Chris Brown Is Not A Monster, Says Chris Brown
Brownie vlog! Brownie vlog!
Sure. Chris Brown was in his private basement bowling alley with a goon friend of his and a video camera apparently made out of rubber bands and fudge, and he realized what better time to lazily dispel any "rumors" that he is a monster. He's not. The end. That's how that works. All of this time we had thought that Chris Brown was a monster due to the fact that he BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND, but it turns out he's not a monster. Because didn't you just hear him say that he wasn't? Besides, all of the haters were always haters, says Professor Logic. Except of course for the people who were not Chris Brown haters until he BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND, but if you think about it those people were haters, they just didn't know it yet. It took him BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND to show them that they had hate for Chris Brown in their hearts, but it was always there. Waiting. There is no spoon. Also buy his new album?
Chris Brown is the worst. (Via BuzzFeed.)
Posted by Gabe at 1:00 PM in Music Related Content, Vlogging
Tags: Assholes | Chris Brown
"Brownie Vlog"?
Score = 9
I like that the video is titled "I AM NOT A MONSTER" & NEW ALBUM
Score = 13
Come on you guys, everyone makes mistakes; it's just some people make those "oops, pass the eraser" kind of mistakes, and other people make the "oh dear, my fist kept hitting you over and over" kind of mistakes. Upon immediate retrospect there's a fairly severe difference between those mistakes; yup, still a monster.
Score = 15
Allow me sum up what Chris is saying in this video:
"Sometimes you gotta smack a bitch!"
Score = 2
I need one of these from the ShawWow guy. Then I will know for sure there are no monsters.
Score = 9
Wait, the new album has everything on it? Literally everything?!? Misogyny aside, I don't see how we can all pass on this truly amazing album. Also... DOUCHE CHILL!
Score = 9
Shit. Runaway itallics. It's a mistake like this that makes me want to severely beat my girlfriend.
Score = 33
Didn't you used to have this thing where you kept talking about Chris Brown having AIDS on your old blog? You should bring that back right about now.
Score = 5
haha classic:
L00K FUCKiiN ASS P3AC3 OF WHiiT3 SHiiT LiiARS YALL ASS3SZ WH0 3VA PUH DiiSZ KiiNDSZ 0V SHiiT 0F MA H0M3B0ii CHRiiSZ BR0WN!!! LiiK3 WAH DA H3LL U MUSS B3 S0M3 FUCKiiN ASS iiDii0TS T0 MAK3 UP THiiS KiiND 0F NUTTY ASS TRASH B0UGH CHRiiSZ BR0WN YALL B3TTA ST0P WiiTH DiiSZ SHiiT FUCKiiN ASS CHRiiSZ H8TASZ YALL JUSS SAYiiNG DiiSZ CRAP CUZ U WiiSH T0 B3 LiiK3 HiiM HAV3 HiiSZ L00KS AND SHiiH BUH NAW DA WiiL N3R HAPP3N LMFA00 FUCKiiN BiiCH3SZ
Score = 0
What?
Score = 3
Make this fact number 2 as to why we need a ? vote button.
Score = 9
Next time someone you know flips out, tell em "Settle down Chris Brown"
Let's make this the new buzz phrase of '09.
And....go.
Score = 37
I guess this means we'll be hanging Relax, Technojeremy's jersey from the rafters.
Score = 10
Yeah, "Settle down, Chris Brown," is far less inside-jokey than something as *whuuuuut* as "Relax, Technojeremy." Plus it rhymes - for the kids!
Score = 0
Leaked title from Chris Brown's new album:
"The Not-a-Monster Mash"
Score = 19
He should collaborate with Gary Glitter, kill two -'musicians'-needing-redemption-for-their-little -mishaps- with one proverbial stone.
Score = 2
And they'll cover Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up."
Score = 0
I really hate this guy
Score = 7
I was totally with him and the "not a monster" shtick 'till I saw his basement bowling alley. Stop breaking the illusion Breezy! Also, if CB is Professor Logic, he hired an excellent TA- "believe dat"
Score = 2
I was totally on the fence until I was instructed to "believe dat". Totally persuasive, that guy.
Score = 10
"believe dat" is the new "real talk" and "real talk" is the old "i'm really shady so don't believe anything i'm about to say."
Score = 12
that friend = bow wow.
Score = 0
So he makes vlogs and Rhianna gets tattoos of guns on her ribs. I sentence the both of them to Ed Hardy Jail.
Score = 6
The first single is a duet with Jim Jones called, "Pop Women"
Score = 5
This might be a bit duh, but doesn't it seem that most everyone who "vlogs" (because that's a word now) is borderline illiterate?
Score = 3
Heck of a job, Brownie. (Sorry.)
Score = 4
Look, say what you will about the guy, he's done some real growing up in the past few months. For example, when a paparazzo was taking pictures of him at the gym, did he beat up the guy? NO! He had his bodyguard do it FOR HIM! That, right there, is what it means to be a grown-ass man.
Score = 4
Thank you for not putting this under the "This Is Your Boyfriend" tag.
Score = 0