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March 18, 2009

Tracing The History Of Fake Rap: Tom Hanks And Dan Aykroyd Dragnet Rap

thumbnail icon: Tracing The History Of Fake Rap: Tom Hanks And Dan Aykroyd Dragnet Rap

Where exactly does real rap end and fake rap begin? That can obviously be a blurry line, and in general it's just best to trust your instinct. Of course, there are obvious questions to ask yourself: Are the lyrics unbelievably silly? Are they instructions on how to do something? Is the "rap" delivered at the pace of a speech therapist helping a closed head-injury patient regain their verbal ability? How about the music? Does it sound like it was buried in Nicolas Cage's time capsule from his new movie Knowing? And that once it was dug out of the early-80s loam, just like the time capsule in Nicolas Cage's new movie, Knowing, it held the secrets to the end of the world? Because of how bad it is? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, there's a totally decent chance that you're listening to a fake rap. In any case, you can never be too careful, and it's always best to err on the side of it being fake rap. Destroy it!

But sometimes the line between real rap and fake rap becomes so blurred as to be invisible. This is the case when the rappers are film and/or sports stars. In these cases, the rap is so bad it might as well be in a Wendy's Training Video for New Employees, and yet it has appeared on an actual album produced by an actual record company run by adults.

Such is the case with this rap starring Tom Hanks and Dan Aykroyd from the soundtrack to the 1987 comedy Dragnet:

(Via FilmDrunk.)

INSIDIOUS! Fake rap posing as real rap! A SLEEPER CELL OF FAKE RAP TERRORISM! Do see what we are up against, you guys? 114 people? You make me sick. America is doomed. We might as well all move to France and buy MC Solaar t-shirts. Welcome to Vichy, Internet.

Posted by Gabe at 4:15 PM in
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14 Comments

Keep yelling Tom!

Posted by: lookie-here profile link at 03/18/09 4:26 PM  | Reply
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almost every media outlet from '86-'90 suffered from this dilemma- e.g. "I love fruity pebbles in every way"

Posted by: pauly profile link at 03/18/09 4:55 PM  | Reply
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I've now watched this three times. Thank you.

Posted by: any four word phrase profile link at 03/18/09 6:20 PM  | Reply
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To be honest, I'm more surprised by how agile Dan Aykroyd is

Posted by: langford profile link at 03/18/09 7:01 PM  | Reply
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Haven't you ever seen The Blues Brothers???

Posted by: nonphenomenal profile link  in reply to  langford's comment at 03/18/09 11:25 PM  | Reply
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Ils m'a fait bouge de là.

Posted by: xochitl at 03/18/09 7:53 PM  | Reply
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1:30
Pretty sweet moves.

Posted by: Adam profile link at 03/18/09 11:08 PM  | Reply
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To this day when I see a police car I say "Copper Mr.Crime Stopper". That's so sad for me.

Posted by: Genevieve profile link at 03/19/09 2:08 PM  | Reply
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MC Solaar. Touche, Gabe. Tou. Che.

But does anyone remember when Tom Hanks goes back to where the cult thing was and he's miming how it was just here last night? Hysterical!

Oh the 80s. Oh Barbie!

Posted by: Blondie profile link at 03/20/09 4:58 PM  | Reply
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125 signature. Stop being a complaining bitch. Fake rap is not the problem. Lack of talent is.

Posted by: Patrick at 03/23/09 7:05 AM  | Reply
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125 signature. Stop being a complaining bitch. Fake rap is not the problem. Lack of talent is.

Posted by: Patrick at 03/23/09 7:05 AM  | Reply
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or Safari not showing that you posted a reply until there are two of them.

Posted by: Patrick at 03/23/09 7:08 AM  | Reply
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where does mc hammer's 'addam's family' rap fall in here?
because he was a real rapper.
but that was a song about a movie and it's characters and nothing else - just a long, sad commercial, basically.
is that fake rap?

Posted by: caringiscool profile link at 03/23/09 7:09 PM  | Reply
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Actually, compared to most of the rest of Rap I've seen this is golden. Nice to see the police as good guys in a Rap video for a change.

Posted by: Tommy_G at 04/01/09 9:20 AM  | Reply
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