NSFW: Woof, A Porno Based On Dexter
At this point, it's only weird if there ISN'T a porno based on your favorite TV show. 30 Rock? Yes. Seinfeld? Yes. Cosby Show? Yes. The world is still waiting on a Breaking Bad porno, and a The Wire porno, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before those gripping dramas are turned into another thing that is gripping and/or being gripped. (I am so sorry.) Now there is going to be a Dexter porno, called Dexxter*, which is a truly horrific idea. From the very NSFW website PVN (via the Very Work Friendly DailyWhat):
Join sex crime investigator, Dexxxter Whoregan (Nikki Rhodes) as she investigates some of Miami's sexiest and raunchiest cases. Adult stars Lexi Belle, McKenzie Sweets, Kya Tropic, Lynx and more perform in some steamy scenes in this parody on the Showtime hit, Dexter. Fans of the original show will appreciate the attention to detail, and hardcore porn lovers will surely get off on this hot feature!
Um, someone probably needs to tell the porno industry that there actually is such a thing as a sex crime investigator, and that it's not super sexy at all. It's horrible and terrifying and very very sad. But I'm sure that the makers of Dexxxter have found a very steamy way to work murder into their porno. Do you think Dexxxter Whoregan (WHOREGAN!) collects cum from all her victims on slides that she keeps in her DICK CONDITIONER? (I remain eternally so sorry!)
I do love with these things how they always insist that fans of the show who don't even like porn will still love this. You know, because of the attention to detail. Ha. I'm sure that's so true!
*I hope there are still a couple of Nobel Clever Names Prizes left!
Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in NSFW, Oh, Yuck!, Parodies
Tags: Dexter | Dexxxter | Murder | Nikki Rhodes | Porno | Sex | Sex Crimes
Porn names are so funny! WHOREgan? Lynx?
I'm actually surprised that they didn't call it "Dickster".
That said, Lexi Belle is a nice name.
Score = 8
Maybe I'm an easy guy to please, but the Dixter bit caught me off guard. ZING indeed.
Score = 1
I think we have a winner for the latest Best New Party Game. The tagline on this poster says it all.
Score = 7
Since when did "parody" mean "misinterpretation of serious crimes based on a naive porn-based education"? I mean sex crimes as parody? Do they proof read their copy at all? I imagine the tag will be along the lines of "All the raunchiness of rape without any of the tears!" They are awful despicable people.
Score = 9
Thank god it's available in HD!
Score = 6
Oh, geez, somebody tell me that isn't splooge on her chin?
Score = 5
Ah, gross. I didn't notice that before.
Score = 4
How do you pronounce this? "Dex-X-X-ter?" I'm confused.
Score = 4
I'd say either with a German accent, like "De X-X-X ter! Ya ist un porno!"
or just drawn out with leering eyes, like those awful people who would "purrrrr" aftwerwards and roll the R's.
Sexxxxxay.
Score = 8
Both options sound creepier.
Score = 5
Breaking Bad is considered a "gripping drama" nowadays?
Score = -1
i love nikki rhodes
Score = 0
So she's a cum-splatter expert?
Well, at least we're one step closer to that The Tudors porno I've been trying to get off the ground.
Score = 6
Law and Order SexVU
Score = 7
In other news, my former roommates really, seriously wanted to make a parody porno about CSI.
Score = 0
Eh... basehit, Godsauce, and usually you're the DH around here, knocking them outta the park. I am relying on you, please try harder.
Score = 0
It was not my finest hour, but I'm still trying to find my footing after my recent time away.
Score = 0
I think I saw a Breaking Bad spoof porno! It was about guy who cooks up some crystal meth, and then he smokes the crystal meth at a gay orgy, and shocking complications ensue. Actually now that I think of it, you don't see him cook up the meth, that part was just implied. Actually now that I think of it, you don't see the shocking complications ensue, that part was also just implied, by all the unprotected sex he was having. Actually now that I think of it, it wasn't a Breaking Bad spoof porno, it was just this incredibly depressing thing I saw on xtube.
Score = 5
Isn't that basically the B-plot to every episode of Nip/Tuck?
Score = 2
ugh. But also, why is it not called SEXTER? and why is not about investigating sexting crimes? amirite?
Score = 7
you outta be in pornos!
Score = 1
So the character names should go a little something like this...
Rita BendoverInIt
Lt. Maria LaSquirta
Angel BatEatya
Vince Masucka
Sgt. James Dickes
Special Agent Frank Deep Lung-dy
The Ice Cock Killer
That should get us through the first three films.
Score = 2
The most self-aware tagline ever. "Yeah, it's a porno."
Score = 4
I can't wrap my mind around why they thought it was necessary to put that tag line on there.
Is there a tagline shortage or something? Should we be rationing?
Obviously this movie is not going to end up in Blockbuster where someone accidentally rents it thinking it was the long-lost, rare and valuable Dexter episode with the missprinted extra x's in the title.
No, it is going to be sold in a sex shop next to 20,000 other pornos and it will be very clear to the consumer that the movie is more-than-likely going to be a porno too. They probably don't need the final clarification.
.
Score = 2
That tagline is such a poor excuse for a tagline.
I'm a graphics assistant at a sex lube company. I have to do quality control on custom text banners ordered by various clients for Pride events and such. So far, nothing in my life has trumped this tagline-
"CORNHOLED! KEEP THOSE BUTTHOLES JUICY!"
That was the very first banner I ever QC'd. It has set the bar well beyond the realm of porno taglines. Now in my regular everyday life I see slogans and scoff at their lack of catchiness and originality. "Yeah, it' a porno. But is it juicy?" I ask.
Score = 3
Maybe they could team up with the people from the Cosby Show Porno and that way everyone can just die.
Score = 1
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Score = -2
Finally, my nightmares have porn to masturbate to.
Score = 1
i have never seen this show, but i was under the impression that the title character was a man. attention to detail.
Score = 1