College Will Turn Your Daughter Into A Pregnant Liberal Who Hates Cookies
This is a relatively well-done (for what it is and what it's trying to accomplish) video for something called "College Weekend Workshop '09," which is presumably some sort of right wing propaganda-reinforcing pre-emptive brainwashing training camp that you send your perfect child to before they go off to college and get indoctrinated with concepts like the patriarchy and the value of the rainforest. It's funny because it's really really close to being an accurate depiction of a common college phase, but it gets a few things really off. Like: "Does anyone want to do some Tai Chi?"
Nice literal tattoo sleeves! The funny thing about this, besides the bad acting, is that we all know that there's no way New Liberal Activist Kim would be pregnant. By the logic this video is itself stressing, Kim would have totally had an abortion! Or she wouldn't have gotten pregnant at all...because she would be a lesbian! But maybe they save the really terrifying scenarios for the parents who shell out for the workshop.
Posted by Lindsay at 2:30 PM in Propaganda
Tags: College
(braces for horrible comments from An American Patriot)
Score = 39
I just wish the daughter would point out that her dad looks like a douche and her boyfriend is super whipped.
If I was that chick, I would have left home and never come back.
Score = 29
Don't let your daughter drink at the fountain of knowledge, lest she discover what a terrible idea that douche soul patch is, especially when you have more than one chin.
Score = 33
A DOF adapter and some Magic Bullet does not mean it's well done.
Score = 5
oh man. that was so confusing.
Score = 8
i love that she's white trash AND super-liberal. because those totally go hand in hand.
Score = 72
Why is she "white trash?"
Score = -21
also, i think she's hotter after she comes back from college, and i'm not just saying that because i'm into pregnant chicks.
Score = 53
I'm saying that because I AM into pregnant chicks.
Score = 6
knowledge is poison, kids.
unless it's OUR knowledge.
Score = 30
see also:
http://thecww.s3.amazonaws.com/the-isms.pdf
so many 'haha' moments i can't even begin to critique it.
Score = 4
I'm... I'm just so angry right now. After taking an Ethics course, I'm now qualified to state that at least half of that little pamphlet is complete bullshit. The other half is at the very least smug and patronizing.
Score = 3
You could also critique the punctuation. Also pretty bad.
Score = 2
"Be every philosophers' worst nightmare."
Yes, but certainly not in the way they were hoping. I'm majoring in philosophy, and if you had any doubts about the truthfulness of the -isms on that pdf I can say definitively that everything on there is bullshit. Oh, and Nietzsche went insane due to contracting Syphilis (sensitivity FAIL).
Score = -4
you know, its their own fault. If they didn't want their daughter to turn into an incense-loving pinko, they probably shouldn't have given her a Volkswagon Beetle to cruise around in. Maybe a pickup truck to remind her of her roots?
Score = 32
Liberals! So bad at parking!
Score = 97
the bad acting + music also led me to believe that this was going to be a quirky and ironic journey of self-discovery.
i wonder if that was intended.
Score = 0
In the sequel you find out that her car runs on vegetable oil.
Score = 35
Daddy's got a soul-patch. Looks like "college" did a number on him too.
Score = 21
Apparently going to college also means you forget how to park a car correctly.
Score = 4
Uh... are we sure this isn't a parody of these types of things? Because that's what it seems like to me(i.e. REALLY REALLY overdone "wholesome" stereotypical family, super broad liberal stereotypes, very over-the-top situation, liberal use of cliches). They totally nailed that Mom, though. "Hey, I know that you're pregnant, which is a big deal, and that you're verbally abusing us, but WHO WANTS COOKIES?"
Score = 12
We're sure: http://collegeweekendworkshop.com/
Score = 1
Snakes with PhDs! Lemmings on Parade!
Score = 2
Damn. I'm just going to pretend that I'm right, because that's infinite preferable to the alternative.
Score = 3
Does it mention what kind of "statistic" your innocent child might become at college?
Score = 2
It's the statistic that the overwhelming number of students who were raised in the church leave the church when they go to college.
