It's Third Eye Blind's World, We Just Are Like "Huh?" In It
Earlier today, Vulture blog wrote a post about Nic Harcourt ending his show at KCRW, and ended with a toss-off joke about the merits, or lack thereof, of Third Eye Blind. This elicited a string of comments from a bunch of total 3EB Heads, who did not think the merits of Third Eye Blind were worth debating since the obvious answer was the merits of Third Eye Blind are that they are the best band in the history of bands. Fair enough.
But last month, Stereogum posted something sassy about Third Eye Blind's new song (oh, btw, Third Eye Blind has a new song), inadvertently creating one of the most heated debates in site history. This led to a follow-up post in which 3EB's lead singer, Stephan Jenkins, responded to the sass with a heartfelt explanation of the inspiration behind "Non-Dairy Creamer," and that set off another round of fevered 3EB Heads shouting into the void. This is some Fringe "the pattern" type shit.
WHO ARE THESE THIRD EYE BLIND FANS, AND WHY DO THEY CONTROL THE INTERNET?
In the spirit of scientific discovery that has lead to innovations like bubble tea and shared dream state, I would like to test something out. Is it possible, using a single sentence, to draw every 3EB head in the world to a single source, causing the internet to implode like a dead sun beneath the weight of their inexplicable fanaticism?:
This is the worst music video of all time.
Posted by Gabe at 5:30 PM in Music Related Content, WebJunk
Tags: The Lawnmower Man | Third Eye Blind
Did it work? Are they here? Is the internet over?
Score = 7
"This is the worst music video of all time."
Agreed to the power of 1239754506237586478569238475634782563295690125601237856712385672357293576325712935762379185612385682375629358761923561283562398576125398173625927835691782
Score = 1
THAT SONG WAS ABOUT DRUGS?
Score = 1
This should be written post-3EB fan flood, but the internet should automatically NetNanny your ass if you attempt to google a band, actor, Twilight, etc. and leave a streak of comments on any and every website. It's not something that will look good on a resume.
Score = 0
i like his d-bag bro leather jacket.
Score = 0
Could you pls give a headphones up if you ever post this song again. I am embarrassed over here. I didn't know it would be the "doot doot doot" one.
Score = 3
third eye blind sucks gorilla balls.
except that song "Black Balloon" - that song is okay.
Score = 0
"Black Balloon" is Goo Goo Dolls. Is it worse that I corrected you or that you said it was okay? TIE.
Score = 1
i guess sarcasm that is typed really is THAT HARD to notice.
Score = 2
Scooooters. The scooters are attacking! And motorcycles! I can't keep watching to find out what happens with the scooters and motorcycles. I hope push razor scooter (or whatever you call them) shows up later. I will just assume they do and then the three gangs fight it out.
Score = 0
Gabe, you're the worst. I *think* this was done kinda tongue-in-cheek, but 3eb are a good band!
The video, eh, not so good. But music vids are worthless IMO
Score = -7
I remember one time in 199x when Carson Daly was excited for this new "white boy rap" as he called it. Maybe Carson can take over Morning Becomes Eclectic. He's got great taste.
Score = 0
OH GOD NO. don't even joke about that. no joking about that! Do you think the powers that have kept last call on the air for this long can't pull some strings? because I think they probably can.
Score = 0
Where are they?! I feel like the fellowship in the mines of Moria before all the shit went down. There is just a weird clanging sound echoing around that was the blog post Gabe accidental knocked down the internet well. I am the best at analogies. PULITZER PLEASE.
Score = 2
Gabe,
if you don't change that final sentence to "3EB is the best band of this or any generation and this video is awesome" I will actually fight you.
Score = 4
AHHHH, ZOMG, HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT STEPHAN AND 3EB!!! But in all seriousness I love 'semi-charmed life.' It may be nostalgia for 4th grade, or it may just be the fact that it is fantastic in most ways
Score = 0
4TH GRADE? Ugh, I really am old. Werther's, anyone?
Score = 2
And lolz at their wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_Eye_Blind
A quick glance reveals they update band members' ability to be in the band via Facebook
Score = 1
That is actually amazing.
Score = 0
This band's music is like salvation. It brings me to tears and makes me want to save the world and end starvation and punch terrorism in the face all at once. Gabe, have you even been to one of their shows??? I have to think not, because if you had then you would not be saying these things because you would know. These guys are the truth. Even though that sounds weird or whatever, I don't even care, because I honestly love them and their music is amazing and underappreciated. You don't even know.
Wait, we're talking about Offspring, right? So good.
Score = 3
Love the part where he covers up his hand and then lets it go like 'Huh, what? Who's smart? Me.' And then white boy raps with the fighting making out lesbians in the background. But then comes the worst lyric ever in the history of ears:
'How do I get back there to the place where I fell asleep inside you?'
I always retched at the thought of his limp cum soaked penis filling up the first 1/25 of my vagina.
That said, his reply to Stereogum was really sweet and humble, not angry whatsoever and made me give him a pass considering the behavior of typical musicians.
Score = 8
It sounds like you have a really big vagina. Just sayin'.
Score = 1
Possibly. But I've seen limp penises and I don't think 1/25 is far off for an average sized vagina. It would depend on the position he was in when he fell asleep in that place he wants to get back to the place where she said she wants something else.
