November 18, 2009

This Makes Me Barf So, So Much (No Slomo)

"Hello, hospital? Send an ambulance, please. And a bucket. Also, do you know how to fix eyes that have been clawed out with fingers? What's that? No, they were my fingers. I'm assuming I have the eyes somewhere, I just can't see them hahahha. They're probably on the floor though. Or in this puddle of bar--yeah, found them!"

Posted by Gabe at 4:45 PM in Oh, Yuck!
Tags: Dreadlocks | No Slomo | Not OK | Yuck

Comments (30) latest by caringiscool

NSFW: A Pornographer Wants To Make A Jaycee Dugard Movie, Because Of Course He Does

If the publishing industry were not imploding right now, I would probably walk right into Graydon Wenner's office and pitch him an idea for adding UGH Aficionado magazine to Guy Snoozehouse's illustrious line of Condor Nash publications. "I've already got the first cover story," I would say. From the AP (via HuffingtonPost*):

SAN FRANCISCO - A spokeswoman for Jaycee Dugard says only Dugard and her family should decide when and if a film is made based on the 18 years she spent with the man charged with kidnapping her.
The statement came after Shane Ryan -- the director of low-budget horror movies such as "Amateur Porn Star Killer" and "Romance Road Killers" -- announced that he expected to start production next month on "Abducted Girl, An American Sex Slave."

Ryan told Sacramento television station KCRA that he wants to focus on the relationship between Dugard and Phillip Garido, the man charged with abducting, raping and holding her captive in his backyard.

Oh, is that what he wants to focus on? The relationship between a brainwashed young woman and her rapist kidnapper? We're gonna need a bigger pair of Bad Idea Jeans! Do you guys remember the part in 2012 when the world was destroyed? That was pretty smart. And something tells me that this pornographer does not have the one billion Euros necessary to purchase safe-passage aboard the government's A.R.K.S. I'm not saying that he needs to die, I'm just saying if everyone dies he doesn't need to be saved. There's a difference!

*I love that the HuffingtonPost has the appropriately disgusted and dismayed reaction to this news story--as they should, we are all only human--but then still manage to post a "Who Should Play Jaycee?" poll for their readers. COOL POLL, GUYS!

Comments (28) latest by magsweeto

November 2, 2009

Two Words: Juggalo Furries

Worlds been had colliding! The YouTube description pretty much says it all:

Oh fuck, god forbid I take something from 2 fandoms and expose it further on the interent to get chewed out by the mildly educated middle man. Hehe, not that I give a flying a fuck.
ANYWHO, yeah, of the million excess juggalos, and eight hundred thousand furries, (these are old figures BTW) there are those that have an intrest in both. And I can't count them on 2 hands. There is a FA user group, and last time I checked, we top'd it out at over 200 jugfurs. Thats of the 14K that use the site.

JUGFURS! The YouTube description pretty much keeps saying it all more, after the jump:

Continue reading Two Words: Juggalo Furries...

Posted by Gabe at 11:45 AM in Oh, Yuck!
Tags: Furries | Insane Clown Posse | Juggalos | Worlds Been Had Colliding

Comments (41) latest by Shawn nah nah nah

October 9, 2009

A Guide To Kissing For Super Creeps

Is there any room in your cab to jail? It's not a big deal, we're all going to the same place (jail), I just figured it would be easier if we shared cabs.

Posted by Gabe at 1:15 PM in Oh, Yuck!
Tags: Kissing

Comments (35) latest by Marzipan Rapist

NSFW: Woof, A Porno Based On Dexter

At this point, it's only weird if there ISN'T a porno based on your favorite TV show. 30 Rock? Yes. Seinfeld? Yes. Cosby Show? Yes. The world is still waiting on a Breaking Bad porno, and a The Wire porno, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before those gripping dramas are turned into another thing that is gripping and/or being gripped. (I am so sorry.) Now there is going to be a Dexter porno, called Dexxter*, which is a truly horrific idea. From the very NSFW website PVN (via the Very Work Friendly DailyWhat):

Join sex crime investigator, Dexxxter Whoregan (Nikki Rhodes) as she investigates some of Miami's sexiest and raunchiest cases. Adult stars Lexi Belle, McKenzie Sweets, Kya Tropic, Lynx and more perform in some steamy scenes in this parody on the Showtime hit, Dexter. Fans of the original show will appreciate the attention to detail, and hardcore porn lovers will surely get off on this hot feature!

Um, someone probably needs to tell the porno industry that there actually is such a thing as a sex crime investigator, and that it's not super sexy at all. It's horrible and terrifying and very very sad. But I'm sure that the makers of Dexxxter have found a very steamy way to work murder into their porno. Do you think Dexxxter Whoregan (WHOREGAN!) collects cum from all her victims on slides that she keeps in her DICK CONDITIONER? (I remain eternally so sorry!)

I do love with these things how they always insist that fans of the show who don't even like porn will still love this. You know, because of the attention to detail. Ha. I'm sure that's so true!

*I hope there are still a couple of Nobel Clever Names Prizes left!

Comments (30) latest by Napoleon Complex

September 29, 2009

Good Morning, More Nightmares, Sir?

I'm pretty sure if they ever wanted to make A Nightmare on Elm Street Jr. (someone, or something, is killing all the toddlers in their sleep!), they could just hire these guys. Terrifying. Also, it's weird that Hollywood is making A Nightmare on Elm Street Jr. Who wants that? No one wants that, Hollywood, you idiot. (Via BoingBoing.)

Posted by Gabe at 11:30 AM in Oh, Yuck!
Tags: Horror Survival | Japan | Sesame Street

Comments (15) latest by KajusX

September 16, 2009

Let's Just Pretend This Never Happened

The only thing worse than this song is the lip-synching. Yikes. The video director was like "do you want to try taking that one more time," but the dude was like "no, I'm sure I nailed it." But the thing that really strikes me in this video is the little brother's character. No one has ever been like that in the history of the world. He's like the toughest Oompa Loompa, and I don't mean because he's short, I mean that because he has orange skin and silver hair and he prances around in a mythical wonderland making monster faces. He is make believe. "This song is for anyone who has ever had to rescue a loved one from being a weird side character in a failed Sci-Fi pilot about space greasers." Huh?

Great child Prince impersonator near the end, though. One of the best child Prince impersonators I have ever seen. (Thanks for the tip, Chris.)