Score = 6
that's what i thought! but sadly, no. from the website:
CWWLive is a college prep course for Christians broadcast live over the internet. It's all about preparing students for the spiritual, social, and emotional sides of college so they can get a degree without losing the faith.
Score = 0
for those who aren't familiar, christians often use videos like this one to sell something to other christians (usually it is trying to be funny in order to do so). oh, and they stereotype conservatives as cookie-eating soccer mom monsters and liberals as scruffy-haired musicians with tatoo sleeves and simplistic knowledge of eastern religions. but all stereotypes are born out of reality, right guys?
Score = 0
It was very considerate of her parents and (ex?) boyfriend not to mention the obvious pregnancy and to just offer cookies instead.
Score = 33
is anyone else gonna say it? because i'm gonna say it. which will drive a bigger wedge into the family: liberal daughter or obviously gay dad in hetero-sham marriage? FREE TO BE YOU AND ME, DAD!
Score = 36
Maybe she just got fat. College does that you know.
Score = 57
She would be like I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!
Score = 5
I am consistently reminded of how dense the Videogum readership.
Guys, this is VERY VERY CLEARLY supposed to be a comical dramatization. They are used quite often in advertising. Or do you guys believe Red Bull is actually claiming that you will sprout wings upon drinking their product? You are supposed to LAUGH at the JOKES. I'm emphasizing those words because they seem to be lost in your sea of irony these days.
Score = -63
Wouldn't you be equally dense if you consistently had to be reminded? Either that or suffering the same condition of the man in Memento.
Score = 11
I keep saying this here, but seriously you should come hang out in "Real America" for a spell. This is the specific fear of many parents here (my here is "upstate" South Carolina). If this is satirical, it is incredibly, even unnecessarily, accurate.
Score = 5
Obviously, it is a fear of some people that their child will return with some of the qualities the daughter in the video has gained while away at college (a very legitimate one) but its still VERY VERY CLEARLY a comical dramatization of this scenario meant to hook its viewers into attending the online workshop. HOW IS THIS NOT OBVIOUS???
Score = -23
Because the fact that you find something funny doesn't automatically always mean that it's intended to be that way?
Score = 9
So the music, the acting, the direction, even the coloring of this video don't signal to you that it's supposed to be funny? And you know, ALL THE JOKES? Jesus.
Score = -28
http://collegeweekendworkshop.com/
Awful lot of effort, money, and registration forms for an elaborate joke.
Score = 10
I think he means the video itself its meant to be funny, not the message, which clearly they are way too serious about. They are using "humor" in this video to reach the kids.
Score = 7
I'd just like to add that before I rejected many of the ideas of the church in which I was raised (especially those on homosexuality, abortion, gay marriage, sex education, et al), I sat through one of these indoctrination camps - not this one specifically - but something eerily similar.
This is a very real fear for a lot of hyper-christian parents, that THE WORLD (a tangible OTHER to be feared, avoided, converted) will permeate the minds of their college bound offspring.
That said, I lapsed long before any of this shit got to me... with my sinful SECKS and love for TEH GHEYS.
long story short - harcore jesus freaks take this seriously enough to make videos like the one above in which they become parodies of themselves.
Score = 25
Yep.
Score = 1
I seem to remember the phrase "egypt school" attached to the idea of liberal universities.
Score = 0
Okay I think at this point you understand and agree with me but you are just being a dumbass intentionally, so I'm done with you.
Score = -30
Actually I wasn't really paying that close attention because it's Martini Friday. INTERNET GUILTY AS INTERNET CHARGED.
Score = 8
HEY TECHNOSOULJABOY CALM YO ASS DOWN BEFORE I BEAT IT DOWN
Score = 24
you've obviously never been to church. if you, in fact, have - it's obvious that your church was a boring one where old people sang along with an organ and the kids all slept in the pews.
Score = -7
Sort of like his avatar.
