Shakira Is The Hot, Colombian Elaine Benes
New Shakira video, you guys. "She Wolf":
I used to think that Shakira was anthropomorphic vagina dentata. Especially in that one video where she was covered in motor oil and thrashing around like some kind of Latina Cloverfield. "We have to run towards the monster. Don't worry, I'll videotape the whole thing!" I don't think that anymore, though. Her dances in this video are, in a word, HILARIOUS. Don't get me wrong: her clothing choices are the opposite of hilarious. When Harvard opens up its Kennedy School of Bodysocks, I'm sure that Shakira will be on the shortlist for DEAN. But those dances. Incredible. I know that she's foreign, or whatever, but if I didn't know that she was foreign, I would know that she was foreign now. It's like watching an alien with a stolen body that doesn't fit trying to attract an egg-sac face at a Meat Packing District nightclub. "Are you being liking what I doing now? Let's go to my apartment. It is in the sewer! I mean the Upper East Sewer! I mean Side! BLAHHHHH ALIEN EGG SACS IN YOUR STOMACH."
Whatever, I ain't care. Take me to your planet, Crazy!
Posted by Gabe at 10:15 AM in Music Related Content
Tags: Sex | Shakira | Werewolves
This headline implies that Elaine Benes wasn't hot in the first place, which I resent.
Score = 20
i m sponge worthy
Score = 1
"this content not available in your country" ! How can I judge her ailen movements now?
Score = 6
lol at her wolf howl... awwwoooo!
Score = 16
She wolf clearly explains it all, Gabe. Jeez.
Score = 2
I found the real thing here: http://www.aceshowbiz.com/video/download/00009362/
but it'll probably disappear by the time I post this. Why all the secrecy about this video? it's like it's the leaked video of the latest "Harry Potter and the Paris Hilton Sex Tape" movie or something. Or maybe Shakira is so embarrassed by this song/video she doesn't want anybody in America to know it existed.
Anyways, more than the spasm-y dancing and questionable costumes, I have always found that Shakira's similes and metaphors are the most entertaining part of her music. "I'm starting to feel a little abused like the coffee machine in an office"...WHAT?!?!
Score = 11
I bet she'd be great at don't-touch-the-sand-tag. Her upside-down skills are sick.
Score = 1
That was the most pathetic attempt at a wolf howl I've ever heard. She could learn a thing or two from Eels.
Score = 8
New Moon, the new Eels album, and now Shakira.
jumping the gun on the new Werewolf fad
Score = 6
mamaseta....
Score = 0
Mushroom mother?
Score = 21
...mamacita...
Score = 8
Now that Michael Jackson is dead, someone had to take over the Thriller dance.
Score = 10
I can't understand a single fucking word she's singing. You could pretty much successfully sing along to this on the radio by slurring randomly then howling on queue.
Score = 12
It's nice that they're trying to localize the "sorry, this is only for the real, American internet"-messages now, but French for Flanders? MY HISTORICAL SENSITIVITIES
Score = 6
Did she say, "I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office?" What?
Score = 8
Apologies to Roosevelt Franklin, apparently.
Score = 4
I totally should have read your comment before posting. That lyric jumped right into my brain and thrashed around like Shakira.
Score = 5
And this was meant as a response to Mr. Frankllin. I am losing it.
Score = 8
you are...forgiven?
honest mistake. it is a ridiculous line that bears repeating. the most ridiculous in the whole Shakira catalogue (which might be saying something if I actually knew more than 4 Shakira songs) but i think this blows "not confusing my small and humble breasts with mountains" out of the water.
a-whoooOo!
Score = 5
Well. I actually did confuse her small and humble breasts with mountains once, and I really embarrassed myself trying to hire some sherpas. So for the record, that particular line should be considered a PSA.
Also, as a tea drinker that sits by the coffee machine, I can understand Shakira's desire to liberate the oppressed of the world in every form. Personally, thanks to growing up in the 80s and Sally Stuthers I can't watch someone drink a cup of coffee without believing in my core that they are killing a diseased African child with big puppy dog eyes that just wants to be loved.
Score = 14
My pants feel tight now
Score = 6
and yo crotch tall?
Score = 2
What's that move in the cage at the end called? The Exorcist Crab Walk? She stole that shit from me!
Score = 7
I love how demonstrably satisfied she is with herself at all times. Ohh look! I'm sexy! This is a lot of fun!
Score = 14
She Wolf? what are you guys talking about?
I made it half way through the video with the sound off and i saw no references to a wolf at all.
Score = 4
After watching that video, I suspect having sex with her is complicated and exhausting and requires Level 7 yoga skillz. That said, I'm still going to imagine it.
Score = 32
Did Shakira always sound like LeeAnn Rimes? Always? Okay.
Score = 5
I can't wait to see the dozens of DIY videos on youtube with fat men in these body socks
Score = 16
Through the whole video, I was thinking "this isn't THAT weird, she's a werewolf, whatever, I'd love to be that bendy." Then that crazy shoulder/roof dance at the end happened and I was like "Ok."
Score = 11
It's weird, because most of the werewolfs I know only know how to line dance.
