Gwyneth Paltrow Would Like You To Know About Her Bowel Movements
From the latest issue of Goop (via GoldenFiddlr), you guys:
Doo Doo. Perfect. She probably wrote this one herself because she didn't trust her ghostwriter to get the tone right. Nailed it.
I'm not entirely clear on the difference between Gwyneth Paltrow's "relax and enjoy life" phases and her "be in a movie for a few days and do a cleanse for fun on the way to the gym in the middle of the day because what else am I going to do with all this time and money and relax and enjoy life" phases, but I guess that is the purpose of her lifestyle newsletter: to let us know which phase she is in! The good news is that she feels pure! Like the freshly glazed porcelain of the perfect mid-century sink for one's summer castle! And lighter (I heard that she lost 10 pounds of grease from her legs)!
Gwyneth Paltrow is a crap.
Posted by Gabe at 2:30 PM in Oh, Yuck!
Tags: Assholes | Goop | Gwyneth Paltrow | Toilets
BONO is not the biggest shit in the world. THIS WOMAN undoubtedly is.
Score = 8
But she's been CLEANSED!
Score = 9
if you actually cleaned every last bit of doo doo out of and off of gwyneth paltrow, you would be left with little more than a dead fraggle and a bit of chris martin's man seed.
which would be all yellow.
Score = 9
Shoo, I just pops me some Ex-Lax and sit on the gardenin' hose when I want to cleanse my butt pipe. Reckon my inner aspect ain't as divine as Gwynnie's.
Score = 16
Thank you for making me laugh really loud at work.
I however am a dignified lady, a lactose intolerant one who just ate a McFlurry. Excuse me, I need to prepare my Comfort Wipe.
Score = 9
The Gwyneth Paltrow Enigma: She writes a blog post about colon cleansing and, yet, is still full of shit. She's a modern Zen koan.
Score = 42
Although girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, Gwyneth is made of crap and stool and is totally a fool.
Score = 18
Everyone knows that the best cleansings are done by Spanish doctors, daaahling.
Score = 8
what is this? The Road to fucking Wellville?
Score = 3
I wasn't on board for the pile-on of G.Paltrow, but titling her update "DOO DOO" ... I'm getting there. She's still lovely though... but I hate Coldplay... it's all so confusing
Score = -5
What is the significance of the slide?
Score = 6
The slide represents your colon. See how it's clean, clear, and happy?
But no, to be fair to Gwyneth (?!), the DOO-DOO title was clearly photoshopped by the GoldenFiddlr folks (in case someone doesn't get it). There's a section on GOOP called "DO" and its little logo is the slide. The original one is here, but is not as, as you say in the blog biz, "comical": http://goop.com/newsletter/42
Score = 3
The differences between the "Doo-Doo Slide" and the "Do Slide" are negligible. They have both ruined playground equipment for me for the the rest of my life. How am I supposed to explain to my daughter someday that I can't go down the slide with her because it would make me a metaphoric tox being de'd from Gwen Palt's body?
I think she just cleaner when she can make other people feel dirty.
Score = 2
i'm waiting for the blind item about a female celebrity pooping juice all over herself while exercising.
Score = 14
"Don't forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you."
"Sorry, but as your doctor, I must inform you that you are not full of enough shit for this to be safe. That's why Gwyneth can do it."
Score = 10
So I just clicked on that "GOOP" page. What the hell does "Nourish the inner aspect" mean? That's just four random words stuck together (presumably stuck together with "goop" whatever the hell that is). Actually looking round the site, there's so much wrong with it that this is tame.
Score = 2
Regardless of what you think about celebs talking about detox, detox is real. It is happening 24/7 and all we are talking about is how to encourage it.
Everyday we see so many examples of people who have restored their bodies natural ability to heal itself.
Shoot us an email if you want to learn more. We are here to help.
Score = -13
HAHA. I like you.
Score = 15
How can she have a site named "GOOP" and not use the word "POOP" when it's so called for?
Score = 4
Watch this:
Poo.
Marry me, famous person.
Score = 0
while obviously terrifying, this is my favorite progression of tags on a blog post, ever.
Score = -1
Oh, ModernMANdroid, if we could only flush you from our metaphorical system.
Score = 6
Shouldn't "Doo Doo" be the heading for every post on Goop?
Score = 3
This pretty much sums up my feelings...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PChWWkRS0MQ
Score = 3
I have had a truly horrible day. But knowing that every day of GP's life is horrible made everything a little better.
Score = 2
When I saw the headline, I assumed it was a long essay about Duets, Running WIth Scissors, Sky Captain, Shallow Hal, Bounce, Posession, and A View From the Top.
Score = 3
is lindsay her ghostwriter now?
Score = 0
"buenosueno is the worst, ever."--Betty Friedan
Score = 0
That "assholes" tag is appropriate in more ways than one.
Score = 0
chris martin and paltry over here = DUETS DEUX
Score = 0