An Open Letter To Lady Gaga
Dear Lady Gaga,
I don't really know who you are. As a 64-year-old man, I find myself less and less compelled to follow the hottest tracks of the latest dance pop superstars. I know you have that one song about dancing that sounds like a a commercial for Sprite made for the Israeli market. And I know that you find Paris Hilton to be an interesting person with whom you have a lot in common and a deep, abiding friendship. But beyond that, not much. Like, where the fuck did you come from? Who does your music and/or your fabricated I Am Robot attitude appeal to? These are questions I would ask if I cared, but I do not, because caring doesn't pay the hospital bills (for my broken hip), or the butterscotch bills (for all the butterscotch I eat).
That being said, I am nevertheless in tune enough with the pop cultural events of the day, via my shortwave radio and the mimeographed copies of the internet that the neighbor lady's daughter brings over every morning, to know that you think yourself to be particularly provocative and cutting edge lady. You are always dressing in your fabulous costumes and giving outrageous answers to the interviewers' questions. It would seem that you have your eyes set on becoming some kind of powerful icon of celebrity and youthful energy.
Sure. Good luck to you, young woman!
But there is one thing that is funny to me:
No matter how daring or provocative you may hope to be, you still make appearances on Ellen.
Haha. Sure. Ellen. The first lady of controversy. You know, for the kids.
Being A Cool Person FAIL.
Sincerely,
Lindsay Robertson.
Posted by Gabe at 4:30 PM in Music Related Content
Tags: Ellen | Lady Gaga
Hey Lady Gaga, Saturn called: it wants its tacky rings back.
(sorry. no need: i'll see myself out.)
Score = 41
Whatever. You wish you were in her orbit.
GET IT?
Score = 8
HAHA, yeah.
Dude, that performance was totally PARALLAX!!! And I like how ellen's face is so GEOSYNCHRONOUS at the beginning!!!
Score = 13
woa she s talanted !!
Score = 9
Because nothing says "I am a serious musician, I take my art seriously and so should you" like playing a glowing crystal piano while shaking your ass in the air. On a daytime lady's talk show.
Score = 33
Don't forget her obligatory Madonna-like crotch shots pretty much...anywhere and everywhere she is.
Score = 0
Oh Lady Gaga, we'll always have AOL, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxhyoOX_um8
Score = 1
hahahha AOL Keyword: theworst
Score = 25
THANK YOU! Whenever my idiot friends give me shit for not liking her I'm entering this as Exhibit A. Great find.
Score = 0
She is the worst.
Score = 1
I agree. Now we have two things in common.
Score = 35
Part of me can't stand her and the other part admires her for taking "being insufferable" to a level previously unseen.
Score = 30
She's definitely working towards a PhD in Tryingtoohard. You're "artsy". We get it.
Score = 28
Where is our lil' Cake Eateur? This is gonna freak him OUT.
Score = 16
I anticipate him taking this opportunity to tell a short and innocuous anecdote, perhaps about one time when he played poker. Or maybe a short explanation of how he feels about women who sing like robots.
Either way, it's bound to be strangely insightful, poorly spelled, and delightful.
Score = 20
or maybe even that he just queefed in his mouth a little. you never know! he's such a card!
Score = 5
you had me a queef
Score = 5
yes indeed, mr. gabe.
at my nursing home we have come to the conclusion that this "lady" gaga's music isn't nearly avant-garde enough to justify her posturing and teacupping.
Score = 18
I wish i knew nothing about Lady Gaga except that interview you posted with Jonathan Ross. Because then i could have a huge crush on her, without knowing that she is the King Midas of bad things.
Score = 3
This girl is so freaking weird that I just figured she was terrible and went on with my life. But someone gave me the album and it's actually really decent. She may be a little bit psycho, but at least she can seriously sing, and that's more than I can say for most of the dance pop starlets out there. (I'm looking at you Gwen Stefani.) So as long as I don't pay too much attention to her clothing choices and space age headgear, I'm happy to consider myself a fan. She is interesting, at least.
Score = 2
lady gaga is not at all "psycho." because she's TRYING TO BE ODD. strangeness is only strange when it is authentic and not contrived.
Score = 24
Christ, there's no need to get so pedantic about it. Personally I find someone who chooses to dress like a space hooker stranger than someone who actually believes they are one. My point was simply that no matter what anyone thinks of her, whether it's real or contrived, she can sing and I can appreciate that.
Score = 5
in the future, there will still be tori amos.