Score = 3
recordingDR, i agree with you.
yes, these people are serious about their christian indoctrination thing. i know about these things, i am from alabama. but this video is knowingly over the top. and everybody on these comment boards is being ignorant to not recognize that.
Score = -7
Just because it's intended to be satirical doesn't mean that it can't get over the top. Sometimes, people try to hard. This is a pretty good example.
Score = 5
I'm suing for them doing this without using my life rights. How did they know what I looked like when I got back from college?
Score = 11
Did you see their other videos? Agnosticism looks PAINFUL: http://vimeo.com/4784525
Score = 8
My question is "If you're so concerned about your daughter's well-being, why didn't you visit her for 9 months?".
Score = 55
seriously, college semesters last no more than 5 months, and we're supposed to believe she didn't come home for Thanksgiving OR Christmas? its like the 9 months is just to reinforce that she's pregnant, though they don't even bother to make a joke about that... lazy.
Score = 10
The punchline is that she's returning home from Yale.
Score = 34
Dude, seriously. I've been perusing the site for this shit and it is amazing. Apparently people who aren't Christians are idiots! You have to speak idiot language to speak to an idiot so you can witness to them! ONLY THEN CAN YOU SAVE THE IDIOTS.
Score = -2
Is it just me, or the father forgets the lins at the end? "If only we had signed up for...ahm..."
Score = 0
Is it just me, or the father forgets the lines at the end? "If only we had signed up for...ahm..."
Score = -1
This reminds me of my friend's very religious parents who don't want him to go to a Christian college because they are afraid it will turn him agnostic/atheist. Apparantly hearing about all that Bible stuff all day makes a lot of kids start to actually think for themselves and realize they just don't believe it. And who'd want people to start thinking for themselves, right?
Score = 7
!!!! Are they mixed race????
SINNERS!
Score = 3
Okay I'll just say it: I went to Christian schools from kindergarten until 12th grade. Don't worry, I'm okay now, even though I still begrudge my otherwise sensible parents for betraying me, and denying me a real education. You know, the kind where you don't learn about Noah's Ark in science class.
So I think I'm qualified to say that this is a huge fear in the Christian community. Literally from day one in ninth grade we were told that once we left our insular little bubble called high school and ventured out into the real world (i.e. college), that we would be "tested". That people in college would tell us all sorts of ludicrous things about monkeys and single-celled organisms, and it might sound very convincing to our eager young ears. But we must beware, for these people are doing the devil's work whether they know it or not, and Satan plans to lure us away from the truth (i.e. the earth being 6000 years old) But if we succumbed to the secular ways of the Liberal Academia Satanist Conspiracy, then we would burn for the the rest of eternity in agonizing pain and misery with all the other fags and liberals. Then I said, "Fuck you. THIS is hell!"
Sorry for the enormous post, this is obviously something that still pisses me off. The CWW wants to deny young people an education and hinder their critical thinking. Plain and simple. And for that, they need to fuck off, cute video or not.
Score = 49
does the phrase, "you're acting like public school children" ring a bell? that's my favorite. thank you catholic schools.
Score = 4
Oh god. Is it true? About the chocolate chips? Damn it, now i can't even eat cookies without feeling guilty.
Score = 12
It's like the S. Darko version of thirteen
Score = 7
Oh man S. Darko. That movie is the first (and hopefully last) that I've ever seen that I honestly think was written entirely, start-to-finish by an eighth-grader.
Score = 1
I have some conservative values, but there's no way this is that...
Score = 0
The purpose of this organization is not to deny students an education or hinder their ability to think critically, its to prepare students for some of the ridiculous liberal ideology that is force-fed to college students around the country. Its not to promote ignorance, its to teach kids that just because their liberal professors and naive friends may promote damaging lifestyle habits and liberal-leaning views about politics, religion, and the world, they should feel no obligation to adopt these views and should keep in mind their upbringing and personal values when making decisions. I don't see a problem with that. It is much preferable to the idiots who go to college for one semester and all of a sudden are hateful, shortsighted agnostic communists whose favorite activities include righteous indignation and trite marijuana-influenced rants about religion and politics.
