Duh Aficionado Magazine: Glenn Beck Is An Idiot
Like, duh. He is not a very smart person. Them is just FACTS. Oh, he has some strengths. Like, he's very good at making sure that words are constantly coming out of his mouth. Some of those words even come together Terminator 2 liquid metal-style to form complete sentences. But they don't necessarily make sense. And they certainly aren't very intelligent. It's funny because this is the cover story of Duh Aficionado Magazine AND Old News Magazine this month. Their slogan is "We Refuse To Tell You Something That You Don't Know." It's a terrible magazine, you should unsubscribe.
But the point is that while all of this is well-worn territory, this clip from Glenn Beck's show last week (I must have missed it while I was busy drafting my letter of resignation) is particularly stunning. What a dummy:
Hah.
If you're going to go to the trouble of preparing a chalkboard in advance, you should prepare that chalkboard correctly! But what delicious tension in this clip! He keeps insisting that there is a letter missing and you're like "fair enough, Glenn Beck, accidents happen, you're probably so mad at the production assistant who has made you look bad on live television," and then a minute later you're like, OH, no, you're a fucking moron. Classic.(Thanks for the tip, Daniel.)
Posted by Gabe at 3:45 PM in Newsmagazines
Tags: Barack Obama | Glenn Beck | Health | Idiocracy
That clip is great, but I want to see one from the next show where he teaches us how to save our repubic.
Score = 25
By this time next month, Glenn Beck is going to be doing his show in his bathrobe. And his tinfoil hat. And his studio is going to be covered in random newspaper clippings with random letters circled in red ink. And his best friend is going to be imaginary Paul Bettany. Because crazy.
Score = 48
"She never gets older!"
Score = 8
I wonder if the average Glenn Beck supporter even knows what the word oligarchy means or if its just one more word shouted at them. It means nothing when he uses it, so it doesn't matter how he spells it.
Score = 29
I'm excited by the possibilities of the Right Wing Nut jobs screwing this up. Like this Euthanasia/CrazytimeInAmerica Inspired Gem -
http://imgur.com/xUrtW.jpg
Ah those crafty Asian Youth.
Score = 3
"Honey, Glenn Beck is using the fancy words again. I think he wants us to boycott the Olive Garden."
Score = 3
I'm really trying to understand but.. He's just not making any kind of sense. At all. Whatsoever. In any way or form. Not in this dimension at least. Where he lives, I'm sure it's clear as Crystal Pepsi.
Score = 8
You're obviously not intelligent enough to comprehend the mind explosions being tossed your way. I mean, Obama's a socialist! And he's instilling an oligarchy! Socialist Oligarchy! Those two things totally go hand in hand!
Score = 17
Funnily enough, I got into an argument with a Republican about this clip that was more or less like that. I said "If he can't even spell Oligarchy, I don't think he's qualified to talk about it."
"You don't get it because you're not smart enough! SOCIALISM DUH! It's a simple spelling mistake is all."
Score = 4
Score = 54
Score = 12
I'm not sure why this showed up twice, but I've never had a double post quite like this. Please accept my humble apologies.
Score = 3
Weird. The second one disappeared, and this became a reply to the first one. Maybe Glenn Beck is right about everything.
Score = 15
I only see one big guy.
Score = -4
I Chimed in Just in Time
Score = -3
I think that pdf is the opposite of Glenn Beck.
Score = -1
The funniest part of this was seeing Glenn Beck sporting a pair of Converses
Score = 18
I would say that Glenn Beck has diarrhea of the mouth, but I'm pretty sure that would hurt diarrhea's feelings.
Score = 19
Here's the thing: you're wrong about your central thesis. Glenn Beck is not an idiot. He is not stupid. Glenn Beck is crazy. There are plenty of people who are smart and crazy. Beck is one of them. It takes brains to be a successful populist demagogue. This one just happens to be mentally and emotionally unstable.
Score = 6
I read the standalone Beck as the singer Beck (Hansen), and was willing to give you your point. Glen Beck : Stupid crazy. Singer Beck: Smart Crazy. What *is* a devil's haircut, after all?
Score = 6
I love how he just throws "acorn" in that sentence as if it's relevant at all.
Score = 28
I love just "Left." He's going to address the entire Left of the idealogical spectrum. All of it. At once. In detail, but as a concept.
