October 27, 2009
The above image (via GetThaL@@k) is a vampire sex toy into which you are supposed to put your penis (I think? I have no idea, mom, I'm just kidding.) It is also the headstone on the grave of the vampire trend, because seriously, we need to put a proverbial wooden stake through that thing's hypothetical heart and bury it outside of town. The Robert Pattinson sparkle-dildo was already going too far, but I guess the Twilight moms have to do something to keep themselves occupied. But this? What is this? The Twilight dads got jealous? Vampire pocket bjs. Ice cold dildos fashioned after teenage heartthrobs. Adults reading books for children. Photoshopped werewolves. Ugh, you know that's next, right? A rubber-injected facsimile of Taylor Lautner's 17-year-old mouth (sorry) that you can keep in the pocket of your PRISON JUMPER. A dog-scented dildo covered in fur. That's where we are going.
2012 cannot get here soon enough. WASH ME TO HEAVEN, PROPHETIC TYPHOON!
Posted by Gabe at 2:15 PM in
Tags: Dildos | Sex | Twilight | Vampires | Werewolves | Yuck
latest by Napoleon Complex
October 19, 2009
NSFW: Marge Simpson In Playboy Magazine • Here are some scans of Marge Simpson "naked" in Playboy magazine, you weirdo perverts. Seriously, this is such a weird thing that exists. 2009, everybody.
latest by IkilledMichael
October 9, 2009
At this point, it's only weird if there ISN'T a porno based on your favorite TV show. 30 Rock? Yes. Seinfeld? Yes. Cosby Show? Yes. The world is still waiting on a Breaking Bad porno, and a The Wire porno, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before those gripping dramas are turned into another thing that is gripping and/or being gripped. (I am so sorry.) Now there is going to be a Dexter porno, called Dexxter*, which is a truly horrific idea. From the very NSFW website PVN (via the Very Work Friendly DailyWhat):
Join sex crime investigator, Dexxxter Whoregan (Nikki Rhodes) as she investigates some of Miami's sexiest and raunchiest cases. Adult stars Lexi Belle, McKenzie Sweets, Kya Tropic, Lynx and more perform in some steamy scenes in this parody on the Showtime hit, Dexter. Fans of the original show will appreciate the attention to detail, and hardcore porn lovers will surely get off on this hot feature!
Um, someone probably needs to tell the porno industry that there actually is such a thing as a sex crime investigator, and that it's not super sexy at all. It's horrible and terrifying and very very sad. But I'm sure that the makers of Dexxxter have found a very steamy way to work murder into their porno. Do you think Dexxxter Whoregan (WHOREGAN!) collects cum from all her victims on slides that she keeps in her DICK CONDITIONER? (I remain eternally so sorry!)
I do love with these things how they always insist that fans of the show who don't even like porn will still love this. You know, because of the attention to detail. Ha. I'm sure that's so true!
*I hope there are still a couple of Nobel Clever Names Prizes left!
Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in , ,
Tags: Dexter | Dexxxter | Murder | Nikki Rhodes | Porno | Sex | Sex Crimes
latest by Napoleon Complex
September 30, 2009
Admittedly, I am a little late on this one, mostly because I don't watch So You Think You Can Dance?. Nor do I regularly keep tabs on BREAKING So You Think You Can Dance? news. Personally, I prefer my dancing to be done by people who KNOW they can dance. But it is being reported that a young woman on last night's episode may have flashed her dangerous human vagina on national television. Dlisted reports that the show's head judge and producer never meant for things to happen this way:
Nigel Lythgoe, the head judge and executive producer, had this to say about the cat being let out of the bag: "None of us knew she did this. The show was always designed to expose talent, but not in this way."
I get it. Expose?! AS IN EXPOSE YOUR VAGINA INSTEAD OF YOUR TALENT?! You get it now. It just took some explaining. Anyway, the HuffingtonPost put up the video (after the jump) which is basically the Zapruder Film of dance-based reality competition TV minus assassination and plus potential momentary glimpse of disgusting and wicked human female vagina. It is genuinely hard to tell! (I think there were three vaginas. I'm not buying the government's "magic vagina" theory.)
Continue reading A Woman May Have Shown Her Human Vagina On So You Think You Can Dance?!...
