quickfire Challenge that we have today. And that challenge involves a word-game slot machine. Each chef lines up three words and then has to create a dish using those words. "Grumpy, Armenian, Licorice," for example, or "Sarcastic, Ecuadorian, Poison."

Continue reading Top Chef S06E07: Family Style Reality Show Dinner Party Because Of The Economy...

Posted by Gabe at 12:40 PM in Reality TV, Recaps
Tags: Padma Lakshmi | Tom Colicchio | Top Chef

Comments (27) latest by Mike Z

There's No Way Flavor Flav's New Reality Show Could Be An Awful Idea!

Look, Flavor Flav on TV is like eye sausage. (Eye candy is for baby eyes.) It's satisfying and bad for you, and you do NOT want to know where it comes from. "Well, first we take this drug-riddled, borderline-retarded casing, and we stuff it with ground up racial stereotypes." STOP! Just put the sausage in my eyes! (That is what she said, because she is so confused about how "it" works.) But as great as the Flavor Flav eye sausage (it really is a gross metaphor and it makes me barf every time that I type it) has been so far, the latest Flavor Flav eye sausage (shudder) might be a sausage too far. From the Hollywood Reporter:

The original basic-cable ladies man is teaming with producer Eric Ortner to shop a new series to networks in which he returns to high school to receive his diploma.

Yiiiiiiiikes. No, sure, yes. There's absolutely no way that this could possibly be anything other than uplifting and positive, I'm sure.

Teacher: I'm sorry, Flavor Flav, but you got an F.
Flavor Flav: Why you sorry? F is my favorite letter because it is in my name twice! FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAV!
Teacher: OK, well you got a Fail. Is Fail in your name?
Flavor Flav: HAaaaaAAAAAAAAAA

I'm pretty sure producer Eric Ortner recently changed his name from Michael Bluth, because he's made a terrible mistake. This is the best part, though:

Continue reading There's No Way Flavor Flav's New Reality Show Could Be An Awful Idea!...

Posted by Gabe at 12:00 PM in Bad Idea Jeans, New TV Shows, Reality TV
Tags: Billy Madison | Education | Flavor Flav | Racism | The Flavor Of Love

Comments (40) latest by caringiscool