The 15 Types Of Strangers
This is a very important Public Service Announcement, obviously, and all American children should have to memorize these 11 types of strangers, as well as the exact scripted thing that they say each time (any deviation from the script means it's probably safe to get into the car). Although, I'm pretty sure we could use a new name for Hero Trap since huh? Hero Bald Fashion Photographer Who Prefers Shooting In A Parking Lot For The Natural Light Trap? Total Hero Trap.
But also, there are a few strangers that the video missed, and they are important. You know, so that the children don't get raped.
Garbage Trap
"Hey, I left you a present at the bottom of that dumpster. Why don't you go find it. I will be in there in a second to help you celebrate!"
Helium Trap
"Have you ever heard how funny someone's voice gets when they inhale helium from a balloon? They sound like they are in a cartoon! Do you like cartoons? Do you like getting raped and then watching cartoons?"
Sad Bubblegum Pizza Trap
"I was supposed to have a bubblegum pizza party with all my friends, but they canceled at the last minute. Now I have all these bubblegum pizzas and no one to share them with. My mother is in the hospital and it's been really difficult living in the old house by myself. I really just need someone with a set of times tables flash cards to talk to."
Dax Shepard Trap
"I'm Dax Shepard, get in my car!"
Jesus. This post is a nightmare. Sorry. (Via FourFour.)
Posted by Gabe at 2:45 PM in PSAs
Tags: Children | Rape | Strangers
"Do you like getting raped and then watching cartoons?"
Yikes.....
Score = 12
Throw in some weed and some XBox and I'll meet you downstairs in an hour.
Score = 15
1:53 mark is really good.
Score = 3
If you tell anybody ... about our little secret ... I'll keep fucking your chicken.
Score = 31
I like his Beatles mop-top wig. Is their little secret how to unlock Pete Best in Rock Band?
Score = 17
I like how that wasn't a warning to the child, but to the would-be rapist. "Children should NEVER be asked to keep special secrets from their parents!"
Score = 1
Wait, isn't the woman who needed her bag brought to her car the secretary in Ferris Beullar's Day Off?
Score = 4
gabe...you gotta stop posting these AMAZING videos...you're gonna make the internet explode!!!
Score = 5
Hey, don't knock the hero trap. It's my favorite, it works every time.
Score = 8
Billy Ocean Trap:
Get outta my dreams. Get in to my car.
Score = 49
The only minority used is for the "Threats Trap." RACISTS!
Score = 14
Racist? 10 out of 11 child rapists are white.
Score = 5
Yeah, and also SEXISTS! 44,999 out of 45,000 are not sexy blond ladies trying to get you to play a gameboy.
Score = 11
What if your mom really is in the hospital, and the person who came to pick up at school instead also needs help finding their puppy and will reward you with candy and professional photography if you help them and get into their windowless van? These are the dilemmas American children face every day!
Score = 16
That actually happened to me when I was 7. Everything worked out fine.
Score = 11
how'd the pictures come out?
Score = 12
Oddly, totally safe for work.
Score = 7
The officer was the creepiest person in this PSA. The old make-an-anti-abduction-PSA trap... We're on to you, sir.
Score = 26
My diagnosis: reaction formation. Well, played Becca. Well played.
Score = 2
BIKE SHOP TRAP!
Score = 9
Score = 10
Poor Dudley.
Score = 3
I'm impressed by their ability to cast 15 people who look like child molesters.
Score = 21
In Hollywood? Every fourth person looks like a child molester.
Score = 12
Craigslist?
Score = 1
I would totally have helped her put the batteries in the Game Boy if she had asked me when I was 9. Lucky for me she didn't.
Score = 14
Where (besides my head) is the PIZZA DELIVERY MAN considered an AUTHORITY FIGURE?
Score = 44
Am I the only one who gets the feeling that #3 is an executive by day and a wild man by night?
Score = 5
Stay away from bribing trap, she looks like a clap trap.
Score = 11
Hey, I got a gun. Let's go to a Broadway show!
Score = 13
So I instinctively upvoted this because it was a phrase that I recognized. Then I realized I didn't remember what it was from. And then I felt like an episode of Family Guy.
Score = 4
You forgot these:
The Money Trap
The Parent Trap
Score = 24
I don't know if the StrangerSmart folks were intending to find the creepiest people on Earth, but Mission Accomplished. StrangerSmart on the aircraft carrier.
Though, the "Bribing Trap" lady: I would wreck that shit. Sideways. With the batteries.
Score = 6
I would definitely go to the arcade with the Having Fun Trap guy.
Score = 4
Never get in Perez Hilton's van!
Score = 46
Damn it, we must of posted at the same exact time. Oh well, Perez....Wormtail...Child Molester...all the same, right?
Score = 3
"This is what I do, I sit on you."
Score = 1
If a man offers to play a game of NEPTUNE say no. This is what I learned from a rerun of Diff'rent Strokes.
Score = 3
Score = 16
"Do you like cartoons? Do you like getting raped and then watching cartoons?"
Yes.
Score = 1
"Only professional agencies hire child actors"... Wow, they really know what resonates with kids.
Score = 8
I remember watching this is elementary school. I didn't remember anyone until that pizza "authority figure" man appeared and I remembered how much he creeped me and my overalls out back in 4th grade.
Still, I've never been kidnapped but that's only because I never had the opportunity to say "no" to a hawaiian body builder who tells me his secrets and hates my dog.
Score = 8
"Trust your own feelings." When you're under the age of ten, all of your feelings are telling you to pursue opportunities to get candy, no matter what. Bad Idea Jeans.
Score = 19
Did a bearded Shaquille O'Neil just threaten to murder a child's dog? Or was I imagining that?
Score = 5
this video is right on point.
getting a job is a trap, kids!
Score = 15
As an adult I would probably take about five of those bribes. I'd do a lot of things for free pizza or ten dollars, a couple of those guys were kind of creepy cute (Why yes, I love video games. I happen to have a couple at my house, why don't we just go there? Gah-rowl) and #3 please don't hurt my puppy. I loves him so.
Also: My secret code word when I was a child: Nimrod. True Story.
Score = 6
HA what the FUCK WHY did it suddenly GET SO intense with the I'LL KILL your dog THING?
Score = 9
Score = 2
Why can`t all pedophiles be like bribing trap woman?
Just sayin
Score = 4
I know, all of the ones I've ever met look like art model traps who would barely know their way around brain age.
Score = 0
This is GOLD. Thank you videogum.
Score = 1
oh, gabe.
lolz til i cried. so good.
Score = 0
Don't you have an AC Adapter, Bribing Hero?
Score = 2
By Bribing Hero, I mean Bribing Trap. She knows who she is.
Score = 1
The cop just assumes that I've heard of strangers dressed up in uniforms? Rude, because I haven't. Apparently my parents didn't mind if I got kidnapped. Also, weird thing to say while wearing an ill-fitting uniform.
Score = 5
good advice for the chillins.
Score = -1
I cant believe nobody picked up on "The eleven traps to avoid are: helping, bribing, being famous, having fun, getting a job, being a playmate, emergency, affection, authority, hero and threats."
good advice for the chillins.
(that was my whole post, yet somehow only half of it felt like going up there so i'm redoing it)
Score = 2
I'm pretty sure the 'Getting A Job Trap' is the "Being Famous Trap' sans mustache, +wig
Score = 0
Always let John C. Riley teach you how to hit the ball clear over the fence. It'll be fun.
Score = 0
When do we tell kids that 70% or rapes are from someone you know?
Score = 0