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August 20, 2009

Jay-Z Runs This Town (With The Help Of His Aides, Rihanna And Kanye West)

In the Revolution (or the Apocalypse) it is impossible to tell how things are going to shake out. No one realizes what they are capable of until that realization is forced upon them. Are you a leader, or a coward? You don't know. You can't know. You will find out, though. The new you will be forged by force in the fires. And then, when the fighting has subsided, late one night on the outskirts of the ruined, abandoned city, eating precious beans from a discovered can with your dirt-encrusted fingers, in a momentary lapse of your battle-hardened guard, you will return, briefly, through conversation and companionship, to a time of human civility. Everyone will share their stories, who they were before all of This. Where they came from. Whom they loved. But one figure will of course remain silent. Until finally an arrogant, or perhaps just curious, fellow warrior/survivor will turn to the leader of the camp and say "what about you, sir? What did you do before the world ended?" Everyone waits with bated breath. Was he a military commander? A doctor? A school-teacher? He will pull his hood down to gather around his neck, his eyes dark-ringed with exhaustion, a look of age-old worry on his face. "I was one of the most famous rappers in the world." People shrug and go silent. We've all lost something important that we'll never get back, you know.

P.S. "I"m beasting off the Riesling"? Really, Kanye? REALLY?

Posted by Gabe at 9:30 AM in
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34 Comments

We are building a Fighting Force of Extraordinary Magnitude.

We forge our spirits in the traditions of our ancestors.

You have our gratitude.

Posted by: Bubbles profile link at 08/20/09 9:36 AM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

Ya know, I thought those Twilight cruises sounded really weird and goofy. Looks like you just have to book the right one.

Posted by: Gmarley at 08/20/09 9:45 AM  | Reply
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Boogie Town 2: Run This Town Tonight

Posted by: Becca profile link at 08/20/09 9:48 AM  | Reply
Score = 7 Vote up Vote down

I was hoping for a telekinetic battle dance to break out. Dystopian!

Posted by: tremendous_potential profile link at 08/20/09 9:53 AM  | Reply
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missed it by thaaat much!

Posted by: tremendous_potential profile link  in reply to  tremendous_potential's comment at 08/20/09 9:54 AM  | Reply
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I thought the new Mad Max movie was going to be animated?

Posted by: Captain Boring of the S.S. Shut Up profile link at 08/20/09 9:57 AM  | Reply
Score = 2 Vote up Vote down

cause I'm mean-o, off the Pinot...

Posted by: whoa! profile link at 08/20/09 10:02 AM  | Reply
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I'm like Touvier off the Cabernet.

Posted by: Godsauce profile link  in reply to  whoa!'s comment at 08/20/09 11:18 PM  | Reply
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Those sunglasses Rihanna is wearing must be difficult to look through...

Posted by: Sarcastically Misunderstood profile link at 08/20/09 10:06 AM  | Reply
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"I got so many bullets, I don't even need a gun" - Jay-Z

Posted by: John Ham profile link at 08/20/09 10:08 AM  | Reply
Score = 7 Vote up Vote down

"I got so many bullets, I don't even need a gun" - Jay-Z's Tombstone

Posted by: Sam  in reply to  John Ham's comment at 08/21/09 12:39 AM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

At least there's no shortage of designer sunglasses after the Apocalypse.

Posted by: Gary Meadows profile link at 08/20/09 10:20 AM  | Reply
Score = 8 Vote up Vote down

Dear Jay-Z and Kanye,


I like your music. A lot. (Most of it.) But at a certain point, you have to stop drinking the Kool-Aid of your own mythologizing.


Sincerely,
God


P.S. I like the Riesling line.

Posted by: booferama profile link at 08/20/09 10:20 AM  | Reply
Score = 9 Vote up Vote down

What's with this trend of women not wearing pants?

Posted by: ber profile link at 08/20/09 10:31 AM  | Reply
Score = 16 Vote up Vote down

If I could upvote you forever, I would.

Posted by: Calliwell profile link  in reply to  ber's comment at 08/20/09 10:40 AM  | Reply
Score = 1 Vote up Vote down

I hadn't even noticed there were no pants on females in this clip...
I'm getting used to it! help!