Score = 8
You know, she does have a point about Russian Roulette: it is different with a gun. I suggest she try it with a knife.
Score = 7
Aargh. I meant "different without a gun. Stupid sexy Flanders.
Score = 27
yes indeed, mr. gabe.
at my nursing home we have come to the conclusion that this "lady" gaga's music isn't nearly avant-garde enough to justify her posturing and teacupping.
Score = -4
DOUBLE UR FUN
Score = 13
I would rather have a scorpion nestle its family in my vag than listen to one of her songs.
And I'm a man.
Score = 15
Totally. I saw some yahoo "headline" that was all "Lady Gaga's true identity revealed!" and I was like oh good, FINALLY because I've been dying to - wait, what the fuck is a Lady Gaga? Relevantgum!
Score = 9
I don't get how the image matches the music.
Elton John is going to see this and think, "Hey - calm that shit down with the patchwork denim bodysuit and the head brace" and then Rufus Wainwright is going to hear this and think, "I wish I could get my music to sound that boring."
there's a huge disconnect here.
Score = 32
I think it is a little weird thing to think that Lady Gaga is viewed and tries to represent herself as some sort of sex symbol. But at the same time she is seemingly asexual. She is incredibly androgynous, and not in a way that makes her attractive to both sexes. In a way that makes her unattractive to both sexes. She is more Marilyn Manson than she is Christina Aguilera. Her status as a sex symbol really derives from the fact that she pushes middle America into a sexual craze by scaring them beyond what they actually find sexy while still trying to be traditionally sexy. And that's weird I guess.
Score = 23
eloquentzing
Score = 17
wait are you saying christina aguilera is androgynous
Score = 0
no, maybe a bad example.
Score = 0
Naw man, you got it right.
Score = 6
No, Lady Gaga is like a sexy Hannibal Lecter.
Score = 1
Her name alone drives me nuts. Want to be avant-garde? Break yourself from the pack? Fine, let's come up with a name...or "how about I put this lampshade on my head, duct tape my boobs and call myself something freaky like Lady Gaga?" Sure that'll work.
Score = 12
Her voice reminded me of Boxy the VLOGER at certain parts. is it just me?
Well, at least she can acually sing live and play piano, which is more than we can say for most pop stars.
Score = 3
Her voice reminded me of Boxy the VLOGER at certain parts. is it just me?
Well, at least she can acually sing live and play piano, which is more than we can say for most pop stars.
Score = -8
Her voice reminded me of Boxy the VLOGER at certain parts. is it just me?
Well, at least she can acually sing live and play piano, which is more than we can say for most pop stars.
Score = -19
I just watched that interview from the link and I didn't know she was American! Why did I think she was British, because of the stated royalty in her stage name? Am I alone on this? Aw shit, forget it. I'm just going to unrap another Werther's Original and recall the Greatest Generation as I rock my way into senility.
Score = 16
Totally agreed. Dressing like some kind of Astronaut Jones alien can't hide the fact that your music might as well be a Pussycat Dolls B-side.
Score = 12
Ah, that was supposed to be a reply to Becca. Whoopsiedaisy.
Score = 0
I'm confused. Lindsay Robertson is a 64-year-old man?
Score = 14
Yes. And Gabe is a 12 year-old girl.
Score = 11
I know she's wishing as hard as her wisher will wish that she was circa-1972 David Bowie, but IT IS NOT WORKING. Stop it!
Score = 15
Eh, shes pretty terrible but far from the worst.
I'm actually attracted to insane women and I would only rate her as "cute" on the insane-o-meter so at least some of it has to be an act.
Score = 3
The first 2 min. would've been decent if only her Adderall had kicked in in time.
Score = 1
I like her outfits.
Score = 4
The only person I trust in a wig is David Bowie.
Score = 9
I don't think Bowie ever wore any wigs. Plenty of cuts and dye jobs but it was always his own hair.
Score = 1
you know, i've been so paralyzed lately by wondering what the end result of a threeway between edgar winter, a gay disco, and hookers at the point would look like. glad that's settled; now i can get back to that dissertation.
Score = 10
Dance music with lyrics isn't mean to be performed live.
Score = 0
Yes, I love the record, yes, it is a solid example of a well executed pop record.
But dear god, yes, she does sound like a tranny with a sore throat live. Man that shit is bad.
Score = 1
also she was on american idol a couple weeks ago
Score = 0
I have been laughing at "song about dancing that sounds like a a commercial for Sprite made for the Israeli market" all morning. Exactly. Infinity points to Gabe.