Score = -63
Am I the only person who went to a big state school? College for me wasn't exactly a breeding ground of liberal radicalism, ya know? Like, where I come from car bombs have Jameson in them and John McCain isn't the enemy, he's just the guy who looks like Colonel Tigh. So say we all.
I guess we had our fair share of dope smokin, bible doubtin' hippies, but they were called townies and you didn't have to talk to them unless you WANTED to go to the vegan restaurant.
Score = 24
I went to Purdue, which was a very conservative college. But my and your personal experiences aren't what this ad is directed toward. Its directed toward parents who are afraid their children are going to be unwittingly led into abandoning their values and adopting unhealthy radical views while away at college. It happens. A lot.
Score = -36
I think you're being kind of ridiculous. First of all, views are not "dangerous," actions are. If Little Timmy goes off to Oberlin and starts reading Chomsky and stops drinking Coca Cola, I don't really see the harm. Dangerous? I don't know what can be dangerous about college. Drugs and booze? Getting pregnant? Perhaps part of the culture but not inherently collegiate.
So often I hear criticism of liberal parenting and how they tend to coddle their children emotionally. To a great degree I think this is true. In school I saw these children of well-to-do Atlantans behave any which way they wanted because they felt entitled to do so. Maybe these kids are bad influences on the nice Christian girls that make American great, glory, glory, hallelujah.
But if these kids get to school and abandon values, they're not values. What is important about the college experience -- why I think programs like the one advertised are pretty silly -- is that kids are too coddled intellectually.
Professors may be too progressive for your taste, but the point is that they challenge the students; it is up to the students to challenge them back. To me, the essence of higher education is not indoctrination but critical thinking. If you can't hang, you probably don't belong in school.
I guess what I'm saying is that little evolution never hurt anybody, so give it a rest, Charlotte Simmons.
Score = 38
Tom Wolfe reference. Someone went to college. Shame, really. I'll pray for your soul.
Score = 18
I was very religious in my youth. Very, very religious (Junior Bible Quiz National Championships religious.) And yeah, I came back from college a raging pinko commie longhair, but it didn't have anything to do with being "force-fed" some sort of liberal agenda.
It was because I started thinking. I stopped accepting what I was told simply because that's what I was told. (Including what I was told in class.) And I was forced to finally acknowledge all the doubts and unanswered questions about my faith that I had had as a child. And I just couldn't make it make sense anymore. If you can reconcile your religion to your worldview, more power to you. But I can't.
PS. I also attended an EXTREMELY conservative college for a while, but I sure didn't sway to their way of thinking. So don't blame the colleges.
Score = 7
Here's the thing though: how is environmentalism against the Church? Isn't Kirk Cameron always going on about how evolution is wrong because "look at this amazing banana!"? Call me crazy but if God made all these wonderful things, I'm sure he's pretty fucking pissed off that we are destroying them. Secondly, empathy (which conservatives seem to hate with a passion) could be considered one of the main themes of the Bible. Plus, the Bible has just as much, if not more, to say against things just as torture and war as it does homosexuality or abortion. That's what I find probably most sickening about this whole thing (well, among many others): these parents who send their children off to this brainwashing camp aren't even worried that their kids are going to move against God, they're worried that their kids are going to move against the Republican Party. That's who these idiots really worship. They could care less if their kids believe the stuff the Bible says, they're just scared shitless that their kids will stop believing the filth Rush Limbaugh says.
Score = 8
Everything you just wrote is incredibly ignorant. To suggest that being a Christian is somehow equal to supporting torture and bigotry is absurd. Its unfortunate that you and many others feel the need to every political and religious debate into a battle of who can make the most ridiculous sweeping generalizations because it prevents anyone from having a real, constructive dialogue. Most christians are not going to take you seriously if you approach them with shit like "you like jesus therefore you also support waterboarding and rush limbaugh" just liek you would never take someone seriously who comes at you with something like "you are liberal therefore you are on drugs and support communism and dead babies."
