Dear Baby Jesus, Please Let Kings Go All The Way With This Biblical Analogy
Guess who has two thumbs and just read the entire Wikipedia entry for King Saul? This chick! I was hoping to find clues to upcoming plot points on the already ratings-challenged but fascinatingly ridiculous new show, Kings, but then I remembered, wow, the Bible is super boring except for the sex parts. Reading about Saul and David's breakups and makeups and caveman politics is like going back and reading your notes from high school. The things you remember as huge events and coups d'etat upon which entire social empires rose and fell were really just minor misunderstandings, like "Erica and her boyfriend got in a fight so we missed the Indigo Girls concert." (True story, btw. Still mad.) Oh, except with more spears. Saul and David were constantly throwing spears at each other. And missing, often "on purpose." Like, every day. The Bible is basically high school, with spears. Our entire civilization is based on a caveman version of Gossip Girl. Also, David so totally stole Saul's milk jug! That little bitch! This is making me laugh so hard!
HOWEVER, my Wikipedia journey did lead me to one potential plot point that could shake prime time network television to its core (and I'm not talking about David and Jonathan being gay together, that's only 1080 B.C./1997 A.D.-shocking.) I know Kings got low ratings, but please please please don't cancel it before this happens....
Another daughter, Michal, falls in love with David, so Saul repeats the offer to David with Michal, but again David turns it down claiming to be too poor; Saul persuades David that the bride price would only be 100 foreskins from the Philistines, hoping that David would be killed trying to achieve this. David obtains 200 foreskins and is consequently married to Michal.
You know a show has jumped the shark when they break out the old "Obtaining 200 foreskins" cliche. That's what killed Growing Pains, if you remember. I wonder what will represent foreskins on this modern-day retelling? Please let it be foreskins! That is some Nip/Tuck shit right there.
Posted by Lindsay at 10:30 AM in Prime Time Soap Operas
Tags: Ian McShane | Jesus | Kings
I wish they would make a TV show based on Jacob and Esau, because Esau is definitely the dumbest guy in the Bible and Jacob is just a conniving asshole. It would be so funny.
Score = 3
Maybe that can be a story arc on Two and a Half Men.
Score = 6
I agree with you about Esau, but I think Rebekah was the "coniver" and the asshole would have been Issac, but that's just my opinion and stuff.
Score = 0
Whuuuut? Jacob tricked Esau into giving him his birthright (in exchange for a bowl of lentils, hence Esau's colossal stupidity). That spells conniving asshole right there. Then he tricked his BLIND DAD into blessing him instead of Esau. Maybe Rebekah put the bug in his ear, but still, just because Macbeth had Lady Macbeth doesn't make him any less of a dick.
Score = 4
Too much Bible!
Score = 1
Wasn't that an episode of Will & Grace?
Score = 1
I was scrolling down slowly, and the whole time was like "Please, let it be foreskins!"
Score = 7
"We are King and we do as we see is right in mine eye"
Score = 2
oh, it's going to be stem cells and we're all going to cancel our NBC subscriptions
Score = 2
I loved the pilot. perhaps because I know the source material ;) but i loved the mix of what-ifness, Biblicalish references, and sprinkles of serendipity. They've set it up perfectly for the people's hero vs. embittered king of yesteryear all under the shadow of a monarch's delicate wings ;)
However, David hasn't been established as enough of a courageous "man after God's own heart." KINGS has already started with the beginnings of a typical "too flawed to look up to" hero. I'm tired of that crap. and why is he another blonde, blue-eyed, matt damon look-alike?? Why couldn't he be Latino? I'm glad Samuel is (stereotypically) Black, but still.
and I agree, Lindsay, I hope they go far with the Biblical reference/allegory, heheh. Like let's have David actually go all Psalm 51 and feel remorseful for something -- not very common in media's portrayal of life.
"We are King and we do as we see what is right in mine eye"
~ King Silas
Score = 0
the bible, long though it is, is much more entertaining than videogum.
Score = -2