Score = 15
Because the entire left never misses an episode of Glenn Beck.
Score = 10
Forget the fact that we're heading down the road to a socialist oligarchy (?). I'm far more terrified of the army of communist revolutionaries that the President is organizing. It's called Americorps.
Wake up, sheeple!
Score = 4
And yet he continually refuses to touch the hot button issue of Skynet's impending self-awareness? I smell robo-conspiracy!
Score = 17
Hahahah. . .yes, America, watch out for those twentysomethings living off $10k a year and food stamps. a veritable army!
Score = 8
I know, right? And did you see those threatening stills of Americorps members in that segment? Horrifying.
Score = 1
It's astounding to me how this guy's show is like the crazy shit from V for vendetta - a weird game show with just mind games, and a goofy looking old guy who you fear (hope?) will rip his mask off, look like v, and then get shot.
Score = 3
Aww man, you beat me to it.
Score = 0
So everyone needs to do this. It does actually cost a dollar, but it's worth it. iTunes VCR by The xx, put the video on mute, and watch it with that song playing. Great, thanks!
Score = 1
Well I cliceked on my username and it took me to Category: Newsmagazines. Don't put me in that category!
Score = 2
Glenn Beck is like a month away from becoming this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz7onPvj7fE
Score = 7
day bow bow. chick chicka chicka.
Score = 1
What a dumbas!
Score = 0
So Glen Beck is basically a cross between Brick Tamland and Lewis Prothero?
http://www.edrperformance.com/images/brick.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flBpsyFbEOs&feature=player_embedded
Score = -2
No one exemplified "oligarchy" better than W. Someone really needs to roshambo Glenn Beck in the nuts and teach him some manners.
Score = 4
this post sponsored by the letter C. he knew well enough not to show up for beck's show.
Score = 16
The following day, Beck corrected himself and added the word "czar" to stand for C. I guess the letter C needed the cash pretty badly.
Score = 6
socialist conspiracy, because acronyms.
Score = 0
Yadadamean?
Score = 0
The C was going to stand for "Crazy-ass brooms that stand up on their own!" But even prophets forget things sometimes.
Score = 14
I knew upwards of 40 corporate sponsors had stopped backing his show, but I didn't realize the effect would be felt so soon...seriously, CNN gets a manipulable digital USA map of The Future and HOLOGRAMS and Glenn Beck is using a "chalkboard," whatever that is.
Or maybe this is just to make his devoted following of viewers feel more intellectually comfortable by supplying this information in a format similar to that of a third-grade classroom.
Score = 15
Glen don't need no dad gurm elitist majik wall!
Score = -2
For such a fancy set, it's a shame that he's using office supplies from the 1970s.
Get a whiteboard, Glen Beck. Then maybe I'll give you all the letters for your name.
Score = 8
I like to think that a beleaguered philosophy student intern is fucking with him.
Score = 10
"Why did I select these words? Because Acorn selects tides, they all select their their their words first, and then tie them all together into one word."
Score = 18
"Tomorrow the gloves come off. Tomorrow I will give you the plan" SO THE PLAN WAS IN THE GLOVES ALL ALONG!
Score = 15
Saw Six Gloves, perhaps?
Score = 5
I'd like to think by this time next month he'll be doing the show from his bathroom.
Score = 2
"You gotta know you're not alone. You gotta unite. Talk to people. Make sure you know you're not alone, through the 9/12 project. Millions now involved across the country in the 9/12 project and many others like it."
Score = 3
Say what you will - I assumed the whole time that he knew about the "C" and that was his missing letter. I even assumed he'd f-ed it up but was going to try to pass it off like he'd meant to leave it out the whole time and just shoehorn "conspiracy" in there or something.
To pull the "Y" out of the hat as the missing letter and totally flip the script was pretty genius. No sarcasm here, I really never saw that coming.
Score = 9
"Glenn Beck is a Genius"
-whoa!
Score = 3
Can we go with idiot savant? I pretty much only see these guys in clip format, but when Rush or Coulter are angrily telling lies on tv, I get really frustrated. When this guy fooled me into thinking the missing letter would be "C," I just sort of chuckled and nodded my head. Aww, Glenny, there you go again.
Had he the right amount of self-awareness he could have told me I was burned.
Score = 1
leave him alone, he likes muse
Score = -5
LOLigarhy.