In short, get your head out your ass.
Score = 1
Oh Purdue... well that explains it!
Score = 0
You bring up a really good point. If she's anti-cocoa, how is she possibly going to eat pot brownies before the Pink Floyd Laser Light Spectacular?
Score = 42
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you didn't go to college.
Score = 8
HA!
Score = 1
Naw, that's not it. What's they're actually saying is that college will make you think and put different ideas in your head. College creates cognitive dissonance. So watch out, kiddies.
Score = 0
Posted on the cww site:
"CWW officially has the opposition it deserves and the libelous web remarks to prove it. Recently, the site has received thousands of hits, as CWW has “gone viral,” and suffice to say that secular humanists really want us to crash and burn. Rival or mocking websites have been set up against those on the CWW Team, the supporting church of CWW (Cornerstone World Outreach in Sioux City, IA, come visit sometime…), and the hate mail has been “of biblical proportions.”
We are not a parody site; we are completely and unashamedly honest with the public. We are very serious in our mission and our love to tell the whole truth."
Score = 11
And this is why Poe's Law exists.
Score = 1
god i want these people to come to reed college. they might actually die.
Score = 6
Oh god you just mentioned Reed College on the internet
I am dying
Score = 1
I live in Portland, and my girlfriend runs a mentoring program for disadvantaged youth. The focus is to encourage these kids and give them the tools to go to college. So they took a field trip to Reed, because you know, college. Now keep in mind these are kids who come from deeply religious families, Muslim, Catholic, you name it. They get to Reed and arrive to hordes of kids walking around naked and doing bong rips in the middle of campus. Needless to say, damage control was a bit tricky.
Score = 12
Oh man, I went to a party at Reed once, and I actually almost died.
Score = 12
her license plate says IGNITUS
Score = 5
I am offended that the girl in the video moved into her dorm with all of her things fitting perfectly in a VW Bug. Obviously she was a terrible roommate for not bringing a mini-fridge and deserved to get knocked up and sleeved.
Score = 23
I would have agreed that this is harmless joke, until I saw this: http://vimeo.com/4971999
That is apparently his actual view, and if that kind of aggressive and determined ignorance isn't frightening then I don't know what is. Have to love the textbook straw man argument example though.
Score = 2
If she comes back in 9 months and her water is practically breaking, does that mean she got pregnant imediately? we liberal douches don't work that fast, she must have been a whore before she got there.
Score = 42
As someone who graduated (3 weeks ago, hollaaaaaa) from a private liberal arts college known for reefer madness I can say that they freakin' NAILED the outfit/hair/make up. I mean, obviously sans the literal sleeve. Instead she should have a tattoo of a line drawing of a swan her friend did one night that they tripped out really hard in the art studio after rolling out giant pieces of butcher paper to paint/draw/color/drool on. Duh.
Score = 5
9 months later Kim looks like a pregnant Kristin Stewart.
Score = 8
This certainly made me go to ccw09.com
Score = 1
i just love how the mother has the two tone hair. Blonde on top and black underneath...conservative mom has the same hairdo as a rock of love contestant.
Score = 21
I know, it makes me so mad inside my head when girls learn about feminism and consider alternatives to consumerist domesticity!
Score = 14
Straight for real! What is all this "enlightened" bullcrap??
Score = 2
It's so sad to see yet another young woman getting a higher education.
Score = 21
Oh Videogum readers....Most of you probably resemble the first girl rather than the second. Now go eat your mom's famous cookies after you vote me down
Score = 1
Girls who wear hairbands and eat cookies can't possibly have objective opinions or a sense of humor.
Score = 10
You're like the Eminem of commenting, you just don't give a fuck who votes you down. What a badass.
Score = 19
I'm a conservative, and a church-goer, and I thought it was hilarious. For those of you who are not church-goers, this is a prime example of a video announcement made up of purposefully exaggerated scenarios meant to produce a comedic effect. If we had played this in church the congregation would have laughed hysterically and then maybe/maybe not signed up for the workshop. I'm not saying that's what this is, or what it was meant for, but it definitely looks familiar from my perspective.
