Pizza Ghraib, Basically
Anyone who has worked in the service industry knows that it's a frustrating and powerless life. Doing dull, unrewarding work for little pay while simultaneously having to put up with the careless and unrealistic demands of over-entitled customers is a thankless way to spend one's days. The result, of course, is the unfortunate impotent-employ-retaliation, manifested in the rare but occasional employee-bath-in-the-sink or Waiting-screenplay incident.
Meet Kristy and Michael. They are two Domino's employees who have made an ENTIRE SERIES of videos of themselves fucking with customers' food. The example posted after the jump is particularly painful to watch because it's not actually in angry retaliation to a customer ignoring Kristy and Michael's basic humanity with his/her adenoidal complaints. It's just straight up being gross for no good reason. It's like, you know how in Event Horizon all of those astronauts are doomed to an eternity of suffering in hell not because of any personal moral failings but just because they happened to take a job on the ship with the experimental gravity drive that opened a portal to hell? And how that kind of fucked up your whole young adult understanding of how the after-life and morality even worked if that was a possible outcome, just being in the wrong place at the wrong time? This is like that, but with CinnaStix.
It must be weird how your boyfriend and girlfriend work together. Awkward!
The fact that she's reading sTori Telling is just adding stupid insult to barf injury. There are more videos here, including one called "Poopie Dishes," if something is wrong with you and you need to see more videos (via Dlisted).
Since their videos were posted on YouTube, Kristy and Michael have purportedly been tracked down and fired. So I guess that's good. Just like how Lynndie England and Charles Graner were fired and that was how we ended the Iraq war.
This kid knows:
(P.S. You don't have to thank me for comparing the totally gross but ultimately inconsequential decisions made by two sub-literate Domino's employees to the worst example of human rights abuses carried out by the United States government resulting in the near-permanent dissolution of our national image in the international community, not to mention the just straight up person-to-person human horror of that disaster. The satisfaction of a job well done is all I need.)
Posted by Gabe at 4:45 PM in Oh, Yuck!
Tags: Domino's Pizza
I knew there was a reason I never wanted a Domino's Oven Baked Sandwich that they email me 7 times a day to let me know about....
Score = 4
is you relly a sqwerl?
Score = 54
SOME TIMES, Da Cake Eatur, sometimes you get me.
Score = 15
You totally just justified your existence.
Score = 7
Can you even tell if someone farted on your salami? It smells like farts to begin with. Either way, justifies my policy of never eating at Dominoes.
Score = 12
Oh God, now I never want to eat anything i haven't made for myself again.
Score = 4
can't wait to read errol morris article on THIS.
Score = 4
How would an elderly gentleman such as yourself understand the effect "Event Horizon" had on me as a child, unless you were a damn dirty liar?
Score = 1
So the proper response to Event Horizon wasn't "I think this could be the worst movie of all time" and I was actually supposed to wax philosophical like my then-teenage counterparts were doing? Man I hate being wrong...
Score = 1
HA, Event Horizon, that movie was crazy.
Score = 7
I was seriously having the worst day ever. But "Event Horizon...This is like that, but with CinnaStix" completely changed everything.
We're gonna need a bigger LOL.
Score = 7
If nothing else, we can be comforted that this Domino's is not in any of our cities...unless any of us live in Alabama (North Carolina?) in which case...you're screwed. Sweet dreams!!
Score = 2
I've always felt like that about Event Horizon. Seriously, it's the worst.
Score = 0
well I was hungry but not anymore
Score = 0
I remember seeing Event Horizon and thinking, "my eyes will never be clean again." I think it's the most disgusting and graphic thing I've ever seen, or at least that's the soul-crushing way I felt the day I saw it. I hope I never see that movie again.
Score = 4
I don't know why Domino's would fire these people, this is viral marketing at its best. Unless... well played Tori Spelling, well played.
Score = 5
I easily predicted before I hit play that they would be from the south.
What I could not have predicted is that they'd be reading Tori Spelling's book.
The internet is truly filled with surprises.
Score = 1
Guess I'm never eating out again.
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so that's what Domino's tasty secret ingredient is...
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Since when has Domino's been tasty? To quote Kevin from The Office, "It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."
Score = 1
Oh my god i hate those people and I want to destroy them. i don't even eat at dominos, and normally i'd think i'd side with the poor underpaid employees rather than an evil big company. but while i was watching that video a tyrannical vicious loathing came over me and i just wished that dominos would use its powers squash them like little insignificant bugs. firing isn't enough for them. they need to be sued of everything they own and then thrown in jail. maybe i'm just having a rough day...but i'm also hungry and i have to go eat somewhere. fuckwads. if i saw you in the street i would punch you in the face.
Score = 2
I always knew there was a reason for my irrational hatred of Domino's Pizza.
You know, besides the crazy founder, Michigan roots, and the evil antics of The Noid
Score = 1
So should I rent this Event Horizon movie or not? I can't tell.
I'm never eating out again. This isn't just a Domino's thing people. I could tell you some things about Olive Garden & Hot Dog Stick On a Stick too.
Score = 0
so apparently farting on salami is a crime. the more you know! http://www.wcnc.com/news/local/stories/wcnc-041409-mw-dominos.d6131911.html
Score = 4