Jay-Z Needs To Get Out More
"Death of Autotune" video, you guys.
Aw, poor Jay-Z! Don't get me wrong, Jay-Z is an Old God, wandering the Earth because he got bored in HEAVEN. But this video could double as a documentary about the loneliest day! He gets dropped off in some scary alley and has to rap by himself in a cold, empty warehouse? And then he eats dinner alone at the Italian restaurant? Why won't anyone eat dinner with Jay-Z? He should have brought a book to read. Sure, later he gets to join some fellow musicians for a rousing performance on VH1 Storytellers (or is it VH1 Scarf-tellers?) but then it's back to smoking a cigar by himself looking out at the river at dawn, wondering how his life got to this moment. And someone blew up all his champagne! Whoops, you're going to be late for your MIDNIGHT HAIRCUT APPOINTMENT at the spooky barbershop.
He's not totally alone, of course. He still has his friend Harvey Keitel, which is fine, I guess, everyone needs to have someone to play high stakes poker with on some overturned pickle buckets in the Italian restaurant's walk-in cooler. But I will say that out of all the people in the whole world, Harvey Keitel seems like one of the least fun to hang out with. He's just a pill. And now he is a very old pill. He used to wear sunglasses inside at night because it was cool, and now he does it because doctor's orders.
Jay-Z just needs some nice friends his own age. And to stop hanging out in these abandoned buildings by himself. It's weird!
Posted by Gabe at 11:00 AM in Music Related Content
Tags: Harvey Keitel | Jay-Z
Countdown until kids in Williamsburg start wearing "I'm So Brooklyn" shirts in 5...4...3...
Score = 7
ugh YES that line shone out as the Annoyingist of Annoyings. I'm so glad Gabe brought this video up.
Score = 0
Do you think Labron lets JayZ win when they play basketball on his video?
Score = 5
Uncle Jay (no gwyneth patrow) is keeping it gritty and REAL. Jay-Z ain't care!
Score = 4
hahaha! you so beat me to the Uncle Jay ref. Where's Gwynnie to keep him company? She could probably GOOP up some cookies or something from one of her palaces? No? Aww, poor Jay Z. Mo' money....
Score = 4
I'm trying to tell if thats Tunde playing the oboe.
Score = 1
your icon :( I love it and it makes me sad.
Score = 1
soprano sax imo
/woodwind nerd :
Score = 4
I know how Jay-Z feels. Sometimes my driver doesn't want to hang out with me, so I play poker with Harvey Keitel, play basketball with LeBron, then go home and get a five-hour lap dance from Beyonce. Holla!
Score = 10
So excited that Jay-Z has brought some much needed exposure to the soprano saxophone. Those lessons I took in high school won't have gone to waste. Now he just has to do a video wearing corrective orthopedic shoes and I can hit the clubs like a balla!
Score = 22
How's he going to explain this when Kanye comes over for dinner?
Score = 15
That's actually referenced in the song. "Ye told me to kill y'all, to keep it one-hunnid." Like, "one-hunnid" percent honest. And really, if Kanye West had a problem with Jay... What?
Score = 1
Jay been had bringing back Blue Brothers chic.
Seriously though... that was pretty great.
Score = 3
Ted Leo asks and now all of a sudden you're musicvideogum? You've changed, man.
Not really. "Very old pill." I giggled.
Score = 6
Did anyone else hear that Chris Brown was supposed to perform a tribute to MJ at the BET awards last night but Jay-Z intervened, said hell no, and offered to perform this song in his place? Not sure how true that is, but I'm just going to add it to the list of why Jay-Z is the Best.
Score = 19
I was (apparently) Cover Girl, one of the sponsors and a product advertised by Rihanna, who kept him from performing.
Score = 1
Jay's got some balls.
Score = 4
Probably 2.
Score = 14
*fingers crossed* that Jay called in JJ Abrams to direct the lens flare and Michael Bay to direct the champlosion.
Score = 3
Normally I couldn't care less about Jay-Z and fuck him getting with Beyonce and all that. But I gotta give him credit where it's due on this one. It's a pretty wicked track. I stand corrected, he are cool n' shit. "My raps ain't got no melodies." Hellz yeah fuck 'um!
Score = 4
Jay-Z is like an old man, all alone, complaining about kids today with their "hip-hop" music and their "autotunes".
Score = -3
This is the first Jay-Z song I've mildly enjoyed in a long, long time.
This isn't really relevant to this article but last year, when Jay-Z was performing at Glastonbury, I heard a radio show where the guy kept referring to him as "Jay-Z" but with British pronunciation, so he kept saying "Jay-Zed". I giggled at the time.
Score = 8
The people who actually enjoyed this movie all seem to mention explosions. Like, "it had explosions" somehow makes this a fun movie. Are you that easily amused? Explosions?? Really???
Score = -9
I really liked the parts (Michael Bay) where the Crystal, Excessive Chains, and Antares boxes EXPLODED! That was cool. Bout time somebody made commentary about the excesses of hip hop from within the spotlight. I'm praying for a Lil Wayne dis track next. COME ON HOVE DO IT MAN!!!!
Score = 4
so happy about this. jay-z has always been my boo but now my respect for him has really shot through the glass ceiling.
he's got 99 problems but caring about commercial appeal ain't one.
Score = 8
He's got 99 problems, but his pitch ain't one.
Score = 3
I really want to autotune the part where he sings at the beginning.
Score = 0