Score = 17
Am I the only one that thinks this song is amazing? ok.. sorry...
Score = 4
It's really not bad for an Annie ripoff. The track is pretty hot.
Score = 0
It was nice of her to do all of that in the closet so she wouldn't wake up her husband.
Score = 14
omg you've made me laugh at loud every single time in this thread. i think that means i owe you my first child or something.
Score = 1
SHAKIRA IS A PROSTITUTION WHORE
Score = -9
Do you need a chill pill?
Score = 4
Well, she is!
Score = -1
HAHAHAHA, I loved the AHWOOOOO! in the chorus
Score = 6
Dear Shakira,
I simply cannot accept this song. It is terrible, and the video is equally as terrible. I must assume it is a joke. Please let me know if it isn't, though I hope it is.
Sincerely, Louis.
PS: I'll still be fantasizing about you, but this shit ain't helping my erection.
Score = 3
whenever, wherever, bitch
Score = 2
My god I've never laughed so hard (while masturbating) in my life.
Score = 26
"MESSAGE FROM WEBPAGE: you have already up-voted this item 84 times, idiot."
Score = 0
This is a pretty good Cranberries song.
Score = 4
Lady GaGa thinks this is over the top.
Score = 7
All you haters have fun watching your "The Wire" DVDs while wearing your favorite band's t-shirt, which is already growing too tight around your soft belly. Shakira will be busy dancing!
Score = -5
Kill it with fire.
Score = 7
someone's google alerts ("shakira", "vagina", "bodysocks") finally were justified.
Score = 9
I will watch "The Wire" and dance, sir. I will watch AND dance.
Score = 8
Not only is Shakira ripping off Elaine, but also our beloved (and bashful) "body-suit man" from the Yankees organization.
Score = 1
It's a problem free philosophy...
Vagina Dentata.
Score = 10
They were playing a song of hers in the grocery store the other day and I said "I wonder what Shakira's doing these days?"
Now I wish I didn't know.
Score = 0
awhooooo!
awhooooo!
awhooooo!
yes, over the top, but totally amusing!
aliens can be sexy.
Score = 0
yikes, i'm uncomfortable with how simultaneously hot and silly she is
Score = 7
Me: Shakira, what on Earth was that?
Shakira: Sugar.
Me: I've never seen sugar do THAT.
Shakira Give me sugar. In water.
What I'm saying is, Shakira needs an new EGGAR SUIT.
Score = 9
lyrics: starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office" - worst lyric of all time?
Score = 0
IS SHE DANCING IN A GLITTERING VAGINA!? SOS indeed! Someone get her out of the Cloverfield monster's vagina before baby monsters eat her!
Score = 8
Oh wait, I just watched the whole video. Umm, you know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if no one rescued her...
Score = 2
I think "she wolf" might a metaphor for femininity. Hope this explains it for you guys.
Score = 3
"There is a coffee machine in an Ofiice you can abuse"-Shakira
Score = 0
Not to be any sort of Shakira apologist here, but I find her silliness quite refreshing. Has popular media really become impenetrable to any woman who hasn't mastered a hot and sweaty dance style? It is nice to see a woman comfortable in her own skin and just having fun. The lyrics are a little awkward, too, but once again -- a breath of fresh air in a business that takes itself too seriously.
Score = 12
i think this is actually shakira's version of "a hot and sweaty dance style". the fact that people think that this was silly on purpose just goes to show that it didn't work.
on another note: why does everything that emilio estefan touches turn to crap?
Score = 0
Glad someone else feels that way! She is always so much fun. Why people can't just watch the silly video and smile is beyond me (other than the need to snark 24/7).
Score = 1
Between this and I Gotta Feeling, the Best Fucking Nightmare category at the MTV Video Music Awards is turning into a great race. However, I Gotta Feeling will probably win because the show is sponsered by hp.
Score = 5
for those who experience not available in your country, this this
http://www.butiwanttowatchit.com/search?q=she+wolf+-youtube&s=google (i think the third result from google is working)
Score = 0
why did she commit suicide and then fall into her closet? stupid colombians...
Score = -1
Funny, I actually find her way more authentic than any bimbo that dances and sings at the same time. I don't feel cheated after watching her video, like when i watch ANY of Beyonce videos.
I think she is as ammusing as la Mignoe.
Score = 3
and beyonce is the queen of shabby dance moves that make me howl with laughter-- it should be:
1. beyonce
2. shakira
3. benes
Score = 0
and what's she doing on a rooftop in San Francisco? her dance moves have penetrated the USA
Score = 0
I loved the part where she was laying on her stomach and her butt was possessed and rising by itself. At like 1:19 or something. I dunno.
Score = 0
Possessed butts, cage-dancing, giant sparkly vaginas, and terrible singing.
Boy this is my kind of video.
Score = 0
I'm so glad that we can all at least agree that she's hot.
Score = 3
can't wait for this video's "literal version"
Score = 0
I LOVED THIS VIDEO, IS FANTASTIC... I LOVE YOU SHAKIRA, YOU ARE THE BEST SINGER OF THE WORLD...
Score = 0