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January 14, 2009

Soulja Boy Takes Us To Soulja Boy School

In his newest vlog series, Soulja Boy has generously decided to share his wisdom on how to become successful in the music game with us.

So, the most important thing to remember if you want to succeed is to be Soulja Boy? Or buy his cartoon on iTunes? I'm pretty sure this is what Malcolm Gladwell was talking about. Fucking hate this guy, with his stupid arrogance and his Trapper Keeper full of printed out "Soulja Boy" google alerts that some sad record company intern had to make for him. And that part when he answers the phone by telling the person to just call back later and hangs up? That's so obviously Arab calling from right outside the door, trying to make Doctor Soulja Millionaire, or WHATEVER THE FUCK, look important. Gross. Splash some cold water on your face, Soulja Boy, you're on the internet.

I want to take Soulja Boy to Shut Up school, taught by Professor My Fist.

Posted by Gabe at 12:30 PM in ,
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9 Comments

so that's why his class at the wharton school always fills up so fast. i'm going to the mall now to pee on a cardboard soulja.

Posted by: Jeb profile link at 01/14/09 1:09 PM  | Reply
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His class on becoming a successful artist might carry a bit more legitimacy if his most recent album had sold more than 80,000 copies during the first two weeks of release and his album climbed higher than #43 on the Billboard charts. Guess that "Go Platinum in a Week" campaign didn't quite work out for Professor Soulja Boy.

Posted by: YTR profile link at 01/14/09 1:42 PM  | Reply
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I like how he keeps repeating the words pay attention over and over. Like he assumes that anyone watching this video is either going to not have the mental capacity to focus on what he is saying, or the audience will be so disinterested in what he is talking about he constantly needs to remind them to listen.

Posted by: somuchbailefunk profile link at 01/14/09 1:59 PM  | Reply
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Apparently this is part of Soulja Boy's new resolution to be a good role model for his young fans. I guess he figures the kids need an early education in being an egotistical, out-of-touch, talentless hack early if they want to grow up to be just like him.

Posted by: The Life of the Mind profile link at 01/14/09 2:16 PM  | Reply
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so internet x producc + telling us to STFU = profit

Posted by: Angelaaaa profile link at 01/14/09 2:33 PM  | Reply
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Clearly, you are a hater because Soulja Boy has A) fame, B) money, and C) girls. Which is what you have when you are a successful artist who attracts haters because you have these things. Have you ever even seen the Yahoo building? I bet you don't even know what seven figures are.

Now go make some money!

Posted by: Jeffrey D. at 01/14/09 2:52 PM  | Reply
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Jeffrey Dahmer: Soulja Boy fan?

Also, your measurement of success is hilarious and i don't even understand the logic:
-Girls. Check.
-Money. Check.
-Fame. Check.
-Seen the Yahoo Building. Check.

We've made it boys. We've seen the Yahoo building.

Posted by: Elliot profile link  in reply to  Jeffrey D.'s comment at 01/15/09 12:36 AM  | Reply
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If I were to play Soulja Boy in a movie, would that be considered going full retard?

Posted by: Daniel at 01/14/09 10:06 PM  | Reply
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Did Soulja Boy just tell me to shut the fuck up at 2:09? EXCUSE me? YOU shut the fuck up, Soulja Boy. I will rob you. I swear to god.

Posted by: Elliot profile link at 01/15/09 12:37 AM  | Reply
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