Posted by Gabe at 3:30 PM in ,
Tags: Dancing | Scandal | So You Think You Can Dance? | Vaginas | Women
latest by maria
September 15, 2009
Whoa. Ghostface Killah is one of the best rappers in the game, yes, we know that, but now he is also one of the best amateur porno makers in the game as well. After the jump, a genuinely NSFW in so many ways music video for a track off his new album called "Stapleton Sex." The video is sexually explicit, yes, but so is the song. If ever there was a time for headphones UP! (This is that time.) On a sidenote: I've never really understood sex raps. Who are they for? If women like them, then I guess that makes sense, but I don't get the impression that women like them very much. So then they are for men? Pause, indeed. I am sure that Ghostface is very efficient when it comes to rubbing his [redacted] all up in her [redacted] and making everything nice and [redacted], but I believe I will be listening to a song about felony crime now, thank you.
Continue reading NSFW: Ghostface Killah "Stapleton Sex" ...
Posted by Gabe at 12:45 PM in ,
Tags: Ghostface Killah | Sex
latest by caringiscool
August 21, 2009
High five, 30 Rock! You've got your own porno already? It took the Cosby Show 20 years to get a parodic adult feature. From the New Sensations website:
New Sensations, the studio that brought you THE OFFICE - A XXX PARODY, SCRUBS - A XXX PARODY, and SEINFELD - A XXX PARODY, presents 30 ROCK - A XXX PARODY, a side-splitting and pussy-pounding take on one of the funniest shows on TV. Imagine, all of your favorite and funniest characters played by some of the hottest porn stars! With sexy and spot-on performances by Ashlynn Brooke, Lisa Ann, Amy Ried, Rebeca Linares, Evie Delatosso, Lana Violet, James Deen, Herschel Savage, Ralph Long, Chris Cannon, and Erik Everhard, 30 ROCK - A XXX PARODY is a must-have for anybody who likes to laugh or cum!
Hahahahahhaha. For people who like to laugh OR cum. EITHER ONE. You don't have to like both. This is definitely a very funny comedy movie as well, that people who love to laugh but hate to cum will enjoy. Perfect. (Also: Scrubs porno? DOCTOR, YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME, I JUST BARFED MYSELF TO DEATH!)
Trailer after the jump.
Continue reading NSFW: 30 Rock Porno? 30 Rock Porno...
Posted by Gabe at 2:45 PM in
Tags: 30 Rock | Porno
latest by chippy!
August 20, 2009
A company called Tantus has made a dildo for Twilight enthusiasts (a dildo for children, basically?). It is called The Vamp. Of course, they can't say that it is a Twilight-themed dildo because of FASCIST COPYRIGHT LAWS. So they have to beat around the bush (get it? You get it). From the website (emphases mine):
The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.
The Vamp is a web only exclusive offering through TantusInc.com for $39.99. We are currently taking pre-orders for this one of a kind toy. We will be shipping them first come first serve starting 9/1/09. Don't let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn, place your order today.
"Don't let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn" is up for the grand prize at the Seamless Awards. They make it look so easy! Ugh. And this, of course, is the best (worst) part:
Continue reading NSFW: Right, Yes, A Twilight Dildo, Of Course...
Posted by Gabe at 2:45 PM in , ,
Tags: Breaking Dawn | Dildos | Eclipse | Jail | New Moon | Robert Pattinson | Sex | Stephanie Meyer | Twilight
latest by Rebecca
August 5, 2009
Have you ever wanted to play a prank on a friend or loved one and thought, "You know what would be really great? An empty porno case with their face and name on it." Why did you think that? You should be nicer to your friends. Friendship is a gift to be treasured, and you never know what the future holds. You could be hit by a van and then a taxi tomorrow. But also now you can.
Our personalized prank porn DVD case is the ultimate prank! Get back at your friends, family and co-workers with a completely realistic and personalized porno package. Leave it lying around your buddy's house. Bring one into work. The next time your at a party, show off what you just happended to find at the video store. Add their name to the front and back of each case as well as a feature photo to add that extra punch of humility!
BRING ONE INTO WORK? You are the worst. Stop playing pranks. What are you, 12? Leave it around your buddy's house. Shame on you. Stop showing off what you just HAPPENDED to find at the video store. The only person you're embarrassing is yourself. People are going to think that you made this. "Surely no one paid for an empty fake porno DVD case with such poor Photoshopping." What a weird prank. "Gotcha!" Boo. Pranks are always the worst, but this is well below average. $14.98. (Via GorillaMask.)
Posted by Gabe at 4:15 PM in ,
Tags: Porno | Pranks
latest by bryan