Posted by: Sarcastically Misunderstood profile link  in reply to  ber's comment at 08/20/09 1:31 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

Forget it Jake, it's Run This Town

Posted by: Dan at 08/20/09 10:34 AM  | Reply
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Man, they really nailed the pagan/Juggalo Gathering aesthetic feel and atmosphere that the Apocalypse will surely have, all the way down to the sacrificial goat's bleating/Rihanna.
That Kanye and Jay-Z sure know how to savoir some faire.

Posted by: Roosevelt Franklin profile link at 08/20/09 10:42 AM  | Reply
Score = 5 Vote up Vote down

pants? where we're going, we won't need pants.
(also, where are we going? i'm confused by all of this.)

Posted by: PattyO profile link at 08/20/09 10:48 AM  | Reply
Score = 9 Vote up Vote down

Jay-Z is the Cher of hip-hop. Retirement tour, holla!

Posted by: AwkwardPants profile link at 08/20/09 10:52 AM  | Reply
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ā€œI’m just tryin to change the color on your mood ring.ā€

I am disappointed Kanye wasted an opportunity to reference Thomas J and bee stings.

Posted by: someone profile link at 08/20/09 11:13 AM  | Reply
Score = 9 Vote up Vote down

hats off to you! somewhere, anna chlumsky just got a chill and isn't sure why...

Posted by: sally  in reply to  someone's comment at 08/20/09 12:16 PM  | Reply
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Is there anything wrong with enjoying the Kim Zolszniak song more than this? I'm not being snarky here; this song is boring, Kim's is entertaining. Game. Set. Match.

Posted by: Ben (waiting for the perfect GIF) profile link at 08/20/09 11:14 AM  | Reply
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I want to like Rihanna, but she always comes off as someone incrediblyl self-important who wears ridiculous outfits. And yes, I am aware of the irony of saying this about a video that also prominently features Kanye.

Posted by: Julia profile link at 08/20/09 12:49 PM  | Reply
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Is it just me, or does it sound like an angry duck is quacking throughout this song? It's like they used a duck for a metronome.

Posted by: yapplebee profile link at 08/20/09 1:11 PM  | Reply
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Nothing snarky to say here. I enjoy this song and I like this video. Rihanna's outfits look great and I definitely want to snag that hoodie.

Posted by: Funtastik profile link at 08/20/09 1:39 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

Jay-Z is slipping, I remember back in 96 the entire city was his, now we're questioning if he even runs this town? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Also, Rihanna laughing through out Kanye's verse made it almost tolerable.

Posted by: The N profile link at 08/20/09 2:10 PM  | Reply
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I like to imagine their gang meeting the cannibal gang from The Road. I'm sure those guys can show the how to do the Apocalypse OLD SCHOOL. That would be OFF-THE-HOOK.

Posted by: bankcashmoney profile link at 08/20/09 5:12 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

If The Road needed anything, it was more hip-hop danceoffs.

Posted by: langford profile link  in reply to  bankcashmoney's comment at 08/20/09 7:31 PM  | Reply
Score = 3 Vote up Vote down

Neat-o literary reference, Racisty Q. McSnob.

Posted by: TheLibrarian  in reply to  bankcashmoney's comment at 08/21/09 9:00 AM  | Reply
Score = -2 Vote up Vote down

"Beasting off the riesling" isn't even the problem i have with this song. It's right after that when he says that his dick just made it out of the precinct?

Doesn't that mean your dick was in a police station, Kanye? That's.... maybe you should think your rhymes through.

Posted by: Elliot profile link at 08/20/09 6:47 PM  | Reply
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uh, he didn't say that.

Posted by: cookie  in reply to  Elliot's comment at 08/20/09 7:54 PM  | Reply
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Thanks for clearing that up!

Posted by: Elliot profile link  in reply to  cookie's comment at 08/20/09 8:47 PM  | Reply
Score = 0 Vote up Vote down

will the future apocalypse be this mediocre? mmmhmhmhm.

Posted by: BRAAAAAAAINSSss profile link at 08/21/09 1:19 AM  | Reply
Score = -1 Vote up Vote down

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