They Should Rename The "Free Roman Polanski" Petition The "I'm Officially A Creep" Petition • Seriously Woody Allen? I'm sure it's all fist-bumps at the playground over that one. It's weird how many seemingly non-creeps have signed this thing that only a creep would sign. Where Joe Francis at? SOMEBODY GET JOE FRANCIS ON THE PHONE.

Comments (174) latest by knifewound

A Petition To Re-release Captain Eo In Disney Parks • Michael Jackson may be gone, but with our help his most important accomplishment can live on. Sign here.

Comments (2) latest by Joker's Lady

In Case You Have Forgotten The Movement To End Fake Rap

It continues!

Perhaps the most pernicious thing about fake rap is its ability to turn every fake rapper into the Fake Rap Poster Boy. (How do we kill it?!) There has never been a single fake rap that has been so bad as to eclipse all previous and future fake rap (despite what the Super Bowl Shuffle would have you think). They are all equally bad in their own terrible right. Fake rap, like some kind of tone deaf phoenix, rises from the ashes with each new "song," reborn in all of its miserable, borderline-racist glory shame. And, of course, each new Fake Rap Poster Boy looks almost uncannily like YOUR BOYFRIEND. Spooky.

Take for example this local radio DJ's fake rapping about getting a speeding ticket, set to "Jiggy With It."

Continue reading In Case You Have Forgotten The Movement To End Fake Rap...

Posted by Gabe at 3:30 PM in Parodies, Petitions
Tags: Cars | Fake Rap

Comments (16) latest by amalthea

Tracing The History Of Fake Rap: Wendy's Training Video

One aspect of fake rap that we haven't addressed yet is just how fucking depressing it is. We can make our fancy Pitchfork arguments about how it treats a mature musical genre as a childish joke, which has a weird undercurrent of post-colonial racism to it. We can talk about how even though all musical parody is pretty terrible, fake rap is particularly terrible because it has a tendency to make a mockery of black culture at large in a way that, say, a folk song with joke lyrics doesn't. That's why old white men feel the need to jerkily jab their hands out and wear their pants around their knees, because that's what "they" do, right?

The point is, there's lots of stuff to talk about with fake rap, and we will until it's GONE, but today's lesson is about the historical tendency of fake rap to be the most depressing shit ever. Even this week's Super Broker Shuffle, which we determined was a strange, hilarious anomaly that we could let slide, is still a bunch of mid-western middle-managers rapping about their low prices on bulk food distribution orders, if you see what I am getting at. Those are depressing people doing a depressing thing! Today's video in which a magical microwave genie in a Fat Boys outfit raps about the proper preparation of a Wendy's hamburger, used in the 1980s to train the grill chefs, demonstrates just what kind of a sad, despicable legacy we're up against.

Continue reading Tracing The History Of Fake Rap: Wendy's Training Video...

Posted by Gabe at 4:00 PM in Petitions
Tags: Fake Rap | Wendy's

Comments (12) latest by DILF

Terrence Howard Would Like You To Sign His Iron Man 2 Petition

It was announced two weeks ago that Don Cheadle would replace Terrence Howard in Iron Man 2, and then last week Terrence Howard went the extra step of telling the press that the casting change had taken him by surprise. Now someone has created an online petition (thanks for the tip, Max) demanding that Cheadle be fired and Terrence Howard brought back.

Marvel is under the impression that just any person can play Col. James "Rhodey" Rhodes. They are sadly mistaken.

Well, no. Marvel is under the impression that Don Cheadle can play Col. James "Rhodey" Rhodes. This petition would make a lot more sense if Marvel had fired Terrence Howard and hired "a cast of thousands" to create a Todd Solondz's Palindrome-style performance of Col. James "Rhodey" Rhodes. Also, who wants this? Terrence Howard is the worst. No one wants him back. He clearly made this website himself. Those seminars at the Apple Store are free.

Posted by Gabe at 11:30 AM in Behind The Scenes, Casting Calls, Petitions
Tags: Don Cheadle | Iron Man 2 | Terrence Howard

Comments (3) latest by Carl Gookins

Tracing The History Of Fake Rap: Mr. T.

"Rap is a way of saying 'knock knock.'"
"Who's there?"
"It's me. Open the door and listen to what I've got to say."
[ED. NOTE: no, it's not.]

(thanks for the tip, Edith)

The People's Movement to End Fake Rap still needs you. It has always needed you. Sign the petition here.

Posted by Gabe at 2:30 PM in Petitions, WebJunk
Tags: Fake Rap | History | Mr. T

Comments (11) latest by Elliot

"Nothing Says Thug Life Like A Carefully Worded Argument Submitted In Writing"

Stephen Colbert breaks down the whole Nas v. FOX News controversy, including the part where Geraldo raps.

Look, I loved Dark Knight, but all I'm saying is that one person has the number one movie in the country and shoves his mom in the face, and another guy has the number one album in the country and stands outside of a hate-mongering television statement waging thoughtful political protest. Just kidding. Can you imagine how weird it would be if Christian Bale took on FOX News?I don't think he realizes what kind of man he would have to become to stop a station like them.

Sign the petition against FOX News's racist programming here.

Oh, also, Dear Geraldo,

NO.

Sincerely,
Human Ears.

Posted by Gabe at 11:45 AM in Petitions
Tags: Bill O'Reilly | Geraldo Rivera | Nas | Stephen Colbert

Comments (3) latest by AEM

A Campaign To Save It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia From Itself

Last week I talked about my gentle disappointment in the trajectory of FX's sitcom It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I basically said that the first season was hilarious, and that you couldn't help but love the show for its low budget, offbeat comedy, but that ever since they added Danny DeVito and were asked to sit at the head of the FX fall lineup table, things have been going steadily downhill. I was wrong. Look at this fucking poster. That's not downhill, that's downcliff. That poster is your boyfriend. It comes to us via Collider, who also has a bunch of the promos FX will be running to hype up the show's fourth season debut on September 18th, including jokes like "circle of jerks," and "it's normal to feel dirty after," and "it's like an STD for your television." IT'S LIKE AN UGH FOR MY BRAIN.

Continue reading A Campaign To Save It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia From Itself...

Posted by Gabe at 9:56 AM in Petitions
Tags: Charlie Day | Danny DeVito | Glenn Howerton | It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia | Kaitlin Olson | Rob McElhenney

Comments (8) latest by msigur