Duh Aficionado Magazine: Chris Brown Can Transform Ya, Ladies
Uh, we know that you can transform the ladies, Chris Brown. Especially in the face. You just ball your hands up into fists and you turn regular faces into heavily punched faces. And then you run away into the night. It's weird that you didn't include any lyrics about how after transforming a lady you love to run away into the night, leaving them in the car. Which I guess you are now? You're a car? Cut out the middle man! "I was tired of beating women up in cars, so I decided to just become a car myself. Now beating up women is even easier! And with the time that I save beating up women, I learned how to use nunchucks. I can't wait to use them on someone's face, especially a woman's!" That is what Chris Brown says.
Good thing he cleared all those weeds off the side of that road. He seems like such a nice guy now. (No he doesn't.)
Posted by Gabe at 12:45 PM in Music Related Content
Tags: Cars | Chris Brown | Rihanna | Violence
Chris Brown has half heartedly apologised from a script AND served his time doing community service. What more do you want, Gabe, actual justice or something?
Score = 20
Put down the guitar, Wayne, you're not fooling anyone.
Actually, put down the gun as well. And the drugs.
Y'know what? Just put it all down, Weezy.
Score = 14
Oh, shit! My boo got talent!
Score = 4
This song is so god awful, listening to it inspires me to punch my own girlfriend in the face then do a ninja flip and show off my nun-chuck skills.
Score = -6
This is the freshest Gap commercial yet.
Best part is the lady noodle-morphing back into herself except on a motorcycle.
Score = 9
This song is horrible. Seriously. And we don't care about your tattoos, or your bad assness, Chris Brown, cuz honestly, it don't help your case. I like the way they made him the EXTRA BLACK lookin dude, giving him the skull cap, and havin him between a pretty white boy with a pony tail and an even prettier white boy with a short vanilla ice cut.
Score = 0
But you should all care about my tattoos. Hypocrisy rules the day!
Score = 3
"your my baby girl, shoulda know I did it for ya" is probably what he told Rhianna before he jumped out of the car and ran away.
Score = 8
Chris Brown didn't eat the marshmallow or wait 15 minutes. He beat the female grad student in and around the face until she gave him the whole bag.
Then oh how he ate mallows.
Weezy got some too.
Score = 23
Weezy didn't want the marshmallows, he went looking for the codeine.
Score = 11
Are you talking about the fine Houston hip-hop scene (Screwston for short)'s great tradition of sippin' on codeine (cough syrup) (sizzurp for short)? Because Lil Wayne is most undeserving of partaking in that ritual. Even Paul Wall is like, "Hey, Lil Wayne, I know I rap through a giant fake grill that has my name on it in platinum and diamonds, but do you think maybe you could enunciate a little bit? Like, open your mouth when you talk?"
Score = 2
@00:57 Starts with an F and ends with U-C-K.
Score = 3
"firetruck?"
Score = 0
shame they couldn't afford the whole transformers effects team. that noodle effect is pretty snazzy though.
Score = 0
I was gonna say. I haven't seen the noodle photoshop/mac paint effect used since Donnie Darko.
Score = 4
Oh boy you have to see the sequel S.Darko then. It's a prime candidate for the Worst Movie of All Time. So many noodles! So little plot!
Score = 2
Hey guys, I have an idea. Let's all come together in ignoring the new Chris Brown video, album, and everything else Chris Brown will ever do. Let's let today, October 27th, be the last day any of us ever mentions the name Chris Brown. Get... it out of your system now. Chris Brown, Chris Brown, Chris Brown.... and we're done.
Score = 10
With what? ;)
Score = 1
this is the most random assortment of individuals ever in a music video, i think. dancing ninjas, robots, ladies in spandex, geishas and biker dudes. pick a theme and stick with it, chris.
Score = 1
Why doesn't this video have Megan Fox in it, professor of paper-thin cross-promotional DVD releases?
Score = 0
Have his pr team decided that post-TERRIBLE CRIME, they're not going to position him as a sweet r&b singer anymore, and instead are trying to turn him into a hard, edgy, dangerous rap dude?
I can see why, and if it were my job to sell him (ie, if I were in hell), I might go the same route. But as a consumer I'm not fooled. To me, he'll never not be a guy who beat up his girlfriend!
Score = 4
I hope that we never let this whole "girl-beater" thing go. I want the public response to everything that Chris Brown does for the rest of his career to be "Oh, that song is by Chris Brown? The girlfriend-abuser? NO THANK YOU!"
Except I know that isn't going to happen, because we live in an imperfect world where girls find this guy cute and blame Rihanna for what happened.
Score = 10
I'm doing my part. You and I together are going to make this happen.
Score = 5
Noted girl beater Chris Brown.
Score = 4
Banger.
Score = 0
Does Chris Brown realize that there is a successful movie series that has the same name and the same turning-into-cars premise as this video?
The similarities are really astounding.
Score = 3
Transmorphers?
Score = 3
i just choked on my lunch reading that. thanks, gabe.
Score = 0
also this is absolutely your music video
Score = 1
"Red lips, red dress, like 'em like a firetruck."
Ladies and gentlemen, 2009. Oh how our children are going to laugh at us.
Score = 0