Man, I wish that was mine.
Score = 20
Guys, people make mistakes. He just got the anagram wrong, he meant to spell out HAIR LOG. See, it all makes sense.
Score = 10
More than ever I am missing Da Cake Eatur (or even Weezy) I just want them to pop up and be like "lolz he makez words?!! Dogggzarchy."
Score = 8
Why did I select these words? Because life is precious and God and the Bible. This is why I get frustrated when people like Keith Olbermann and Michael Moore are dismissed as being just as worthless as people like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh. Olbermann and Moore may be one-sided, but at least they're somewhat logical and rational.
Score = 17
WHO is downvoting Ning's lovely face! You're spot on, Ning. Michael Moore put documentaries into cinemas. He is annoying, but neither dumb nor insane.
Score = 0
Histrionic
Absurd
Hare-brained
Awry
Half-baked
Awful
Score = 14
Actually what I really love about this, now i've paid attention, is trying to spot the moment where he realizes he's fucked up and the little voice in his brain is goes "You can save this!" Yeah: "I don't know if we're turning into an oligarchy, or WHAT we're turning into..." Subtext: "Maybe it IS an OLIGARHY. Jeez! An oligarchy I could almost put up with! But these Left Internationalists changing the rules all the time, slip-sliding around with their new-fangled oligarhy, it, well it, it makes me scared." Nice save, Glenn. UP THE OLIGARHY.
Score = 2
Guys, we're missing the point. I think he's about to start Fight Club. Watch out.
Score = 6
Yes but in his case just as an excuse to get shirtless and sweaty with other men. We're still assuming that anyone that right wing is a repressed homosexual, right?
Score = 0
O.K., if the spelling bee is over pleaase answer some of Beck's questions. Have the Czars passed an FBI background check? If confirmed, how much power will Sunnstein have? Over which federal agencies? No answers right? Just name-calling predicted by Beck.
Score = -8
I'm impressed that there's a two minute clip of Glenn Beck where he doesn't fake-cry.
Score = 10
I hope the guy from the UPS ads shows up to teach Glenn Beck a thing or two about using white boards.
Score = 5
glenn beck is taking america for a ride. he has to be the biggest troll ever. no one's that ridiculous. right? please let me be right.
Score = 10
I'm only crying because I love Glenn Beck's White Board so much.
Join me tomorrow on the 9/1 project, where we show you how to TAKE BACK YOUR WHITE BOARD.
Score = 2
It's obvious he left the "C" out because he couldn't fit "Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids" on his blackboard. It could happen to anyone.
Score = 1
So Beck's handlers are just screwing with him now, right? Because how many segment producers, interns, continuity Republicans (?), did this get by before it went on air? Not that he needed the help, but they're setting him up for failure.
Which I find hilarious.
Score = 3
I love this: "ACORN!!! ....styleorganizations." This acronym is the most elegant acronym of all the acronyms. But also, why is he behaving as though anybody has been discouraging question-asking? Just because President Obama's first priority out of everything there is to do in the country is not to respond to Glenn Beck's obnoxious inquisition of unanswerable garbage questions like "TRUE OR FALSE: ARE YOU PAYING YOUR NAZI AMERICORPS CZARS $400 BILLION PER DAY, OR $500 BILLION?" Jeeeeez.
Score = 1
This just reminds me of how much i hated the ending of Pump Up the Volume.
Score = 0
(O)ligarchy
(B)e
(C)losing.
Oligarchy be closing. Put that inaccurate acronym down. Inaccurate acronyms are for closers!
Score = 3
"Oligarhy".
It`s spelt "Oligarhy"
Love,
Glenn Beck North American Fanclub
Score = -1
I might find this remotely funny if it wasn't for those allegations I hear that he was accused of rape in the 90's. Watching his trainwreck of a show is one thing, watching a potential rapist talking and entertaining millions and millions of people is not.
Score = 0
Seriously, though. I heard that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990. The media continues to ignore this story.
Score = 0
I don't WANT to believe that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a little girl in 1990, but I can't prove he didn't, so invoking magic Glenn Beck Logic it must be true.
Score = 0
Glen Beck is a Mormon. I used to be a Mormon. His little tutelages remind me of Mormon sunday school a whole helluva lot. If you watch Glen Beck you'll become a Mormon! Ack!
Score = 0