Score = 6
In Canada, they have been playing Poker Face on the radio since January! WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!
Also, is it bad that I wanted her to fall off the piano bench when she was standing on it? I mean, I was even watching her feet to see if she was dangerously close to the edge...
Score = 5
Hunt for worst stab at pop culture commentary/humor.
Yep.
Found it.
Gabe sucks. GaGa rules.
Hint: Missing Persons
Score = -28
I don't get the whole Lady Gaga thing. The songs all sound like Britney and the videos all look like Britney. When did that become avante garde? Is it the tea cup? It's the tea cup, isn't it?
To me she just seems like a really plain jewish girl from Long Island who's never going to get by on her looks so dresses up as a 1950's idea of what alien prostitutes look like in order to draw attention to herself/away from how deeply conservative and dull she really is. That's just my guess though.
Score = 14
Thank goodness I'm not the only one who finds her impossibly annoying.
Bwa. My first signed-in post is boring.
Score = 1
I have nothing to say about Lady Gaga, just that I love this at the 1:43 mark where the guy enters from the left, flailing like he's on fire.
Score = 4
Am I the only one who hears her saying "f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck my poker face?"
Also, is "Poker Face" going to be the name of her first porn?
Score = 0
'poke her face.'
also, 'poke her face 2: just jizz.''
Score = 2
No song with the lyric "I'm bluffin' with my muffin" should ever become popular.
Score = 4
Like Amy Winehouse, my least favorite part of Lady Gaga's music is Lady Gaga herself.
This was actually a hell of a performance that got buried in her overwrought image. Oy vey.
Score = 2
"Being A Cool Person FAIL."
look who's writing, gaybe.
Score = -5
Thinking that Ellen ISN'T the sweetest hour of TV makes you out to be a FAR larger retard than LG herself.
Score = -2
She's really working hard to sound like Amy Winehouse in the begining. Remember her?
Score = 0
I was thinking that the guy that runs in and starts dancing at 1:43 reminds me of a wind turbine, then i was thinking that if all wind turbines moved around as enthusiastically and energetically as that then not so many people would drive around with those annoying 'Say NO to wind turbines' [cos they look ugly in our beautiful english landscapes of unused fields, supposedly] which is effectively saying "DIE WORLD, and DIE BEAUTIFUL ENGLISH LANDSCAPES!" - if you believe in global warming.
Which i don't.
Thus making this whole thought process redundant. But coincidentally, not as redundant as Lady Gaga. Thats a wrap.
Score = -4
I think you should all stop down voting mohnosaurus, because he's my grandson. Isn't it annoying when your shoelaces come untied? I wear shoes with velcro closures.
Sincerely, Andy Rooney
Score = 2
Lady GaGa is awesome.
Y'all are just pissed you didn't screw the system this bad by exaggerating the idiocy of NYC club culture to pop superstar scale. She sounds nothing like Britney, and if you look at the club scene you'd know that she essentially IS it. Like it or not, this is where American culture is going (and where European culture has essentially already gone) = electronic dance club-centric.
Score = -9
I mean, do people ever grow out of the "pop music sucks because it's pop music" thing? Ever? No? It's just that it's weird that so many people have the same gut reaction to pop music and stuff that they did when they were 13. They hate it sooo much because they are supposed to. What would everyone think if I didn't hate and criticize a catchy pop song? The horror! Oh wait, but I'm still allowed to like Blackout, right?
Score = -3
This song is awesome and this is an awesome performance of it. And thats all that really matters. So what if her manager booked her for Ellen? She still makes great music.
Score = -7
Before Poker Face, i swear i saw interviews with her on like local morning talk shows where she wasn't such a douche. She obviously believes in her interpretation of pop art. She also has obviously done more cocaine than she ever did before. Her interview with Jonathan Ross was ridiculous. he's such a sweetheart, i don't know why you'd be a dick to him. But whatever. She's a successful dick in the world of pop. Join the club. Also amazing in that interview is her gallant effort to keep her wig up using her fake eyelashes.
Score = 1
That whole video just made me really, really uncomfortable.
Score = 1
boooooooo lady gaga is shit. is this what we've come to? worshiping music that is so edited there are few remains of voice? please..
Score = 1
I think she moonlights as Katy Perry. Weak sauce.
Score = 0
I wish she was Asexual, and interestingly enough MArilyn MAnson wanted to date her.
Score = 0
i love you and i can't wait to meet you and hug you i reall like your hottst and sexy performance
Score = 0