Comment

November 7, 2008

New Gossip Girl Posters Will Not Piss Off Your Parents

Remember the original ads for season 2 of Gossip Girl that showed two kids fucking Like Water for Chocolate style with a salacious quote like "Your Mom's Going To Barf," or "This Show Will Fuck Your Mouth"? Well there's a new poster out now to keep the mid-season momentum going. But while it features the King of Gossip Girl mountain, Charlie Trout, the tagline is playing it pretty safe:

"The price of winning could be losing his father's empire."

OOOOOOOOooooooo OOOOOOooooh. Keep your hand on the remote during that episode, just in case your mom walks in the room. That is the unraciest tag line ever. So unracy. Your mom's going to make you START watching this show if you haven't already because "it looks nice." But, I'm nothing if not a team player (I'm nothing). So here are a few more taglines for the Gossip Girl publicity team to use on this latest run of promotions:

Image of Serena Van Der Woodsen: Hopefully someone will give her some perspective on the way the world works so that she will stop treating people with such callous selfishness.
Image of Blair Waldorf: Whether or not she gets into Yale, she's still going to need to deal with the detachment she suffers from her own emotional core.
Image of Dan Humphrey: The price of winning could be losing his father's supposed trust, not that his father has done much to make his children respect him.
Image of Jenny Humphrey: Her behavior suggests that she's in desperate need of some guidance and probably misses her mom.
Image of Nate Archibald: He is a decent guy the end.

Nailed it. I could sell sand to a man lost in the desert. Because of the delirium and desperation.

Comments (4) latest by daring niche

May 1, 2008

The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor Is Going To Jump Spin Crescent Kick Ass

Speaking of Persia, if you had told me a day ago that they should make another Mummy movie, I would have told you to put a curse on yourself damning you to an eternity of lifeless shuffling in a dusty tomb, and also kill yourself. But no one said anything about Jet Li. That is crazy. He's going to be like "what's up, undead reavers, here is a karate kick for your face," and the mummies will be like "unhhhhh." So good. Remember when Jet Li retired from martial arts films but then the Rinpoche told him to get back to work because he had not completed his mission for this lifetime, and he decided that if he did return to film he would be working to bring the light of Buddha's teachings to a global audience? It's nice to see that he's still doing God's work. Scissor kicking mummies in mid-air is the one true way to Nirvana.

And of course when Jet Li is involved it's the Dragon Emperor. So smart. I'm pretty sure on the insurance forms for this film, where it asks for blood type, Hollywood just put down "General Tso's."