People Seeing Jesus In Stupid Shit Will Never Not Be Funny
Get in line, lady.
You know what I don't get about this segment? I'm willing to accept that this woman saw Jesus in her snack, and I'm willing to believe that she thinks his snack face is full of a peace and sweetness that makes smiling irresistible. I'm willing to accept that she took her son's inability to sell the Jesus toast on eBay as a sign from God that she was meant to keep it in a tupperware next to her bed where it could grow a Holy Mother mold. I'm willing to accept that there are people in the world who think that Jesus appears in snacks and that God stops people from bidding on eBay in order to ensure that Jesus breads don't fall into the wrong hands. And that all of this is newsworthy. But what I cannot accept is the casual and knowing way in which everyone talks about "cheese toast" as if we all sit around every night enjoying a nice "cheese toast" because America was built on "cheese toast." You know, those old Norman Rockwell paintings of a family enjoying a "cheese toast" around the Christmas tree. If you look up "cheese toast" in the dictionary it just says "everyone's favorite snack that we all eat every day." I'm not saying that I don't understand what they mean when they say "cheese toast" I'm just saying that this news story is pretty cavalier in its assumptions concerning everyone's familiarity with "cheese toast."
I feel like I've really focused on the thing that's important in this video.
Posted by Gabe at 5:00 PM in Newsmagazines
Tags: Cheese Toast | Jesus
There are far worse things than Jesus you could find on your cheese toast....
http://www.e-imagesite.com/Files/123706010263748877613645118.jpg
Score = -15
Jesus Christ, man. Just... Jesus. Wow.
Score = 4
Pretty uncool, KP
Score = 6
very very NSFW
Score = 5
i saw all the warning signs. The downvotes, the three exclaiming replies. And i still clikced, and i was still surprised. You got me KP, touche.
Score = 11
not cool, man. not cool.
Score = 0
but also, that shit is hysterical. it's a COCK on TOAST!!!
Score = 3
KP, I only say this because I care, but WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THIS. Did you see it and think, lolz! SAVE-AS, mf-ers! Or, worse, did you MAKE IT??? Talk to me, Kenny.
Score = 3
I saved it because you never know when you're going to need a picture of toast with a penis on it. Plus I'm immature and I think it's kinda funny. Truth be told, the dick toast is nothing. I've got pics saved on my hard drive that will melt your face off.
Score = 3
Funny, I see death in the "cheese toast."
(Isn't the description of said food item in the name? Cheese + toast = cheese toast)
Score = 0
i see it! man dats crazy. i woold eat it if i got da chance!! LOL jk dats kewl we shoold put it in a muesem or sometin
Score = 9
I've made cheese toast several times in the past, but only for breakfast. Because of that, I know how to make it WITHOUT BURNING IT like this woman. I think Jesus appeared as a sign that she needs to figure out how to work a damn toaster oven before she burns her house down.
Score = 8
"'And in those days,' said Jesus, 'my likeness shall appear in your toasted bread. And my blessed mother shall appear on your potato chips, and then you will know that the time of the Lord is near!'" - Paul's letter to the Retards 6:7
No...Jesus does appear in toast to inspire people. Neither does Mary. You know why? Cuz that's stupid. Don't get me wrong, I believe in Jesus. I just think that if he wanted to appear to people, it would not be in bread.
Score = 5
If you think about it, though, bread makes a lot of sense (body of Christ, transubstantiation, etc.) Cheese, not so much.
Score = 4
That things gonna start to smell soon...
Score = 1
mmmm the smell of religion
Score = 3
...like frankincence and myrrh.
Score = 0
supposedly some saints' bodies never decomposed and they gave off pleasant odors.
probably that'll happen with this cheese toast jesus, since it is obviously a powerful religious relic whose magical holiness is beyond question.
Score = 2
You know things aren't good when you make it on television, but it's on a news broadcast about jesus cheese toast where you are captioned as "Toast Owner".
Score = 7
"Cheese Toast" is just the way you say it in the South, or at least the part that I'm from.
Score = 0
GUFFAW!!!! *toast owner*
Score = 0
I make cheese toast when I haven't gone to the grocery store in a while. But I don't use Kraft singles and I don't burn it.
Score = 0
If you ever really want to have a lot of fun, you could get a "Jesus branding iron" made...sneak around at night burning Jesus onto everything: dogs, trees, fences, car tires, front porches, windowsills, park benches. You could really send some people off the deep end...
Score = 5
I've never made cheese toast in my life! Does that make me a bad Christian?
Also, here's something to think about: If you burn something, but Jesus appears in it, does that make you a bad cook for burning the toast, or a good cook because your food is blessed by Jesus' burnt silhouette. Think about it...
Score = 1
Why is her cheese toast so inflated? There are sooo living things making a home inside her holy bread.
Score = 0
Uh-uh. Nope. That was definitely Ghallager who appeared to her on her cheese toast.
Score = 1