To all the Reed College people: Read "Blue Like Jazz" -- it's a memoir from a Christian who did spend some time at Reed College. It's not the basis of the whole book, but is a significant part of it.
Score = -12
her license plate says IGNITUS
Score = -1
Last semester, a Christian apologist named Frank Turek came to my school, claiming that 75 percent of Church goers stop attending after attending college because of liberalism (?), atheism, and humanism. I respectfully disagreed. Essentially, I said it's more likely that "God said it, and I believe it, and that settles it for me" isn't a credible perspective. It was cute in Sunday School, but when I'm hearing things like, "If science contradicts anything in the Bible, we can know its false." That's scary. And please go on YouTube to see Turek debate Christopher Hitchens. You instantly become more of an atheist. Something my "radical" professors never could do.
My sister, who finally fulfilled her dream of leaving NYC public schools for a Christian college, of all my places, chose Liberty University, which recently banned having a College Democrats on campus. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
Score = 9
Oh those crazy liberals with there compassion for the earth and female rights! Pffff!
Score = 3
I know, right? the funny thing is her "ridiculous" liberal views are. . .well, kind of over the top, but really people? You're going to be mad that she wants to be a feminist and save the rain forests? :(
Score = 0
If they were such a tight knit family before, why didn't they see her for 9 months? continuity goof!
Score = 2
She even had a car, but the bitch didn't come visit!
Score = 4
Maybe she should've tried military service.
Score = 5
One of the dumbest things about this is that it assumes caring about something like the environment or feminism means someone is a heathen... I'll admit it, I'm a religious person. But, guess what, I love evolutionary biology. I love literary theory (I'm working on an MA in Spanish), and think reading Nietzsche or Zizek is kind of fun (especially when they talk about religion)... I guess I'm just one of those crazy guys who agrees with Miguel de Unamuno that "Faith without doubt is not faith." If you don't think about it, if it's never challenged, you don't really believe it...
On another note, their pamphlet on different "isms" is obviously one of the worst things of its kind I have seen- if anything, these brainwashers could just teach a crash course on deconstruction so the young 'uns could take down all the old theories on their own... oh, but then they could use it on Christianity, and I suppose that John Caputo is a little too scary for people like this...
Score = 5
Yup, another addition to this comment thread from a Christian private college graduate gone LIB.
My take is that as knowing, and winking as this video is (let alone how actually ignorant/hateful the other vimeo account videos are), it still bases its humor on fear and stereotypes. I've known too many people that attack the "other" from a place of religion, and defend such judgmental name-calling as joking.
While describing "college" as a place to go let your kids' morals die through "new ideas" is a simplistic punchline in this marketing video, it speaks volumes about more serious fears and stereotypes that its intended audience actually holds.
This video is very unfunny. It strikes a cold nerve in me. Not because the trained professional Christian comedian actors in it didn't do their job well, but because there are places in America where the joke is on education; at young peoples' expense.
Score = 3
Wait, so this is just more evidence that any group, anywhere, has lousy people in it, representing it in a crappy way? What's the take-away? That I should stop thinking objectively about Christianity? I know plenty of Christians who do incredibly valuable work, at great personal cost. There are examples of similar positive behavior easily found, all over the world. I'm not saying good works are exclusive to Christianity, but sometimes I get the feeling that any good works are kind of ignored in favor of the more sensational idiots. The Christian Right, if it survives another generation, will be significantly smaller in a decade. We can all relax.
Score = 0
Don't become too relaxed my friend. Folks on the far right tend to breed like rats and the offspring aren't likely to get to a fine college education. While over-generalizations aren't terribly useful in general, this particular one is germane in light of your comments.
Score = 0
Is it just me, or does her boyfriend look a lot more like her dad than she does?
Score = 0
College Weekend Workshop is 90% parking practice.
Score = 2
Dad's quick look to the side makes me swear its a huge joke, but unfortunately it's not.
Score = 0