Score = 3
You GUYS. You are filling my head with thoughts of "limp cum-soaked penii", how cavernous my vagina might actually be and the unnecessary-yet-meaningful (I guess) act of trying to remain inside of someone.
Entertaining, but I'm going to go get a coffee and wash my brain now.
Score = 0
Also, just read he was valedictorian of his UC-Berkeley class..so at least he's not an idiot as well.
Score = 0
My favorite are these fanboys who say things like: "Have you ever even HEARD 3EB before. they're lyrics R incredible! And if aren't really into lyrics, there music is amazing too!"
Oh, that's good to know! Thanks, Third Eye Blind fanboy!
At first, I was like, man these lyrics are awful! But then, I heard the music, and I was like, man that guitar is rockin! and those drums are bangin! All I have to do is turn down the volume on JUST THE LYRICS and I can totally tolerate it! But then sometimes, the lyrics are rad and I turn up the lyrics volume again. You see, he was the valedictorian of his college, which makes him a poet.
Ugh.
Score = 2
"I don't feel that anyone needs to argue the artistic merits of Third Eye Blind. That is like arguing about the existence of wind."
That's pure gold
Score = 2
"WHO ARE THESE THIRD EYE BLIND FANS, AND WHY DO THEY CONTROL THE INTERNET?"
My roommate. Her three favorite bands are Third Eye Blind, Matchbox Twenty and Jimmy Eat World. I'm sorry, I fear there's no help for her.
Score = 2
YIKES. Is your apartment in 1998?
Score = 3
Apparently.
Score = 0
I told my roommate about this, and she told me to tell you that yes, at least her room is in 1998. And she likes it that way.
Score = 0
That video IS terrible.
And not in the great, invadvertantly hilarious way that B-4-4 or Brokencyde are terrible, but in a completely serious, look at how hard we're trying, "Hunt for the Worst Music Video of All TIme"-standards way.
Now where are the 3EB fans???
Score = 0
I think Gabe scared the 3eb fans away by letting them know he is on to them. I'm going to see if I can get another blog to try this experiment, but covert-like.
Score = 0
I watched the video prepared to reevaluate the song but no, yeah, it's still the best. THE BEST.
Score = 2
Smells like the 90's. Weren't all of the music videos back then this bad? It's more funny than anything seeing this nowadays.
Score = -1
Oh my god. DOO DOO DOO.
My fucking next door neighbour in dorms here is like your typical bro-dude. But I figured that would mean he would be self-aware to NOT listen to this shit everyday on his kick-ass stereo system, and sometimes at 4 in the morning! yay.
Score = 1
While i don't think this is the Worst Music Video Ever by a long shot, there are some parts that remind me of certain Verve music videos, and some parts where I wonder what that finger-twirling action by Stephen's ear is supposed to be. Does that indicate a particularly difficult or profound lyric coming forth? If so, why does he do it while singing "I believe in the sand beneath my toes" and "those little red panties they pass the test"?
Score = 0
In my opinion, no one should diss third eye blinbd for this song without having heard all the others.
Score = 0
Tis all good. You people who trash the band can all go back to trashing bands on the internet while Stephan Jenkins bangs supermodels and drives around in his Ferrari, laughing at all of you.
Score = 0
haha. This whole "article" and these statements make me laugh. If Semi-charmed life is the final judgment (and the only judgment) for Third Eye Blind lyrics, well then you all have it right. Although, one could argue that anyone who could make a song about meth addiction and depression so dang happy, should be rewarded a point. And if there are any others interested in actually doing a little research and finding Third Eye Blind's true "lyrical genius," you wouldn't have to look much farther than that first album they made with that horribly written song, Semi-Charmed life. Perhaps in such research you'll find a bit of reason for such "internet controlling" airheads that are Third Eye Blind fans.
Score = 0
Alright, so really, everything about the 90s sucked, so don't even start on the 3eb music video. Really, are their videos as important as all the lives that they've touched? I'm not even trying to get all deep on you, but it's true. Third Eye Blind has filled a void in people, myself included. Alright, enough of me proving your theory! Haha, you guys are right- 3eb fans ARE sort of like a cult, and we don't like when you try to tell us that what we believe in isn't half as good as we think. =)
Score = 0
The thought of Stephan Jenkins laughing at us while he is banging supermodels is pretty funny.
Score = 1
1. I am a proud member of the 3eb cult, and usually would happily engage in a debate arguing that third eye blind has some of the most genius and influential lyrics of any band, regardless of the genre or time frame. however, I am short on time tonight so I have decided to leave you with a shorter and less angry 3eb head response, which brings me to my second point
2. claiming that third eye blind sucks based solely on the semi-charmed life representation of the band is the equivalent of someone trying to say saved by the bell was the worst show ever after only seeing one of the episodes from when they worked at the beach.
now, if anyone tries to tell me saved by the bell is the worst show ever, shit's about to hit the fan.
(seriously though, third eye blind is great. give them a chance. and Stephan Jenkins guaranteed gets more ass daily than any of you 3eb haters does in a year, and that's in spite of the semi-charmed life video and the fact that he's 44)
Score = 0
the song isnt even semi-charmed life...
Score = 0